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[Salamando]

So he escaped from the zone he put himself in. Which is basically what I said. You can get out of this shit if you really want to. There is no voodoo. Being/acting pathetic isn't voodoo or magic or w/e.

For reference I do actually feel bad for these people but like I also do not really see what they want from the situation. Besides not leading people on what is the realistic expectation of people in the "friendzone"?

There isn't a realistic expectation, just delusion. "Someday she'll realize I'm always there for her" romantic comedy type bullshit. Or maybe they just lack the presence of mind to see the situation for what it is.

And then there's the people who sink so much time into an investment and they don't know when to cut their losses.

 

[LucidMomentum]

There isn't a realistic expectation, just delusion. "Someday she'll realize I'm always there for her" romantic comedy type bullshit. Or maybe they just lack the presence of mind to see the situation for what it is.

And then there's the people who sink so much time into an investment and they don't know when to cut their losses.

Yep. A lot of culture around relationships makes unrequited love seem special and worth more than love that's mutual, which is crazy.

There are three ways out of the friend zone.

The person who sees you as a friend sees you as something more and makes the decision to date you.

You stop considering the person as a romantic pursuit and in turn, friend zone them and you both have a platonic relationship, of whatever quality that may entail.

You leave the relationship and don't continue to have said relationship with the person, regardless of what level it currently is.

If you both like each other but there's not romance in it, that's a decent friendship. If you only liked the person because you wanted a relationship / sex, then the friendship may not be worth having to you.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

There isn't a realistic expectation, just delusion. "Someday she'll realize I'm always there for her" romantic comedy type bullshit. Or maybe they just lack the presence of mind to see the situation for what it is.

And then there's the people who sink so much time into an investment and they don't know when to cut their losses.

It was more of a rhetorical question

 

[gaiages]

Yeesh.

The friendzone exists, but the friendzone is when someone puts themselves in the friendzone. No one else puts them in that zone. The other party just sees them as a friend, but the person who got "friendzoned" sees it as some sort of negative thing, thus the unique phrasing instead of just saying "oh he/she is a friend" which healthy people would do if an actual friend rejects them.

It has underlying currents of expecting something from another person you both did not get and were not promised, which is sort of problematic.

If someone is deliberating leading another person on, it's not friendzoning them, that's just being manipulative.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Yeesh.

The friendzone exists, but the friendzone is when someone puts themselves in the friendzone. No one else puts them in that zone. The other party just sees them as a friend, but the person who got "friendzoned" sees it as some sort of negative thing, thus the unique phrasing instead of just saying "oh he/she is a friend" which healthy people would do if an actual friend rejects them.

It has underlying currents of expecting something from another person you both did not get and were not promised, which is sort of problematic.

If someone is deliberating leading another person on, it's not friendzoning them, that's just being manipulative.

Exactly. That's why I say "friend zone" instead of you know, actually being friends.

Like the gal I'm going to that sushi tasting with. A while ago I may have felt like I was getting "friend zoned" but in reality it just wasn't gonna happen so I dropped it and moved on. Now we're actually friends and if it's a fun night out so be it. But I'm not gonna simp or expect anything more from her because she's made it clear that's not what she wants, and that's perfectly fine.

It's more about being honest with the other person and yourself more than anything.

 

[Kyne]

Exactly. That's why I say "friend zone" instead of you know, actually being friends.

Like the gal I'm going to that sushi tasting with. A while ago I may have felt like I was getting "friend zoned" but in reality it just wasn't gonna happen so I dropped it and moved on. Now we're actually friends and if it's a fun night out so be it. But I'm not gonna simp or expect anything more from her because she's made it clear that's not what she wants, and that's perfectly fine.

It's more about being honest with the other person and yourself more than anything.

right, and this is the reason we have this thread.

people are not able to be honest with themselves, or other people.

 

[Mihael Mello Keehl]

The friendzone does exist and it goes hand in hand with nice guy syndrome.

These are people who think that even though they've been rejected or haven't had the balls to actually do anything will continue to hang around and do all kinds of shit for the person thinking that each act is earning them relationship points that they think they can cash in at some point.

The problem? These people will never, ever end up being more than a pathetic hanger on, hoping for something that will never happen and becoming more and more bitter as the realisation dawns that no matter he does, the other person will never like them as more than a friend. These people then they go online and bitch about how all women are bitches, etc and that they, the nice guy, just can't catch a break because women like to be treated like shit.

And eventually then they turn to PUA bullshittery or whatever garbage is out there no realising they are the problem.

Well if you put ya self in that situation thats your own fault. Cant classify being a bum as a friendzone. You know what they call Captain Save a H

Riiiight.

And how many dates have you been on where this has been a problem?

And out of how many dates was that?

A bunch of dates where the chicks just get too clingy too fast. When I say crazy im not talking bout no craigslist killers and all that weird stuff yall be thinking about because yall tinder experts

 

[Count Dookkake]

Riiiiight.

 

[ZackieChan]

I'm putting all you fuckers in my friendzone

Spoiler

Ray Wonder being stingy with them PMs

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Lotta y'all here can't distinct between a "friendship " and a "friendzone"

Quote for stealth brag/ sex advice (depending on the reader here)

 

[Leeness]

Y'all are in my friend zone

Y'all are my friends tho ❤️

 

[gaiages]

Lotta y'all here can't distinct between a "friendship " and a "friendzone"

Quote for stealth brag/ sex advice (depending on the reader here)

Yes, it's fine. Maybe even preferable, in fact. Less work involved imo

Also shit that's long. I'd get annoyed with that bs.

 

[gaiages]

Double post, but I really think everyone's arguing semantics when we all agree on the friendzone thung. I don't really think it matters what word is used to describe it.

 

[Pickman]

Had a few bad ones, a good one, and one really bad one in the span of 2 years.

I've been 5 months now with this woman I met, and I think I want to marry her. We're moving in together in July when our leases are up, but we spend almost all our free time together and she clicks really well with my friends, and I with hers. Family likes me, mine likes hers, we both have similar hobbies.

It feels really right, for once. I'm thinking 6 months of living together will be a good test for the rest of my life. Hoping it goes well.

 

[Mihael Mello Keehl]

Gotta see it to believe it johnny cage

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Gotta see it to believe it johnny cage

Last person I feel obligated to prove anything to is a guy who's too scared to step out the door because ..."those girlz be crazeh"

 

[always crazy bacon]

Double post, but I really think everyone's arguing semantics when we all agree on the friendzone thung. I don't really think it matters what word is used to describe it.

Friendzone was back in the day actually, objectively and scientifically speaking was when you asked out a girl and her response was "No, you're just a friend", "I don't want to ruin our friendship" or any similar response.

The internet coined the word friendzone as shorthand for these rejections and then ran with it spinning it off to cover so many more behaviors beyond what it was actually describing and so nobody can agree on what it means, literally arguing is it's a "zone"or if it exists.

As a person out that you like quickly and you wont get the "just a friend" rejection because you've waited too long to ask and invested too much time. Doesnt mean you wont hear any of my other favorite rejection lines "I'm busy this weekend", "I'm not looking to date right now" or "I'm sort of seeing someone".

 

[jimmypython]

Had a few bad ones, a good one, and one really bad one in the span of 2 years.

I've been 5 months now with this woman I met, and I think I want to marry her. We're moving in together in July when our leases are up, but we spend almost all our free time together and she clicks really well with my friends, and I with hers. Family likes me, mine likes hers, we both have similar hobbies.

It feels really right, for once. I'm thinking 6 months of living together will be a good test for the rest of my life. Hoping it goes well.

Good luck!! Hope it goes well!

I just broke up with a girl after seeing her for 9 months (it still hurts) and really could use some positive news )

 

[Armadilo]

I got stood up, first ever. I feel like shit, waiting for nothing. I texted her about it and said that she forgot. She said she was sorry. I'm just sad

 

[Horse Detective]

I got stood up, first ever. I feel like shit, waiting for nothing. I texted her about it and said that she forgot. She said she was sorry. I'm just sad

Your time is worth something.

Unless they are actually sorry for wasting it, move on. Don't feel sad, it's not like you did the shitty/accidental thing.

 

[ZackieChan]

I got stood up, first ever. I feel like shit, waiting for nothing. I texted her about it and said that she forgot. She said she was sorry. I'm just sad

It happens to the best of us. Hopefully you didn't waste $6 on parking.

 

[always crazy bacon]

I got stood up, first ever. I feel like shit, waiting for nothing. I texted her about it and said that she forgot. She said she was sorry. I'm just sad

Sorry to hear that, I know that feeling It's happened to me a few times. Remember this, it was her not you and her actions do not reflect on the person you are. Cut her off and look for someone else who respects you.

 

[saizo]

Had a few bad ones, a good one, and one really bad one in the span of 2 years.

I've been 5 months now with this woman I met, and I think I want to marry her. We're moving in together in July when our leases are up, but we spend almost all our free time together and she clicks really well with my friends, and I with hers. Family likes me, mine likes hers, we both have similar hobbies.

It feels really right, for once. I'm thinking 6 months of living together will be a good test for the rest of my life. Hoping it goes well.

Treat it more like an adjustment to your life as opposed to a test and you'll be better for it. Remember arguments about petty shit is petty and make sure you know yourself and your limits/needs/habits. Best of luck.

 

[Leeness]

I got stood up, first ever. I feel like shit, waiting for nothing. I texted her about it and said that she forgot. She said she was sorry. I'm just sad

At least she replied?

It does suck though, I don't know which is more annoying: getting stood up, or getting a "hello, bye". Both big time wasters, but hopefully you bought yourself a drink or a coffee and had that!

 

[Miles Quaritch]

A bunch of dates where the chicks just get too clingy too fast. When I say crazy im not talking bout no craigslist killers and all that weird stuff yall be thinking about because yall tinder experts

So a couple of dates where the person got clingy is enough for you change the game to the point where you waste weeks talking to someone before you ask them out?

Jesus dude, talk about overreacting.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I got stood up, first ever. I feel like shit, waiting for nothing. I texted her about it and said that she forgot. She said she was sorry. I'm just sad

You didn't text before the date to confirm plans or she forgot even though you confirmed plans earlier in the day?

 

[Denzar]

There's a lot of questions here that don't matter. You asked her out, she hasn't reponded. You can ask her out once more (and once more only!), naming specific days. If she doesn't respond, don't spend another second thinking "why", just move on.

Asking out via text is fine. If you're so in the grayzone that the text tipped you into "do not respond" territory, it wasn't going to work out.

So, if I texted her again, what in the hell should I say? That I just wanted to get to know her better? Outside of the physicality and smooching and outside of a noisy bar because I am genuinely interested? Also, when?

Don't really feel like doing so. I calmed down last night and realised my reaction was that of a 16 year old. Probably because it's been so long since I was intrigued by a woman. Wasn't really able to come to grips with what that did to my head and body. Had some flings but nothing that got under my skin like she was able to do in 2 moments.

I'll probably see her again soon. Small town, we visit the same bars regularly. What about not mentioning the date again and just text her when I'm going out to ask her if she's out and about too?

It's a process of learning!

 

[Ozorov]

She declined on a second date, said it didn't click and now afterwards I have to agree, felt more like good friends. And it was nice of her to respond, she wrote a pretty long message, and not do the ghosting thing. But in some way it still feels good have being on my first ever "tinderdate". I think I need the experience since I haven't been dating in a looong time.

Now, onto the next girl!

 

[neurosisxeno]

I got stood up, first ever. I feel like shit, waiting for nothing. I texted her about it and said that she forgot. She said she was sorry. I'm just sad

I almost got stood up the other night. It definitely soured me to things with this girl. We had hung out once the week before and hit it off. But when date two rolled around she kept pushing back the time we met up, and I got to the bar and I text her when I was on my way and she didn't respond for a bit and then said she was sorry because she ended up taking a nap and sleeping through her alarm. She ended up being an hour late, for the date that she pushed back like 3 hours. I was not impressed and that was the last time we hung out. If people can't make time for you clearly either they're not ready or they're not all that interested, and it's not worth wasting your own time.

So, if I texted her again, what in the hell should I say?

Don't do that. If they don't respond they are not interested, texting them more just makes you seem desperate, and I'm pretty sure no girl has ever been turned on by desperation.

 

[Denzar]

Don't do that. If they don't respond they are not interested, texting them more just makes you seem desperate, and I'm pretty sure no girl has ever been turned on by desperation.

Yeah, wasn't planning on doing that, like I said. Had the same idea. But I was/am still curious to know what Salamando would've proposed.

I'll run into her sooner or later. I'm curious to see how she'll react. She probably won't even mention it (nor care). We'll see how it goes from there then. In the meantime, the positive takeaway from all this is that I'm still able to be impressed and genuinely "touched" by a girl. Had lost faith in that ever happening again. That, and got some of my mojo back. That girl sure is real pretty. I'll be sure to put it to good use!

 

[Scotch]

Friendzone was back in the day actually, objectively and scientifically speaking was when you asked out a girl and her response was "No, you're just a friend", "I don't want to ruin our friendship" or any similar response.

The internet coined the word friendzone as shorthand for these rejections and then ran with it spinning it off to cover so many more behaviors beyond what it was actually describing and so nobody can agree on what it means, literally arguing is it's a "zone"or if it exists.

Actually, the term "friendzone" was coined in an episode of Friends in 1994. According to Joey, Ross waited too long to ask Rachel out, so now he's stuck in the friendzone. Mind you, at no point is Joey blaming Rachel for this. If you watch the scene now, it's kinda amazing how relevant Joey's advice is to this thread, actually: https://youtu.be/O_9lnYpS-vM?t=1m13s

For what it's worth, Wikipedia says (without citations) the writers named it after "The Twilight Zone", because it features people getting stuck in situations.

I will agree that the internet then broadened the term to "being friendzoned", which is just dumb.

 

[always crazy bacon]

If you watch the scene now, it's kinda amazing how relevant Joey's advice is to this thread, actually: https://youtu.be/O_9lnYpS-vM?t=1m13s

Never seen that before, amazing. Guys keep making the same mistakes.

 

[ZackieChan]

But Joey was wrong. Ross just had to wait long enough, then profess his unrequited love for her. #checkmateatheists

 

[Wurst]

Hey, the weird friendzone guy from yesterday here.

I asked her out already. We're going on a date later. I called it date, she called it date. I made sure there were no second guesses.

Let's make this happen. No cookies invovled, I promise.

 

[KUON.0101]

Y'all are in my friend zone

Y'all are my friends tho ❤️

Nothing wrong with friendships tho ❤️!


#foreveralone

 

[slaifer]

I've been out of the game for a while since I broke up with my ex of 5 years, a year ago. I haven't been able to find someone towards which I was interested until I met this girl. Also I'm not really good at reading signals or understanding if someone is interested in me.

She's cute, english isn't her first language ( neither it's mine ) so the way she speaks english made me think she was the "pretty but dumb girl" lol.

We start to get to know each other, one day while we were talking, she shows me all these places where she wants to go in the city and asks me whether I've been there or not, that same night she invites me out for dinner with her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend. Looked like a double date but I wasn't really flirting neither was she ( she's told me many times that she is very shy ), we all had a lot of fun and that was it.

Week after we go out for dinner and drinks with a friend of mine and her roommate too, again we have a lot of fun. Week after ( last saturday ), I ask her out ( just the 2 of us ) without specifying it was a date. We go for dinner and we sit there for 3 hours eating, laughing and having fun, then we go for a walk. During this time I get to know her better and turns out she's actually pretty smart too at that point I thought damn I should have specified it was a date. Later the night she messages me thanking me for the night and that she really enjoyed it. I then say that we should go out again when she comes back and she agrees, she's going away for 3 weeks.

Now here's my issue:
During that night she says to me how she caused trouble the week before when she went out to a party. She tells me she started seeing this guy, this guy then left the country, after he left, she started seeing someone else briefly, she goes to this party and turns out both guys are there ( the guy that left, came back for a surprise ) and they're best friend, shit happens, the guys fight, then everything goes back to normal, she drinks bit too much and the story ends here with her saying she regrets everything.

The way she tells me the story makes it sound like she's not seeing any of them anymore but I'm not sure, I did not ask. I probably should have specified it was a date and probably should have asked whether she was seeing someone else but I did not think it was the right time because she was leaving the day after for 3 weeks. I'm an idiot sometimes. So now I'm thinking that when she comes back I'll ask her whether she's seeing someone or not and to go on a date.

Now sure why I wrote this here, maybe just looking for opinions or for someone to tell me I'm an idiot.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Nothing wrong with friendships tho ❤️!


#foreveralone

#Senpainoticeme

 

[always crazy bacon]

I'm an idiot sometimes. So now I'm thinking that when she comes back I'll ask her whether she's seeing someone or not and to go on a date.

Now sure why I wrote this here, maybe just looking for opinions or for someone to tell me I'm an idiot.

Probably not going to make a difference but what nationalities are you guys and where are you living?

My take is, she's shy, she likes you and those first invitation to dinner was her asking for a date but her friends were only there for support (she was nervous and her friends could let her know if you were suitable for her.) same for the 2nd time and that third time was a date because she's comfortable with you and her friends approved of you.

The story of messing up with a guy that was leaving the country was her way of asking "are you sure your really single?" She did not want to get into trouble again.

Keep in contact with her while she is away is you can, not too much though. When she gets back ask her for a date "I'd like to take you on a date this weekend if you're not already seeing anybody".

You're not stupid.

 

[Ultramantaro1]

I was travelling outside the country so I didn't speak to girl I'm currently seeing for about 10 days (I did send a postcard but I'm back before she received it). Now that I returned, I contacted her and communication seems a little colder than before. Slower to answer, evasive about making concrete plans. Very different from before I left. Feels like I'm about to get ghosted.

I contacted an old FWB to hook up with and keep my mind busy, but I can't say it won't hurt if what I think is happening is correct. This girl seems really cool, hope it's not over.

I would feel especially silly if I don't see her again considering I brought back some gifts/souvenirs and she's gonna receive postcards from my travels any day now.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I don't know if it needs to be as formal as that. Just ask her out on a dinner date. Why do the whole spiel about if you're not seeing anyone else. Pointless and counterproductive.

 

[slaifer]

Probably not going to make a difference but what nationalities are you guys and where are you living?

My take is, she's shy, she likes you and those first invitation to dinner was her asking for a date but her friends were only there for support (she was nervous and her friends could let her know if you were suitable for her.) same for the 2nd time and that third time was a date because she's comfortable with you and her friends approved of you.

The story of messing up with a guy that was leaving the country was her way of asking "are you sure your really single?" She did not want to get into trouble again.

Keep in contact with her while she is away is you can, not too much though. When she gets back ask her for a date "I'd like to take you on a date this weekend if you're not already seeing anybody".

You're not stupid.

I'm Italian, she's from south america, we're in the UK. I'll try keep in touch at some point.

I don't know if it needs to be as formal as that. Just ask her out on a dinner date. Why do the whole spiel about if you're not seeing anyone else. Pointless and counterproductive.

I don't know I thought it would have been better to know whether or not she's seeing someone. I'll ask her out when she's back.

 

[gaiages]

Gotta see it to believe it johnny cage

Don't be obnoxious.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Actually, the term "friendzone" was coined in an episode of Friends in 1994. According to Joey, Ross waited too long to ask Rachel out, so now he's stuck in the friendzone. Mind you, at no point is Joey blaming Rachel for this. If you watch the scene now, it's kinda amazing how relevant Joey's advice is to this thread, actually: https://youtu.be/O_9lnYpS-vM?t=1m13s

For what it's worth, Wikipedia says (without citations) the writers named it after "The Twilight Zone", because it features people getting stuck in situations.

I will agree that the internet then broadened the term to "being friendzoned", which is just dumb.

No wonder I find the term friendzone fucking stupid. It came from "Friends" which is like the most unfunny show ever. It all makes perfect sense now.

 

[gaiages]

Had a few bad ones, a good one, and one really bad one in the span of 2 years.

I've been 5 months now with this woman I met, and I think I want to marry her. We're moving in together in July when our leases are up, but we spend almost all our free time together and she clicks really well with my friends, and I with hers. Family likes me, mine likes hers, we both have similar hobbies.

It feels really right, for once. I'm thinking 6 months of living together will be a good test for the rest of my life. Hoping it goes well.

Congrats and good luck with everything

I got stood up, first ever. I feel like shit, waiting for nothing. I texted her about it and said that she forgot. She said she was sorry. I'm just sad

That sucks. Well, on to the next one!

Hey, the weird friendzone guy from yesterday here.

I asked her out already. We're going on a date later. I called it date, she called it date. I made sure there were no second guesses.

Let's make this happen. No cookies invovled, I promise.

Huzzah, good luck!

I was travelling outside the country so I didn't speak to girl I'm currently seeing for about 10 days (I did send a postcard but I'm back before she received it). Now that I returned, I contacted her and communication seems a little colder than before. Slower to answer, evasive about making concrete plans. Very different from before I left. Feels like I'm about to get ghosted.

I contacted an old FWB to hook up with and keep my mind busy, but I can't say it won't hurt if what I think is happening is correct. This girl seems really cool, hope it's not over.

I would feel especially silly if I don't see her again considering I brought back some gifts/souvenirs and she's gonna receive postcards from my travels any day now.

I mean, I know you were out and having a good time, but is there a reason you didn't text her once or twice while you were gone? I can understand if you didn't have phone or internet service, but I'd be slightly miffed if a guy I was dating went on a vacation for ten days and didn't bother to contact me once. Not calling or whatever every day mind you.

Then again I don't know how long you two were going out, if it was only a date or two she's overreacting. I dunno lol

 

[Salamando]

So, if I texted her again, what in the hell should I say? That I just wanted to get to know her better? Outside of the physicality and smooching and outside of a noisy bar because I am genuinely interested? Also, when?

Don't really feel like doing so. I calmed down last night and realised my reaction was that of a 16 year old. Probably because it's been so long since I was intrigued by a woman. Wasn't really able to come to grips with what that did to my head and body. Had some flings but nothing that got under my skin like she was able to do in 2 moments.

I'll probably see her again soon. Small town, we visit the same bars regularly. What about not mentioning the date again and just text her when I'm going out to ask her if she's out and about too?

It's a process of learning!

I would just send one more text with something like "up for dinner saturday?" Let the activity relay that you'd "like to get to know her better outside of the physicality".

Would it make you look desperate? It's possible, but it's not like you're getting another date anyway. Remove all doubt that it wasn't a case of "life happening", potentially appear desperate with a girl you wouldn't have had another date with anyway...I'll take that trade-off, only once.

 

[Ultramantaro1]

I mean, I know you were out and having a good time, but is there a reason you didn't text her once or twice while you were gone? I can understand if you didn't have phone or internet service, but I'd be slightly miffed if a guy I was dating went on a vacation for ten days and didn't bother to contact me once. Not calling or whatever every day mind you.

Then again I don't know how long you two were going out, if it was only a date or two she's overreacting. I dunno lol

We've been dating just a little over a month. I didn't have phone service, and she doesn't have a smart phone (think old nokia) so messaging apps weren't a possibility. I guess I could've sent e-mails, but I was trying to walk the fine line between overdoing it and keeping a cool distance. I thought a post card was kind of old-fashioned and cute. With postal delays, it essentially amounted to no contact for 10 days.

I've only been back 3 days so I'm probably jumping to conclusions, but the communication just feels different so far. Meanwhile, I'm more on the 'absence makes the heart grow fond' side of things so I was really looking forward to seeing her soon as I came back; I was thinking of her a lot while on vacation. I'll see what happens...

 

[Night Hunter]

Hey, the weird friendzone guy from yesterday here.

I asked her out already. We're going on a date later. I called it date, she called it date. I made sure there were no second guesses.

Let's make this happen. No cookies invovled, I promise.

Well, this didn't turn out like I thought it would. Keep us updated.

 

[saizo]

Hey, the weird friendzone guy from yesterday here.

I asked her out already. We're going on a date later. I called it date, she called it date. I made sure there were no second guesses.

Let's make this happen. No cookies invovled, I promise.

Hooooooly crap. Curveball!

Totally happy for ya btw.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Hey, the weird friendzone guy from yesterday here.

I asked her out already. We're going on a date later. I called it date, she called it date. I made sure there were no second guesses.

Let's make this happen. No cookies invovled, I promise.

I'm cheering for you, I want you to kiss tf outta her.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I don't know I thought it would have been better to know whether or not she's seeing someone. I'll ask her out when she's back.

You'll find out if she's seeing someone else when you ask her out on a date.

And wurst coming in with that crazy curve ball.