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Amazon Customer Lists: Never will you find such a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

D

DDayton

(more a nerd than a geek)
I was browsing Amazon, looking for some gaming deals, when I stumbled across Dan's "Listmania" customer list cheerfully entitled "Why GameCube Games Suck, and are for little kids". I found it rather amusing, in a weird way. Highlights include:

- Loz Wind Waker: "Omg what a lame game. I loved Ocarina of time, but cmon this is terrible. Graphics are SOOOO bad. Gameplay is terrible. And worst of all, u can tell easily, its made for a little kid."

- Metroid Prime: "The easiest FPS game ever made. U click ur left trigger and HOME on to enemies. HOW HARD! Again another terible nintendo game, and hey!? made for little kids!!!"

- Super Smash Bros. Melee: "hmmm a fighting game. With about 4 moves a player. nice job. oh and i like how conveniantly the Z button is placed. If u little kids reading dont understand, IM BEING SARCASTIC"
(I'm rather fond of this one, actually. Notice the clever way he uses sarcasm to make his point.)

Now, lest you think that our buddy Dan is a bit one sided or biased, it should be mentioned that he left contact information so that folks could discuss the merits of the GameCube and Nintendo's policies with him. "This is just for questions. If u want to argue plz do. I love to win easily against u little kids. Im me on AOL instant messenger at kilik327 or on yahoo at its_a_wooden_pickle. TTYL ALL. DONT BUY GC"

Has anyone else found amusing "wishlists" or "consumer guides" like this one? I'm sure there have to be some anti-Xbox and PS2 ones out there.
 
W

Wario64

works for Gamestop (lol)
He must be over 12 years old if he cares about posting negative comments about Nintendo products
 
D

DarkGiygas

Member
These are good:

dan's comments:
wow a tiny memory card costs alot. U can save about 3 games on it. oops time to buy another card!! Yay lets waste more money!!

dan's comments:
Wow 2002 the LATEST GC nba game. Poor sales? Bad game. nintendo cant make sports games, they suck thats why they stopped. Try to make a good sports game there nintendo u suck.

2002 is the latest, meaning NBA Street Vol.2 came out in 2001.
 
C

cabel

Member
I totally couldn't help myself -- he put his AIM name on the Amazon list. Maybe someone else will find this amusing?

And remember, if you ever need expert game advice: KILIK327 is waiting.

---

AIM IM with kilik327 / 3:43 PM
cabel: HEY DUDE WASSUP??? LOL
cabel: r u there or what c'mon stop screwin' it off
kilik327: once i start i cant stop
cabel: hahaha
cabel: dudes i hav. some serious GAMECUBE questions for you k??? saw your amazon list!!!
kilik327: o u saw the
kilik327: why gamecube sucks
kilik327: list
kilik327: on amazon?>
cabel: yes!!!
kilik327: IT SUCKS ASS
cabel: yes, i totally got that
kilik327: well what r these questions
cabel: SO LIKE u SAY GRAPHICS WORSE than PS2 R U SURE?
kilik327: i never said that
kilik327: i said
kilik327: the graphics
kilik327: are a bare minimum upgrafde
kilik327: from the ps2
cabel: oh, an upgrafde
kilik327: yes,
kilik327: bare upgrade
cabel: ok, i guess when you said "almost as bad as the ps2 if not worse", i thought that meant, almost as bad if not worse
cabel: K NXT QUESTION
kilik327: thats what it means
kilik327: stupid fuck
cabel: hey!!
kilik327: ITS ALMOST AS BAD AS THE PS2'S GRAPHICS
cabel: i'm your friend!! <3 <3 <3
kilik327: there r some games that have worse
cabel: i just hv questions thinking about XBOX purchase!!
kilik327: get the xbox
kilik327: im ur man about video games
kilik327: i play them all, and get all the shit for um
cabel: ok, nxt question, how much do u weigh? also does the xbox have any kind of "online connectivity"?
kilik327: asking "online connectivity"?
cabel: ys, can you play online, also how much do you weigh
kilik327: when i stated live about 20 times thruout the hole thing
cabel: ohhhh!!!
kilik327: u need to know my wieght?
kilik327: and that does what for getting a box or ps2?
cabel: that's what "live" is, i thought that was maybe a code-word for something
kilik327: live is online for xbox
kilik327: over 70 games, will be over i think about 130 by the end of the year
cabel: wow!! (also i base a lot of decisions on weight.) OK ALSO NEXT Q: does the XBOX have any games with skeletons, maybe ones that have rocket launchers and/or linebacker buddies or zombie linebackers?!?
kilik327: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
kilik327: what game r u talking about
cabel: ok sorry for confusion i just really love skeletons especially ones with pals that are linebackers, maybe they are friends in the locker room but once they leave they cannot be friends u know????
cabel: ok nvr mind next queston!!
kilik327: dude ur such a fag
cabel: i think i am warming up to the xbox!!!!!@!
cabel: you say "made for little kids"!!!! about metroid prime, buttt....
kilik327: im guessing ur a 10 year old faggot who plays the gamecube
kilik327: prime is made for kids
kilik327: called lock on fps
kilik327: easy as fuck
cabel: I actually found the game to be one of the most atmospheric, amazing games I've ever played -- the level design, the details, the stunning sound, every room felt like it was given an incredible amount of detail and love. Furthermore, the game takes even experienced gamers many hours to complete even despite the lock-on, which leads me to believe it's not exactly "easy as fuck". So, my question is, have you played the game? And if not, how can you viably critique it?
cabel: also im no faggot dude
kilik327: u see we have a better game for xbox
kilik327: fps its called halo
cabel: "halo"?????? tell me more!
kilik327: i have played it, and its easy
kilik327: ever heard of the guy who beat it in 1 hour and 30 min?
cabel: so if halo is easy why do you like it better????? OH WAIT YOU MEAN METROID[/b]
kilik327: u see with halo, u aim with ur right thunmb stick
kilik327: takes somewhat of talent,
kilik327: not hitting the left trigger and homing on to stupid enemies
cabel: wait a minute, this guy can beat a "legendary" halo level in 6 minutes and 8 seconds
cabel: http://halo.bungie.org/oldnews.html?item=9935
cabel: that sounds fucking easy to me man
kilik327: have u played the game?
kilik327: MAN
cabel: so the whole games takes maybe 45 minutes???
kilik327: no, lmao
kilik327: theres about 15 HUGE stages
kilik327: and u see ppl seem to like halo better since its the number 5 selling game of all time
kilik327: ty
cabel: OH THAT totally reminds me does XBOX have "ty the tasmanian tiger" game???
kilik327: um no thanks god
kilik327: KIDS GAME
cabel: shit cocks
kilik327: u stupid fuck
cabel: OMG LOOOOOLLLL ur right
kilik327: but it does have RARE
kilik327: conkers
kilik327: perfect dark
cabel: RARE, they made "ANTICIPATION" right? Is XBOX ANTICIPATION and/or TABOO out??
kilik327: u see i like playing games that are challenging
cabel: oh like football
kilik327: um rare made perfect dark and conker games
kilik327: idito
kilik327: learn to read
cabel: oh got it
kilik327: challenging
kilik327: ike ninja gaiden
cabel: jessssss s yur so mean
kilik327: ur a little fucking idiot
kilik327: jessss
cabel: "jessssss" indeed. HEY HERE'S Q if the GAMECUBE is for children why will it have Resident Evil 4 and not XBOX??!?!? totally good one eh?
kilik327: RE games suck dude
kilik327: its the 1 game serious not for kids
cabel: oh, i didn't realize that
kilik327: and i said ALL NINTENDO GAMES were kids games
kilik327: learn again to read
cabel: Isn't "Eternal Darkness", also published by Nintendo, also a very adult game? OH SORRY MAYBE IM WRONG
kilik327: o really?
kilik327: its violent?
kilik327: its teen
kilik327: not mature
cabel: OHHHHHHHH
cabel: That's true!
cabel: Except you're wrong.
kilik327: no im not
cabel: I'll give you $5 and a RIM JOB if you're right
cabel: It's rated "M".
kilik327: m for mommys only?
kilik327: ahahahhaah
cabel: http://www.ebgames.com/ebx/product/212489.asp
cabel: OOPS LOOKS TOTALLY LIKE AN "M"
kilik327: and whats ur point? 1 game thats for adults?
kilik327: WOW
cabel: No, my point is "two", and you said "one".
kilik327: 1 game that gc has thats good
cabel: BUT WHATEVR
cabel: SERIOUS QUESTION COMING UP
kilik327: ur such a moron, well what can i say, u own a gamecube and play kiddy fucking mario games
cabel: I totally like this girl in class, and i seriously touched her upper pink section one time but now she won't talk to me bcuz i told and also she punched my pants once, real hard, it's really hurting, what should i do?!?
kilik327: good one!!!
cabel: i'm being totally serious
cabel: it really hurts
cabel: i don't know who to talk to
cabel: my parents are divorced, and... it's really hard
kilik327: u see micrsoft makes over 50 million $ a year from live alone
kilik327: i dont give a fuck
kilik327: fuck u
cabel: WHOAH $50 MILLION A YEAR
cabel: i could buy a lot of LAFFY TAFFY with that!#!@!
kilik327: um well u can buy a shit load of laffy taffies lol
cabel: nice
cabel: wait how do they make $50 million so much money!!
cabel: how many subscribers again? I forget things i have a serious medical condition
kilik327: 50 mil is alot dude
kilik327: over 1 million
kilik327: thats a fuck load for a console online service dude3
cabel: 1 million subscribers x $50 each = $50 million!!!!!
kilik327: nice u can do math
cabel: So, if one were to sum up your argument, it would be that "If a game isn't rated 'M', it's no good. Xbox has many games rated 'M'."
cabel: Yes?
kilik327: um no... u see i dont want to pay money to collect fucking coins
kilik327: or pay 50$ for mario kart
cabel: WHOAH MY GRANDPA COLLECTS COINS
kilik327: when i could get project gotham
cabel: he has a 1921 knickerbocker rare mint
kilik327: a realistic racing game
cabel: is that a gamecube game?!?
kilik327: yeah its probly worth more than nintendo company
kilik327: aaahahh
cabel: SNAAAAAAAAAPP
kilik327: well since ur just being a moron, find someone who wants to talk about games
kilik327: peace
cabel: so have u played mario kart???
cabel: dude i just want to learn
cabel: please teach me
cabel: ...please? i think i love you
kilik327 has gone offline.

-Cabel The "idito"
 
M

Mister Zimbu

Member
cabel: RARE, they made "ANTICIPATION" right? Is XBOX ANTICIPATION and/or TABOO out??
cabel: oh like football
kilik327: um rare made perfect dark and conker games
kilik327: idito
kilik327: learn to read
Click to expand...

Will you marry me?
 
C

cabel

Member
Musashi Wins! said:
ooooof....put two extreme fannies together and we all lose.
Click to expand...

Better than putting two extreme trannies together -- now that's a mess. Especially in Thailand.

(Hopefully you noticed that most of what I typed was intended to be ridiculous. :))
 
U

Uno Ill Nino

Banned
Ah dude that had me laughing out loud pretty hard. The shit about the skeletons and stuff was fucking awesome. That little wang gives Xbox owners a real bad name. Oh well.
 
G

Gazunta

Member
cabel said:
cabel: OH THAT totally reminds me does XBOX have "ty the tasmanian tiger" game???
kilik327: um no thanks god
kilik327: KIDS GAME
cabel: shit cocks
Click to expand...

228393.jpg


:) Great work Cabel. :)
 
E

evilromero

Member
It's great cause people constantly badmouth Nintendo but the same people want them to go third party. I'll never understand that.
 
A

Acrylamid

Member
cabel said:
cabel: you say "made for little kids"!!!! about metroid prime, buttt....
...
cabel: I actually found the game to be one of the most atmospheric, amazing games I've ever played -- the level design, the details, the stunning sound, every room felt like it was given an incredible amount of detail and love. Furthermore, the game takes even experienced gamers many hours to complete even despite the lock-on, which leads me to believe it's not exactly "easy as fuck". So, my question is, have you played the game? And if not, how can you viably critique it?
Click to expand...
It's amazing that you jump from one writing style to the the exact opposite between two consecutive answers and 'kilik327' doesn't even notice it. :)
 
DCX

DCX

DCX
We should have a daily chat log with that ass crack. I think it would be funny as hell.

DCX
 
D

drohne

hyperbolically metafictive
boy, you sure showed that, uh...preteen with a learning disability. that'll teach him to step to the nintendo massive. RESPECK.
 
D

dog$

Hates quality gaming
GAF: We need to talk about Nintendo so much that we will import Anti-Nintendo stupidity from other online domains.
 
C

Chrono

Banned
evilromero said:
It's great cause people constantly badmouth Nintendo but the same people want them to go third party. I'll never understand that.
Click to expand...



My theory is that they fear Nintendo. That's right. They hate them but recognize their power and feel insecure as long as they are in the industry innovating. Also, a lot maybe want a gamecube but can't buy it so they try to make themselves feel better by bashing it. Or, they want to buy it but fear the social repercussions of buying "teh GHEY CUb3." :p


oh and +1000 cabel. That was great. :)
 
F

Flynn

Member
I was gonna post that Dan's father touched his butthole, but I think Cabel's chatlog totally outclassed me.
 
Norse

Norse

Member
That entire conversation did more to damage nintendo followers, than anything.

That's some embarrassing crap there. Looked like two 12 yr olds talking and one seemed a sissy. Up to you to decide which one it was.
 
C

Chrono

Banned
Norse said:
That's some embarrassing crap there. Looked like two 12 yr olds talking and one seemed a sissy. Up to you to decide which one it was.
Click to expand...

cabel was not being serious....

That entire conversation did more to damage nintendo followers, than anything.
Click to expand...

Could you elaborate please? :)
 
J

Justin Bailey

------ ------
Norse said:
That entire conversation did more to damage nintendo hating idots, than anything.

That's some embarrassing crap there. Looked like two 12 yr olds talking and one was serious. Up to you to decide which one it was.
Click to expand...
Fixed.
 
T

T-1000_Model3

Banned
The guy who instant messaged this kid is just as much as fanboy as that kid was. Seriousl,why even bother contacting him,don't you have someting better to do with your time? Why would someone care what someone says about a company? Maybe its time to take off the Nintendo powerglove and just play the games without having a fit over someones opinions at Amazon. This is borderline pathetic.
 
J

Justin Bailey

------ ------
T-1000_Model3 said:
The guy who instant messaged this kid is just as much as fanboy as that kid was. Seriousl,why even bother contacting him,don't you have someting better to do with your time? Why would someone care what someone says about a company? Maybe its time to take off the Nintendo powerglove and just play the games without having a fit over someones opinions at Amazon. This is borderline pathetic.
Click to expand...
Gimmie a friggin' break.

People do pranks on unsuspecting morons all the time over IM, and they're funny. Do you have the same criticism for the guys at SA when they pull the same exact thing? I hope not.
 
F

Fifty

Member
People argue over useless shit all the time on GA. It's a fact of life here.....Cabel turned it into a joke, nothing wrong with that.
 
T

T-1000_Model3

Banned
Jesus Christ some of you are the laziest fucks I've seen. Type the word out instead of spitting out initials for once.
Let me know what SA is and I'll get back to you.

And no,I won't give you a break. To email or instant message someone over a review,epsecially some kid who reviewed a game? The guy is a snot nosed little shit,taking time to email him only shows that there are way too many fanboys in this forum. Instead of patting this guy on the back and asking for his cup size,you should be laughing at him for doing such a stupid thing.
 
C

ChrisReid

Member
T-1000_Model3 said:
Jesus Christ some of you are the laziest fucks I've seen. Type the word out instead of spitting out initials for once.
Let me know what SA is and I'll get back to you.

And no,I won't give you a break. To email or instant message someone over a review,epsecially some kid who reviewed a game? The guy is a snot nosed little shit,taking time to email him only shows that there are way too many fanboys in this forum. Instead of patting this guy on the back and asking for his cup size,you should be laughing at him for doing such a stupid thing.
Click to expand...

You're dumb. And everyone knows what SA stands for.
 
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