So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....
- Thread starter OCD Guy
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Yeah I don't understand the point of keeping quiet. Stop playing around and be upfront.
OP gonna come out of this being the guilty one lol
It's clear that OP will be talking to her, as he should. Still, she cheated on him, and OP has decided to call it quits. I think that deserves to be respected. Out is out.
Now, there's a myriad of problems that most likely will arise if he decides to forgive her. For one, now that the geenie is out of the bottle, there's no guarantee that his gf won't do it again. There's clearly a reason why she cheated on him. This was no drunken fuck up. This was premeditated, and she knew exactly what she was doing, and yet she chose to fuck over OP anyway. Secondly, how will OP cope emotionally if he were to stay. Will he be able to trust her 100% again like he did prior to her cheating on him, or will he become paranoid which in turn will make him feel even worse. How will his GF respond to that, not to mention the fact now that she's officially off the hook for cheating on him?
The odds that everything will be shiny and dandy after such a betrayal are bad.
Have the talk eventually, but cheating is cheating. Do not ever do it let alone accept it if you don't want to gamble with emotions. People are worth more than that.
Now, there's a myriad of problems that most likely will arise if he decides to forgive her. For one, now that the geenie is out of the bottle, there's no guarantee that his gf won't do it again. There's clearly a reason why she cheated on him. This was no drunken fuck up. This was premeditated, and she knew exactly what she was doing, and yet she chose to fuck over OP anyway. Secondly, how will OP cope emotionally if he were to stay. Will he be able to trust her 100% again like he did prior to her cheating on him, or will he become paranoid which in turn will make him feel even worse. How will his GF respond to that, not to mention the fact now that she's officially off the hook for cheating on him?
The odds that everything will be shiny and dandy after such a betrayal are bad.
Have the talk eventually, but cheating is cheating. Do not ever do it let alone accept it if you don't want to gamble with emotions. People are worth more than that.
BareKnuckle
Member
I want whatsapp on my iPad 
Are any of those shitty third party ones legit?
Are any of those shitty third party ones legit?
If you are sure it's over then here's my advice. Dont ask or even think or care about why. Don't entertain the thought that there may have been something you did to lead the relationship here. She ended the relationship when she betrayed you, now you're just reacting. Don't even give her the satisfaction of getting angry or sad in front of her.
Walk away as strongly as you can.
nortonff
Hi, I'm nortonff. I spend my life going into threads to say that I don't care about the topic of the thread. It's a really good use of my time.
I want whatsapp on my iPad
Are any of those shitty third party ones legit?
"whatsapp web" dont work on the ipad?
Ah geez, this could be all too likely.
cr0w
Old Member
Figure out what you want to say or ask her, talk to her and try to find out the reasons behind it. After you get the answers (assuming you do), make your decision about where to go from there.
I understand the reaction you've had, it's the exact same one I would have. As an outside observer, though, I would encourage you to find out what's going on behind the scenes before you take any final action.
I understand the reaction you've had, it's the exact same one I would have. As an outside observer, though, I would encourage you to find out what's going on behind the scenes before you take any final action.
Dude it's scary. What if she starts suspecting HIM of cheating because he's being distant? Even if she doesn't really believe it she'll always have that bullshit to go on once it's over.
If anyone wants me to be specific I'll try.
I haven't gone indepth with regards to the conversation as I don't feel it will help anything. I'm sure many of you can use your imagination. It was a sexual conversation about what they wanted to do to eachother.
Obviously as of now you're only hearing my side of the story, and there are generally 3 sides to a story, mine, hers and the truth.
But I've not once tried to paint the picture that I'm Mr Perfect and what have I done to deserve this. My only observation has been that as far as I know everything was fine, we hadn't been arguing, nothing has changed, so looking at that conversation earlier was completely out of the blue.
Dr. Benton Quest
Banned
Exactly. Don't get emotional, you can grieve on your own time. Manipulative people will feed on your anger and make you think their betrayal is your fault.
It isn't.
Illusive_Juan
Member
Leave this thread open on her iPad so she can see it. What a twist!
Just trying to make you laugh and feel better 
dragonflys545
Member
I'm surprised you are able to keep quiet. If I were you the first thing I would do is bring it up and see what she has to say. At this point nothing is going to matter except to know the truth or if she intends to tell the truth. Anyway, good luck OP.
G-Bus
Banned
Don't do any passive agressive shit.
Talk to her, make a decision. Or just leave.
4 years together. I would definitely want to know what's going on.
Edit - I also think avoiding the situation isn't smart. Get it over with. Your gona keep stewing over it and explode right before bed or some crazy shit.
Talk to her, make a decision. Or just leave.
4 years together. I would definitely want to know what's going on.
Edit - I also think avoiding the situation isn't smart. Get it over with. Your gona keep stewing over it and explode right before bed or some crazy shit.
ZombieSupaStar
Member
Gotta reconcile it to themselves somehow.
When does she get out if work?
At least the iPad the way it was and check her reaction to how she left it open to that?
crimzonflame
Member
Just talk to her. No point in putting it off.
Very good point. I was just thinking about his dignity but avoiding giving her fuel for manipulation is a very good idea.
dragonflys545
Member
She's home already.
You should think to yourself how annoyed you probably get over "mansplaining" before you start polysplaining.
"You hypocrite! First remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's eye." - Matthew 7:5
StarCreator
Member
She's already home.
I don't see him retracting anywhere.
The problem is it's another unhelpful addition to the thread - like all the poly-amorous discussion. I really don't see why people in open relationships think sharing their opinion that open relationships are better will in any way be helpful to the OP who made it very clear from the start that he's not in an open relationship. Clearly I'm not saying they can;t do so, but why bring it up if it's not helpful to the OP - he didn't start this thread as a discussion of open vs. monogamous relationships.
Yeah, I kinda clarified that in a later post.
I've never been in this situation, so take this with a grain of salt, but i would just ask her straight up if she's cheating and if she denies it I'd bring up what you found on the ipad. Then whatever she said to that, I'd be stone cold about it and tell her that I was leaving.
MisterR
Member
Me either. I couldn't even hide this shit. I certainly couldn't just slink around my own house all night pretending nothing is wrong.
GreatestHits
Member
Welp, OP is putting the ball in her court. Stay subscribed, folks, updates imminent
So then how is dumping her bad advice?
Ash Sparrow
Banned
Go to local cinema and write on the sign in red letters her name and is a slut then take her to see it.
BossLackey
Gold Member
Listen to him OP, don't let her rope you back in with any kind of excuse.
Do what you need to do. If you think it's best to shut off for the night, then do it. There is no right or wrong in your response. Having said that, I've found that feeding anger can make it more difficult in the long run. Taking care of yourself is what is important at this moment. Don't let anyone tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. Bottom line: this is a lot to deal with. What I would stress is to be kind to yourself and allow yourself the space to find perspective. What do you want? What do you need?
Always-honest
Banned
Wow that sounds like a nightmare, reading that stuf.
Best of luck.
And good that you had some time to think and calm down.
But you should talk to her.
Sunster
Member
0 arguing?
Some amazing creative solutions in this thread.
Stranger things have happened.
Has she picked up her iPad? You can gauge her reaction, if no alarm on her face cause she she kept it up by mistake , then she maybe colder than I thought.
4 years is tough bro, but get your head right and then deal with it, but sometimes being brave means walking away and being upset on the inside. We got your moral support.
4 years is tough bro, but get your head right and then deal with it, but sometimes being brave means walking away and being upset on the inside. We got your moral support.
Blackleg-sanji1
Banned
Op your literally putting things in her favor by waiting. Where's the iPad does she have it? Stuff could be gone now. Story? Lies? She probably has some idea of what to say now. The longer you wait to handle the situation the worst it'll be for you. She'll spin it right back around to you
I just don't want the argument yet. It's not going to achieve anything. I don't want to be with her. Looking at her walking about here is making me feel sick.
No nothing recently. Obviously we've argued before
Ron Mexico
Member
Something I don't really think have been addressed from this angle yet (and apologies if someone has said so already)--
Yes, 4 years is a long time. Yes, no matter what happens, it's going to hurt. That said, I'd be thankful it was only 4 years, as you still have the rest of your life to find that happiness. Mind you, I would say the same if it were 4 months, 4 years, 14 years, you get it. You can't do a thing about the time you've spent. What you can do is celebrate that you have more time ahead.
I've mentioned it elsewhere but I was with my ex-wife for 8 years and dated a girl before her for another 6 1/2 before that. In both cases, yeah, it was a long time. Yeah, it hurt like a bitch. But I'd rather end it at 6 1/2 years or 8 years respectively than never have ended it and lived my life in misery.
Yes, 4 years is a long time. Yes, no matter what happens, it's going to hurt. That said, I'd be thankful it was only 4 years, as you still have the rest of your life to find that happiness. Mind you, I would say the same if it were 4 months, 4 years, 14 years, you get it. You can't do a thing about the time you've spent. What you can do is celebrate that you have more time ahead.
I've mentioned it elsewhere but I was with my ex-wife for 8 years and dated a girl before her for another 6 1/2 before that. In both cases, yeah, it was a long time. Yeah, it hurt like a bitch. But I'd rather end it at 6 1/2 years or 8 years respectively than never have ended it and lived my life in misery.
Good point.
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