Oh, man, I would love this thread to turn into Detective-GAF at work.
A very good friend of mine is cheating on her husband and I don't know what to do...
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Oh, man, I would love this thread to turn into Detective-GAF at work.
Risible
Member
I hate the whole "snitches get stitches" culture.
That being said, do NOT tell the husband. You don't know what the deal is. You may think you do but you don't. You could be destroying lives and families for no reason. Not worth it. So she's maybe fucking some other dude? So what? It's not like she's being abusive or making off with the family finances or anything, she's just having sex with someone else. Sure it sucks, but it's not so life-threatening that you need to butt in.
I'm also getting a kind of skeezy white knight vibe off of your story as well.
That being said, do NOT tell the husband. You don't know what the deal is. You may think you do but you don't. You could be destroying lives and families for no reason. Not worth it. So she's maybe fucking some other dude? So what? It's not like she's being abusive or making off with the family finances or anything, she's just having sex with someone else. Sure it sucks, but it's not so life-threatening that you need to butt in.
I'm also getting a kind of skeezy white knight vibe off of your story as well.
OP you need to listen to me and no one else. You are leaving anyways. You have the perfect opportunity to experience a grudge fuck. Go for that. Don't say anything. Just take her to a cheap hotel, leave some kids in her vagina, and then hop on a plane back to your mother land.
cartoon_soldier
Member
Fuck no lol
What in the world is this shit?
SmokinGunZ1981
Member
This. Anonymously or not if my wife was cheating on me i'd want to know and I wouldn't care who told me.
The mind your business reasoning sounds so selfish to me.
Taking a situation about the lives of others and making it all about yourself... ignoring it entirely because you're worried about creating a messy situation and being collateral damage. It's like ignoring someone being physically attacked because you're too concerned with your own safety.
That's not to say there's a specific, one size fits all answer for these situations, like with most situations. But ignoring it entirely isn't it.
Taking a situation about the lives of others and making it all about yourself... ignoring it entirely because you're worried about creating a messy situation and being collateral damage. It's like ignoring someone being physically attacked because you're too concerned with your own safety.
That's not to say there's a specific, one size fits all answer for these situations, like with most situations. But ignoring it entirely isn't it.
Filthy Slug
Crowd screaming like hounds at the heat of the chase/ All the colors of the rainbow flood my face
If this dude is your best friend, your boy, then I'd say yea, tell him, oust the bitch. But if it ain't your best friend in the world, then don't anchor yourself to the drama that's going down.
You found out they were drunkenly flirting and wanted to ditch you--big fucking deal. Let them do what they're gonna do regardless of your heroic intervention.
You found out they were drunkenly flirting and wanted to ditch you--big fucking deal. Let them do what they're gonna do regardless of your heroic intervention.
In all my years on the internet I have never seen a woman, who have options aplenty when it comes to dating, make this type of thread. The OPs always sound jealous. If she were throwing it at OP, he wouldn't be saying anything.
Ah I misread that. The OP really should stay out of this.
You hate her for what she's done. You hold a grudge against her for it. Do you find her attractive? If you do then you need to get that grudge fuck before you hop on that plane, not knowing when you'll be back again. Once her husband finds out about the other guy they will divorce. She won't bring you up because that would hurt her even more in the court battle. You'll be the guy that got away with it.
Grudge fuck is a rare fuck situation. Take the leap.
YOU WON'T GET ANOTHER CHANCE LIKE THIS!
highrider
Banned
This is what I would do.
Fuck that, "tell him" is teh definitation of selfishness. It si bothering you so you going to shit up other people's lives? Without a whole picture? You don't know what kind of deals they got in teh bedroom? And unnless you are going to be there to pick up the pieces you should just keep your mouth shot.
meltingparappa
Member
Both of those examples are infinitely worse than cheating, in my very subjective opinion.
Worth putting it in perspective that it's a tragedy for the family perhaps indicative of something not working in their relationship, but if you take away the empathy and identifying with the husband, there's any number of worse things she could be doing to her husband that probably wouldn't inspire nearly an emotional outrage.
No one takes news of something like this well even if they end up believing it. No one wants that chair pulled out from under them. The lying I believe throws out the open marriage idea as well. If that's an agreement then there is no need to lie. Even if that's the situation I would assume lying is still something that shouldn't be done and is a breaking of trust. Anonymously would be the way to go with as much detail as you can. If only to get the wheels turning in his head. It's up to him to decide what he's going to do in the end. He should have the choice in the end if only to protect himself. Having him catch them together would be ideal.
He's already had lies told on him once it was assumed he knew. Talking to her will accomplish nothing if that was the first course of action from a good friend. Why would she care for what he has to say at that point? Talking to her is the same as not telling the husband in this case. There are no three options here just two. Do nothing and leave or inform the husband and leave like you were going anyway. With the second choice husband isn't taken advantage of or put at a disadvantage if the marriage falls apart (which it likely could anyway). It also has the possibility of saving the marriage if they want to work through it but only because he knows there is something going on and isn't kept in the dark.
The only selfish ones here are the cheating wife and other co-worker. Also it's a good possibility that others at the job know they're having an affair as well so if he husband goes asking around he's likely to get confirmation as well. That crap doesn't stay hidden.
He's already had lies told on him once it was assumed he knew. Talking to her will accomplish nothing if that was the first course of action from a good friend. Why would she care for what he has to say at that point? Talking to her is the same as not telling the husband in this case. There are no three options here just two. Do nothing and leave or inform the husband and leave like you were going anyway. With the second choice husband isn't taken advantage of or put at a disadvantage if the marriage falls apart (which it likely could anyway). It also has the possibility of saving the marriage if they want to work through it but only because he knows there is something going on and isn't kept in the dark.
The only selfish ones here are the cheating wife and other co-worker. Also it's a good possibility that others at the job know they're having an affair as well so if he husband goes asking around he's likely to get confirmation as well. That crap doesn't stay hidden.
I don't think a real friend would keep you in the dark while you're being betrayed. At the heart of friendship is honesty, the truth. If you don't tip your friend off then you don't have his back.
So if the husband is a true friend of the OP, then he should know. Write him a letter and mail it before you leave. Something like that.
The marriage is already ruined if she's cheating. Hiding it from him is actually making his life worse, because he's wasting time with someone that doesn't love him and he could be using this time to find someone that does. It will also give him the opportunity to get tested.
If the relationship is open, nothing bad will happen because he already knows. No harm done.
General Choomin
Banned
The day before you leave tell her husband by going "oh btw your wife is totally cheating on you" then go back to India. It's the best way to burn your bridges.
Also by not speaking out it means you condone cheating.
Also by not speaking out it means you condone cheating.
Don't confront her, because honestly, what good would that do? She's going to suddenly come to her senses when she's found some man-candy to savor as a vacation from her marriage? You're that great a friend that she would remember her vows and become a chaste and faithful wife and mother and leave her little mistakes hidden in her past?
Anonymous tip to the husband to check on his wife the next time they're off and at it. Make sure you are completely out of the loop. It may not be your business, but it's certainly his. And let him handle his business while you stay out of it, and don't leave the country unless you really want to. You're not the one screwing around.
There's always one "enlightened" motherfucker trying to iceskate uphill.
People are imaginging that he pulls out a shotgun and kills his family, but what will probably happen is he'll be proactive about ending the marriage, or saving his marriage, instead of living a lie that he might one day discover on his own. She wasn't even trying to hide it from you.
Anonymous tip to the husband to check on his wife the next time they're off and at it. Make sure you are completely out of the loop. It may not be your business, but it's certainly his. And let him handle his business while you stay out of it, and don't leave the country unless you really want to. You're not the one screwing around.
There's always one "enlightened" motherfucker trying to iceskate uphill.
People are imaginging that he pulls out a shotgun and kills his family, but what will probably happen is he'll be proactive about ending the marriage, or saving his marriage, instead of living a lie that he might one day discover on his own. She wasn't even trying to hide it from you.
That is why we investigate.
Tell him is just being a nice person really. And if she is cheating, she kind of shitted her own life up.
Thats like blaming the guy who called the police on a robbery for getting the robbers in trouble.
They doesn't really make that thing not bad, that just makes all those things terrible.
If he was doing it solely because he felt he was guilty, sure, it'd be selfish. But still, that's a selfishness that I think some people (especially those who are wronged) would appreciate.
Whatever else is going in the relationship is irrelevant. The husband has a right to know this specific information regardless of anything else.
He doesn't have to be there to pick up the pieces - the mess started when she opened her legs, not if/when the OP opens his mouth. Of course it would be the nice thing to do but the husband probably has others that he can rely on.
HarryHengst
Member
Tell him, clearly she doesnt care because she keeps doing it even though she knows you found out. Also, wouldnt you want to know if your SO cheats on you?
Some people in open relationships don't want everyone to know they are in an open relationship.
There is a chance the husband knows. In a lot of the cases the spouse knows but chooses to do nothing about it for whatever reason. There is a guy I know through a friend who has cheated on his wife like a fiend with literally 10+ different women and if you look at his wife's FB they are the very picture of a happy family with 3 kids and a nice house. They have b-day parties and it is all smiles and she goes on and on and about his nice anniversary present she got him. People who know them at work think they are just perfect.
I know for a fact she knows he is cheating, they have been in serious marriage counseling for 2+ years and the marriage is just kind of a shell.
No matter how well you know people or think you know people, you never know what is going on in a relationship for absolute, 100% sure. You just do not know whether he knows, whether he is carrying on the same way behind her back, etc.
I am not saying not to tell him. I am not saying to tell him. But if this is really going on hot and heavy he will find out eventually, and I don't think him coming across a random text message is going to be any better or worse than you sending an anon email.
I know for a fact she knows he is cheating, they have been in serious marriage counseling for 2+ years and the marriage is just kind of a shell.
No matter how well you know people or think you know people, you never know what is going on in a relationship for absolute, 100% sure. You just do not know whether he knows, whether he is carrying on the same way behind her back, etc.
I am not saying not to tell him. I am not saying to tell him. But if this is really going on hot and heavy he will find out eventually, and I don't think him coming across a random text message is going to be any better or worse than you sending an anon email.
hey_monkey
Banned
Doesn't sound like proof, and unless the texts said something like THAT TIME YOU WERE BONE DEEP IN MY BIZ, it could be a weird friendship or even emotional affair. The wife sounds like a shit, but that's filtered through OP's perspective. Would not tell. Talk to her at most.
I just don't think it's worth possibly wrecking someone else's life on a suspicion. Also without knowing their situation. Though I would say her missing events and getting blackout drunk are worse than possibly fucking around. Lots of people cheat without hurting relationships. It's not a pretty fact, but there it is. Neglecting self and family is different, though.
I just don't think it's worth possibly wrecking someone else's life on a suspicion. Also without knowing their situation. Though I would say her missing events and getting blackout drunk are worse than possibly fucking around. Lots of people cheat without hurting relationships. It's not a pretty fact, but there it is. Neglecting self and family is different, though.
While I agree that such a mentality should be the norm (which I'm sure will be considered extreme even according to Gaf standards) - you need to realize that the husband does not expect such behavior from his wife. He did not marry her thinking casual sex with others will be okay in this relationship. They did not agree mutually to an open relationship.
If this was the other way around, with the husband cheating on the wife, I don't think many people would be supporting not telling the wife.
If OP was me, since both of them are my friends, I still wouldn't tell the husband. I'd just approach the wife, tell her what she is doing is wrong (if the husband isn't in the know and they aren't practicing some alternative swinging lifestyle), and if she doesn't stop, I'll tell the husband. And if she wants to continue another relationship, then she needs to initiate a divorce.
She's daring you, soldier. She looks into your eyes and believes you to be a coward. She spreads rumors about you in an attempt to preemptively discredit you. The gauntlet has been thrown and an oblivious family hangs in the balance.
Seriously, that skipping out on her kid's functions for some extramarital dick part is the epitome of asshole shit.
Seriously, that skipping out on her kid's functions for some extramarital dick part is the epitome of asshole shit.
Anyways, if she is already poisoning your reputation at work, she's already doing the same with her husband, too.
So by the time you present this 'information' to him, he's going to think you're just some crazy, jealous guy that is trying to bully her and ruin her life. His protective instincts are going to kick in and he's going to be pissed at you instead of thanking you.
This is why you don't get involved.
So by the time you present this 'information' to him, he's going to think you're just some crazy, jealous guy that is trying to bully her and ruin her life. His protective instincts are going to kick in and he's going to be pissed at you instead of thanking you.
This is why you don't get involved.
Ya why not..gotta talk to her to make sure she's at least using protection and won't give me STDs.
It depends on whether or not you're friends with the husband. If you are then you should tell him IF you first confront your good friend and see what she has to say. If you're not friends with the husband then stay out of it. You're obviously upset because you're uprooting everything because of it.
Keep it clean. He knows, but he dunno where he got his info from. Wife suspects you, but you are innocent, what's she going to do? Spread more rumors? You don't even hang out with her like that anymore, you barely talk to her, or see her, so people will think she's acting strangely.
Anonymous info drop on husbando. You have his email address. Anonymize that shit.
I only say that because, you confront her, it's going to be like the drug addict at the intervention. You'll hear everything you want to hear, and in her head she'll be thinking she needs to cool it because you're going to be a threat to her marriage. Not thinking she's doing the wrong thing and needs to stop because it isn't fair to her husband, but that she's going to get narced on by her lame co-worker. And once you're gone, opportunity will come knock the bottom out of her again.
Anonymous info drop on husbando. You have his email address. Anonymize that shit.
I only say that because, you confront her, it's going to be like the drug addict at the intervention. You'll hear everything you want to hear, and in her head she'll be thinking she needs to cool it because you're going to be a threat to her marriage. Not thinking she's doing the wrong thing and needs to stop because it isn't fair to her husband, but that she's going to get narced on by her lame co-worker. And once you're gone, opportunity will come knock the bottom out of her again.
Fury Sense
Member
When the friend is the victim, everyone encourages spilling the beans... When the friend is the perpetrator, everyone says to fuck off. Kinda funny how that works.
That's not 100% sure. That's not even 50% sure. That's flirting.
This is also the possibility. Which is why waiting until the OP leaves isn't a bad idea either just to be sure and protect yourself. That she is willing to spread lies is the massive red flag here and why direct confrontation shouldn't be done. Why talking to her about it is worthless as well.
That's a pretty legitimate concern. I really don't get the whole "It's not your business" attitude. No matter what happens, people are going to get hurt.
Solideliquid
Member
I'm not saying I'd have an affair, but I do understand why it happens. And face it, it does happen. Again, we don't know what's going on. Maybe they are on the verge of a divorce and this affair is what's keeping one of them in the relationship which is more beneficial for the kids.
Telling the OP to tell the husband is the absolutely wrong thing to do. If he feels uncomfortable with the situation he should move on and find new friends to play with that share his moral altitude. And that's what everyone here that's advocating telling the husband needs to do.
Not telling the husband is what's morally wrong IMO.
cartoon_soldier
Member
Umm...check your PMs
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