ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Why are you angry?
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Why are you angry?
I get the feeling that Coconut is inflammatory as well.
Agreed. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for some anger. It was anger at a woman at first, but also at myself which resulted in some long hard looks at myself and my life in general. It was the kick in the ass I needed to turn my life round completely. It's how you act on your feelings that determine if they're good or bad.
Cold way to go.
You must...I repeat. Must go NO CONTACT.
This is imperative for you to heal. If I were you (and I was not 6 weeks ago). Go out this weekend, get boldy trashed tonight. Do it again tomorrow and tomorrow night. Wallow in hungoverness on Sunday. Pick yourself up and begin the healing process.
And to anyone that will break up with you over a text. She really...REALLY isn't worth contacting ever again. In one text she showed you exactly what she is and how she cares for you.
You are better than this. NO CONTACT.
Because I don't agree with the things you are saying? Welcome to life.
Absolutely my point.
Westbrook (I can't remember your exact username)
Anger is a universal stage of a break up (or dealing with a tramatic loss...similar stages).
When used constructively (and not ever to hurt others or your own stuff...well...maybe a lamp), it can help galvonize your feelings and get some distance fromt he situation. It can be used to inspire you.
Anybody who says anger is not a very important emotion or an emotion that can be utilized to achieve great things is limiting an incredible source of inspiration.
Count Dookkake
Member
This is not actually supported by evidence. It's one of those things like "we only use 10% of our brains."
Are you joking?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model
Slight varations with a break up, but substantially similar.
Count Dookkake
Member
Are you joking?
You should read the bit about criticism.
Thanks for supporting my claim.
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
I went from actively wanting her back to being completely pissed off thanks to all of these replies. It's a good feeling.
Now I feel as though I'm done. I'm sure the feeling will come and go but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.
Not supported by evidence does not mean the same thing as critisim of the theory.
Nonetheless, as a non-professional, my PERSONAL advice is that it is okay to be angry when used and ONLY used CONSTRUCTIVELY.
Count Dookkake
Member
Also "hypothesis."
ATTABABY!!!!! Go kick some ass.
LOL, whatever you say dude. "hypothesis" I stand corrected.
Count Dookkake
Member
But of course.
LOL
Can we get back to encouraging our fellow GAFers how they deserve better and a bit of advice on how to kick ass and not feel like shit?
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
How long did he date this woman? How serious was it? Even without that information, I have never once let a woman affect me (that wasn't my wife) so much that I got so angry as to break things around me. If they weren't a SERIOUS couple, long term relationship, I honestly don't think its normal to be so affected by a person you have dated.
After I broke up a few years ago, I cried. I mean I lived with her for like 2 years. And I was the one who broke up with her. I didn't do it infront of her it happened like a few days later. I'm hellua tough.
I find that hard to believe. Like you never were sad after a girl broke up with you or anything? Are you in touch wit hthe way you feel daily or are you just not that emotional?
I find that hard to believe. Like you never were sad after a girl broke up with you or anything? Are you in touch wit hthe way you feel daily or are you just not that emotional?
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
You lived with her and you cried. You didn't blow up and break things. I just don't think its normal nor healthy.
I hope it was clear through my posts that I NEVER advocated being angry in front of her or acting out in anyway other than to allow yourself to be angry in the confines of your own home and let it inspire you instead of running away from the emotion saying "oh, anger is bad...I shouldn't feel this way...yada yada."
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
There is a difference of being 'mad' than throwing and breaking items around you.
You may feel that way, but some other guys don't. Even if it wasn't super serious, a guy puts in the effort to make something happen and gets kicked, it is going to hurt.
Now, if it were just a few dates few weeks...yeah, ok, im with you. But if they were bf/gf, for hell, even a month or two (plus the early stages of dating), then yeah, its okay to be a bit pissed at the situation. Mostly pissed at yourself.
Of course. Agreed.
So, let's say there's a girl I've met before, we were really into one another. I know she's fantastic. She broke up with her bf recently. It's long distance (~8 hour drive). Early talk of actually moving in with me, early thinking I'd move in with her.
How should I do this. Tips? Thoughts? How long to wait before bringing any of this up seriously?
How should I do this. Tips? Thoughts? How long to wait before bringing any of this up seriously?
She recently broke up with her boyfriend. That sounds like a terrible idea.
We wouldn't be doing anything very short term. The question is how long.
To be clear I'm not talking about selling my worldly possessions, but leaving my home as it is for a while and visiting her for an extended period.
Her moving in with me... well, that's more drastic. I'd be more inclined to visit her in this way, and I want to know how long I should wait before saying something along the lines of 'would you like me to come live with you for a while'
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Tips? Don't.
I dated a girl for like a year and a half and we finally moved in together and we also lived in the same city. That time frame is like on the low end of things. People say this and it's really true you don't fully know some one until you live with them and if you have never lived with a significant other before it's a shock to the system. Why don't you guys date for like a year+ then start talking about living together
I will be the first to admit this is out of my realm of experience, but I also would take a VERY cautious approach to this.
And by cautious, I mean, not for over a year.
I do actually comprehend the difficulties in living with another person, and how you see so much more of a person. Points well taken.
But what about time frame to tell her that we should even date?
You should probably ask her out on a date first.
An update - she sent me a message saying she had a really great time. What do I do now? (Sorry to nag, not experienced with less than stellar dates)
You are not obligated to respond you went on one date that sounds shitty but true. Or you can be a gentlemen and say 'Yeah I had a good time' and leave it at that. But responding invites her to mention something about doing it again soon and slowly you get trapped.
Ok, that makes things a little tricky.
There's a few possibilities here:
A) She felt bad that it didn't go well and just wanted to be nice
B) She thought it went well and is being genuine
As far as your response....in either case, if it were ME, I would respond like so:
"Glad you had a good time." or "Glad to hear that."
And just leave it at that. It doesn't imply that YOU had a good time, just that you are glad she was happy.
IF she sees this as a positive reply and is like "wanna do something next week?"...
Then, you reply with a generic comment that makes things sound really iffy...
"Well my work schedule is pretty busy for a while, we'll have to see" or something like that. In my case, my work schedule is ALWAYS busy so this isnt a lie for me. It's just that I'll find time if I'm really interested in someone. Use whatever works for you.
If you don't respond at all, that's probably not the worst thing in the world either.
SlipperySlope
Banned
I hold no ill will toward Robin. I wish her luck in her future, which I actually said in the breakup call (to which she responded "You're making it harder. don't say thaaat!")
All anger is at myself. I'm furious. I made a series of mistakes, and am extremely pissed at them. Like, I could burn my apartment down pissed.
You don't have an hour a week of free time?
SlipperySlope
Banned
I would have to take at least an hour and a half off work, and I get paid hourly. Plus I need to stay on their good side
Yeah, I've definitely got to stay positive and cheer up!
It's always something so small that just puts a downer on me, but I have certainly been feeling happier recently (not sure why).
The job is only freelance, so at the moment I'm only working next week, but I'm sure I'll meet some cool people!
Also you worked 40 hours a week along with college? Fuck. Good to hear your social life is better now!
It really does suck getting so lost in your own thoughts, eh? Everyday my mind will say something along the lines of "You won't have time to do things when you work, no social life, no band and no more fun. It's all downhill from here!"
It's a constant drone, and it's a pain to live with. I've been coping with it better recently though.
Anyway thanks for the advice guys!
So you're telling me you work 7 days a week?
Edit: I forgot to mention, but I went out to the pub last night (like I always do on Thursday) and drank a fair amount. Although I'm still unable to approach/initiate a conversation in pubs or whatever, I was perfectly fine chatting to some girls at the bus stop.
I found it relatively easy thanks to the alcohol, but it's strange how my brain stopped overthinking when I wasn't at the pub. Without alcohol I probably wouldn't have been able to though.
Still, I felt like I'd accomplished something at least.
We've all been there. You think too much 
Sometimes I wish there was another way but alcohol to give your brain a slap in the face. As always though, it's progress in the right decision.
I went out in my hometown for the first time tonight. A long time buddy (20 years geez) took me out and it was pretty good. It wasn't that different from what I'm used to so I felt right at home apart from the lousy music. Spent time with a blonde my age that happened to have two kids so it was a good opportunity to make some new friends. I also got a free tequila shot from a girl my friend knew so I'm happy Seems like this town has parties five nights a week so I might actually get spoiled here :lol
Sometimes I wish there was another way but alcohol to give your brain a slap in the face. As always though, it's progress in the right decision.I went out in my hometown for the first time tonight. A long time buddy (20 years geez) took me out and it was pretty good. It wasn't that different from what I'm used to so I felt right at home apart from the lousy music. Spent time with a blonde my age that happened to have two kids so it was a good opportunity to make some new friends. I also got a free tequila shot from a girl my friend knew so I'm happy
Seems like this town has parties five nights a week so I might actually get spoiled here :lolJust got back. Definitely was not feeling it at all. I'm not quite she felt about it, she mentioned she was kind of nervous since she hadn't been on a date in about a year.
Her only picture on the site was kind of misleading. She was overweight (but I've seen way worse), and on top of that was kind of a "butterface". She seemed kind of boring and not really my type. She seemed to like me, and of course I was nice. I wanted to bug out after dinner, but we ended up going for ice cream, and then walking around in the game store next door to the ice cream place for a few minutes.
So I guess my next question is: If it ever comes to it, how do I let her down gently? Obviously if she doesn't bother trying to contact me, I guess I don't really need to do anything, but even then I might feel bad about just leaving it with nothing.
Her only picture on the site was kind of misleading. She was overweight (but I've seen way worse), and on top of that was kind of a "butterface". She seemed kind of boring and not really my type. She seemed to like me, and of course I was nice. I wanted to bug out after dinner, but we ended up going for ice cream, and then walking around in the game store next door to the ice cream place for a few minutes.
So I guess my next question is: If it ever comes to it, how do I let her down gently? Obviously if she doesn't bother trying to contact me, I guess I don't really need to do anything, but even then I might feel bad about just leaving it with nothing.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Another lunch date tomorrow with a new girl, I'm definitely getting the hang of OKCupid. She seems nice, hopefully we get along. I was going to suggest we go see DKR (since we're having lunch about two blocks from a theater) but now I'm not so sure...
Movies are not good for a first date. They aren't even good for a 3rd date.
They don't give either person an escape if things are going badly. You can't just get up in the middle of the movie and be like "oh ya, I forgot I have to take my trash out, cya bye thx."
You can't talk during a movie, so you can't get to know each other at all.
It's dark, and you can't even look at her and see how she's coping with you.
Lunch is perfect. Maybe think of something else afterwards to throw in the mix if things go well. Like mini golf or something low key.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Oh no, I would have suggested the movie during lunch if we were getting along very well. I know movies are terrible for a blind first date.
Don't take her to the movies. Don't. Lunch, walk in the park ice cream, coffee, anything else but the movies.
Edit: just saw your edit. Nvm than.
I know that's what you meant. And I mean don't do that either.
Even if lunch goes well, a movie after that is still a bad idea. Lunch takes what...30 min to an hour tops. So then you go and sit together in a dark room for 2 hrs where you can't talk and continue on the vibe you were headed on. It basically stops all progress you made during that brief lunch time lol.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
I know that's what you meant. And I mean don't do that either.
Even if lunch goes well, a movie after that is still a bad idea. Lunch takes what...30 min to an hour tops. So then you go and sit together in a dark room for 2 hrs where you can't talk and continue on the vibe you were headed on. It basically stops all progress you made during that brief lunch time lol.
Yeah, hm, okay, well we'll see how tomorrow goes.
Vermillion
Banned
GAF, I just made a huge mistake.
So, I was at a baseball game, leaning on the railing by the stairs. Some girl came up and stood behind me on the opposite side of the railing. Problem was, I couldn't tell her age or attractiveness, because I couldn't tell anything besides that it was (probably) a girl. I tried a quick glance, nothing. And I didn't want to stare, so I couldn't do much more than that.
So I look down and see her shoes, assume that my initial assumption was right - she's a girl. I'm thinking of saying something to hee about the game, but nothing interesting happened after that.
Game ends, and I walk away. I look back and not only does she look around my age, but she's also pretty cute. Fuck me.
Tips on how to find out what a person behind you looks like?
So, I was at a baseball game, leaning on the railing by the stairs. Some girl came up and stood behind me on the opposite side of the railing. Problem was, I couldn't tell her age or attractiveness, because I couldn't tell anything besides that it was (probably) a girl. I tried a quick glance, nothing. And I didn't want to stare, so I couldn't do much more than that.
So I look down and see her shoes, assume that my initial assumption was right - she's a girl. I'm thinking of saying something to hee about the game, but nothing interesting happened after that.
Game ends, and I walk away. I look back and not only does she look around my age, but she's also pretty cute. Fuck me.
Tips on how to find out what a person behind you looks like?
Count Dookkake
Member
This is gonna sound pretty crazy, but next time try turning around.
Don't forget to look at them, too.
Don't forget to look at them, too.
Vermillion
Banned
I wasn't trying to turn around and look at some little girl. We were the only two people there, at very close proximity. So it would be very obvious I was looking at her. And I wasn't trying to do that "walk away then look at her bullshit."
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