They had that window... and they jumped out of it and went to their friends place.
So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....
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Orpheum
Member
Did you keep track about what you bought on your own and what you bought together?? i was in a similar situation and moved out recently. I kept all the bills from furniture i bought so it was my right to take this stuff with me. As for stuff you bought together you'll have to talk about who keeps it. My girlfriend had to pay me back the money from furniture she kept but we both paid. I'm sorry for your situation btw, noone should experience sth like this, stay strong.
Gorechylde
Member
Hopefully you've got a camcorder. Walk your flat and video all of your possessions and their current state in case they try to mess with anything. Video yourself giving consent for your parents/friends/whoever is watching your things while you're out getting this sorted. Property damage is serious shit. Tell your GF you'll hold her personally responsible for ANY damages inflicted to your property. Don't put up with this shit for a second.
You've handled this really well OP. Well done.
That's also about her safety though. From her point of view.
DistortionOfReality
Member
Seriously man you are doing everything absolutely spot on. And you seem like a genuinely nice person who thinks about the whole issue and takes the path that will hurt the least. Bravo.
Not her physical safety, it's something else entirely and entirely separate from what you were originally suggesting.
IE: she's not scared what OP might do, she's scared to face up to what she has done.
D
Deleted member 13876
Unconfirmed Member
It's not like it's this arcane thing. You can download iPhone apps from the app store on iPad, just by changing the filter. It's been that way since the first iPad came out.
Yeah she isn't scared that I'm going to do something.
When it first came out yesterday I was not violent or in her face at all.
I snapped at her sure when I brought it up, but she pretty much walked away, obviously because she wasn't ready.
If I had brought it up by text or called her up and told her she could have hung up, and prepared a story.
But instead she left, got away from the situation so she didn't have to explain anything. All she's done is act surprised and like she doesn't know what I'm talking about.
Up until now she's not admitted to anything, not that it matters as I've read the conversation.
To be fair knowing her friend, she probably wanted to come, I'd imagine her saying stuff like "I won't let you go alone" etc
DrunkShogun
Member
She doesn't seem to be remorseful for what she's done which makes you need to think whether she even cares about being caught. Think op is doing everything right but depends on his actual feelings for the girl.
I keep receipts for everything I buy (hence my username lol) I tend to exchange things often as I find faults in them, I went through countless PS4's for example in search of a "silent" one lol.
There's only really two things I'm taking, which is the sofa and bed, as well as my gaming stuff, clothes etc are a given obviously.
I did pay for other stuff like kitchen appliances for example but I'm not as bothered about that.
If I was really petty I'd pack literally everything I paid for but I'm not going to go that far.
First since I don't want to quote every post, I'll just summarize my response to most and say I don't see how people don't understand why she wouldn't just immediately blow up and react poorly to being caught out. Gut reaction and panic. No shit she could act poorly and unreasonable immediately.
Secondly, she's hiding behind her friend because she doesn't want to have the talk herself, obviously. Too scared and most likely deeply ashamed of being caught (not so much of cheating but more the fact that she was finally found out). I wouldn't call that "escalating" at all on her part. She didn't want to be there, so went to the nearest place she knew was welcoming, and her biased and angry friend is obviously going to try to put herself in between.
I don't want to seem like I'm defending her, I just can understand her actions and don't think them unreasonable or damning after being caught out. No shit cheating is bad, but the aftermath is understandably filled with a lot of emotional gut reactions.
Yah, I totally get just wanted to take your stuff and go. That's entirely within your right. I think what got me was just the stance of enjoying the eventual punishment and hole you're putting her in. I dunno. Revenge is best served cold and all. I just personally don't think it's helpful to want to hurt them back and act to do so. Taking your stuff and going is fine but I just personally don't like the idea of relishing in it.
And I'll just reiterate that I'm empathetic to fault.
Secondly, she's hiding behind her friend because she doesn't want to have the talk herself, obviously. Too scared and most likely deeply ashamed of being caught (not so much of cheating but more the fact that she was finally found out). I wouldn't call that "escalating" at all on her part. She didn't want to be there, so went to the nearest place she knew was welcoming, and her biased and angry friend is obviously going to try to put herself in between.
I don't want to seem like I'm defending her, I just can understand her actions and don't think them unreasonable or damning after being caught out. No shit cheating is bad, but the aftermath is understandably filled with a lot of emotional gut reactions.
Yah, I totally get just wanted to take your stuff and go. That's entirely within your right. I think what got me was just the stance of enjoying the eventual punishment and hole you're putting her in. I dunno. Revenge is best served cold and all. I just personally don't think it's helpful to want to hurt them back and act to do so. Taking your stuff and going is fine but I just personally don't like the idea of relishing in it.
And I'll just reiterate that I'm empathetic to fault.
Should I bring a friend too?
If you don't understand why she would bring a friend, fine. I'm not here to convince you.
She's guilty of cheating and acting stupidly when confronted, but bringing a friend with her is not a guilt in itself. Her friend being a cunt is an issue though.
GHG
Member
Oh she will care alright when she returns to an empty flat.
But hey, maybe she can get her mouthy friend and biker boy to move in with her?
I'd have gone fucking ballistic at the friend. Who does she think she is sending text messages like that and then rocking up at his house when the whole thing has nothing to do with her?
Art Teitlebaum
Member
It's great that you keep us in the loop, OP. Must be a rough time for you, but all in all you did it not too bad, I guess.
Just try your best and don't let it escalate too much. The chain at the door was a good move. That loudmouthed friend wouldn't help at all to keep it civilised.
It also de-escalates if you give as much of your stuff that you both paid for to her. No need to make a fuss about every little kitchen tool just to annoy her in spite.
Keep calm and bring your stuff out as fast as possible. Wish you goo luck!
Just try your best and don't let it escalate too much. The chain at the door was a good move. That loudmouthed friend wouldn't help at all to keep it civilised.
It also de-escalates if you give as much of your stuff that you both paid for to her. No need to make a fuss about every little kitchen tool just to annoy her in spite.
Keep calm and bring your stuff out as fast as possible. Wish you goo luck!
You're handling this very well. It's a little humbling actually knowing the way I react to situations like this. I'm impressed by people who can be this chill.
I tend to lose my shit a little in frustration and start calling people out, and that hardly ever does anything but up their defensiveness or feed them validation/ammunition.
Thank you for the good example. You deserve to come out of this on top, well, as on top as you can...
From experience, you feel like that now, but that tends to change.
DeathoftheEndless
Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
A lot of times GAF-ers will act irrationally or leave out crucial details of the story. Take it as a compliment.
Thankfully there hasn't been a guest appearance by the owner of the penis. I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't actually met the guy in person though.
I think it's perfectly normal for someone who's been hurt to want some sort of "revenge", or to get back at them.
At the end of the day this isn't enjoyable for me, this is a massive hassle.
Three days ago I'd have had no idea that days after I'd be sat here having all this to deal with.
I understand the possibility that it could be about physical safety, yes. Do you not understand that it could be for the reason I presented?
It certainly seems like the latter. OP hasn't been threatening at all, and from the way he;s presented himself throughout this thread (And everything we can see of his history here), he' doesn't appear to be the type of person who would warrant the need for back up.
While the girl absolutely seems like the type who would be scared of confrontations when they would expose her wrongdoings, and having a loudmouth friend along side her to shout down any reasonable probing or requests would prevent that almost entirely.
my eyes just did a Tony Hawk 720 in their socket.
GHG
Member
When shit hits the fan in life it rarely filters through slowly mate. You'll be fine, don't worry about it.
Dagobert Duck
Member
And OP you are dealing pretty well. I dont know if i could have been so calm and focussed like you are
I've learnt that life is too short, I try and not get annoyed by things I can't change.
Losing my temper changes nothing, and just get's me stressed.
I gave an example of road rage, many people lose it, things escalate and it's all for nothing.
I leave people to it, much more chilled like that. Someone cuts me up, go ahead if you're in a rush. Me beeping my horn, flashing my lights and swearing at them is at best going to leave me stressed, and at worst cause them to jump out their car and attack me.
Too many people nowadays get worked up over the most trivial things, and for what? You could get hit by a bus tomorrow.
I could have gone nuts, shouted screamed and banged stuff, but what would it have done? I'm still not going to be with her, and it's just going to give her a reason for her friends to try and start on me.
I'm still pretty young, not married, no kids, so things could be a lot worse.
MrS
Banned
Joke post or sarcasm?dude Ive never seen you call anyone out about anything......you big bear
I agree that is a normal thing to want as well. I just don't happen to think it's the right course of action. That is, acting out revenge.
I think you definitely should leave and take your things, but as I said, it was just that particular attitude that I read from the original post that got me to respond.
Sorry, brah.
dude Ive never seen you call anyone out about anything......you big bear
If only I were that lovable. ;_;
He's my friend IRL. He's being funny.
MrS
Banned
I'm just teasing. Love you, Zakalwe xoxo
For sure she brought her friend also as a morale support, probably a mix of those reasons. Even the most calm people can snap under certain circumstances, so personal history is not 100% comforting.
Or as OP said her friend might have insisted to come with her. But that's also what a friend should do in situations like these. The issue here is that the said friend is a cunt.
I think the best thing is for OP to record any kind of confrontation if it will happen and get out of the flat as fast as possible.
LimitedTimeGamer
Member
i just read the thread, sorry to hear about your situation man.
I hope that you can get out of this situation as quickly as possible. You dont deserve it.
I hope that you can get out of this situation as quickly as possible. You dont deserve it.
Moff
Member
eeh yeah, only for the cheater, not for OP
most people would indeed let fire and blood rain here, Op has handled this incredibly well, everything that did not went well was 100% on his ex
and a little bit of cold revenge is absolutely justified here, he is not wronging her, he is just leaving
Bro, as much as I appreciate the updates and the gold this thread delivers, it maybe time to stop listening to what other people are saying for the next few hours and focus in your move, don't get distracted, people that don't realise this ain't easy for you either never been in this situation or don't know anyone that has either.
I appreciate that there's 3 sides to a story, if she was posting here I'm sure she'd have a version where I was a terrible boyfriend and there would be justification to do what she did.
I know I'm not perfect, and maybe I don't spend as much time with her as she likes, maybe me playing the PS4 too much instead of having sex with her was why she ended up looking elsewhere.
I just think that regardless of all that, the moment she felt unhappy she should have told me. When I played too much football manager she made it clear by throwing my laptop.
Maybe I need a woman that's into games, I sometimes read about people who say they game together, and that sounds great, but the woman I meet aren't into gaming at all.
MrS
Banned
PS4 is love PS4 is life.
There is no justification for cheating. Remove that from your thoughts.
Saying things like it's "shitty and conceited" and "it doesn't have to escalate" is a hilariously undignified and naive. If it makes them feel better then that's all the reason they need to let it rain fire. Why should he give her the chance to soften the blow? He didn't get a choice in the matter and no matter what he does he has the high road here and you don't get bonus points for going a little higher.
Assuming we all know the situation inside and out though.
I've said that the relationship just became routine. I think I'll miss being in a relationship more than her.
Dude what. This isn't okay no matter how you slice it. Even if she wasn't cheating or none of this dick pic stuff came up, that is plenty of reason to get out of there.
Dude, that was the first sign.
Instead of talking to you about it, she trashed your laptop?!
Oh, she surely told you. Knowing women, she will list at least 10 times when she told you about it. For sure you won't even remember that you had a discussion on those 10 times, but that's just a sign that you never pay attention to her.
this post is a dramatisation
Crimson-Death
Member
I am in the camp that you should relish the fact that she is going to be worse off without you. Your mind, your subconscious, your psyche are going to need to have that "win," that at least you went out on your own terms, at least with the situation so fresh.
Take everything you paid for, and cut off all contact.
I would have shouted, screamed, punched through the walls, cussed out the moron friend. Your restraint and serenity is admirable, escape all that fucking drama, and thank goodness your parents will help.
Closure can come later, for her and for you, but your sanity is priority.
No relationship is perfect. People go through shit: periods of dissatisfaction, depression, detachment, dick lust (apparently), but everything has a root cause and hardly any of it is truly personal to begin with.
This doesn't mean people shouldn't take responsibility for their roles, or admit their contributions, or accept the consequences, but it does mean we should remain empathic and sympathetic to a point.
Do the right thing. Sometimes that means you need to put yourself first. Don't be cruel if you can help it, this doesn't mean forgiving right away or going out of your way to be ultra-understanding to the point you're being stepped on.
Again, you're handling this very well.
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