Well, despite Target completely screwing me out of my 2 Anniversary Marios, Best Buy ended up coming through. After driving around my town for 3-4 hours, I went to the only store I hadn't been to yet, a Best Buy two cities over. Nestled in the corner of the store's games section was their Amiibo shelf, which upon it sat 2 Anniversary Marios, 4 Zero Suit Samus', 3 Ganondorfs, and more Olimars than I bothered counting.
I'd say alls well that ends well, but Target still cost me about 4 hours out of my day and probably $20 in gas to find the damn things, but I'm happy to have the little guys.