It's the reason I'm not a fan of the Transgender Day of Remembrance. If you're going to establish a day associated with a collective identity, reinforcing the notion that transgender people are perpetual victims strikes me as less than helpful. Of course we need to recognize that there is far too much violence directed our way, but it would be nice to broaden the conversation. I've heard the suggestion that it should be rebranded the "Transgender Day of Resilience" to include an emphasis on standing strong in the face of intimidation. That's something I could get behind.
Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
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Dr. Buni
Member
It is hard to stand strong when people like you are being murdered left and right.
Of course it's hard. Realizing that we're trans in the first place is hard. Coming out to friends and family is hard. Dating while trans is hard. I don't think you'll find many people who claim that being trans is easy, so if there's one thing we should be good at, it's making progress in the face of adversity.
And it is really weird here because we have the Black Awareness Day at the exact same day and we are a very racist country considering how mixed we are
AppleSeason
Member
Not going with surgery in the end, most probably.
Transition was never an option for me. I can't change the fact that I was born a man, and gone through a male puberty. 4 years later, I still feel like a man in a dress and all the hormones, surgeries and therapy can't change that. I hate seeing myself and what I am. I always knew that transition was never an option for me. I just go through periods of lying to myself, and thinking things arent like that, but I will always be a man with acars, plastic boobs and a flaccid penis.
Internalised Transphobia. Probably. Dysphoria was bad but transition never solved it. Some things cannot be changed. I also was never the right candidate. In too lazy to out any effort into improving my appearance, but mostly because I know I can't change what I am. I wanted to detransition, recover my old name and gender legally (what I will always be), but I got stuckon this hideous shape after the implants. I can't face anymore staying in women spaces and I feel like a liar in my lesbian group, or in the lockers. I can't have sex because I am disgusted at people seeing my male body.
So I'm done with transition. I won't be coming here. There are no solutions for me. Goodbye.
Transition was never an option for me. I can't change the fact that I was born a man, and gone through a male puberty. 4 years later, I still feel like a man in a dress and all the hormones, surgeries and therapy can't change that. I hate seeing myself and what I am. I always knew that transition was never an option for me. I just go through periods of lying to myself, and thinking things arent like that, but I will always be a man with acars, plastic boobs and a flaccid penis.
Internalised Transphobia. Probably. Dysphoria was bad but transition never solved it. Some things cannot be changed. I also was never the right candidate. In too lazy to out any effort into improving my appearance, but mostly because I know I can't change what I am. I wanted to detransition, recover my old name and gender legally (what I will always be), but I got stuckon this hideous shape after the implants. I can't face anymore staying in women spaces and I feel like a liar in my lesbian group, or in the lockers. I can't have sex because I am disgusted at people seeing my male body.
So I'm done with transition. I won't be coming here. There are no solutions for me. Goodbye.
Rajack
Member
Yes, please reach out to us AppleSeason.
Edit: I face my very first surgery in the coming weeks. my GP diagnosed me with an Incarcerated Inguinal Hernia, which pretty much needs to be repaired surgically ASAP. He referred me to a surgeon and I will go in for the consultation on the 6th of December. I'm nervous honestly, but there is a fairly decent chance I could convince the surgeon to also perform an orchiectomy to prevent a recurrence due to my hereditary risk factor for a hernia on the other side and a recurrent hernia on this side being extremely high.
Edit: I face my very first surgery in the coming weeks. my GP diagnosed me with an Incarcerated Inguinal Hernia, which pretty much needs to be repaired surgically ASAP. He referred me to a surgeon and I will go in for the consultation on the 6th of December. I'm nervous honestly, but there is a fairly decent chance I could convince the surgeon to also perform an orchiectomy to prevent a recurrence due to my hereditary risk factor for a hernia on the other side and a recurrent hernia on this side being extremely high.
I'm sorry this is such a rough time for you, AppleSeason. We've all felt out of place and had doubts about our path but there is always a way forward to a better future. Sometimes we just need to get out of our own way to find it, and that's always easier said than done. You have plenty of sympathetic ears here when you're ready to talk it out.
I understand having trouble changing name and gender back but how anyone is stuck with implants ?
I seen lots of people take implants away
On also kinda depressing news, a trans woman I barely know got her USA VISA with the idea that she is seeking refugee for being a trans woman in brazil.
I kinda joked about this before here but seeing that it is actualy possible is .... kinda frightening
If you ask me the USA is not exactly the place I would go for this (argentina is right next door and was one of the first places in the world to pass a law allowing to change name and gender instantly by just giving consent), specialy in this post trump world but whatever =P
I seen lots of people take implants away
On also kinda depressing news, a trans woman I barely know got her USA VISA with the idea that she is seeking refugee for being a trans woman in brazil.
I kinda joked about this before here but seeing that it is actualy possible is .... kinda frightening
If you ask me the USA is not exactly the place I would go for this (argentina is right next door and was one of the first places in the world to pass a law allowing to change name and gender instantly by just giving consent), specialy in this post trump world but whatever =P
Rajack
Member
I come to you bearing horrible news. Elizabeth Waite sadly passed away this morning. they were a precious friend to me and many others in the TransGAF IRC room and their passing leaves a giant emotional hole that will never be filled. they were a wonderful friend who wished to help everyone she could.
Rajack
Member
This one hurts so damn bad because I did everything I could and more to help them.
Fuck.
I didn't know Elizabeth but am saddened by the loss.....can't imagine how others feel. Please, be safe and well.
This. Please, Apple.
This. Please, Apple.
Rajack
Member
The best I can figure out what happened since I only had contact through text message and phone call is that ontop of their divorce and bankruptcy, alt-right fascist shitlords discovered them and had a field day with them. They didn't stand a chance even with my best efforts so sway them back over to stability and happiness.. I had another transgirl friend go missing on the same day but thankfully she's okay, she accidentally butt dialed another friend who heard her clearly talking in the background. Stay safe, stay smart, and be well friends. We mustn't torment each other more than the world already does.
Butterfly Witch
Member
No one can do it alone, period. There are no superheroes.
All we can do is ask people to seek health, be it at a hospital or with a support group. Even then, in the end it's all up to the person's agency. If they want to do it then they will and no one or anything will change their minds.
Rajack
Member
This was a really painful lesson in this, though to my shame I have to admit I never saw her suicide coming mainly because I couldn't see the whole picture. Do I blame myself for being unable to have the foresight necessary to stop what happened? No, but that doesn't stop it from hurting like hell.
you cannot and should not blame yourself for this. that way lies madness. yeah, it fucking sucks, but this is not on you. we as a community may have failed her in many ways, but, we cannot blame ourselves for that; there's no value in doing so. all we can and should do is reflect on what happened, and figure out what went wrong, and see what we can do for others like her. if anything, what we can learn from this is that we should do better. we can reach out to people proactively and check in on them, and help people as we can. her death is a tragedy, but, that only means that we as a community should absolutely strive to do better, and to do anything we can to prevent things like this from happening again.
(ofc, self-care comes first. you have to care for yourself before you can care for others)
If someone chooses to die they will find a way. You can't stop it your not all powerful.
Death is a powerful force and often you can't get someone out of its pull regardless of who you are.
Rajack
Member
Both of you are absolutely correct, which is why some of us are banding together with Trans Lifeline to take down some of the fascist bullies that pushed them into taking their life. Never again will they hurt anyone.
While those screens are not nice, those are some really big claims you are making there.
Those screens don't show even HALF of what you say.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Get that shit outta here. Last thing we need is people targeting TransGAF again. Also, do mind the trigger warnings would you?
Sort of wonder if I'm at some sort of breaking point making posts like this one. And if not that, then feeling the need to share it in here.
Also brought up my questioning to the psychiatrist and got the worn out explanations that trans women are "into men" and "always felt like girls." Maybe with "usually" thrown in there, and she did mention a biological factor (only to point at Klienfelter's Syndrome). She at least recommended going to trans support groups and she's more in charge of the medication than therapy anyway. Kind of amusing to hear in a way actually but then I'm not seeking transition currently anyway. And still want to put testosterone through the ringer, though it's starting to feel more like a catalyst itself now despite not bringing me down all the time.
Also brought up my questioning to the psychiatrist and got the worn out explanations that trans women are "into men" and "always felt like girls." Maybe with "usually" thrown in there, and she did mention a biological factor (only to point at Klienfelter's Syndrome). She at least recommended going to trans support groups and she's more in charge of the medication than therapy anyway. Kind of amusing to hear in a way actually but then I'm not seeking transition currently anyway. And still want to put testosterone through the ringer, though it's starting to feel more like a catalyst itself now despite not bringing me down all the time.
AppleSeason
Member
I'm still alive (unfortunately I can only think about suicide but not doing it. Coward). Heavily drugged, a mix of legal substances and prescribed ones. Just more and more disappointed by people. and coping with all this shit as bad as I can. Fuck not passing and living in tranny hell.
I will leave this here. It will be updated daily or almost, although I will try to keep it as sterile as possible. No personal feelings poured into it
I will leave this here. It will be updated daily or almost, although I will try to keep it as sterile as possible. No personal feelings poured into it
Rajack
Member
https://transphilosopher.com/
This is a pretty good blog written by a local friend. She is easily the most brilliant person I have ever met. This is definitely worth a read.
This is a pretty good blog written by a local friend. She is easily the most brilliant person I have ever met. This is definitely worth a read.
Glad you're still with us, Apple. You're proceeding with SRS then?
AppleSeason
Member
Guess so. It's a bit too late to pull back back and I am in a semi-euphoric state right now. Which may be a mixture of the antidepressant still overworking until I build tolerance, Testosterone giving me an excess of self confidence (6 days off HRT) and borderline personality disorder (I am considering buying an Xbox One S when I come back, so I'm clearly fucked up). Therapist saw me over the top happy of finally being able to close this chapter and move on, and describe it as "hungry 3 days, sleeping one, sick another 3 and three weeeks of absolute lazinesss rewatching Adventure Time, Regular Show and Evangelion)". Also found a electrologist willing to do genital work post-op. I did not to the "optional" perineum cleaning that after researching more, it's pretty much "recommended, seriously do it even if the surgeon insists to do it later to conserve elasticity".
My parents seem to be more scared than me right now and I'm probable semi aware that I am not in my usual anxiety ridden depressive state. But whatever. I'm just packing and deciding on the clothes to not trigger too much the body scanner at the airport (got the groin anomaly last time).
Trying to pick one of them. No fucking way I'm wearing jeans for nearly24 hous of trip.
R
Rösti
Unconfirmed Member
All the best wishes to you, AppleSeason. I'm glad to see things are headed in the right direction. 
As for clothing choice, the grey skirt seems the most comfortable. Alternatively if you can find a pair, pant style shalwars can be great for travel.
As for clothing choice, the grey skirt seems the most comfortable. Alternatively if you can find a pair, pant style shalwars can be great for travel.
tearsofash
Member
Just a small update. Remember when I posted about getting kicked out of the homeless shelter for not "passing enough?" Well, I've met with the city's civil rights office and they said I have a pretty strong case due to our state's anti-discrimination laws. I've officially signed a complaint and have an investigation under the way.
I should hope so! I'm glad to hear you're getting some assistance. Hang in there and work with people who have some empathy for your situation.
Team Alucard
Banned
I have an HRT consultation in two months, but honestly I'm kinda dreading it at this point.
I've spent the last several years of my life living for the expectations of others, and I'm terrified of betraying those expectations. It's all I really have, and I don't want to destroy it.
I've spent the last several years of my life living for the expectations of others, and I'm terrified of betraying those expectations. It's all I really have, and I don't want to destroy it.
Butterfly Witch
Member
If these people fail to accept you for who you really are then they were never truly your friends and there are other people out there ready to accept you as who you are.
You have to accept yourself first though.
AppleSeason
Member
So far, no issues with the toilets (first time flying while presenting female). But France sucks. Not even soy milk for an overpriced latte.
Team Alucard
Banned
I disagree. Friends come and go but you only have one family.
CONGRATS !
As someone whose mother married 3 times and shares a home with 2 people..... family come and go as much as friends =P
And? People who don't care about you are people who don't care about you. Doesn't matter how they came into your life.
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
Just be brave and stay on track, I'm so proud of you. Congratulations!
That's good lol and lattes are always overpiced in my opinion. Still love Iced Chai Tea one's though.
I don't agree with this, it can be very hard for people.
To some shared blood is family regardless of treatment.
Granted I don't understand it as I eagerly await the the moment of my bloods passing.
Oh, I know that all too well. I just can't deign to call people family who only qualify as such by technicality.
There's a ton of freedom that comes from realizing exactly this. Being related does create unique opportunities for connection, but relatives are not worth spending time around if they're going to be a toxic influence in your life. Family is where you find love, acceptance, and support no matter what the bloodline says.
Butterfly Witch
Member
The blood of the coven runs thicker than the water of the womb.
"family" is a social construct and not a biological truth. Unless you want to explain to kids who have been abused by family how they have to stick around regardless of how much they get abused?
Nah, family are the people who truly love you, not the last name you were given at birth.
Of course it's hard. I would never say it isn't, and I'm glad that I didn't have to face being in that situation.
However, you simply cannot allow yourself to have people that are toxic to you in your life. So, as hard as it is to do, some people will have to do it. I think you should always be open and accepting to bringing family back into your life if they can find it in themselves to support you more, but being "family" changes nothing in the fact that, sometimes in life, you have to cut people off.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Quite true!
Toxic people are toxic and you have to self care. Self care is not selfish, it's selfless.
No one can truly love you if they hate you, no matter how many times they repeat those words. Tough? Sure is. Notice how no one ever said it's going to be easy.
Escaping abusive relationships is one of the hardest things anyone can do.
Butterfly Witch
Member
This has been talked about it before and it's just best to let this thread run it's course and work on a better title once a new thread is made. It doesn't help that the thread creator has since been banned a while ago so the mods also didn't feel comfortable to just start messing with things.
Dr. Buni
Member
The title is pretty bad, yeah. And yeah, the world evolved even if just a little, so (some) people realize that what was "cheeky" wasn't cheeky at all.
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