When I was new to Tinder I was too serious I think and overthinking stuff. Now that I'm not so serious anymore it's more fun and surprisingly enough I get more responses as well.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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people can sniff desperation and confidence from a mile away.
once you're the former and not the latter you'll have an easier time overall.
Fixed that for you.
Anyway I have another date with the Kiwi tonight, so we'll see what happens...
I tend to swipe left on Bumble girls further out than 20 miles unless something about them really speaks to me (i'm in Alexandria), but given transit times around here, even anything north of the district might be too much. Awkward placement in my case, though, as i have to walk a good distance or drive to the nearest metro anyway.
I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, I even told her that. I still have to finish up my degree(s).
Realizing that, I feel like I'm running into a dead end, but I would be stupid to cut this off because of distance. That's not me saying I want a long distance relationship, I don't, but I do want to keep in contact with her, plus she even considers moving back to the US if she can. I can visit Sweden for dirt cheap, so I may take some time during the summer (she says it's beautiful during the summer) to visit her.
All of what I wrote sounds fine, but I'm only having problems with the moments I've been in right now. I regret getting so close to her, and I'm not really sure how I'd even begin to distance myself from her due to how often we see each other.
always crazy bacon
Banned
just want to take a moment to emphasize this.
I have a (female) single friend who signed up for tinder/OkC etc. She took the time to fill out an entire profile, answered a bunch of questions, put up really good pictures, etc.
She's not actually looking to date.. nor is she looking for friends. She has 0 intention of going out with anyone who messages her.
¯\_(ツ_/¯
Don't take it personal peeps.
She's just looking for validation.
As I read that, the nope after nope kept piling on. The distance, lack of chemistry, and lack of attraction should instantly, irrevocably tell you NO. I mean, there are so many other women out there, and I'll bet many that are closer, more attractive and with more chemistry than that, man.
ZackieChan
Member
Or a Brad Pitt-level dude
no, he's right.
it's validation. plus she's having fun on the side with people she already knows anyway.
ZackieChan
Member
Pssh, she just hasn't met me yet
I think this one girl is finally getting the idea that she needs to leave me the fuck alone, but there's this fucked up bittersweet realization happening in the meantime that the drifting apart is real now and there's nothing left.
Feels good and bad at the same time. :/ Dunno.
Feels good and bad at the same time. :/ Dunno.
Yeah, I've been talking it over with some coworkers and they're on the same page. I'm heading over to depression GAF to vent.
I honestly don't friggin know what you're trying to say with this. Are you even in a relationship?
I am confused as well.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Gotta agree with others. What are you even saying? We also dunno whatchu tahm bout man.
Oh sorry if that was cryptic lol. Just about finally cutting all contact with someone who didn't work out. Situation got close to toxic. Just dealing with putting it behind me and moving on to greener pastures.
Hopefully that clears it up. Sorry if this wasn't the right thread for that!
Hopefully that clears it up. Sorry if this wasn't the right thread for that!
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I have an update; she had a miscarriage.
It happened last week, but I just didn't want to talk about it. She's okay, and I'm okay.
It happened last week, but I just didn't want to talk about it. She's okay, and I'm okay.
Unfortunately, miscarriages are very common with first pregnancies. People usually wait till the end of the first trimester due to this, but, I understand why she told you sooner.
I'm sorry to hear as it sounded like you were anxious yet excited.
Sorry bro. Hope you and her do fine.
ZackieChan
Member
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Sorry to hear that, dude.
Thanks, it's okay guys. I'm not really down about it anymore. I am a dirty atheist that's pro choice, I guess.
It is a little bit weird when it's yours though. You definitely start getting attached quickly.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Naw man it's literally the right topic. We just didnt know wtf you were tahm bout
It's good that you are finally getting soclosure though. Good things are in store I.am sure.
Man I'm really sorry to hear that man
names2hard4you
Member
Well shit that sucks. Sorry to hear this, hope you two are holding up okay.
LucidMomentum
Member
Fuck. I'm so sorry to hear that.
With that being said, your attitude towards everything has been pretty admirable.
Are you two going to stick together after all this?
artsi
Member
I'm sorry Ray, it's sad to hear such news. Stay strong brother.
Small update on my situation, I've now had 4 dates with the older woman and we're going to movies this weekend.
No sex yet but she's warming up in many ways every date.
I've never dated anyone this long without a sleepover, her kids being usually home makes it a bit difficult.
But I guess it should be fine when she's comfortable with me meeting them, and I can stay at her place. They're also away some weekends.
Small update on my situation, I've now had 4 dates with the older woman and we're going to movies this weekend.
No sex yet but she's warming up in many ways every date.
I've never dated anyone this long without a sleepover, her kids being usually home makes it a bit difficult.
But I guess it should be fine when she's comfortable with me meeting them, and I can stay at her place. They're also away some weekends.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I'm sorry, dude. I know how excited you were. But just think: when the time is right for you, you're going to crush it. I can already tell (and you probably can too) that you'll be a fantastic father.
I hope you two stay together as well. Maybe you can try again in a few years?
I'm incredibly sorry to hear that Ray.
Meh.
At times it felt like I was simply providing a night of free food and drinks without much appreciation in return.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Sorry to hear this Ray. Hope you and her are holding up.
LucidMomentum
Member
Baron von Loathsome
Member
Man, I'm sorry to hear that.
Messofanego
Banned
That sucks to hear, best of wishes.
always crazy bacon
Banned
I went on a 2nd date to a bar with this girl and when we arrived her sister and friends were also there not planned. When she saw her friends there she said she go and say hello for a bit but spent most of the night with them leaving me on my own and she occasionally would come back and ask me to get her another drink (or her sister or even friends I'd not been introduced to). After a couple of hours of this I left and never contacted her again.
Mihael Mello Keehl
Banned
I got a question, this aint normaly my thing cause im a wreckless man but this girl at work done caught my eye. So ever since I started in november I waited till I got comfortable enough with the job to start being a little more participating in convos and stuff. Anyways we end up taking a lunch around the same times because of how are schedules are. So this past 3 weeks of nervousness and if I should I went to shorty on Monday she sat to the right of me. So I ask her about some art (clothing line) I was doing and we go from there. Shes really engaging in the conversation and we talk very comfortably. Shes easy to talk to. Keep in mind she not normally a chick id go after but shes very sweet and just happy lol. We work in the same pod and she sits behind me. I want to ask her for her number but idk how long or when to exactly. I guess when it feels right but we work together so I continuously have second thoughts on if I should. I honestly am not going to feel bad or whatever if she says no or rejection. No really a big deal to me we work together so its understandable.
What do gaf?!?!? 🤓🤓🤓 (lol)
What do gaf?!?!? 🤓🤓🤓 (lol)
Megalosaro
Banned
I think I have a habit of becoming attracted to girls who are unavailable.
Thoughts
Thoughts
always crazy bacon
Banned
Working that close with somebody? No way, you'll be around them too much and if the relationship does not work out you'll be stuck sitting next to your EX. Some jobs it's kind of ok to date college like retail but an office in the same department not worth the risk.
always crazy bacon
Banned
You want what you can't have, they are relaxed with you because they are in a relationship. You would not be getting the same interaction of they were single.
Megalosaro
Banned
Too true.
Mihael Mello Keehl
Banned
Im gon do it anyways I just want to know when I should ask her lol
always crazy bacon
Banned
Godspeed to you sir! When? just look at this topic title.
Mihael Mello Keehl
Banned
Lol.. I appreciate the "dont shit where you eat." comment though. It makes sense.. even at a retail job I wouldnt do it cause I tried before and I saw this chick everyday and she looked pissed everytime she saw me and I really didnt care lol. I aint like that no mo tho I promise! 💯
jimmypython
Member
Hi Gaf, I need some opinions....I'm very concerned about my situation right now......
I have been seeing this girl for over 9 months now and we are long distance (2 hours away, not THAT long).
Things are a little bit complicated between us. We met over one year ago when I was still living in the same city. At the time, she was very very into me but I knew I was going to move in 6 months so I couldn't commit. So we dated for 3 months. We were moving very fast, and, as seeing her getting more and more serious, I decided to break up because I was very much worried about long distance (because of some really really bad previous experience). She was heart broken as I expected, so was I (I liked her very much too). But at the time I really didn't think I could handle the long distance and thought it was the right thing to do.
I moved to another city with no job prospects and was miserable. Still missing her, I decided to contact her. Luckily, she was still single and really wanted to start seeing me again. And she was really nice and willing to do long distance with me. So we decided to take things slow and I really wanted to make things right this time.
During this time, I moved again because I got a very decent job in another city. Now we are 2 hours away from each other. I made sure to see her once every two weeks and things were great. Here are some convos really made me think this was working:
1.
me: "I hate you being so nice to me, and I may become serious"
she: "how do you know I wouldn't??"
2.
She: "it'd be nice if we could end up in the same city!"
Me: "Yes! it would be great!"
She: "no matter. I will visit you anywhere. That's how much I like you."
Because of this and many many other things, I thought it was time for me to settle and commit. I thought this was it and she had become the love of my life. Then I asked her to start a serious relationship.. this is where things started to go south. She stopped talking to me often and said she needed some space and time to work on herself, but still wanted to keep seeing me. I said it was disappointing but sure, she can take as much time as she 'd like - it was last week/early this week.
The first two days of this week went ok. We were still sending intimate texts. But i could sense something different/fishy (not sure if i was right on this still). I was gonna plan to visit her this weekend.
Then today, she told me she was hanging out with a friend so might not be able to chat tonight. I told her no worries just have fun. Then she went back home past midnight and posted a picture of another guy on instagram, who I don't know, and clearly at his place.... I was in full on panic mode after seeing this (right now). I'm pretty care free about this sort of stuff as I completely trust her and believe she is 100% into me. So I looked up this guy on fb and found he first appeared to like her pictures just a couple of days ago (meaning he is a new friend)...
I texted her just now (jokingly) "I woke up in the middle of the night and checked the instagram....omg please tell me he is just your gay friend~~~"
So, gaf, am I doomed? This is like a nightmare of my previous bad long distance experience (breaking up with my girlfriend of FIVE years) looming again....no surprise it's almost 4am I still can't sleep...
I have been seeing this girl for over 9 months now and we are long distance (2 hours away, not THAT long).
Things are a little bit complicated between us. We met over one year ago when I was still living in the same city. At the time, she was very very into me but I knew I was going to move in 6 months so I couldn't commit. So we dated for 3 months. We were moving very fast, and, as seeing her getting more and more serious, I decided to break up because I was very much worried about long distance (because of some really really bad previous experience). She was heart broken as I expected, so was I (I liked her very much too). But at the time I really didn't think I could handle the long distance and thought it was the right thing to do.
I moved to another city with no job prospects and was miserable. Still missing her, I decided to contact her. Luckily, she was still single and really wanted to start seeing me again. And she was really nice and willing to do long distance with me. So we decided to take things slow and I really wanted to make things right this time.
During this time, I moved again because I got a very decent job in another city. Now we are 2 hours away from each other. I made sure to see her once every two weeks and things were great. Here are some convos really made me think this was working:
1.
me: "I hate you being so nice to me, and I may become serious"
she: "how do you know I wouldn't??"
2.
She: "it'd be nice if we could end up in the same city!"
Me: "Yes! it would be great!"
She: "no matter. I will visit you anywhere. That's how much I like you."
Because of this and many many other things, I thought it was time for me to settle and commit. I thought this was it and she had become the love of my life. Then I asked her to start a serious relationship.. this is where things started to go south. She stopped talking to me often and said she needed some space and time to work on herself, but still wanted to keep seeing me. I said it was disappointing but sure, she can take as much time as she 'd like - it was last week/early this week.
The first two days of this week went ok. We were still sending intimate texts. But i could sense something different/fishy (not sure if i was right on this still). I was gonna plan to visit her this weekend.
Then today, she told me she was hanging out with a friend so might not be able to chat tonight. I told her no worries just have fun. Then she went back home past midnight and posted a picture of another guy on instagram, who I don't know, and clearly at his place.... I was in full on panic mode after seeing this (right now). I'm pretty care free about this sort of stuff as I completely trust her and believe she is 100% into me. So I looked up this guy on fb and found he first appeared to like her pictures just a couple of days ago (meaning he is a new friend)...
I texted her just now (jokingly) "I woke up in the middle of the night and checked the instagram....omg please tell me he is just your gay friend~~~"
So, gaf, am I doomed? This is like a nightmare of my previous bad long distance experience (breaking up with my girlfriend of FIVE years) looming again....no surprise it's almost 4am I still can't sleep...
Milly Osworth
Member
If she never even mentioned him, it might be trouble.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Doomed, you could not make long distance* work before and you doubled down on it?
*2 hours SMH
jimmypython
Member
yeah, the first one was a different continent...so 2 hours distance really doesn't feel long at all....I live in Toronto and it takes 2 hours already to drive from one end to another lol
names2hard4you
Member
She an East side ting, and you on the West side? LOL. I am in Toronto too, and 2 hours by car from one end of the city to another just doesn't sound right. Do you both still live in Toronto, or are you in Toronto and she's in like, Etobicoke, Mississauga or one of those places? Even then that's not that much distance. Takes me 1.5hrs to get from the city to Ajax, and that's waaaay outside Toronto.
Anyway, this sounds like trouble. The way you asked her was not smooth at all, reeks of desperation and fear. She may very well be playing with you ATM, and that's what it just sounds like she's doing. If she posted a picture of a guy, at his place in her social media, which she for sure knows you will see... I think you can put 2 and 2 together and see what's happening.
Miles Quaritch
Member
You messaged her after she sent the most obvious message that she's about to bang some other guy​?
Come on dude. She didn't forget you would see her Instagram, she did they shit to send a message.
Come on dude. She didn't forget you would see her Instagram, she did they shit to send a message.
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