^ lol sorry for that. I am using his computer right now and forgot this was his login. XD
Do you have internet again at least?
But congratz on the job!
Haha, I've had the full-time hours for a few months now, but now it's more permanent. Still working in grocery stocking shelves and organizing them.. but it's actually kind of fun? lol.. I know it's not for most people, but it's low stress and slightly above minimum wage and has decent benefits (plus a discount on buying groceries). Sometimes I wonder if I'm wasting potential (because of the oh so many expectations I and others had for me in life), but other times, it feels like the flexibility and lack of stress so I can focus on hobbies is worth it.
AND YEAHH~~ MY INTERNET IS REALLY FAST (and expensive?) NOW TOO!
250mbps download/20mbps upload!! And for some reason, unlimited bandwidth right now!
In a couple of weeks I'll be trying to rescan all my old artwork and sketchbooks in like crazy so I feel I have accomplished and archived my true achievements in life: poorly drawn furry and fanart. lol
28 now and feeling much the same. Your 20's go so fast - difference is I missed out on all the fun whilst everyone else will have these cool experiences to look back on. I've never done anything exciting. Never dated, had sex or had a girlfriend. Never travelled. I just feel so empty, and it feels too late to change anything. I think about the future a lot - what, if anything, will it bring?
I've spent the last 5 years thinking of killing myself. So I guess I've never been planning for a future anyway. I've wasted so much valuable time.
Bollocks. I know you mean well, but there is no 'magical' formula that will make love happen. You can ignore the fact you've not got a girlfriend - and occupy your time with other things, and perhaps someone will come along. But doing those things isn't going to bring somebody into your life. Unless you're already doing bugger all and sitting indoors all the time - you could then argue that going out and doing things brought somebody into your life.
Being alone is only reasonable for a certain amount of time, but it weighs so heavily on you at a certain age that it's hard to ignore. Why is it that others just walk into relationships and sex so easily? Why aren't women interested in me?
What sucks the most is not getting to enjoy sex and relationships whilst I've been young and fit. Now I am about to hit 30 and feel that the 'best' years of my life are over. From here I am just going to get fatter and less attractive. If I couldn't get laid in my 20's, how am I going to do it in my 30's?
Well, I'm going to be turning 30 this year and I have definitely been spinning my wheels a whole bunch, but without feeling the depression and looking back, there's not so much judgment, but a whole.. neutral acceptance about it. I don't care about other people having fun and having great experiences as long as I feel like I did the things that brought me enjoyment (most of it being attached to the internet, videogames, and drawing and world-building creative stuff).
The Comedy Channel has a catchphrase that I really like "Time well-wasted.".
I think for a lot of us, we feel like we're not maximizing our time and energy and skills. We're just "wasting" it, wasting resources, wasting space, etc. But at some point, that's all life is: many different opportunities to SPEND your time. So it's important to have good feelings about spending your time. Even if others may categorize it as wasting, you need to judge for yourself if you enjoyed it. If you got something out of it. Did it help you relax? Did it help you cope? Were you busy struggling to survive and voila, you managed to and you're still here. If so, then it's time well-wasted.
And it's never too late to change and go and do what you feel like, what you want to, to enjoy the time and opportunity to waste it in the best of ways. It's your life after all. I don't exactly want to encourage it, but if sex is such a big thing, then go have some fun with it. Order a sex toy, engage in sexy role-play with other online curious people, even hire an escort or prostitute (not sure about the legalities in your area, but they are legal in Canada at least). If you're not hurting anyone, including yourself, then doing things for the experience and to get a feel for them is pretty okay in my book,
You don't need to spend you time thinking about ways to end you life when you can just focus on enjoying it on your own terms. I know it's difficult to shake off expectations from others or yourself that chain you down unnecessarily. Anything new is kind of scary, but scaring yourself a little sometimes is okay.
As for finding and attracting a person, well it's probably true that not everyone will find their true love or deep fulfilling relationship, as that may just be statistics. But even so, I think working on your own life and being a better person in every other area tends to make you more attractive.
And perhaps you need practice or to network with others to get more chances of creating intimate relationships. Go out and flirt, try online dating sites, build social capital and goodwill. The more lives you touch, the more likely people will touch you back. I am not sure about the pick-up artist stuff, but a lot of it has to do with building confidence and looking forward to positive results and nurturing some inner charisma and cheerleading for yourself. I consider those things magnetic traits that draws the goodwill of others to you. So maybe it's worth a look if it helps you change your mindset.
((((
