So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....

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Hylian7 said:
Okay, let me walk up to another girl when I'm on a date with my girlfriend and try to hookup with her, but then when my girlfriend goes "wtf are you doing? we are done" I just say "I was just flirting bro, I wasn't going to do anything!"

If the relationship means something to you, you wouldn't be flirting by sexting and sending/receiving dick pics in the first place. That's a pretty clear sign the relationship means nothing to her, or she isn't right in the head, or a little of both.
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Mistakes happen. That's a somewhat mild one. Like I said, it depends if she knows the guy (aka intention of meeting) or if it's a total random stranger somewhere in the world and you don't know unless you talk about it. If you are on a porn site or camgirlsite and write something, I don't think you have intentions of cheating. Anyway, that's not even the point, the point is "TALKING ABOUT IT", you can end the relationship all you want, but after 4 years, just giving up and running away without even knowing what's going on, seems childish.
 
Cabbagehead said:
Happy for you and you're decision as individual. But for me...

Open Relationship =

There are far to many variables, a person is open too on any given basis in that structure.

Like how do you define a boundary when you can fuck pretty much whoever you want. So like a nightmare in even trying to prove someone "cheated" because it becomes a concept in that scenario.
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Wait what? We've defined our own boundaries. We are still figuring out what we're ok with and what we're not okay with, but we're getting there. For instance: if I feel uncomfortable with my SO hooking up with someone, he doesn't hook up with them. And vice versa. Another example: if he wants to hook up with someone, I need to have advanced notice. Everyone is different and it's taken a lot of trial and error to find our footing. Basically, nothing is assumed. We work very hard to communicate and respect each others boundaries. It's not just an 'anything goes' mad house over here lol.

And also, just to get in front of the white elephant in the room: I'm not trying to glorify it. Of course it's not for everyone- that's absurd. It just happens to work for us.
 
Hellraizer said:
I just wanted to write up a post how silly the "adults talk" crowd sounds considering we do not know you or your still GF in real life.

Tell her experts on a gaming forum told you "but Sarah, adults talk to each other".
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Yes, because "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks?" is a real nice adult discussion opener. If OP would have actually thought about the discussion maybe it wouldn't have started purely out of uncontrollable anger. He tried to run from anger and unfortunately it didn't work.

Now the cat is out of the bag.
 
17 Seconds said:
i don't understand why people keep bringing this up. why does he need proof? they aren't getting a divorce, he doesn't need evidence for anything.
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Even between two people there can be the one person who acts like "its not there? Welp that means it doesn't exist, stop lying"


My Dad is 53 and thats how he behaves in an argument.
 
OCD Guy said:
Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.
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Sounds exactly like the type of person who would cheat. Get ready for her to try and make you feel like the bad guy.

Good luck, man. Don't let her talk her way into getting back with you.
 
Hellraizer said:
I just wanted to write up a post how silly the "adults talk" crowd sounds considering we do not know you or your still GF in real life.

Tell her experts on a gaming forum told you "but Sarah, adults talk to each other".
Click to expand...

This is an even dumber response because I'm sure some of us who realize the importance of speaking - and how the fuck you make speaking on the issues out to be a bad thing is beyond me - understand that it's not always possible or even necessary, depending on the severity of the situation.

The fact that you suggest without a hint of irony that talking things out is a bad thing is pathetic.
 
I can't wait until she comes out saying how it never happened, he has no proof, and then he busts out with the email. I wish we could see this happen.

ChaosZeroX said:
So he has evidence in case she denies which it seems like is happening. Shes probably deleting everything right now.
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Yes but it's not like he needs evidence to do anything here. He has nothing to prove.
 
Zukuu said:
Mistakes happen. That's a somewhat mild one. Like I said, it depends if she knows the guy (aka intention of meeting) or if it's a total random stranger somewhere in the world and you don't know unless you talk about it. If you are on a porn site or camgirlsite and write something, I don't think you have intentions of cheating. Anyway, that's not even the point, the point is "TALKING ABOUT IT", you can end the relationship all you want, but after 4 years, just giving up and running away without even knowing what's going on, seems childish.
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Like what she did right now running into the bathroom?

Do you read what the OP posts or are you just giving terrible advice on purpose.

TheOfficeMut said:
This is an even dumber response because I'm sure some of us who realize the importance of speaking - and how the fuck you make speaking on the issues out to be a bad thing is beyond me - understand that it's not always possible or even necessary, depending on the severity of the situation.

The fact that you suggest without a hint of irony that talking things out is a bad thing is pathetic.
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So she locked herself in the bathroom now after throwing a tantrum, what is the next step for OP? Beg for her to come out to talk like real adults?
 
McGreevious said:
If they have mutual friends do you really think she won't try to turn them against him?
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i don't think you understand how adult relationships work. if he has to have printed proof for a friend to believe him over something like this, then that person is not a friend.
not to mention it's kind of silly to expect her to do something like that when you know nothing about her.
 
OCD Guy said:
Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.
Click to expand...

This is the EXACT reason why I felt waiting until tomorrow wasn't a great idea. You'd have to be an extremely cool motherfucker (ie a robot) to not get heated the moment she picked up that iPad.
 
OCD Guy said:
Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.
Click to expand...

Hey man, it's a natural reaction. It was pretty clear that you would not be able to hold it back.

Just try to stay focused and do not start a fight. It's her fault, not yours. Stay on top of it!
 
OCD Guy said:
Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.
Click to expand...


Welp. You are me 6 years ago, exact thing happened and her reaction was the same. She knows she has fucked up.

There is no fixing this, sorry. You need to move on asap. Everything is gonna be alright, don't you worry.
 
OP, stay cool. The moral high ground is a good place to be in this situation. Continue to behave in a civilised fashion. Good luck.
 
Tell her to go to hell and absolutely ignore the shit outta her, don't respond to anything. Pack your stuff and leave. Let her panic for all of it, don't direct any more attention to her. At all
 
TheOfficeMut said:
The fact that you suggest without a hint of irony that talking things out is a bad thing is pathetic.
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Yep. The thing is, they're going to have to talk things out to order to solve the issue of their living situation. So just running away was never really the answer.

Try to stay calm, OP. Ask questions instead of making accusations. She knows what she's done.
 
17 Seconds said:
i don't think you understand how adult relationships work. if he has to have printed proof for a friend to believe him over something like this, then that person is not a friend.
not to mention it's kind of silly to expect her to do something like that when you know nothing about her.
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How does a friend decide who to believe when both parties are telling different stories? It's really not that silly to expect her to do that. It's a pretty common thing to happen after relationships end.
 
OCD Guy said:
I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"
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Niiiiiicceee

Fuck all the simp advice.

Just by her response she's not deserving of an "adult conversation".

LMAO @ all the suggestions that she "needs closure"

Send her the screenshots and shut her lying ass down. Stay strong and dont buy ANY of her excuses. Trust shes gonna try and make you feel guilty.

Toss her to the bushes and move on man.
 
The fact that she had an exchange over a sent phallus seem to implicate that infidelity crossed her mind.

You shouldn't have snooped in her private messages, though. Although, it might've prolonged the inevitable.

I'd suggest not being vengeful. That's petty.

Just tell her, calmly, you discovered it by accident and you have no interest in continueing the relationship.
 
TheOfficeMut said:
Aside from adding a few more points, you practically agree with me. I didn't say everyone requires the same thing or that closure is as important to you as it is to me.
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The concept of "closure" is a nebulous one, and these threads always have somebody championing it without really going into all the ways it tends to backfire, especially early on in the break up process, that was mostly my point.

I've talked with a therapist who admitted most of the time "closure" is just an excuse to reestablish contact, and it might be better to refer to closure as healing, and that it can be done without getting re-involved with an ex.
 
OCD Guy said:
Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.
Click to expand...

Nevermind my last post. Dump her.
 
This is gonna get lost in the shuffle, but...

OCD, you said this has happened to you in previous relationships (but there were signs before). I assume you left those relationships in a similar way.

I have a feeling you have to look inside yourself and do some self reflection and try to figure out why this happens to you. My guess is if you have problems confronting situations and talking it out, then that will hurt any relationship you have in the future with anyone. As far as my relationship experience goes, there's a lot of talking about things that are awkward to talk about. You don't try to hurt the other person emotionally. You try to work as a team to solve issues. I know this relationship is done, but consider it for the future
 
I have this image in my head of the OP in an argument hitting her with all the memes and jokes from this thread, its going well for him I can tell.
 
Hypereides said:
The fact that she had an exchange over a sent phallus seem to implicate that infidelity crossed her mind.

You shouldn't have snooped in her private messages, though. Although, it might've prolonged the inevitable.

I'd suggest not being vengeful. That's just petty.

Just tell her, calmly, you discovered it by accident and you have no interest in continueing the relationship.
Click to expand...

It was open on the shared iPad. It wasn't snooping.
 
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