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[soultron]

PXG and I actually talked about this last night at the meet up. This thread is too much at times.

Also, my track record with asking out ladies has been interesting. Last girl I asked out was a lesbian. Don't know how I am so innately attracted to them.

Edit: Is Spacebar still around?

Yeah, I can totally agree with that.

Spacebar was awesome as well. I'm sure he's still reading and still doing awesome things in regards to his own personal dating pursuits.

I am not giving up on this thread. I'd never do that. I just need(ed) a bit of time away, which I've been doing. I have my own career developments, relationship, family, fitness goals, and a whole host of other things to focus on, which means I don't really have that much time to post on GAF as I used to. I'd not really have it any other way, however. I'm 24 years old and my life has just started to take off in the direction I've wanted for years now. With the same sort of dedication and focus to all areas of one's life, not just dating, it can happen for anyone else too. Balance your lives, friends. It will all come together, albeit at different times, if you just aim for balance in your personal development.

 

[JambiBum]

Maybe someone should make a Pity-Age thread. Dump your woes in there.

My biggest problem is the fact that soultron took his time to make a very informative OP and it's like a lot of people just ignore it. The solution to most of the problems in this thread are right in the title. There are of course situations where specific advice is needed but for most of the "issues" in the thread the solution is in the OP. You can only try to help people so much before it gets tiring, especially when they don't do anything with the advice. No matter what anyone says advice will only get someone so far. It ultimately comes down to the person putting in the effort to better themselves on their own. The problem with some of the posters in here is that they seem to not want to put that effort in. They want everything to magically go away on its own.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

My biggest problem is the fact that soultron took his time to make a very informative OP and it's like a lot of people just ignore it. The solution to most of the problems in this thread are right in the title. There are of course situations where specific advice is needed but for most of the "issues" in the thread the solution is in the OP. You can only try to help people so much before it gets tiring, especially when they don't do anything with the advice. No matter what anyone says advice will only get someone so far. It ultimately comes down to the person putting in the effort to better themselves on their own. The problem with some of the posters in here is that they seem to not want to put that effort in. They want everything to magically go away on its own.

True enough.

Soultron should open a consulting business. When someone doesn't take his advice and just continues to wallow in self-pity, he can smack 'em around.

 

[Devolution]

Also for the record women have their own hang ups too. When asking friends and others why they don't just speak their mind as straight forward as possible and instead speak in "softer" language they ask me "isn't that kind of bitchy?" This would explain why at least at my school, the more 50/50 the gender ratio is or men there are in a class the more quiet the women tend to be. Me? I just give my opinion not really caring. It would also explain beyond other reasons why they want you guys to pursue, they don't want to appear too headstrong and intimidating because that is the mark of a "bitch."

 

[Vermillion]

We never said it was easy we said you have to keep trying in order to gain experience, learn about yourself and hone your skills. You get flummoxed on just trying once, and you're not going to get anywhere. It's very rare that the first person you ask out is going to say yes, whether they're generally not interested or already in a relationship. The point is if you get so hung up on one person and take that rejection as the end all be all, you're not helping yourself to chug along and find new people. People always scoff at "plenty of fish in the sea" but it's true. There is not "one person" for everyone, there are scores of people over the course of your life but if you remain closed off and insular you will never meet these people.

When I first entered college I was very insular and shy, I already had a boyfriend but my confidence in socializing with others was shit. So I started forcing myself to talk to people whether commenting on something I liked or asking them a question (sometimes something I already knew or wrote down but I just wanted an ice breaker). You can't be stuck in this mold of "it's too hard" and expect results. You have to throw yourself out there. The anxiety you feel is so much worse than actually talking to people. People want to talk to other people, we're social animals. Start acting like women are just another person to engage with and not some majestic foreign creature. Talk to them like a peer. They'll take notice and talk back. You don't have to look good.

There was a guy in my class whom I did not find particularly attractive but he talked to every damn girl in that class. Guess who all the girls said hi and bye too even when not in class? Him. He was noticed. None of the girls scoffed and rolled their eyes when he approached them because he was *Dave. He wasn't angling to get something, he was just friendly and it helped that he knew a lot about design. I'm still in contact with him like many women whom he went to class with probably are because he wasn't afraid to talk to us and hit us up for contact information. It never seemed like "oh wow Dave you're so gross why do you want to know my info." It was a polite exchange between friendly classmates. Looks don't matter when you're being a genuine person. Attractive/hot people have to work at it less but that doesn't mean you should ever count yourself out.

*not his real name

Yeah, I do try to talk to people, but it's worse when there are more people. But I get your point. Thank you.

 

[RawPower]

There was a guy in my class whom I did not find particularly attractive but he talked to every damn girl in that class. Guess who all the girls said hi and bye too even when not in class? Him. He was noticed. None of the girls scoffed and rolled their eyes when he approached them because he was *Dave. He wasn't angling to get something, he was just friendly and it helped that he knew a lot about design. I'm still in contact with him like many women whom he went to class with probably are because he wasn't afraid to talk to us and hit us up for contact information. It never seemed like "oh wow Dave you're so gross why do you want to know my info." It was a polite exchange between friendly classmates. Looks don't matter when you're being a genuine person. Attractive/hot people have to work at it less but that doesn't mean you should ever count yourself out.

*not his real name

I think this is a very important point. I'm assuming that many of us in this thread were picked on a lot before we hit college. I used to have plenty of girls tell me I was creepy or gross if I even so much as caught a glimpse of them in class. Years and years of this (and other forms of bullying) completely destroyed any semblance of confidence or self-esteem I once had. I'm 26 and I still haven't fully recovered from all of that (mentally, at least), so I'm not surprised other people (assuming they're in a similar position to mine) are having trouble as well.

 

[Devolution]

I think this is a very important point. I'm assuming that many of us in this thread were picked on a lot before we hit college. I used to have plenty of girls tell me I was creepy or gross if I even so much as caught a glimpse of them in class. Years and years of this (and other forms of bullying) completely destroyed any semblance of confidence or self-esteem I once had. I'm 26 and I still haven't fully recovered from all of that (mentally, at least), so I'm not surprised other people (assuming they're in a similar position to mine) are having trouble as well.

Just realize those women were assholes. In elementary until highschool (when I finally changed schools) this one chick made sure every other girl shunned me and didn't really socialize with me. Or if they did they were still talking mad shit behind my back. If I didn't meet the anti-thesis of these girls in highschool I would have thoroughly hated my own gender for years and years. It made me crippled in actually talking with other girls/women though. I assumed the worst. Those girls were spoiled shallow little shits but they shaped how I perceived other girls/women because I was surrounded by them and for so long. At some point though I realized they were the outliers, they were not the norm and that's when I found a healthy social circle in highschool, girls who weren't the popular crowd but treated friends like friends, not frienemies. And I knew how to find these women in college and make friends with them as well. It's really easy to let your past dictate your future but it's worth it to shrug that stuff off and realize those people sucked and other people out there are not the same.

 

[Discotheque]

I was fairly clueless in junior high. There was this very attractive girl in my class who would always be flirting with me. She'd do weird shit like grab my butt (uh...yeah) and rub up on me when I was at my locker and stuff.

One time she said "I love you" and so I just responded "haha, I love you too" and then walked away. A few months later she's dating some dude and she goes up to me and asks "Why didn't you ask me out? I thought you were into me and I was giving you hints"

I told her I thought she was joking the whole time. lol. My self-esteem was pretty low during that time I really didn't think I was worth going out with her so I assumed it was all a joke on my expense with the flirting and everything.

I think we hold ourselves back more than anything else. You can call yourself ugly or unattractive and you know what? Some people will agree with that assessment and spit on the ground you walk on or chase you with torches.

But that's only some people and there are others out there who would really like to get to know you. All you have to do is just be real with them. Talk to them like they're every other person. Only they have boobs and lack Y chromosome.

 

[Devolution]

I was fairly clueless in junior high. There was this very attractive girl in my class who would always be flirting with me. She'd do weird shit like grab my butt (uh...yeah) and rub up on me when I was at my locker and stuff.

One time she said "I love you" and so I just responded "haha, I love you too" and then walked away. A few months later she's dating some dude and she goes up to me and asks "Why didn't you ask me out? I thought you were into me and I was giving you hints"

I told her I thought she was joking the whole time. lol. My self-esteem was pretty low during that time I really didn't think I was worth going out with her so I assumed it was all a joke on my expense with the flirting and everything.

I think we hold ourselves back more than anything else. You can call yourself ugly or unattractive and you know what? Some people will agree with that assessment and spit on the ground you walk on or chase you with torches.

But that's only some people and there are others out there who would really like to get to know you. All you have to do is just be real with them. Talk to them like they're every other person. Only they have boobs and Y chromosome.

No you have the Y, women are XX. =p.

 

[Discotheque]

haha I just fixed that. DAMN YOU!

 

[JambiBum]

I think this is a very important point. I'm assuming that many of us in this thread were picked on a lot before we hit college. I used to have plenty of girls tell me I was creepy or gross if I even so much as caught a glimpse of them in class. Years and years of this (and other forms of bullying) completely destroyed any semblance of confidence or self-esteem I once had. I'm 26 and I still haven't fully recovered from all of that (mentally, at least), so I'm not surprised other people (assuming they're in a similar position to mine) are having trouble as well.

Here's the thing, there are some of us in the thread who were in your position at some point in their life. All through out high school and even in the air force I was made fun of for various reasons. It hurt but eventually I learned to use it to my advantage. Now I just laugh at it. I make jokes about it that turn out to be pretty funny. Once I learned how to laugh at those things instead of feeling sorry for myself I no longer had any problems finding dates. Learn to accept yourself for who you are before worrying about finding someone else. It's hard, it took an entire year for me pushing myself to get over it, but once you do it's one of the greatest feelings you will ever have.

 

[HarryHengst]

I was fairly clueless in junior high. There was this very attractive girl in my class who would always be flirting with me. She'd do weird shit like grab my butt (uh...yeah) and rub up on me when I was at my locker and stuff.

One time she said "I love you" and so I just responded "haha, I love you too" and then walked away. A few months later she's dating some dude and she goes up to me and asks "Why didn't you ask me out? I thought you were into me and I was giving you hints"

I told her I thought she was joking the whole time. lol. My self-esteem was pretty low during that time I really didn't think I was worth going out with her so I assumed it was all a joke on my expense with the flirting and everything.

I think we hold ourselves back more than anything else. You can call yourself ugly or unattractive and you know what? Some people will agree with that assessment and spit on the ground you walk on or chase you with torches.

But that's only some people and there are others out there who would really like to get to know you. All you have to do is just be real with them. Talk to them like they're every other person. Only they have boobs and lack Y chromosome.

This, but im still clueless as fuck at 27. The girl im dating now actually asked me out because she got frustrated with me being too dumb to understand her hints. And im talking hints like her asking 'hey, what are you doing this saturday, im doing nothing!', with me proceeding to tell her that i, too, am not doing anything, wishing her a great saturday and walking away. Still cant believe she didnt just give up on me. :lol

 

[Devolution]

This, but im still clueless as fuck at 27. The girl im dating now actually asked me out because she got frustrated with me being too dumb to understand her hints. And im talking hints like her asking 'hey, what are you doing this saturday, im doing nothing!', with me proceeding to tell her that i, too, am not doing anything, wishing her a great saturday and walking away. Still cant believe she didnt just give up on me. :lol

Yeah if we're asking what you're currently doing or are going to do that means we want to do some with you otherwise we wouldn't ask out of general curiosity. At least that's how it works with me.

 

[Izick]

This, but im still clueless as fuck at 27. The girl im dating now actually asked me out because she got frustrated with me being too dumb to understand her hints. And im talking hints like her asking 'hey, what are you doing this saturday, im doing nothing!', with me proceeding to tell her that i, too, am not doing anything, wishing her a great saturday and walking away. Still cant believe she didnt just give up on me. :lol

Haha that's pretty great. How's it going so far?

 

[-PXG-]

I stopped posting because I'm busy. Plus, I don't want to come off as a douchey knowitall. Shit, I learn new things everyday. But yeah, sometimes I'd get frustrated because I felt I was talking to a brick wall.

Anyway, there are plenty of people here who give great advice.

 

[JambiBum]

I stopped posting because I'm busy. Plus, I don't want to come off as a douchey knowitall. Shit, I learn new things everyday.

Plenty people here give great advice.

If only you still had your old tag.

 

[EviLore]

This, but im still clueless as fuck at 27. The girl im dating now actually asked me out because she got frustrated with me being too dumb to understand her hints. And im talking hints like her asking 'hey, what are you doing this saturday, im doing nothing!', with me proceeding to tell her that i, too, am not doing anything, wishing her a great saturday and walking away. Still cant believe she didnt just give up on me. :lol

"HEY MY VAGINA IS PRETTY EMPTY AT THE MOMENT. OH LOOK IT'S YOUR PENIS. HEY, IT SURE LOOKS LIKE IT WOULD FIT PRETTY WELL IN THERE..."

"SURE DOES! OKAY, SEE YA TOMORROW!"

 

[-PXG-]

If only you still had your old tag.

Nope

Oh and I have a new gf.

Shitty timing since I met sexy Gears cosplayer yesterday who also lives in Jersey

 

[JambiBum]

Nope

Oh and I have a new gf.

Shitty timing since I met sexy Gears cosplayer yesterday who also lives in Jersey

I wish I lived closer. Totally would have went to pax with you. I'm going to try to go next year.

 

[-PXG-]

I wish I lived closer. Totally would have went to pax with you. I'm going to try to go next year.

It was a blast. I met Cliff

The female Gear cosplayers looked good too

I got that girls number. She dressed up as Myrrah. She was fiiiiiiiiine.

 

[HarryHengst]

"HEY MY VAGINA IS PRETTY EMPTY AT THE MOMENT. OH LOOK IT'S YOUR PENIS. HEY, IT SURE LOOKS LIKE IT WOULD FIT PRETTY WELL IN THERE..."

"SURE DOES! OKAY, SEE YA TOMORROW!"

Its me. Im the dumbest guy in the room.

Haha that's pretty great. How's it going so far?

Pretty great so far. When im around her she makes me feel like the man i am capable of being and im suddenly really motivated to improve myself just to be a better man for her. On the other hand, its still really early, we're still in the dating phase and not in a relationship. So who knows, perhaps its all over in two weeks, but at the moment im happy with her and she seems happy with me.

Also, she is almost my size (im 1.85m, she is 1.83m) and i got a thing for taller girls, so thats cool. And she is fluent in French which is really amazing. I dont care what she says in French, it all sounds sexy. :lol

 

[Izick]

Its me. Im the dumbest guy in the room.


Pretty great so far. When im around her she makes me feel like the man i am capable of being and im suddenly really motivated to improve myself just to be a better man for her. On the other hand, its still really early, we're still in the dating phase and not in a relationship. So who knows, perhaps its all over in two weeks, but at the moment im happy with her and she seems happy with me.

Also, she is almost my size (im 1.85m, she is 1.83m) and i got a thing for taller girls, so thats cool. And she is fluent in French which is really amazing. I dont care what she says in French, it all sounds sexy. :lol

That's really cool man, good for you. Sounds like she's a great catch. Hope it works out!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, and don't worry, I'm not going to post anymore stuff like that in this thread if it's bringing people down. I'm not trying to get other people upset, at least that wasn't my intention at all, just stating my opinion.

 

[soultron]

"HEY MY VAGINA IS PRETTY EMPTY AT THE MOMENT. OH LOOK IT'S YOUR PENIS. HEY, IT SURE LOOKS LIKE IT WOULD FIT PRETTY WELL IN THERE..."

"SURE DOES! OKAY, SEE YA TOMORROW!"

BIG GULPS, EH?

 

[Slayer-33]

It was a blast. I met Cliff

The female Gear cosplayers looked good too

I got that girls number. She dressed up as Myrrah. She was fiiiiiiiiine.

You just don't waste time do you?

You sob

Didn't even know we had an event in the area besides the auto show.

 

[reilo]

That is definitely why I stopped posting in here. So much advice is given and a lot of the time it just doesn't get used. People are so negative about themselves that they don't use the tools given to them. Before I went on my date earlier today I had written up a pretty long post full of advice. I come back, refresh the thread, and see that it's mostly the same old shit from people so I just decided not to post it. In the last OT the people that wanted advice actually listened to it and gained from it. Now it seems like the most frequent posters (not all mind you) are more content on just having people feel sorry for them than doing anything to change their situation.

I stopped posting and giving advice here several months ago.

I got tired of giving out the obvious answers and reading the same old excuses as to why something did or did not happen.

Very rarely do we read about anyone in here that actually had their significant othet screw them over (divorce, cheating, etc) where the poster can genuinely proclaim that something shitty happened. A girl saying 'no' to a date is not the end of the world.

On the subject of self-improvement and just going out there and doing things, I am going to head to the gym. When I come home I will play some guitar then work on my online portfolio.

How many of you in here will just sit around and do nothing the rest of the day?

 

[Minamu]

I'm not saying I won't/am not trying. It's just way harder than everyone is making it out to be.

No Joker. It's not. It really isn't. It's only hard for you because you think it is. The difficulty doesn't come from inexperience or an unlucky set of cards dealt to you. It might even be hard because you want it to be (on a deep subconscious level of course). These changes are supposed to be hard, one might think. But where's the point in that? Delude yourself. Lie your face off. Just amuse the thought of doing this just for a moment. Tell yourself that this stuff is as easy as pancakes and you just might see results far quicker than you currently think is possible. you've got nothing to lose by telling yourself that life isn't hard. If you go about life telling yourself that life is too difficult, that's the kind of life you'll have.

 

[EviLore]

I train BJJ. Most people show up with an idea in their heads of being badasses, get manhandled like ragdoll children and bail out immediately. Or if they stick around, they get to experience constantly fighting other people who are more experienced than them and yet equally motivated or more so, so their opponents maintain the gap in skill level between them and they never get to actually win a fight, have no sense of progression or accomplishment in some cases for months, just defeat and submission and pain. After those months have passed, if they're still around, they've likely accumulated hundreds of bruises and cuts at the very minimum, and maybe get to win against the clueless new guy in between losing to everyone else. And you're still basically a scrub for ten more years.

Compare that to "very nearly everyone I come across in this world is horny and desiring of companionship. Talking to people is scary though!"

 

[TurboLibre]

I've mentioned this before, but there so many robotic, logical posters here who reason themselves into being unattractive or unliked. Emotions and hope have no place here since people do not come up to me and say "how do you do?" What if everyone thought like that?

I'm guilty of that. I'm overly logical, base my thoughts on facts and experiences, analyze everything and not prone to emotional reactions. I'm also very hard on myself, which is what drives my self-improvement but keeps me feeling like "I'm not good enough" despite the countless people telling me otherwise. The thing is, these are all core aspects of my personality. They're not external actions I can actively change, I can't will myself to be a little more emotional or less hard on myself. Best I can do is try to manage. Luckily, most of these traits help me in my day to day life. The only time they'll interfere is when it comes to relationships. Which sucks, because I feel like my closed off nature is the only thing that's holding me back.

Yeah if we're asking what you're currently doing or are going to do that means we want to do some with you otherwise we wouldn't ask out of general curiosity. At least that's how it works with me.

Good to know. I use it as general small talk so I never took notice before.

 

[hawkshockey11]

I'm guilty of that. I'm overly logical, base my thoughts on facts and experiences, analyze everything and not prone to emotional reactions. I'm also very hard on myself, which is what drives my self-improvement but keeps me feeling like "I'm not good enough" despite the countless people telling me otherwise. The thing is, these are all core aspects of my personality. They're not external actions I can actively change, I can't will myself to be a little more emotional or less hard on myself. Best I can do is try to manage. Luckily, most of these traits help me in my day to day life. The only time they'll interfere is when it comes to relationships. Which sucks, because I feel like my closed off nature is the only thing that's holding me back.

 

[SolKane]

how can i spin living with my mom into something positive?

serious question

 

[Devolution]

how can i spin living with my mom into something positive?

serious question

Do you help her with anything?

 

[Moussi]

how can i spin living with my mom into something positive?

serious question

Saving up for a house/school...?

 

[Slayer-33]

how can i spin living with my mom into something positive?

serious question

hahahaha

I rent (pay for my) a room lol

 

[Bossun]

Gaf, I'm lost.

It never happened to me. But I was at this book store I usually go on saturdays. I went up to the first floor and this cute clerk kept staring a me. Then I went down to join a friend and we went up again. I was looking for books when the clerk came and she told me something along those lines " so I see that you come here often, if you're ok with it maybe we can learn to know each other some day.."

I'm usually super shy and I was completely taken aback, my mind when totally blank, I was even shivering lol.
Anyway I was surprised and couldn't say no, we talked a bit and exchanged our phones.

Thing is I have a girlfriend and even though nothing happened (and I didn't contacted her) I feel like I'm did something wrong.

 

[Devolution]

Gaf, I'm lost.

It never happened to me. But I was at this book store I usually go on saturdays. I went up to the first floor and this cute clerk kept staring a me. Then I went down to join a friend and we went up again. I was looking for books when the clerk came and she told me something along those lines " so I see that you come here often, if you're ok with it maybe we can learn to know each other some day.."

I'm usually super shy and I was completely taken aback, my mind when totally blank, I was even shivering lol.
Anyway I was surprised and couldn't say no, we talked a bit and exchanged our phones.

Thing is I have a girlfriend and even though nothing happened (and I didn't contacted her) I feel like I'm did something wrong.

When you're not actively looking for it is when people approach.

 

[Discotheque]

Indeed. Do we give off this weird happiness aura or something?

I'm really really content with the girl I'm with right now (in fact I got out of the....friendzone with her omg) and girls are approaching me more often than usual these days. Must be an outward display of confidence that I'm not conscious of.

 

[Bossun]

When you're not actively looking for it is when people approach.

Exactly. And I was impressed that she got the balls to come talk to me like that.

What bothers me is that I am happy, it's good for the self confidence and it's exciting too, but at the same time I feel so bad.

 

[-PXG-]

When you're not actively looking for it is when people approach.

Not necessarily true.

You can be looking and take initiative, just don't be pushy or obsessive.

 

[Devolution]

Not necessarily true.

You can be looking and take initiative, just don't be pushy or obsessive.

What I meant was when you're taken and not really looking for anyone is when you get callers because you're confident and generally content. If people can hone this attitude when single they'd be better off.

 

[SolKane]

Do you help her with anything?

Sure, I help out with household chores, do some cooking and cleaning, take the dogs for walks, and pay for (most of) my own bills and food. My life just sucks so much right now and I'm so lonely, it feels like I'll never meet anyone. And I find myself feeling so ashamed about the misery that is my life that I've been avoiding social situations. I haven't even spoken to any of my friends in over a year because of how useless I feel.

Saving up for a house/school...?

I can't truthfully say either of those, because I already went to school and it's doubtful I'll ever be able to afford a house. After a year and 3 months of this situation I've only managed to save three thousand dollars, and that's with almost no expenses besides gas.

 

[soultron]

I cannot read.

 

[AdventureRacing]

How many of you in here will just sit around and do nothing the rest of the day?

Not the rest of the day but i will be watching a lot of SC2 today .

 

[Ulairi]

This, but im still clueless as fuck at 27. The girl im dating now actually asked me out because she got frustrated with me being too dumb to understand her hints. And im talking hints like her asking 'hey, what are you doing this saturday, im doing nothing!', with me proceeding to tell her that i, too, am not doing anything, wishing her a great saturday and walking away. Still cant believe she didnt just give up on me. :lol

I'm the same way. The first week of grad school my wife met me and tried to let me know for months she liked me before finally telling me on msn she liked me. Now that she has passed, I'll never date again.

 

[Devolution]

Sure, I help out with household chores, do some cooking and cleaning, take the dogs for walks, and pay for (most of) my own bills and food. My life just sucks so much right now and I'm so lonely, it feels like I'll never meet anyone. And I find myself feeling so ashamed about the misery that is my life that I've been avoiding social situations. I haven't even spoken to any of my friends in over a year because of how useless I feel.

Then you really don't have anything to be ashamed of, especially in this economic climate.

 

[Redux]

How many of you in here will just sit around and do nothing the rest of the day?

Going to figure out what this hype is on Games of Thrones so I'll likely be watching that all day.

You see my theme now is just moving on from TV Show to TV Show. I get hooked.

 

[Joel Was Right]

Why the self-persecution? You did nothing wrong. What would've been wrong is if you went and chatted her up and asked for her number. That's going in with intent.

You're 100% innocent. Even moreso if you're not telling your girl, "The strangest thing happened to me today. Some girl approached me and basically asked me out." It's not that you're lying to her or anything, it's just not something that she needs to know because you're A) happy with your relationship and B) not looking to play any insecurities she might have (which would be scummy and immature).

If you ever get uncomfortable or don't want to lead anyone on, just casually mention that you have a GF. "Thanks, it was great talking to you, but I've gotta go. I'm gonna be late for dinner with my girlfriend. See you later!" It might be cheese as hell -- some might even say that's arrogant -- but it clearly establishes the fact that you're taken in the most polite way possible.

Disagree. Clearly she approached him with the intent of more than just friendship, he is aware of that. Exchanging numbers regardless considering the context would be damaging if his partner were to find out. This type of scenario isn't purely measured on your [innocent] intent alone but your subscription to the interested party's intent as well.

If you think about it, this is the purpose the wedding band has; to discourage these type of approaches. Whilst not married, he is still spoken for. Same premise.

 

[Glorified G]

Gaf, I'm lost.

It never happened to me. But I was at this book store I usually go on saturdays. I went up to the first floor and this cute clerk kept staring a me. Then I went down to join a friend and we went up again. I was looking for books when the clerk came and she told me something along those lines " so I see that you come here often, if you're ok with it maybe we can learn to know each other some day.."

I'm usually super shy and I was completely taken aback, my mind when totally blank, I was even shivering lol.
Anyway I was surprised and couldn't say no, we talked a bit and exchanged our phones.

Thing is I have a girlfriend and even though nothing happened (and I didn't contacted her) I feel like I'm did something wrong.

If you are in a committed monogamous relationship, why would you be exchanging numbers with another girl? Especially if you think there is some romantic interest involved from her side. I'm sure other guys have approached your girlfriend in the past. Wouldn't you want her to say "Sorry, I have a boyfriend."?

Usually if you feel you did something wrong, you probably did.

 

[soultron]

Disagree. Clearly she approached him with the intent of more than just friendship, he is aware of that. Exchanging numbers regardless considering the context would be damaging if his partner were to find out. This type of scenario isn't purely measured on your [innocent] intent alone but your subscription to the interested party's intent as well.

If you think about it, this is the purpose the wedding band has; to discourage these type of approaches. Whilst not married, he is still spoken for. Same premise.

Wait, I must've missed the part where he got the number! :0

Whoa! I totally saw it now. Yeah, that's kind of messed up. If you just wanted to be friends with this girl, yeah, but the circumstance (not introduced through friends and/or she isn't a colleague) and her approach means she wants to go on a date with the poster.

I take back what I said. Thanks, Meus.

 

[Xun]

I've taken a lot of the advice on board, and I must say near the end of OT1 and beginning of OT2 I was making some good progress. It was a great feeling, and I truly thank you guys for helping me out in that respect.

I'm just stuck in a rut now because I had what was my worst ever year (2011), and now that college is over I'm struggling to fill the hole of what I missed during college. Most of the negativity came from the lack of interest in my career choice (which I'm still somewhat feeling now), the pressure I had put on me, and also because of something which happened at the end of the 2010 year.

My main mission at the moment is to get a job (although I fear how much time I'll have to do what I missed during college, i.e. socialise more), and quite honestly girls are not too high on my priority list. What is however is to make new friends and overcome my confidence and self-esteem issues.

I've just got to make sure I put whatever happened in the past behind me, but presently I'm struggling to do that.

Edit: This was in relation to the previous page.

 

[soultron]

My main mission at the moment is to get a job (although I fear how much time I'll have to do what I missed during college, i.e. socialise more), and quite honestly girls are not too high on my priority list. What is however is to make new friends and overcome my confidence and self-esteem issues.

I've just got to make sure I put whatever happened in the past behind me, but presently I'm struggling to do that. It'll somehow work out I'm sure...

I know this is easy to say, but have you thought about pursuing further education towards another career? Not all education has to be in the formal sense. I study additional programming languages in my spare time, for instance. I won't get any degree for it, but I don't need one when I can show I have the experience. Try to seek out a similar method for yourself? This might lead you to getting a job in a field you actually enjoy -- if the one you studied isn't truly to your liking. (Although what you studied typically doesn't have anything to do with what you'll be doing in that field, in my experience.)

It's great that you've got some goals that aren't dating. You said it yourself: you have bigger priorities. Your priorities are in the correct sequence anyhow, since it's not easy to get a girl when you have self-confidence issues.

Just remember that you're young and have plenty of time to sort yourself into the man you want to be.