A very good friend of mine is cheating on her husband and I don't know what to do...

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jgmo870 said:
It's like ignoring someone being physically attacked because you're too concerned with your own safety.
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What's wrong with that? And that situation is not even the greatest comparison because you can call the police for that. I don't know if you would call 911 to report infidelity.

Anyways, if OP is concerned about the fallout, don't tell, but I would stop being friends with the cheater woman and the other coworker guy. You can be judgmental and picky about who you associate with on a friendly basis.
 
Let him know anonymously. Smh at the "mind your own business" responses. You guys have some serious moral issues.

FreeMufasa said:
Don't be a snitch.

What if u were hanging out with some chick (or even cheating) and some rat told your SO.
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What then? Then you get what you deserve bro.

Snitches need to fuck off and get a life
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Cheaters need to fuck off and take responsibility for their actions.
 
FreeMufasa said:
Don't be a snitch.

What if u were hanging out with some chick (or even cheating) and some rat told your SO.

Snitches need to fuck off and get a life
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You know the rules. The rule. The only rule. Don't get caught. If that happens, all bets are off. Expecting people to keep your secret via some anti-snitch code is a mark's game. If you roll the dice, don't come up snake-eyes. She already tried to singe OP at work, so what does he owe her? Nada.

The only benefit of not saying anything is keeping the dirt off of his suit. And he can do that anyway.
 
CodonAUG said:
If she actually is cheating, tell her that you know and that you will tell the husband if she doesnt.
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The_Dilemma_Poster.jpg
 
I've had several friendly co-workers brag to me about cheating their wives, often with our other coworkers. It's tough, but thankfully I only see their better halves two to three times a year.

I had a hard time dealing with it initially but after a while I just stopped being as close as I was with them. Perfectly professional still of course, but I just let things drift apart. I'm not sure how you could do that being part of a dream team of 3 like you described but I am also excited and happy for your decision to man your successful family business.

Kudos and focus on the good people in your life. You seem to have good values but at the same time you should realize your own limits. You don't have enough time and energy to meddle and put yourself into solving other people's relationships.
 
003OSC_Craig_Kilborn_001.jpg
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What are you gonna do? Tell on me? You know you can't, buddy. It's guy code. That's something chicks do. You're not a chick, are you? OK. Good talk. I'll see you out there.
 
I don't know the husband in this scenario, so I won't do anything. I don't have the full picture. I don't know if they have open relationship. Plus I don't mess with co-workers personal shit like that.
 
Well your first mistake is being friends with a co-worker.

Now you are pretty much screwed no matter what you say.

Either stay out of it or decide to stick up for the guy being cheated on.
 
Sub_Level said:
What's wrong with that? And that situation is not even the greatest comparison because you can call the police for that. I don't know if you would call 911 to report infidelity.

Anyways, if OP is concerned about the fallout, don't tell, but I would stop being friends with the cheater woman and the other coworker guy. You can be judgmental and picky about who you associate with on a friendly basis.
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Calling the police is not ignoring somebody being physically attacked.

It ties in with the "there's no one size fits all answer".
 
If you are 100% absolutely sure, confront the wife first. If that's a no go, confront the husband. Cheating should never be hand waved as "none of your business" especially if you're that close with the family.
 
All I know is if my girlfriend (much less a wife) was cheating on me, I'd want someone to tell me. Fuck cheaters and those that protect them.
 
OP, I get the feeling that you were attracted to her as well and wanted to swoop in, yet were devastated when another man beat you to the punch.
 
The amount of "could be open marriage" posts are hilarious. How many couples do you people really think have open marriages? The vast, vast marjority of the time people are traditional. It's got to be such a statistical outlier that's it's pointless to even consider the idea.
 
cartoon_soldier said:
I am leaving work and the US and going back to India this December. I realized it was not possible for me to continue working with these two people knowing what was going on and instead of trying to find a new job while on Green Card processing, I could go home and look after our family business.

She knows, I know about the affair and she is continuing with it because she doesn't believe I would tell anyone.

I don't know whether I should tell her Husband or not. On one hand, it would seem like I should stay out of it. On another hand, if my wife (future) was taking advantage of my trust in her this way and someone knew about it I would want them to tell me.

What do you say GAF?
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Wait, you're seriously leaving your job and going back to your country partially because your friends fuck each other behind their spouse's backs?

Uh... dude, it's not a big deal. It happens. That's life. People fuck, and sometimes they fuck those whom they're not supposed to.
 
Right or wrong, the mind your own business responses are hilariously hive mindish, no justification ever, no tact, no critical thinking or signs of understanding to the specific situation. It's just like the snitches get stitches bullshit. Read the Goddamn post.
 
cartoon_soldier said:
Not up front. But we both know what is going on, and she hasn't stopped. I have also realized subsequently, she may not have been the person who I thought she was all along. When she realized I knew about this, lies were spread about me to a few people around the office.
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If she's starting to spread bad rumors about you around the office, now that's your problem. You tell the husband.
 
I want to know your real motive for wanting to tell anyone. Is it because you like her and she chose to bang another co-worker instead of you? Are you jealous that she used to be your "work wife" but is now this other guys "work wife"? I feel like there's something you aren't telling us. As there usually is with threads like this.
 
-COOLIO- said:
Right or wrong, the mind your own business responses are hilariously hive mindish, no justification ever, no tact, no critical thinking or signs of understanding to the specific situation. It's just like the snitches get stitches bullshit. Read the Goddamn post.
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I hope I never befriend someone like that.

Clegg said:
You're going to be told to mind your own business.

I say fuck that. Tell the husband. He deserves to know the truth.
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This.

We get this exact thread every few months and you get people repeating the same thing.

Put your self in the persons shoes. If you were being cheated on, would you want to know?

Tell them. Don't be an asshole like people are suggesting.
 
ToxicAdam said:
Has absolutely nothing to gain from passing along this information.

So, why even expose yourself to this situation and the incredible drama it could cause if you have one foot out the door already? There is only bad that can come from him inserting himself into it (as is already the case with all the bad-mouthing he is currently receiving).
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Because it's the nice thing to do, for the husband. It may seem crazy to you, but sometimes people do things to help other people, even if they have "absolutely nothing to gain" for themselves.

Charitable actions are hard enough to come by as is. So when someone comes to GAF asking for advice on whether or not to help his friend, why in the world are some people actively trying to dissuade him from doing the charitable thing? Yeah, the drama will suck, it's a sacrifice, he has nothing to gain. Good! We need more charity like that!
 
:lol at the 'what do you get out of it' people.

Fucking depressing how so many people expect a reward for being a decent human being.
 
PogiJones said:
Because it's the nice thing to do, for the husband. It may seem crazy to you, but sometimes people do things to help other people, even if they have "absolutely nothing to gain" for themselves.

Charitable actions are hard enough to come by as is. So when someone comes to GAF asking for advice on whether or not to help his friend, why in the world are some people actively trying to dissuade him from doing the charitable thing? Yeah, the drama will suck, it's a sacrifice, he has nothing to gain. Good! We need more charity like that!
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Pogi...

I have something to tell you...
 
Throw her under bus.


Fuck assholes, they need to get called out. This comes from an asshole that was once in that situation.
 
NoLoveForFailWheelDrive said:
Wait, you're seriously leaving your job and going back to your country partially because your friends fuck each other behind their spouse's backs?

Uh... dude, it's not a big deal. It happens. That's life. People fuck, and sometimes they fuck those whom they're not supposed to.
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That tends to be shit mindset with a lot of things, and this thing is probably included
 
Get a throwaway e-mail account on live, yahoo or gmail and write him a mail anonymously. But he might think that this is some sick joke and they might be able to figure out who you are because of the workplace intercommunity between you, her and the other guy. So, an eye to eye talk might be the best solution.

I know I would wanted somebody to tell my if I was in the shoes of that guy
 
See, I DON'T think telling is the "nice thing to do." He does not seem to have real proof. Again, she seems like an ass, but cheating? Maybe, but maybe just a flirt with a drinking problem and weird texts.

Not too long ago, someone did the anonymous-note thing to my sister-in-law and told her her husband was cheating. After months of investigating and freaking out and trying to confront him, it turned out it wasn't true. Or if it is, he's got that shit locked down (but I really believe it wasn't true; he was going through some mental issues/depression and acting different). They almost got divorced (it was to they point they were both talking to lawyers). Why? Because of someone's suspicions or someone's desire to stir up trouble. Not the first time I've seen that kind of thing happen, either. Lives almost destroyed, kids messed up, just because someone had a suspicion and felt it was their moral obligation to act on it.

Unless you know... you don't know.
 
cartoon_soldier said:
If my wife (future) was taking advantage of my trust in her this way and someone knew about it I would want them to tell me.
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I say you tell the guy. The sooner the better. He will eventually find out himself, and it will only get worse in time.

Don't listen to the other posters. If he is a decent person, he does not deserve this. The truth will always set us free.
 
Enco said:
:lol at the 'what do you get out of it' people.

Fucking depressing how so many people expect a reward for being a decent human being.
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Starting shit and ruining lives when you don't have concrete evidence is not being a decent human being. It's quite the opposite actually.

Then, not physically being there to accept the backlash of your actions is even more cowardly.
 
If you have full proof, tell her husband. I sure as shit know if my wife was doing this I would want to know, and anyone here who says they wouldn't is in flat out denial. You sure as fuck would want to know if you were in his shoes.
 
How do you know for sure they're having an affair? The only thing I read in the OP is that they ditched you one night but even that is not 100% proof in itself unless you physically saw them in the act or she flat out told you.

If you do have irrefutable proof beyond "they ditched me one day and it looked kinda suspicious", then confront her about it and tell her she's a piece of shit. Fuck this "mind your business" mentality, you call friends out when they're being assholes over anything. Who cares if you're "not getting anything out of it", you can't in good conscience go about your business pretending like nothing's wrong. If she repeatedly doesn't budge or is a total jerk about you calling her out on it then tell her husband. Shit's unacceptable.
 
-COOLIO- said:
Right or wrong, the mind your own business responses are hilariously hive mindish, no justification ever, no tact, no critical thinking or signs of understanding to the specific situation. It's just like the snitches get stitches bullshit. Read the Goddamn post.
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Or maybe some people just think their place isn't in the affairs of a husband and wife. Maybe she'll come clean on her own and the trust will have a much better chance of being built up again as opposed to if some dude outside the relationship says something. Maybe he already knows. Maybe she'll straighten up and this can be swept under the rug indefinitely. It's really a case of someone feeling a blow to their own personal sense of right and wrong and feeling obligated to interfere in a very personal relationship that they are not a part of and have no clue of the dynamics just to ease their conscience and right what they see as a wrong in the most naive and simple way possible.
 
cartoon_soldier said:
if my wife (future) was taking advantage of my trust in her this way and someone knew about it I would want them to tell me.
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shinobi602 said:
Tell her husband. I sure as shit know if my wife was doing this I would want to know, and anyone here who says they wouldn't is in flat out denial. You sure as fuck would want to know if you were in his shoes.
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But would you want that if you were the one cheating?

Real question, who's needs are more important here?

Playing devil's advocate btw.
 
Did you see them cheating to know for sure it's going on? Do you know for sure that neither is in an open relationship?

You need to consider, before you go riding in on your white horse, that some people have a different set of sexual ethics than you do.
 
If you consider the husband a friend, he deserves to be told. Friends are supposed to look out for each other and it sounds like you're not interested in the wife's friendship anymore anyway.
 
shinobi602 said:
If you have full proof, tell her husband. I sure as shit know if my wife was doing this I would want to know, and anyone here who says they wouldn't is in flat out denial. You sure as fuck would want to know if you were in his shoes.
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Pretty much this. You have to be 100% sure before you drop a bomb like this on a family. IT is going to be devastating no matter what.
 
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