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[TheOfficeMut]

Also, on my posts regarding closure, I'd like to add that it's very possible to require it early on in a break up but be completely fine without it later on. If at first it's a pressing need, then later, at most, it's a frivolous question with no real consequence, where an answer might be completely unnecessary but still serve the purpose of being entertaining.

In other words, time is the best way to heal, closure aside, and if you're the type of person that needs it but doesn't get it early on, don't fret, because over time the perceived need for it will greatly diminish, if not outright be removed.

 

[butzopower]

OP, you're really nailing the acting like an adult thing. Approaching this with poise, confidence and no scruples at all. Really commendable.

OP is being good and chill about it, but the adult thing would be to actually confront the issue and not try and ignore it and run away from it. That said, I would probably act similar, confrontation is stressful and difficult.

 

[nortonff]

OCD, you know how this is going to go.

A confrontation is inevitable, and you avoiding it and trying to just bounce out of her life like some mic drop isn't badassery, it's cowardice. I know the emotions are high. The anger, the betrayal, and you are deep in that emotional muck, believe me, I've been there, but avoiding talking to her isn't the best move.

Putting it off tomorrow is only going to put you on the defensive. Why? Because you'll confront her tomorrow, and she'll counter with, "You knew since yesterday? Why are you bringing it up now?" and then you'll have lost control of the conversation, because you'll be fumbling for a response as to why you sat on this for a full day before talking to her about it. You're being super passive aggressive right now, and that's just not a productive way to get out of this relationship as cleanly as possible.

Talking to her isn't to try and repair things. It's to lay out what is going on, why it's happening, and to express in no uncertain terms that you're through with this relationship. You can hash out the rental lease agreement tomorrow as planned, but there's literally no point in trying to "hurt her" as you put it. Think about it this way. If you confront her now, handle your business tomorrow, then leave, when her friends or anyone else are asking what happened in the relationship, and she tells them why, what's going to hurt her the most is that her friends or family, are going to be siding with you. Because you didn't act like a baby and try and get her by just upping and leaving with no warning. That's petty and immature.

Thoughts of revenge feel really good in the moment, but anger fades, and in the end, both of you will be looking like jackasses if you take the route of avoiding confrontation and just leaving.

I've made the mistake of going to be angry. Fuming over something my wife said or did that upset me, but tried to wait until the next day to confront her about it. It doesn't feel good. Over the years, I learned to be upfront about what was bothering me, and telling her straight up. And she does the same. We've been together 13 years, married for 7, and while we don't really fight (maybe 2 times a year, tops), and both of us hate confrontation, we always talk about our issues. I'm not perfect. Neither is she. The point I'm trying to make isn't to get you to stay with your girlfriend. God no. That's done. The relationship is over. But the point is to express that avoiding the inevitable isn't the best option.

I mean, you're going to go to bed upset whether you talk to her or not. You're going to go through your work day tomorrow upset whether you talk to her or not. The relationship is over whether you talk to her or not, but why go to sleep with the burden of what you know on your shoulder while she is oblivious to your pain? The goal isn't to hurt her, but to start the process of healing and getting over the relationship sooner rather than later.

I wish you the best, but in the end, you want to be coming out of this looking better than her. She already fucked up by cheating. You handling it like an adult and being responsible is the best form of revenge. Talk to her. Tell her it's over. Hear what she has to say. Find out about your lease agreement. Then leave, and never talk to her again. It'll eat her up that she can't throw anything you've done back in your face. She got busted fair and square, and she knows it.

It feels good when word from the grapevine comes down, and her friends and family think you were in the right.

This guy nailed it.

 

[Weevilone]

No I don't think I know the guy. I don't recognise the number anyway (there's no face pics).

Read this as "don't recognize the member.."

 

[Mistake]

So many of the world's problems are caused by a lack of communication. Don't be one of the people who fall into that trap, OP. You might be right about all your concerns. But you might not. This is why we have communication. You don't just have a one-sided conversation in your own head. Act like an adult.

You're right, maybe these problems would have been avoided in the first place if she talked to him. I say he's free to leave after what he saw

 

[GreatestHits]

All this advice, and the OP will hear none of it. There has to be co-dependancy issues if you put up with a ticking time bomb like her. From what I gather, you used her to feel better, and you will miss being in a relationship, but not necessarily her. And you also said she will probably do this again. Well will you do this again?

If you're unhappy with yourself and try to ignore it with relationships, then this will repeat over and over (something you said has already happened). I think its time to take a break from the girls and start having some inevitably difficult but insanely productive YOU time.

 

[The Beard]

OCD, you know how this is going to go.

A confrontation is inevitable, and you avoiding it and trying to just bounce out of her life like some mic drop isn't badassery, it's cowardice. I know the emotions are high. The anger, the betrayal, and you are deep in that emotional muck, believe me, I've been there, but avoiding talking to her isn't the best move.

Putting it off tomorrow is only going to put you on the defensive. Why? Because you'll confront her tomorrow, and she'll counter with, "You knew since yesterday? Why are you bringing it up now?" and then you'll have lost control of the conversation, because you'll be fumbling for a response as to why you sat on this for a full day before talking to her about it.

Talking to her isn't to try and repair things. It's to lay out what is going on, why it's happening, and to express in no uncertain terms that you're through with this relationship. You can hash out the rental lease agreement tomorrow as planned, but there's literally no point in trying to "hurt her" as you put it. Think about it this way. If you confront her now, handle your business tomorrow, then leave, when her friends or anyone else are asking what happened in the relationship, and she tells them why, what's going to hurt her the most is that her friends or family, are going to be siding with you. Because you didn't act like a baby and try and get her by just upping and leaving with no warning. That's petty and immature.

Thoughts of revenge feel really good in the moment, but anger fades, and in the end, both of you will be looking like jackasses if you take the route of avoiding confrontation and just leaving.

I've made the mistake of going to be angry. Fuming over something my wife said or did that upset me, but tried to wait until the next day to confront her about it. It doesn't feel good. Over the years, I learned to be upfront about what was bothering me, and telling her straight up. And she does the same. We've been together 13 years, married for 7, and while we don't really fight (maybe 2 times a year, tops), and both of us hate confrontation, we always talk about our issues. I'm not perfect. Neither is she. The point I'm trying to make isn't to get you to stay with your girlfriend. God no. That's done. The relationship is over. But the point is to express that avoiding the inevitable isn't the best option.

I mean, you're going to go to bed upset whether you talk to her or not. You're going to go through your work day tomorrow upset whether you talk to her or not. The relationship is over whether you talk to her or not, but why go to sleep with the burden of what you know on your shoulder while she is oblivious to your pain? The goal isn't to hurt her, but to start the process of healing and getting over the relationship sooner rather than later.

I wish you the best, but in the end, you want to be coming out of this looking better than her. She already fucked up by cheating. You handling it like an adult and being responsible is the best form of revenge. Talk to her. Tell her it's over. Hear what she has to say. Find out about your lease agreement. Then leave, and never talk to her again. It'll eat her up that she can't throw anything you've done back in your face. She got busted fair and square, and she knows it.

It feels good when word from the grapevine comes down, and her friends and family think you were in the right.

Wut?

If she tried to flip it on OP, all he has to do is show her the dick pic and what she said to the guy, and tell her it's fucking over. Waiting to get things sorted out is the best thing for OP in this situation. He said that she's the type that might try to destroy his belongings if she gets pissed off. He needs to figure out the leasing situation and then have a policeman present when he moves his shit out (optional of course, but a good idea if he thinks she'll do something stupid, or accuse him of something)

 

[TheSecondSpitter]

Play "Con Ti Partiro" by Andrea Bocelli and see if she gets it.

Actually it's very cleansing for such situations

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQQSQMX8lRU

 

[Herr Starr]

You're right, maybe these problems would have been avoided in the first place if she talked to him. I say he's free to leave after what he saw

Oh yeah, "but she started it" is real mature.

 

[esms]

I think people are missing the part where he doesn't want his valuables broken by a vindictive psycho.

 

[Luschient]

maybe she'll end up with WhatsApp Dick (with motorbike profile picture)

 

[Scottish Sin]

Damn, sorry OP.

 

[GreatestHits]

He needs to figure out the leasing situation and then have a policeman present when he moves his shit out (optional of course, but a good idea if he thinks she'll do something stupid, or accuse him of something)

I live in Texas/Fort Worth and the police have never even been close to acting like they will spare a brave officer for some petty shit like this. However I did catch an assault charge for moving my crazy ex's hand off the car interior light (words from my lawyer) when she was trying to keep it on and me off. This is after being hit in the face by her etc. Fuck the police in these situations. UK may be different.

 

[Nealand Liquor]

There's no reason to turn this into a misogynist thread. Both men and women do the same shit in terms of cheating.

Hahahaha excuse me? What?

The "they" I used was in response to the posters asinine position of why women cheat. For one, I didn't create that absurd excuse and secondly I would have used the same word "they" if the poster said "sheep, gophers or dolphins" as the subject instead of women.
There's no reason to try and turn my reply into a sexist comment due to the proper use of "they" in the context of a reply.

 

[BokehKing]

Is she laying in bed next to you right now as you talk to us about her?

What time is it over there anyway.

 

[Stainless]

If closure is to quite literally bring to a close the ambiguity of a situation, then my desire to seek out closure is fueled by a need to have definite knowledge of a situation in order to feel content and satisfied. Whether it is an emotional need is irrelevant, as I may have ascribed that word inappropriately; my point still stands that it is an innate feeling or desire for an answer or explanation that many people need.

If my gf plans to (or has) hook up with someone else without breaking up with me, that's "closure". It doesn't require her to speak words that will probably be lies or excuses. The deceitful behavior is what ended the relationship. That's "closure". Closure is just a term some people use when they're overly concerned with feeling better or vindicated by finding out the how and why of someone else's motives when even if the person does come clean and is honest with you, it likely won't make you feel better, make sense or change your decision about ending the relationship based on the initial behavior that caused you to be done with them in the first place.

TLDR:
They cheated. We're done.

 

[Cabbagehead]

Honestly me, too, and I'm in an open relationship. It's not for everyone and has nothing to do with the OT. Oh and by the way, it's absolutely possible to cheat in an open relationship- it means you step outside the agreed upon boundaries- yes, we have boundaries, too. I feel misrepresented, for sure. Anyways, the point is, what the OP's GF did was not ok, whatsoever. On the other hand, people fuck up- if you want to make it work and can, do it. If not, that's ok, too.

Happy for you and you're decision as individual. But for me...

Open Relationship =

There are far to many variables, a person is open too on any given basis in that structure.

Like how do you define a boundary when you can fuck pretty much whoever you want. So like a nightmare in even trying to prove someone "cheated" because it becomes a concept in that scenario.

 

[Matticers]

OCD, you know how this is going to go.

A confrontation is inevitable, and you avoiding it and trying to just bounce out of her life like some mic drop isn't badassery, it's cowardice. I know the emotions are high. The anger, the betrayal, and you are deep in that emotional muck, believe me, I've been there, but avoiding talking to her isn't the best move.

Putting it off tomorrow is only going to put you on the defensive. Why? Because you'll confront her tomorrow, and she'll counter with, "You knew since yesterday? Why are you bringing it up now?" and then you'll have lost control of the conversation, because you'll be fumbling for a response as to why you sat on this for a full day before talking to her about it. You're being super passive aggressive right now, and that's just not a productive way to get out of this relationship as cleanly as possible.

Talking to her isn't to try and repair things. It's to lay out what is going on, why it's happening, and to express in no uncertain terms that you're through with this relationship. You can hash out the rental lease agreement tomorrow as planned, but there's literally no point in trying to "hurt her" as you put it. Think about it this way. If you confront her now, handle your business tomorrow, then leave, when her friends or anyone else are asking what happened in the relationship, and she tells them why, what's going to hurt her the most is that her friends or family, are going to be siding with you. Because you didn't act like a baby and try and get her by just upping and leaving with no warning. That's petty and immature.

Thoughts of revenge feel really good in the moment, but anger fades, and in the end, both of you will be looking like jackasses if you take the route of avoiding confrontation and just leaving.

I've made the mistake of going to be angry. Fuming over something my wife said or did that upset me, but tried to wait until the next day to confront her about it. It doesn't feel good. Over the years, I learned to be upfront about what was bothering me, and telling her straight up. And she does the same. We've been together 13 years, married for 7, and while we don't really fight (maybe 2 times a year, tops), and both of us hate confrontation, we always talk about our issues. I'm not perfect. Neither is she. The point I'm trying to make isn't to get you to stay with your girlfriend. God no. That's done. The relationship is over. But the point is to express that avoiding the inevitable isn't the best option.

I mean, you're going to go to bed upset whether you talk to her or not. You're going to go through your work day tomorrow upset whether you talk to her or not. The relationship is over whether you talk to her or not, but why go to sleep with the burden of what you know on your shoulder while she is oblivious to your pain? The goal isn't to hurt her, but to start the process of healing and getting over the relationship sooner rather than later.

I wish you the best, but in the end, you want to be coming out of this looking better than her. She already fucked up by cheating. You handling it like an adult and being responsible is the best form of revenge. Talk to her. Tell her it's over. Hear what she has to say. Find out about your lease agreement. Then leave, and never talk to her again. It'll eat her up that she can't throw anything you've done back in your face. She got busted fair and square, and she knows it.

It feels good when word from the grapevine comes down, and her friends and family think you were in the right.

She's not going to tell her friends and family the reason why they broke up. She'll just say it didn't work out or she'll make up some lie as an excuse for the break up. Does anyone really think she'll admit to her family and friends, anyone that asks, that she's single now because she got caught looking at dick pics and flirting with guys online while in a relationship?

If anything, her friends and family will believe whatever lie she tells them and if she chooses to make him look bad in the lie, they'll secretly look down on him since they don't know the real story.

I do agree that he should at least talk to her about it, though. He can still go ahead and walk away from the relationship but he can also tell her what happened... and what's going to happen. But I guess he just plans on doing that tomorrow.

Also, she can't put him on the defensive by simply questioning him and acting shocked that he knew for a whole day without saying anything. All he has to do in response is say that he wanted time to think things over without rushing into a decision. There goes her little argument because he would be in the right. If she still clung to that as a reason for being mad, then all she's doing is desperately looking for a reason to be upset at him when she knows she's at fault. And I've known a lot of people who act like that when there's a confrontation and they're wrong, so maybe OP shouldn't even give her that as potential ammo, but it would be really petty of her to do and it would be completely transparent.

 

[HardRojo]

Yeah OP, confront her today, don't leave the situation hanging for too long. Earlier this year, when I was still dating someone, she found out I took an ex back to her place after a common friend's birthday party (I wasn't planning to do anything, honest) and then I went back home. I never mentioned it to her because I thought it'd bring unnecessary trouble. WRONG. She found out a couple of days after and didn't hesitate to call me immediately and demand to know what the hell was up, and even worse, why I hadn't mentioned anything about it despite her being honest about everything (a creep from school who kept texting her, a guy she met in a club who later found out her number and texted her, she even showed me the texts despite me not asking to see). Women are like that, and they believe you are immature if you choose to avoid talking about something, she was very clear about it with me and now I get it.

She's not going to tell her friends and family the reason why they broke up. She'll just say it didn't work out or she'll make up some lie as an excuse for the break up. Does anyone really think she'll admit to her family and friends, anyone that asks, that she's single now because she got caught looking at dick pics and flirting with guys online while in a relationship?

Her closest friends, a handful of people, probably already knew about it, but yeah, she's definitely not telling others.

 

[Mistake]

Oh yeah, "but she started it" is real mature.

From my view there is nothing to really gain from this. And yeah, what is wrong thinking like that? This isn't some simple matter that ends with an "ok" or "I'm sorry." It's done. She didn't talk to him and it went to this. The most I would say to her is "it's over" and hand her the ipad

 

[BokehKing]

Shit could be worse, she could be pregnant
I totally get OP not wanting his shit get broken or sold.

 

[NIGHT-]

OCD, you know how this is going to go.

A confrontation is inevitable, and you avoiding it and trying to just bounce out of her life like some mic drop isn't badassery, it's cowardice. I know the emotions are high. The anger, the betrayal, and you are deep in that emotional muck, believe me, I've been there, but avoiding talking to her isn't the best move.

Putting it off tomorrow is only going to put you on the defensive. Why? Because you'll confront her tomorrow, and she'll counter with, "You knew since yesterday? Why are you bringing it up now?" and then you'll have lost control of the conversation, because you'll be fumbling for a response as to why you sat on this for a full day before talking to her about it. You're being super passive aggressive right now, and that's just not a productive way to get out of this relationship as cleanly as possible.

Talking to her isn't to try and repair things. It's to lay out what is going on, why it's happening, and to express in no uncertain terms that you're through with this relationship. You can hash out the rental lease agreement tomorrow as planned, but there's literally no point in trying to "hurt her" as you put it. Think about it this way. If you confront her now, handle your business tomorrow, then leave, when her friends or anyone else are asking what happened in the relationship, and she tells them why, what's going to hurt her the most is that her friends or family, are going to be siding with you. Because you didn't act like a baby and try and get her by just upping and leaving with no warning. That's petty and immature.

Thoughts of revenge feel really good in the moment, but anger fades, and in the end, both of you will be looking like jackasses if you take the route of avoiding confrontation and just leaving.

I've made the mistake of going to be angry. Fuming over something my wife said or did that upset me, but tried to wait until the next day to confront her about it. It doesn't feel good. Over the years, I learned to be upfront about what was bothering me, and telling her straight up. And she does the same. We've been together 13 years, married for 7, and while we don't really fight (maybe 2 times a year, tops), and both of us hate confrontation, we always talk about our issues. I'm not perfect. Neither is she. The point I'm trying to make isn't to get you to stay with your girlfriend. God no. That's done. The relationship is over. But the point is to express that avoiding the inevitable isn't the best option.

I mean, you're going to go to bed upset whether you talk to her or not. You're going to go through your work day tomorrow upset whether you talk to her or not. The relationship is over whether you talk to her or not, but why go to sleep with the burden of what you know on your shoulder while she is oblivious to your pain? The goal isn't to hurt her, but to start the process of healing and getting over the relationship sooner rather than later.

I wish you the best, but in the end, you want to be coming out of this looking better than her. She already fucked up by cheating. You handling it like an adult and being responsible is the best form of revenge. Talk to her. Tell her it's over. Hear what she has to say. Find out about your lease agreement. Then leave, and never talk to her again. It'll eat her up that she can't throw anything you've done back in your face. She got busted fair and square, and she knows it.

It feels good when word from the grapevine comes down, and her friends and family think you were in the right.

Listen to this man

 

[TheOfficeMut]

If my gf plans to (or has) hook up with someone else without breaking up with me, that's "closure". It doesn't require her to speak words that will probably be lies or excuses. The deceitful behavior is what ended the relationship. That's "closure". Closure is just a term some people use when they're overly concerned with feeling better or vindicated by finding out the how and why of someone else's motives when even if the person does come clean and is honest with you, it likely won't make you feel better, make sense or change your decision about ending the relationship based on the initial behavior that caused you to be done with them in the first place.

TLDR:
They cheated. We're done.

...okay, so closure is from the onset of the initial act for you. That's fine.

That's not true for some others. Why take what I said and act like I made a sweeping generalization for how everyone receives closure? Because never did I suggest that everyone gets over everything in the same manner.

Also, to expand and reiterate what I already said, if I have looming questions that are eating at me, whether or not my significant other hurt me, then that is quite literally the opposite of having closure. You may not have questions after your girlfriend cheats on you, but I most likely would. I may emotionally check out of the relationship and be done with it, but I can't control my curiosity. I would probably still have questions that I'd want answers to.

 

[j0hnnix]

If my gf plans to (or has) hook up with someone else without breaking up with me, that's "closure". It doesn't require her to speak words that will probably be lies or excuses. The deceitful behavior is what ended the relationship. That's "closure". Closure is just a term some people use when they're overly concerned with feeling better or vindicated by finding out the how and why of someone else's motives when even if the person does come clean and is honest with you, it likely won't make you feel better, make sense or change your decision about ending the relationship based on the initial behavior that caused you to be done with them in the first place.

TLDR:
They cheated. We're done.

Yup. Sums it up.. We're done here.

 

[GreatestHits]

Listen to this man

That advice means next to nothing when dealing with a crazy person.

 

[kavanf1]

I'm going to go against the grain and say in situations like this, talking is overrated. How you feel isn't going to suddenly change because you talk about it. In fact it's more likely to just confuse you and make it harder to work out how to proceed. And indicating a willingness to talk will give her false hope. Nope, clean break, chop off the infected limb and commence the healing. Don't let the pus-riddled gangrenous mess that was your relationship fester for weeks. And OP already knows this.

 

[Leyasu]

Break up.

Hit the gym.

This....

Jog her on. She aint worth it dude

 

[Zukuu]

What does her knowing that guy have anything to do with this? What sense does that make?

Regardless if OP was married to her for 30 years or together for 2 months. A dick pic from another dude is a complete betrayal of his Trust and her describing what she wants to do to said dick makes it even worse.

He already said they were talking in a sexual manner...does it really matter if she "knows" him? She's already looking to cheat.

Because it's a difference if you think about buying a car and actually going into the store and buying a car. If it's just random online flirting, just packing things without even talking, seems excessive beyond belief. Like I said, he doesn't even want to talk about it, he doesn't even know if she knows that guy or if it's a random online dude she never saw in her life. Between "flirting" and "cheating" is a ridiculous huge difference. If a relationship means something to you, that's not how you tackle that problem. That's doesn't mean what she did is okay, but at least talk about it ffs before just running away (and yes, that's what he does - there is no bravery in that).

Adults talk to each other.

^Like seriously.

 

[The Beard]

Yeah OP, confront her today, don't leave the situation hanging for too long. Earlier this year, when I was still dating someone, she found out I took an ex back to her place after a common friend's birthday party (I wasn't planning to do anything, honest) and then I went back home. I never mentioned it to her because I thought it'd bring unnecessary trouble. WRONG. She found out a couple of days after and didn't hesitate to call me immediately and demand to know what the hell was up, and even worse, why I hadn't mentioned anything about it despite her being honest about everything (a creep from school who kept texting her, a guy she met in a club who later found out her number and texted her, she even showed me the texts despite me not asking to see). Women are like that, and they believe you are immature if you choose to avoid talking about something, she was very clear about it with me and now I get it.


Her closest friends, a handful of people, probably already knew about it, but yeah, she's definitely not telling others.

Your situation was completely different though. Like, waaaayyy different than OP's.

OP has done nothing wrong. His gf is the one who isn't being honest here. OP wants to protect himself before things potentially blow up. He's a smart man.

 

[prag16]

Adults talk to each other.

This, seriously.

OP chooses to air his dirty laundry on a forum full of relative strangers. Which is fine and his choice. But he does this, yet won't have a conversation with his girlfriend of four years. That doesn't exactly seem to strike me as the mature way of handling things (and I'm surprised many are praising this course of action so heavily).

Looks like figboy79 hit on most of what I would have said. Talk to her TONIGHT. As others have said it isn't to save the relationship. Barring some sort of extremely unlikely absurdity, that ship has sailed.

Sitting on this for any amount of time (even until tomorrow) won't strengthen your position. And sad as it is to say, she may even feel justified in looking for dick on the side, if she views you as having sat on the information, afraid to sack up and talk about it like adults.

 

[stan423321]

The whole "adults talk immediately" crowd is extremely irresponsible. Adults know to choose their battles.

I don't know the details of OCD's life, but both of the subjects don't sound particularly stable. Maybe the final farewell should involve someone else present, a friend perhaps? Maybe OCD would prefer to switch to emails? There's no need to be more upset.

The part about the relationship being already problematic sounds like something worth evaluating later, but this is not the time, given OCD has already decided to finish it.

 

[keltickennedy]

Think about it this way. If you confront her now, handle your business tomorrow, then leave, when her friends or anyone else are asking what happened in the relationship, and she tells them why, what's going to hurt her the most is that her friends or family, are going to be siding with you. Because you didn't act like a baby and try and get her by just upping and leaving with no warning. That's petty and immature.

Really good advice. But as for this part, you really think someone who sexually flirts with another dude and looks at dicks on an ipad while sitting behind her boyfriend would tell family and friends what actually happened? She would most likely just make something up.

 

[FyreWulff]

A confrontation is inevitable, and you avoiding it and trying to just bounce out of her life like some mic drop isn't badassery, it's cowardice.

What

No. Seriously. All some people deserve is an empty bed, and no more. Confrontation is not the only way to end a relationship and in some cases, the best way to leave it is to just go.

 

[butzopower]

That advice means next to nothing when dealing with a crazy person.

You shouldn't let crazy control you though. If he's seriously scared about her breaking all his shit, that's basically a domestic issue and the dude needs to get out even quicker.

 

[Spehornoob]

I think it's fair if OP has to give himself a night to cool down and get his head straight before confronting her.

 

[Vagabundo]

lol it sounds like GAF needs closure and not the OP.

@OP I'm sorry for your troubles. See about the lease agreement, maybe bunk off work tomorrow and move all your stuff into a storage place. Wait for her to come home, have the conversation and the leave.

This has probably been building for a long time. Four years is a long time, it will take some time to process the whole thing.

 

[HardRojo]

Your situation was completely different though. Like, waaaayyy different than OP's.

OP has done nothing wrong. His gf is the one who isn't being honest here. OP wants to protect himself before things potentially blow up. He's a smart man.

Oh I know, I was not comparing my situation to OP's or his GF's, I was just trying to make a point on why talking is better since girls apparently won't doubt about confrontation when it comes to it.

 

[OCD Guy]

Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.

 

[AbortedWalrusFetus]

Listen to this man

Disagree entirely. Some people just operate differently. No joy can come of a discussion, it would produce no difference in the end, so it's not pragmatic to undertake it. I don't need that sort of closure. The only closure I need is the knowledge that I'm making the right decision for myself, which comes solely from my internal thought and not external influence. I would just never speak with her again for the rest of my days and feel better off for it. Hearing OP talk, that pretty much seems how he feels as well.

^ OP, now is the time to peace out. Don't get into a pointless conversation.

 

[Ferulci]

The whole "adults talk immediately" crowd is extremely irresponsible. Adults know to choose their battles.

My feelings as well. If OCD is sure that talking will not help to get a sense of closure/doesnt want to know why she did this, then he doesnt have to talk. The goal is for him to get better and move on. If talking doesnt bring him closer to that goal, then why bother ? Each person deals differently that type of situations.

 

[Whales]

Maybe she is happy with you but she seeks something you don't give her because whatever reason. Seriously, shouldn't you talk to her before ending something which might be a beautiful relationship?

?

beautiful relationship= the significant other looking at other guys dick pics?

lol

 

[cyborgnumberblue]

Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.

Damn, all that planning for nothing. Commit to telling her it's over and GTFO, my man.

 

[aBarreras]

Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.

did you screencapped the convo? i hope you did

 

[m_shortpants]

Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.

Well, that's basically an admission of guilt.

Start packing I guess.

 

[Mistake]

I think "I want to see your cock" is crossing the line on flirting territory, but that's just me. If there is anything to know by talking to her, it's if he potentially has an STD or not.

 

[TRios Zen]

Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.

Good luck OP, bumpy ride coming up.

 

[The Blackrose]

Ok my plan went out the window.

Godspeed, OP.

 

[Bearthgar]

Dang OCD, plan broke.

Sorry you're going through this. Don't forget that you're in the right. She has no moral high ground.

 

[Brazil]

Hahahaha excuse me? What?

The "they" I used was in response to the posters asinine position of why women cheat. For one, I didn't create that absurd excuse and secondly I would have used the same word "they" if the poster said "sheep, gophers or dolphins" as the subject instead of women.
There's no reason to try and turn my reply into a sexist comment due to the proper use of "they" in the context of a reply.

That's how it sounded to me. I'm glad it wasn't what you meant!

 

[PrivateWHudson]

Ok my plan went out the window.

She grabs the ipad and then sits down. I'm on another chair on the laptop.

I manage 5 minutes of tongue biting before I come out with "Fancy seeing some more pictures of people's dicks"

She looks at me sheepishly, and responds with a "What?!, what are you talking about?"

But you know when you know someone is lying by the way they talk, their body language etc, and they know you know.

"I saw your conversation last night"

"What conversation?"

"Please Sarah stop this, you've been talking to guys behind my back"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM"

and leaves the room (ipad in hand) and slams the door in the bathroom.

And here I am like a fucking idiot sitting here typing my problems on a forum, with my head in my hands.

Bathroom is perfect, now you can grab the computer and TV and head on out.