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[Prax]

Ok ladies I need some advice, let me break it down

I fell in love with this girl that I work with and we started to hook up, we used to tell each other we loved each other and we were really happy together.Things went really well for like 6 months, she would come spend weekends at my place and hang out with me and my friends but we were not dating yet.So anyways I decide that I want to date this girl even though dating work colleagues is not the smartest thing.

I decided to ask her out on a weekened get away we had planned with her friends, the get away was two weeks away.The weekend before the get away she went on holiday with her folks.I was like well enjoy have fun and all is well.Now she comes back for mholiday and had taken a whole bunch of pics that she wanted to check out on her laptop but she needed to borrow my card reader.

I gave her the card reader and she gave it back later that day,but she forgot the SD card in the reader. I decided to have a peak at how her trip was with her family and there were pics of her with her Ex boyfriend holding each other and playing in the pool, he had gone with her.

I confront her with the pics and she says that he went with and that she is still in love with him, so I said cool, fuck you, go back to your drug addicted ex boyfriend and have fun.

Then she comes to me the next day in tears and tells me she has made a mistake and that she loves me and that she doesn't want to go back to her ex and that she would do anything to go back in time and erase their weekend away, she also said they never slept with each other, I call bull shit on that.

Anyways I am a really nice guy so I listen to her and I obviously love her lots even though I don't trust her, and it leaves me in a strange place.Do I give her another chance, can she be trusted? she is always texting someone on her blackberry even at lunch so I,m convinced other shit is going down.

I do love her and she makes me happy but should I open that door again knowing that she could do it again or still is doing it behind my back?

You need to clarify...
You were hooking up for 6 months and declaring love and hanging out and all that.
But you somehow were not "dating"? Aka not really in a relationship?

So before you actually have your set "date", she hooks up with her ex on vacation and says she still loves him?
And now you are mad at her for supposed infidelity and told her off, but she wants you back so you can have an actual dating relationship? ??? :l
I SUPPOSE "assumptions" were made about how exclusive you were.. but.. REALLY?


I don't know man, sounds like a mess and you guys didn't know what you were doing with each other in the first place.

If you really like her, I say start off at blank slate. Take everything that happened with her and her ex as just confused. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don't retread on that event trying to accuse her of stuff. Clear up what you want in your relationship. Set some terms for exclusivity or something (add in that you really don't feel comfortable with her communicating with her ex if that sets off your jealousy alarm bells), and start dating for real.

 

[SRG01]

Throw yourself in to a hobby full steam. Last breakup was when Saints Row 2 came out and I spent at least 100 hours in that world and thank fully didn't do anything stupid (like call up old rootbuddies or fall into an abusive relationship with alcohol again). By the time you come out of your hobby your emotions would have settled down and you can rationally make some positive steps towards your future.

I don't really have time for hobbies at the moment. I teach more than full time, and my social life is nonexistent because I left the dance club six months ago.

edit: why did I wake up at 4am???

 

[KungFuBill]

Ok ladies I need some advice, let me break it down

I fell in love with this girl that I work with and we started to hook up, we used to tell each other we loved each other and we were really happy together.Things went really well for like 6 months, she would come spend weekends at my place and hang out with me and my friends but we were not dating yet.

THIS was your mistake. 'Things' went on for 6 months but you weren't 'official' or 'dating'? There was obviously, as Prax said a lot of confusion right from the beginning. IF you wanted to be 'exclusive' you should have made it clear... and had that conversation.

It's tough to bring it up, I know as I'm currently in a similar position - been 'with' my guy for about 5 months now. We had a brief chat after a few weeks of seeing each other on a regular basis and even though when we first hooked up neither of us wanted anything serious we had a quick chat and decided, as we got on and enjoyed each other's company so much that we'd just go with it and see what happened. It was at that point I made it clear I wasn't interested in anybody else and expected the same. He agreed.

You need that kind of communication. It'll at LEAST give you fall back if you DO decide to give things with this girl another shot - if anything happens with her ex after that then at leat you have something to back up your expectation of 'exclusivity'.

Good luck dude.

 

[ChocolatePuddin]

I thought the whole, why were you not dating her after 6 months question would come up.Ok so there is a little more to the story I never shared with you wise people.

Like I said we work with each other, my dad owns the company and has always told me to never get involved with people at work because it is a massive fuck up.So I told him I wouldn't, he had a business partner get involved at work and it ended badly.

So I told her that I would have to hold out on making it official with her until either I or her left the company.Now she is about a week away from being fired, I promise it had nothing to do with me being pissed off with her, she messed up with some accounts.

So I was gonna make it official with her since she is leaving.But I am sitting here reading what you ladies have said and It honestly is the most messed up so called relationship when you put it in your words.We weren't a couple, we did love each other and sleep with each other, but we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend.I wouldn't go over to her folks house for dinner or anything like that and she wouldn't do the same.

I cant really be that pissed off with her, but what the hell do I do now? Do I tell her lets start from scratch again? Do I ask her out, do I cut her out of my life because of the trust issues??????

 

[shanshan310]

shanshan, your boyfriend sounds kinda boring. Sometimes the grass truly is greener

Are you the guy? lol, you seem to be the only person to have posted with this opinion.

Then she comes to me the next day in tears and tells me she has made a mistake and that she loves me and that she doesn't want to go back to her ex and that she would do anything to go back in time and erase their weekend away, she also said they never slept with each other, I call bull shit on that.

Anyways I am a really nice guy so I listen to her and I obviously love her lots even though I don't trust her, and it leaves me in a strange place.Do I give her another chance, can she be trusted? she is always texting someone on her blackberry even at lunch so I,m convinced other shit is going down.

I do love her and she makes me happy but should I open that door again knowing that she could do it again or still is doing it behind my back?

She MADE A MISTAKE?! No, a mistake is not planning a weekend away with your ex boyfriend a week before your holiday with the guy you are seeing now. It wasn't a drunken, spur of the moment thing, this was a holiday that she planned and took with this guy - and her parents! Not only has she betrayed your trust but she has flaunted it around her family.
If you do give her another chance (I think you will, you sound like a nice guy and you do seem to love her) be really careful. You can't forgive her right away for this or she'll just walk all over you.

 

[ChocolatePuddin]

She MADE A MISTAKE?! No, a mistake is not planning a weekend away with your ex boyfriend a week before your holiday with the guy you are seeing now. It wasn't a drunken, spur of the moment thing, this was a holiday that she planned and took with this guy - and her parents! Not only has she betrayed your trust but she has flaunted it around her family.
If you do give her another chance (I think you will, you sound like a nice guy and you do seem to love her) be really careful. You can't forgive her right away for this or she'll just walk all over you.[/QUOTE]


Ya I get what your saying, I,m not gonna lie I could forgive her for it over time,but I still don't trust her.Everything inside of me says don't trust her, I want to to believe everything she says but I think she is incredibly manipulative and a compulsive liar.But when you Love someone its so so hard to let go even if the good out weighs the bad, but the tiny bit of bad is what you base most of a relationship on, and that's trust.

 

[J Tourettes]

An ex has sent me an email after six months. She's a nice enough girl so I don't want to be an arse to her but I did have 2 missed calls from her about a month ago, she didn't leave a message so I didn't bother getting back to her. However, the tone of the email sounds like she's still hurting a lot and obviously isn't over me.

I'm back with my long term girlfriend now (after we'd been apart for a year) so I'm a bit wary of opening a dialogue.

Is ignoring it the best way? Should I send a reply saying I don't think it's a good idea, mention that I'm back with my long term gf etc?

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

I'm gonna repost here what I said in the Dating thread because this seems to be the more "reasonable" dating advice thread....

Question for those who got out of long term relationships:

So I dated my ex for 6 years. We broke up in September. I've legitimately been trying to meet people. The problem is I'm just not attracted to many girls. I think there's really only been one girl I was really interested in that I've talked to, and she turned me down. I've gone out with groups of people and had girls I know were interested in me, but I'm just not really interested in dating them.

I'll be honest I do compare, but I don't really idealize my ex either. I thought she was really good looking and cool, but there were plenty of things that bugged me about her and I understand why we broke up, sorta :\. Overall though I really just don't see any girls where I'm like "I think I could really like her," to the point where I WANT to do anything with them. It's kind of depressing because I WAS happy. Now it's just difficult to figure out how the hell I'm going to find someone else. I don't doubt that there other girls out there I'd get along with, I just want to know how to fucking find them. All my friends just keep telling me to hit on whoever I find attractive, but to be honest I find it boring and not worth the effort.

Any ideas? I'm just kind of bummed.

 

[BladeWorker]

Hey wait a minute why you gotta bust my balls calling me a douche, shit's complicated sometimes you know. A taken girl may be the one who approaches you, then she wants to take it more personal instead of just IM and then you both fall for each other hard you know.

Spoiler

Sort of jesting, sort of not.

Yeah, shit does get complicated. But ultimately it boils down to this: if she's taken, she's taken. It doesn't matter how good or shitty she says (or you observe) her current circumstances to be. She has to break things off if you want to get together with a clear conscience and a hope of a successful relationship.

I know you don't *want* to be a douche. Nor do you want to be a doormat. That's commendable. What I'm saying is to avoid putting yourself in a position to become either one.

 

[Lissar]

I'm gonna repost here what I said in the Dating thread because this seems to be the more "reasonable" dating advice thread....

Question for those who got out of long term relationships:

So I dated my ex for 6 years. We broke up in September. I've legitimately been trying to meet people. The problem is I'm just not attracted to many girls. I think there's really only been one girl I was really interested in that I've talked to, and she turned me down. I've gone out with groups of people and had girls I know were interested in me, but I'm just not really interested in dating them.

I'll be honest I do compare, but I don't really idealize my ex either. I thought she was really good looking and cool, but there were plenty of things that bugged me about her and I understand why we broke up, sorta :\. Overall though I really just don't see any girls where I'm like "I think I could really like her," to the point where I WANT to do anything with them. It's kind of depressing because I WAS happy. Now it's just difficult to figure out how the hell I'm going to find someone else. I don't doubt that there other girls out there I'd get along with, I just want to know how to fucking find them. All my friends just keep telling me to hit on whoever I find attractive, but to be honest I find it boring and not worth the effort.

Any ideas? I'm just kind of bummed.

That sounds really soon after. Do you really need to date someone right now? Maybe you should spend some time with yourself outside of a relationship. It can be hard to get over a long term relationship. And even when you're over it mentally, your heart might not be ready for it. And if you think you aren't ready mentally, then it might be you're just looking for someone to help you forget the pain. That isn't always the healthiest choice. It is good to spend some time being single. Even if you are very social (unlike me) you can just hang around people without expectations. No concerns about feeling attraction or not. You'll know when you're ready again.

 

[BladeWorker]

Is ignoring it the best way? Should I send a reply saying I don't think it's a good idea, mention that I'm back with my long term gf etc?

Ignoring it is a viable option, because by responding you might open yourself up to more drama with someone you don't want to go back to (because you're happier now, I'm guessing?)

I'm not sure if it were me that I would be able to just leave it alone, however. I might respond with something short, simple, and positive. I appreciate the thought but have moved on. Am with someone else now (don't have to say who), and hope that they, too are moving on and finding happiness for themselves or somesuch.

And at that point I would cease contact. But, again, both avoiding and responding are viable options.

Side note: maybe also consider how your current girl would feel about you responding or not responding.

I'll be honest I do compare, but I don't really idealize my ex either. I thought she was really good looking and cool, but there were plenty of things that bugged me about her and I understand why we broke up, sorta :\. Overall though I really just don't see any girls where I'm like "I think I could really like her," to the point where I WANT to do anything with them. It's kind of depressing because I WAS happy. Now it's just difficult to figure out how the hell I'm going to find someone else. I don't doubt that there other girls out there I'd get along with, I just want to know how to fucking find them. All my friends just keep telling me to hit on whoever I find attractive, but to be honest I find it boring and not worth the effort.

Any ideas? I'm just kind of bummed.

Comparing is normal. Cutting off options before you really have a chance to get to know them doesn't help you.

Consider going forward not looking for a mate, so to speak, but looking for new connections. People with whom you have something in common, who may be able to connect you to others that you might find interesting as a potential date.

In the meantime, do a few things that maybe you've never tried before but always wanted to do. Knocking stuff off your bucket list - achieving things - is good for the spirit and gives you lots to talk about with your new friends and potential dates.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

That sounds really soon after. Do you really need to date someone right now? Maybe you should spend some time with yourself outside of a relationship. It can be hard to get over a long term relationship. And even when you're over it mentally, your heart might not be ready for it. And if you think you aren't ready mentally, then it might be you're just looking for someone to help you forget the pain. That isn't always the healthiest choice. It is good to spend some time being single. Even if you are very social (unlike me) you can just hang around people without expectations. No concerns about feeling attraction or not. You'll know when you're ready again.

Lol I'll be honest it's almost certainly the case that I'm looking for distractions. But who says I can't find someone awesome just because I just got out of a relationship?! I do still miss my ex, but I'm well enough aware of it to be good to someone else. I typically feel very guilty whenever I even think about another girl when I'm in a relationship, so if I knew someone else trusted me I think I'd be fine. Part of the reason I'm so gung ho about it though is I want to know that I still can.

Funny thing is I actually think the long term thing actually helps me in a lot of ways because I'm used to just talking to girls as if they're, you know... people. Even at 25 I find a lot of guys still view everything as a "game." I just can't see it that way. I just lost my best friend. Now I want a new one. I'm not gonna be able to develop a friendship with a girl playing games.

 

[Lissar]

Lol I'll be honest it's almost certainly the case that I'm looking for distractions. But who says I can't find someone awesome just because I just got out of a relationship?! I do still miss my ex, but I'm well enough aware of it to be good to someone else. I typically feel very guilty whenever I even think about another girl when I'm in a relationship, so if I knew someone else trusted me I think I'd be fine. Part of the reason I'm so gung ho about it though is I want to know that I still can.

Funny thing is I actually think the long term thing actually helps me in a lot of ways because I'm used to just talking to girls as if they're, you know... people. Even at 25 I find a lot of guys still view everything as a "game." I just can't see it that way. I just lost my best friend. Now I want a new one. I'm not gonna be able to develop a friendship with a girl playing games.

Of course people can be good in a relationship soon after a break-up. But it doesn't sound like you're really ready for it. When you say "Now I want a new one" it sounds more like you just want to quickly fill this hole in your life than gradually find someone who is a right fit for you. I remember after the break-up with my last boyfriend I would always think of these things I wished I could share with him, and then would realize I could no longer do that. Even if you're independent, in a relationship you get used to leaning on someone. After a long term relationship, it's even worse. So many years of experiencing someone THERE, and now they are not there. You feel you're about to fall over if you don't find someone to hold you up. But you need to wait until that feeling comes to you. There is no way to make you feel it, and going after relationships where you're not feeling it will make it even worse.

 

[FallingEdge]

Are you the guy? lol, you seem to be the only person to have posted with this opinion.

What exactly about this guy excites you? Makes you 'sweaty' as you put it. Is it just the fact that it is someone new or something more? Maybe just the idea of talking to someone new and knowing that this person likes you and that it could lead to more while being in a relationship is a bit of a taboo which in turn, gets the mind rolling. I'm sure that deep down inside, you know nothing will come of it and don't plan on it but it still lingers lol.

There is this concept with guys that I like to call, and have seen it called by others, as 'cum drunk' where in the sense that until you release that tension, you are thinking more with your dick as opposed to your brain. Drunk with lust so to speak. After you finish, you are left with this wtf moment as you wonder why you thought it was even a good idea to begin with.

Stupid body *shakes fist*

 

[SRG01]

So, here's a question for everyone: what counts as a rebound, and what is a genuine interest for a relationship?

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

Of course people can be good in a relationship soon after a break-up. But it doesn't sound like you're really ready for it. When you say "Now I want a new one" it sounds more like you just want to quickly fill this hole in your life than gradually find someone who is a right fit for you. I remember after the break-up with my last boyfriend I would always think of these things I wished I could share with him, and then would realize I could no longer do that. Even if you're independent, in a relationship you get used to leaning on someone. After a long term relationship, it's even worse. So many years of experiencing someone THERE, and now they are not there. You feel you're about to fall over if you don't find someone to hold you up. But you need to wait until that feeling comes to you. There is no way to make you feel it, and going after relationships where you're not feeling it will make it even worse.

Everything you said about the missing that part of my life is true, but I think you misunderstood what I meant about "can." I doubt my own ability to find and woo (I can't think of a better word) another girl that I like. I'm worried I'm going to become that guy who everyone says has "too high standards" because I thought my ex was attractive and an awesome person. It really seems to be such a rare combination now that I'm actually looking for it. On top of that, whenever I DO see it I've either 1.) been rejected or 2.) realized they were in a relationship. I just doubt my own ability to find another good relationship. I don't believe in "soulmates" but I do believe in supply and demand and I really don't think there are going to be THAT many good fits for me, and considering that I doubt my ability to convey to someone else that we'd be a good fit. It's like I've reverted back to being an awkward 15 year old after being pretty highly functioning for a long time. I still have a pretty easy time being social, but I'm spending when more time than I'd like thinking about all of this. Like you said earlier, it's probably just avoiding thinking about my ex. I just don't know what to do otherwise. School and the job search are depressing so I can only throw myself into those things so much.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

Are you the guy? lol, you seem to be the only person to have posted with this opinion.

I left it as an option when I suggested deciding on what you wanted. I didn't enumerate them all (threesome?).

 

[shanshan310]

ha! Well that would be an awesome solution. Don't see it happening though

An ex has sent me an email after six months. She's a nice enough girl so I don't want to be an arse to her but I did have 2 missed calls from her about a month ago, she didn't leave a message so I didn't bother getting back to her. However, the tone of the email sounds like she's still hurting a lot and obviously isn't over me.

I'm back with my long term girlfriend now (after we'd been apart for a year) so I'm a bit wary of opening a dialogue.

Is ignoring it the best way? Should I send a reply saying I don't think it's a good idea, mention that I'm back with my long term gf etc?

I'd probably mention that you're seeing someone, but don't tell her its your long term girlfriend. Just make it brief. Be gentle, but firm that you aren't interested in getting back together.

Yeah, shit does get complicated. But ultimately it boils down to this: if she's taken, she's taken. It doesn't matter how good or shitty she says (or you observe) her current circumstances to be. She has to break things off if you want to get together with a clear conscience and a hope of a successful relationship.

I know you don't *want* to be a douche. Nor do you want to be a doormat. That's commendable. What I'm saying is to avoid putting yourself in a position to become either one.

Agreed.

 

[Ezalc]

Yeah, shit does get complicated. But ultimately it boils down to this: if she's taken, she's taken. It doesn't matter how good or shitty she says (or you observe) her current circumstances to be. She has to break things off if you want to get together with a clear conscience and a hope of a successful relationship.

I know you don't *want* to be a douche. Nor do you want to be a doormat. That's commendable. What I'm saying is to avoid putting yourself in a position to become either one.

The problem with this is that then you'll probably get friendzoned even if you're not being a doormat.

 

[manipulate]

Are you the guy? lol, you seem to be the only person to have posted with this opinion.

Haha I just don't understand why people act like it's so important to preserve the status quo. The point of dating/relationships is to find someone you're truly happy with. Of course people shouldn't throw away perfectly happy relationships in search of some kind of holy grail, but yeah.. it's not like you're married or anything

 

[Jin34]

Yeah, shit does get complicated. But ultimately it boils down to this: if she's taken, she's taken. It doesn't matter how good or shitty she says (or you observe) her current circumstances to be. She has to break things off if you want to get together with a clear conscience and a hope of a successful relationship.

I know you don't *want* to be a douche. Nor do you want to be a doormat. That's commendable. What I'm saying is to avoid putting yourself in a position to become either one.

Well I'm neither on the one I was talking about (it's complicated, don't ask), probably a doormat in another that I spend a lot of time around due to a collaborative project and would be a douche on a third one where the girl (from work) likes me without me ever really hitting on her. The first two aren't even from where I live (which is I get along so well with them) and the last one I'm just attracted to physically like with most PR girls. So order of interest is in the same order I mentioned them.

 

[ChocolatePuddin]

hey ladies of wisdom

I thought I would just post the outcome of my problem with you people as your advice really helped me.The girl went back to her drug addicted ex boyfriend and we are no longer going to be involved.I said that we can remain friends and go for the rare coffee but I doubt that will even happen.The fact that this guy screwed her over and cheated on her, and is a major drug addict that go missing for days at a time, and she chose him over me makes me feel like shit times a thousand.

O well thanks ladies hopefully I,ll meet someone who isn't a dumb ass and I can post her to tell you about it...sigh.

 

[Always-honest]

hey ladies of wisdom

I thought I would just post the outcome of my problem with you people as your advice really helped me.The girl went back to her drug addicted ex boyfriend and we are no longer going to be involved.I said that we can remain friends and go for the rare coffee but I doubt that will even happen.The fact that this guy screwed her over and cheated on her, and is a major drug addict that go missing for days at a time, and she chose him over me makes me feel like shit times a thousand.

O well thanks ladies hopefully I,ll meet someone who isn't a dumb ass and I can post her to tell you about it...sigh.

there are no kids involved right?
This soudns like another story on GAf

 

[ChocolatePuddin]

there are no kids involved right?
This soudns like another story on GAf

No kids involved thank goodness.

 

[Devolution]

hey ladies of wisdom

I thought I would just post the outcome of my problem with you people as your advice really helped me.The girl went back to her drug addicted ex boyfriend and we are no longer going to be involved.I said that we can remain friends and go for the rare coffee but I doubt that will even happen.The fact that this guy screwed her over and cheated on her, and is a major drug addict that go missing for days at a time, and she chose him over me makes me feel like shit times a thousand.

O well thanks ladies hopefully I,ll meet someone who isn't a dumb ass and I can post her to tell you about it...sigh.

Don't feel like shit, she's not worth your time if she's willing to be with such a fuckhead. It honestly should tell you the kind of person she is as well. Takes two to tango. Girl/woman in relationship with asshole is rarely ever some perfect princess.

 

[ChocolatePuddin]

Don't feel like shit, she's not worth your time if she's willing to be with such a fuckhead. It honestly should tell you the kind of person she is as well. Takes two to tango. Girl/woman in relationship with asshole is rarely ever some perfect princess.

Ya your right ,thanks for the advice.I know i,ll get over it I just gotta let time go by, time heals most wounds.Think i'm gonna take my focus off women for awhile and put it into my job to distract myself.She's still out there somewhere.

 

[Tenks]

It was mutual. I wanted more communication, something more personal -- like a real relationship -- and she wanted something more casual. We were just in different points in our lives and just weren't a good fit for each other. (edit: She's five years younger than me) We're not bitter about it; it was a pretty amicable breakup.

I'm sorta-kinda upset over it, but mainly nostalgic about the memories we've had. It'll probably hit me later and I'll have to drink myself to a stupor but... knowing myself, I'll probably drown myself in work.

edit: Also, third person I've ever kissed in my entire life (although I've dated many more girls than that).

Sounds like you were single the entire time

 

[shanshan310]

So my boyfriend showed me this clip and after we had a good laugh I mentioned that while it was a crazy over reaction, it was still obvious from my perspective why she got upset. Can you guys/ girls, or am I crazy? Because he wouldn't believe me, and thought I was just trying to go along with the joke.

Anyway, thought I'd show you guys for the lulz or whatever.

 

[Atramental]

So my boyfriend showed me this clip and after we had a good laugh I mentioned that while it was a crazy over reaction, it was still obvious from my perspective why she got upset. Can you guys/ girls, or am I crazy? Because he wouldn't believe me, and thought I was just trying to go along with the joke.

Anyway, thought I'd show you guys for the lulz or whatever.

I... I don't understand.

Did the guy not give the "correct" voice inflection? I hear that can make some girls upset.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

So my boyfriend showed me this clip and after we had a good laugh I mentioned that while it was a crazy over reaction, it was still obvious from my perspective why she got upset. Can you guys/ girls, or am I crazy?

Oh, the teen angst! If he was smart or cared, he should have said "Yeah, let's go [together]."

 

[Atramental]

Oh, the teen angst! If he was smart or cared, he should have said "Yeah, let's go [together]."

*takes notes*

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

So my boyfriend showed me this clip and after we had a good laugh I mentioned that while it was a crazy over reaction, it was still obvious from my perspective why she got upset. Can you guys/ girls, or am I crazy? Because he wouldn't believe me, and thought I was just trying to go along with the joke.

Anyway, thought I'd show you guys for the lulz or whatever.

I'm gonna go with "you're crazy." Sorry shanshan, I watched it like three times trying to come up with something to agree with you on.

 

[Plywood]

Oh, the teen angst! If he was smart or cared, he should have said "Yeah, let's go [together]."

 

[Atramental]

I'm gonna go with "you're crazy." Sorry shanshan, I watched it like three times trying to come up with something to agree with you on.

Spoiler

Ha. You beat me to it Plywood. I was going to make a gif from that scene for this quote.

 

[SRG01]

So, being single again is finally hitting me a week later. I'm having a surprisingly hard time adjusting to things -- especially the little things such as holding hands, having her around, or even the small texts.

I'm finding that I actually miss her, and I feel frustrated about that because it's such a waste of emotional energy. I was out with a friend last night, and it was weird how my brain was attempting to substitute my friend for my ex. Sigh.

edit: And the weird part is that I'm already talking to other women, but... it doesn't really feel like anything?

 

[Lissar]

So, being single again is finally hitting me a week later. I'm having a surprisingly hard time adjusting to things -- especially the little things such as holding hands, having her around, or even the small texts.

I'm finding that I actually miss her, and I feel frustrated about that because it's such a waste of emotional energy. I was out with a friend last night, and it was weird how my brain was attempting to substitute my friend for my ex. Sigh.

edit: And the weird part is that I'm already talking to other women, but... it doesn't really feel like anything?

Don't worry if you aren't feeling it yet. Like I said earlier in the thread, just trying to replace someone isn't going to do you any good.

Maybe I'm just strange... I've never been able to just go right out and find someone else when a relationship is finished. Last time I had about a year between relationships. I don't recommend that to everyone of course. Some people just need to have someone in their lives. But I do say to give it time.

 

[noah111]

OK I have a question for the ladies, i'd like some answers since i'm unsure. I'm a pretty hairy guy, especially me legs and thighs and parts below the belly button. I have clean shaven genitalia but i'm wondering:

Should I shave my legs/thighs? They're quite hairy and i'm not sure if I should ever shave them. I have a decently hairy chest/stomach but not too bad, and I wouldn't shave that.

Of course you can you shave and wax interchangeably here, but I was just wondering if hairy thighs/legs ever puts a women off in any way.

 

[Devolution]

I'm gonna go with "you're crazy." Sorry shanshan, I watched it like three times trying to come up with something to agree with you on.

She wanted to walk with him to class, was being all cute about it, and he said "i'll see you there" instead. I get feeling like that on the inside in highschool, since it takes so much courage just to even ask a question like that. Ugh fuck now I'm reminded of a horrible incident when I was in highschool.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

She wanted to walk with him to class, was being all cute about it, and he said "i'll see you there" instead. I get feeling like that on the inside in highschool, since it takes so much courage just to even ask a question like that. Ugh fuck now I'm reminded of a horrible incident when I was in highschool.

"Being all cute about it"? She asked him a question! I'll MAYBE agree that it makes sense in highschool, but by definition that just means it is completely illogical to any normal human being.

 

[Devolution]

"Being all cute about it"? She asked him a question! I'll MAYBE agree that it makes sense in highschool, but by definition that just means it is completely illogical to any normal human being.

Cute as in not straight forward. He didn't get it. Plus it's highschool they rarely do.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

This whole discussion is really becoming somewhat funny to me. As someone "new" to all of this again I just don't understand. How you could get upset over such an innocuous conversation just seems weird. The few times I've attempted "getting back out there" recently I've tried to be straight forward. Getting so upset about something so clearly unrelated just seems insane. To me asking a girl out is just about saying, "Hey want to get to know eachother better?" If a girl says no it isn't really some horrible judgment of me. They just aren't interested. I understand. There are plenty of girls I'm not interested in. It doesn't mean I think they're awful people.

Sorry this conversation is just sorta surreal that there is actual disagreement over that clip.

 

[Devolution]

This whole discussion is really becoming somewhat funny to me. As someone "new" to all of this again I just don't understand. How you could get upset over such an innocuous conversation just seems weird. The few times I've attempted "getting back out there" recently I've tried to be straight forward. Getting so upset about something so clearly unrelated just seems insane. To me asking a girl out is just about saying, "Hey want to get to know eachother better?" If a girl says no it isn't really some horrible judgment of me. They just aren't interested. I understand. There are plenty of girls I'm not interested in. It doesn't mean I think they're awful people.

Sorry this conversation is just sorta surreal that there is actual disagreement over that clip.

I wouldn't have that reaction now, and I don't pull that coy shit but a lot of my friends are still not at all specific about what they want from a guy. So it leads down this road of me telling them to just lay the cards on the table, but instead of doing this, they just beat around the bush. Then they think the guy isn't all that into them, when really he just doesn't understand what the hell she's getting at. Girl in the clip is totally over-exaggerated but in highschool especially I saw stuff like that go down a lot. I don't really have this problem, seeing as how I'm blunt as fuck.

 

[electroshockwave]

shanshan and Devo have got to be doing some sort of co-ordinated trolling against us as part of the "Men - we don't know what we did" joke.
It doesn't take courage to pussyfoot around someone you're interested in and ask if they're going to algebra just to expect them to take this as a signal to invite you along. That's dipping your toes in the shallow end of the pool of rejection. Often I think the reason that women prefer men to make the approach isn't because they like being the chased one but just because they're even worse at it than we are.

EDIT To be clear, I clicked reply before seeing your last post, Devo.

 

[J Tourettes]

Ignoring it is a viable option, because by responding you might open yourself up to more drama with someone you don't want to go back to (because you're happier now, I'm guessing?)

I'm not sure if it were me that I would be able to just leave it alone, however. I might respond with something short, simple, and positive. I appreciate the thought but have moved on. Am with someone else now (don't have to say who), and hope that they, too are moving on and finding happiness for themselves or somesuch.

And at that point I would cease contact. But, again, both avoiding and responding are viable options.

Side note: maybe also consider how your current girl would feel about you responding or not responding.

I'd probably mention that you're seeing someone, but don't tell her its your long term girlfriend. Just make it brief. Be gentle, but firm that you aren't interested in getting back together.

Even if one of the reasons I gave for splitting up was that I wasn't ready for a new relationship? Is it not more of a kick in the teeth for her to think I'm seeing someone new instead of old? (Not borrowed or blue).

Thanks for the replies.

 

[SRG01]

Don't worry if you aren't feeling it yet. Like I said earlier in the thread, just trying to replace someone isn't going to do you any good.

Maybe I'm just strange... I've never been able to just go right out and find someone else when a relationship is finished. Last time I had about a year between relationships. I don't recommend that to everyone of course. Some people just need to have someone in their lives. But I do say to give it time.

As much as I hate to admit it and advise against it, I actually date a lot of girls for rebounds. Just one-or-two-off dates here and there. I guess it's different this time because I actually had some emotional investment in my ex.

 

[BladeWorker]

Even if one of the reasons I gave for splitting up was that I wasn't ready for a new relationship? Is it not more of a kick in the teeth for her to think I'm seeing someone new instead of old? (Not borrowed or blue).

Thanks for the replies.

Well, that will sound pretty damn lame, if you should choose to tell her. But things change, and if you've moved on, it's just a reality that she has to accept.

 

[Gila]

I'm having coffee with this girl, and I wanna be a gentleman and come early and order a coffee for her. But I have no idea what kind she likes, or if she even drinks coffee (I don't, I'm just there for the conversation but I guess I'll have one since were in a coffee shop)

What's a safe choice to go with? It's Starbucks too, so gimme an option from there

 

[Atramental]

I'm having coffee with this girl, and I wanna be a gentleman and come early and order a coffee for her. But I have no idea what kind she likes, or if she even drinks coffee (I don't, I'm just there for the conversation but I guess I'll have one since were in a coffee shop)

What's a safe choice to go with? It's Starbucks too, so gimme an option from there

I think it's best to let her decide what she wants when she gets there. The gentleman thing to do is to pay for it. Plus, already selecting her drink for her seems a bit... controlling.

 

[SRG01]

I'm having coffee with this girl, and I wanna be a gentleman and come early and order a coffee for her. But I have no idea what kind she likes, or if she even drinks coffee (I don't, I'm just there for the conversation but I guess I'll have one since were in a coffee shop)

What's a safe choice to go with? It's Starbucks too, so gimme an option from there

No, wait until she gets there, and order together. Ordering ahead of time is a little too much (plus coffee gets cold).

 

[Gila]

Yeah that makes better sense, thanks

Guess there's other ways to be chivalrous