Hi. I've never been in this thread before. I tried reading the OP but it was kind of overwhelming. Maybe typing all this stuff out here will help me. Sorry about the length of this post.
I feel inadequate lately. The last three women I dated have all been on my mind, and not in a good way. The first one broke up with me two years ago because, she said, she didn't see herself ever getting married. She then severed all contact. Last month, I found out that she's married now.
The second one broke up with me because she wanted to be polyamorous and I didn't. We still keep in touch because of a business arrangement, and I am constantly reminded that she is currently seeing three people, one of whom is a guy who was trying to get together with her while we were still dating.
The most recent one broke up with me just over a month ago, because she felt like she wasn't 100% in it and didn't want to string me along when she wasn't ready. She wants to continue being friends, and part of me does too, but another part isn't ready. I'm also scared that hanging out with her will make me hold out hope that we'll get back together.
Last week, I was on a first date with a girl. Things seemed to be going well, until halfway through, when she told me she was sorry but she couldn't go through with it; she was still hung up on someone else and asked me to go. I did, of course, and I'm not especially attached to this girl, but it's just another rejection in a long line.
I feel like something in my head has changed in the past six months, to where I am suddenly expecting to be disappointed and/or rejected by people, and I know it's not good. I don't feel like I have anyone I can really connect with or relate to. I have two best friends since elementary school, but now both of them are married with one or more children and I can no longer truly relate to them, and we're growing apart.
My family is a long story that I won't go into, but they're not particularly supportive for various reasons.
I am 30 years old and I'm a pizza delivery guy. I'm going to school to become an accountant, but right now I have almost no money and can't afford to do social things most of the time. I feel like I don't deserve to be with a confident woman who has herself put together (and all of my exes have serious issues, which suggests to me that this is ingrained in my head somehow).
I guess that's all. If you've read this far, thank you.
Thank you for thanking me for reading it.
First off, woh, you meet like the most adventurous women ever!
I think sometimes, people learn from mistakes. So when the first woman left you for not being in the mood for marriage, maybe learnt from that. And so said yes to marriage later on. If this is true, it sucks that it had to be you that she had to learn from, but you had a good impact on someone else... maybe.
The second girl seems really wild - at least somebody very different. You got to experience something so very many people never had a chance to.
The third broke it off pretty honestly. And early. And I think it's kinda good that she did that without too much happening.
It's a sad fact that rejection sucks. But I really like that you are trying to do something with your life. Sometimes we go into relationships we think we deserve.
And I don't think that's fair. You should try and be your self, and roll the dice. It's a good girl, who is not interested in all the materialism stuff, and actually means it. So there's something to look forward to.
The other thing is that I feel, you think you are at your lowest. But hey, if [and when] a girl likes you there, then you can be assured she would like in the good times too for the right reasons.
Being yourself, isn't easy, but if you are good, and kind, and all that, I think you should be, and be deservedly happy.
I don't know if any of this is going to make you feel happy, or have any effect, but I hope that the act of writing down your worries, at the very least lightened your burden.