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[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Is chinese really that painful to learn? I was going to try to start soon?

 

[Gully State]

Is chinese really that painful to learn? I was going to try to start soon?

Lots of memorization but it's not difficult grammatically. There's a reason why for the longest times literacy rates in China were ridiculously low (I think they still are). It's just not an intuitive language to pick up.

 

[Septimus Prime]

No one forgets 王大中.

Man, I hated Chinese school. I regret slacking off during that time now, though, just like I was warned I would but never believed.

蝴->湖 - both are pronounced the same (hu2) but the latter means lake because the radical has changed.

The three dashes in the character on the right are bullshit because they are the root for water. Water looks like this: 水

Where do you see three fuckin' dashes!?

 

[Erheller]

My parents don't speak that much Mandarin (probably an elementary school level, since neither of them grew up in China), so I grew up without learning any. During 5th grade they made me take a Chinese class at Chinese school. Seeing as I didn't speak any, the administration put me in the "Chinese for adopted Chinese kids" class, where parents were strongly encouraged to attend as well.

I wasn't in that class (or any Chinese class, for that matter) for long.

Edit: Just wanted to say, I'm envious of all you Chinese speakers/writers here. All I have is high school French, which won't help me at all if I go back to Mauritius.

 

[zeemumu]

I tried to learn Japanese once. Writing in new characters is usually where I fall apart. It requires a lot of repetition. Probably one of the harder languages that I've tried to learn.

 

[Gully State]

No one forgets 王大中.

Man, I hated Chinese school. I regret slacking off during that time now, though, just like I was warned I would but never believed.


The three dashes in the character on the right are bullshit because they are the root for water. Water looks like this: 水

Where do you see three fuckin' dashes!?

Don't regret Chinese school- There's no way you could become literate learning a language once a week for like 4-6 hours. I went all 12 years and it really didn't do much.

 

[Erheller]

*edit:


...huh.

That's both a little ?! and a little funny at the same time.

Adopted? No other better way, like Chinese for non-native speakers T__T?

Yeah, it was an... interesting class. I didn't know too many people in Chinese school at the time, but my sister had it rough. Once word got out she was in the adopted kids class... ouch.

 

[CapNBritain]

Yup that's the Kumon face all right. So I used to hide parts of my Kumon worksheet packets around the house as a kid so I wouldn't have to do as much (smarter and more devious friends were able to steal answer books). My parents to this day find Kumon sheets stashed around their house in odd nooks and crannies.

I learned both...How is it easier? Just that you don't have to learn more characters? The rules are exactly the same.

I assume it's easier because pinyying replaces both the complex Chinese characters and the secondary alphabet that is really only used to sound things out. With pinying I don't need that crazy dictionary to look up words by their roots. That and, if you know English, it should be easier to get into reading/writing in pinying.

All of this is conjecture though, since I don't know pinying and am terrible at Chinese in general.

Kumon sounds terrible. But then again, it's probably better than just having a kid write the same character a thousand times.

Edit:

Don't regret Chinese school- There's no way you could become literate learning a language once a week for like 4-6 hours. I went all 12 years and it really didn't do much.

Wow, I finally met someone who went to Chinese school for more years than I did (11) who also didn't learn much. Should have just watched Chinese dramas like my sisters and fiance.

 

[Septimus Prime]

I assume it's easier because pinyying replaces both the complex Chinese characters and the secondary alphabet that is really only used to sound things out. With pinying I don't need that crazy dictionary to look up words by their roots. That and, if you know English, it should be easier to get into reading/writing in pinying.

All of this is conjecture though, since I don't know pinying and am terrible at Chinese in general.

Kumon sounds terrible. But then again, it's probably better than just having a kid write the same character a thousand times.

Pinying is just romanized zuying. I learned it after I learned the latter, and it made things more complicated, due to the phonetics not being one-to-one with English.

 

[CapNBritain]

Pinying is just romanized zuying. I learned it after I learned the latter, and it made things more complicated, due to the phonetics not being one-to-one with English.

But can't you replace the actual characters with pinying? Technically you could do that with zhuying as well, but no one actually did that. Don't they do that with pinying? Can't you just learn pinying without learning all the crazy complicated characters and roots and stuff?

 

[Gully State]

I assume it's easier because pinyying replaces both the complex Chinese characters and the secondary alphabet that is really only used to sound things out. With pinying I don't need that crazy dictionary to look up words by their roots. That and, if you know English, it should be easier to get into reading/writing in pinying.

All of this is conjecture though, since I don't know pinying and am terrible at Chinese in general.

Kumon sounds terrible. But then again, it's probably better than just having a kid write the same character a thousand times.

That I can see but usually you look up a Chinese word because you don't know how to pronounce it so the older system addresses that. I don't think the older system is better mind you. And I suppose if you started from scratch as an English speaker, pinyin is better.

Do any of you guys think about how much you'll emphasize your native language to your kids? As much as I'd like my future kids to speak mandarin, my partner is Vietnamese and well it's probably not going to happen unless I send them to an immersion program.

 

[Gully State]

But can't you replace the actual characters with pinying? Technically you could do that with zhuying as well, but no one actually did that. Don't they do that with pinying? Can't you just learn pinying without learning all the crazy complicated characters and roots and stuff?

No they don't .. Chinese characters are still used. Pinyin is really just a pronunciation tool. No matter what you'll need to know Chinese characters. I think for like street signs in mainland cities there's pinyin next to Chinese characters .

 

[CapNBritain]

That I can see but usually you look up a Chinese word because you don't know how to pronounce it so the older system addresses that. I don't think the older system is better mind you. And I suppose if you started from scratch as an English speaker, pinyin is better.

Do any of you guys think about how much you'll emphasize your native language to your kids? As much as I'd like my future kids to speak mandarin, my partner is Vietnamese and well it's probably not going to happen unless I send them to an immersion program.

I will show them Kung Fu movies (with English subtitles at the bottom). Whatever they pick up from watching those will be their cultural legacy from me.

No they don't .. Chinese characters are still used. Pinyin is really just a pronunciation tool. No matter what you'll need to know Chinese characters. I think for like street signs in mainland cities there's pinyin next to Chinese characters .

Ah okay. So what you're saying is that there truly is no hope.

 

[BlueSteel]

My mom turned Chinese school into a game.

Basically, I was top in class for everything, but I don't remember shit.

可是, 我可以用拼音來寫字 ... or something.

 

[Gully State]

I will show them Kung Fu movies (with English subtitles at the bottom). Whatever they pick up from watching those will be their cultural legacy from me.



Ah okay. So what you're saying is that there truly is no hope.

Kungfu movies aren't a bad idea but Chinese translated manga is where it's at. Goku taught how to read.


If you can speak it, I'd say the hard part is over..writing/reading is just a lot of memorization/repetition. Chinese grammar is simplistic compared to English.

 

[beat]

Not generally a Slate fan; but saw this article

http://www.slate.com/articles/techn...te_why_he_wants_it_and_could_just_get_it.html

Thoughts?

The Slate piece leaves out that Rand Paul is a LINO and implicitly, then, that Annie & co are easily fooled rubes.

Which is probably fair.

 

[Septimus Prime]

The Slate piece leaves out that Rand Paul is a LINO and implicitly, then, that Annie & co are easily fooled rubes.

Which is probably fair.

I'd argue that Annie herself is probably a LINO, if she has any party affiliation at all.

 

[Septimus Prime]

I had to google what LINO meant... Libertarian In Name Only.

Ionno if linking thinkprogress & then saying other people are easily fooled rubes is fair :>. hahahaha.

Might be true, my partner says to be a libertarian in ideal though liberal in practice. I wouldn't say I am a libertarian, (because it doesn't work???), but in theory it'd be nice if we were all always perfectly rational human beings.

Yeah. I think, if anything, I am a libertarian in idea and liberal in practice for exactly that reason. People aren't rational, and the invisible hand clearly doesn't work. It would be great if things weren't this way, but they are.

These days, though, I lean more toward full liberal, since even the ideal seems like it will be forever out of reach. De-regulation is a terrible thing, even compared to bloated bureaucracy.

[One of my ragey side notes- someone saying "Asians eat carbs and are skinny therefore carbs don't make you fat. FFS people the portions in Asia and America are. not. the. same. k. That's all.

*edit: Okay, to explain, my coworker from the Philippines (immigrated here about 2 years ago) said that fat shaming is accepted and normal over there.

I never got any "eat less" because I've always been skinny, but a lot of my friends say their parents will give them shit about gaining weight.

It's pretty mentally unhealthy to shame anyone about their body-- but do Asian Americans have more mental issues regarding weight? Do any of y'all have issues about your body image / weight from all the body shaming Asian parents seem to like to indulge in? For me the answer is yes, but not about being fat.]

My in-laws are all from the Philippines, and there is no damn way Filipino food is healthy. Everything is fried. I once ordered some "veggies," and I got fried pork with some vegetables mixed in there, maybe. I think this type of calorically dense, cheap food is good for the ethnic Filipinos, since they work all day, sweating it out in the hot sun, but for the more affluent people there, I definitely foresee there being an obesity problem like the one in the US.

I think the thing about carbs and other dietary advice that bothers me is that people conflate poorly understood with untrue. No one really knows what's making everyone so fat and unhealthy, but everyone sure acts like they do.

 

[zeemumu]

It's pretty mentally unhealthy to shame anyone about their body-- but do Asian Americans have more mental issues regarding weight? Do any of y'all have issues about your body image / weight from all the body shaming Asian parents seem to like to indulge in? For me the answer is yes, but not about being fat.]

I'm obviously not Asian but yeah, I get that from time to time. I don't think they know how to do it properly, though. When I eat healthy my parents comment on how I'm gaining weight or that I should eat more fruit, and when I'm not focused on a diet they comment on how I'm losing weight. They also keep trying to convince me to go to the gym with them despite the fact that I hate having gym partners unless I'm lifting and whenever we're at the gym at the same time they won't leave me alone.

Isn't it a popular stereotype that you have to be a very specific body type to be successfully married in some Asian cultures?

 

[FallingEdge]

It's pretty mentally unhealthy to shame anyone about their body-- but do Asian Americans have more mental issues regarding weight? Do any of y'all have issues about your body image / weight from all the body shaming Asian parents seem to like to indulge in? For me the answer is yes, but not about being fat.]

I do but it is because I just want to be bigger, leaner, stronger, etc. Feel fat, skinny, flat, etc.I will prolly never be happy lol. My mom never really mentioned anything when it came to weight.

On a different note, I love this song. Anything else out there similar to this? I want to say it is Asian Trap music. Or is it more rap? In any case, more suggestions similar to this would be greatly appreciated.

 

[ActStriker]

I was in Chinese school for about 10 years I think. A lot didn't stick and I had to switch to an easier track when I couldn't hang.

The best part was the breaks where we got to do activities and eat cup noodles.

 

[CapNBritain]

I never got any "eat less" because I've always been skinny, but a lot of my friends say their parents will give them shit about gaining weight.

It's pretty mentally unhealthy to shame anyone about their body-- but do Asian Americans have more mental issues regarding weight? Do any of y'all have issues about your body image / weight from all the body shaming Asian parents seem to like to indulge in? For me the answer is yes, but not about being fat.]

My parents always say that I've gained weight whenever I see them. It's hard for me to lose weight with an American diet. My fiance also complains about her weight, despite the fact that she has never worked out in her life, eats as much as me if not more, and looks fabulous. She's just curvy for an Asian girl and has always been compared to her super skinny and all around smaller sister all her life. That kind of shit cuts deep.

Also, I'm pretty sure my two younger sisters get body shamed/manipulated by their (different) moms. The youngest is pretty much a gym freak and it worries me a little. But dad bods run in my family I guess, not much we can do about it.

 

[Gully State]

My sister gets fat shamed a lot not just by family but family friends.

Only Chinese people would greet family friends with "oh..you got fat" in that semi-condescending polite tone and think it's ok.

 

[IAmtheFMan]

My sister gets fat shamed a lot not just by family but family friends.

Only Chinese people would greet family friends with "oh..you got fat" in that semi-condescending polite tone and think it's ok.

Um... Koreans are horrible at it. In fact my Chinese fiancee thinks they're worse.

I went back home and visited church for the first time in several years, and basically everyone told me "oh, you gained like 15-20 pounds" and "oh you look heavy" over and over again from people that I barely knew.

I worked with a girl from Korea a few years back, and after several incidents, I had to tell her NOT to do that to other coworkers.

 

[simplayer]

My sister gets fat shamed a lot not just by family but family friends.

Only Chinese people would greet family friends with "oh..you got fat" in that semi-condescending polite tone and think it's ok.

My wife gets that all the time.

She told me her father introduced her to family friends as "my fat daughter".

 

[Septimus Prime]

I don't want to say that fat shaming is a good thing, but I think the current PC culture of fat acceptance or even glorification is awful. You're not doing anyone a service by pushing an unhealthy lifestyle.

 

[zeemumu]

Are any of you keeping up with the OK Cupid thread?

What are your opinions on fetishizing people based on race?

 

[CapNBritain]

I don't want to say that fat shaming is a good thing, but I think the current PC culture of fat acceptance or even glorification is awful. You're not doing anyone a service by pushing an unhealthy lifestyle.

I think there's a middleground between saying that being obese is amazing and calling your daughter fat.

Are any of you keeping up with the OK Cupid thread?

What are your opinions on fetishizing people based on race?

To me, I think people throw around fetish way too much. Having a preference for Asian girls, like the guy in the thread, does not mean he has a fetish. I mean, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't date an "ugly" Asian girl just because she was Asian.

And funnily enough, I just gave a wedding speech over the weekend about OKCupid.

 

[Septimus Prime]

Are any of you keeping up with the OK Cupid thread?

What are your opinions on fetishizing people based on race?

I'm not sure why that article even brings up the guy's preferences.

On topic, though, I personally think it's semi-racist to consider racial preferences as fetishes anyway. Someone brought it up in that thread, but if an Asian woman dates exclusively white guys, do people say she has an Anglo or white fetish? No. So how come a white guy who dates exclusively Asians has "yellow fever" or whatever? It's because white is normal, and minorities are marginalized, so a "normal" person preferring to date minorities has some sort of dysfunction, making his preference a fetish. It's nonsense.

I think there's a middleground between saying that being obese is amazing and calling your daughter fat.

If there is such a middle ground, it's actually a lot smaller than we think. Outside of a doctor telling you to do something about your lifestyle, there's a razor-thin line between, "Lose some weight, tubby," and, "You're beautiful no matter what." No matter what you say, if it's not the latter, people will take it that you mean the former.

It's even more bothersome that some are now moving onto thin shaming. "Kiera Knightley needs to eat a sandwich," and whatnot. It's the same thing.

 

[CapNBritain]

Well, truthfully speaking, I find Asian men to be the most attractive (physically), and for the sake of my parents, I looked for other Chinese/Taiwanese, or at least Asian-American men, when I looking for serious, marriage-y relationships.

That being said, I don't think anyone likes being fetishized based on race.

I know the history with pleasing your parents, but I'm interested in the details of you finding Asian men to be the most attractive. Putting your parents aside, does this mean that there is something about a man being Asian that shoots him to the top of your list? or are you like me, in that you are just generally more attracted to Asians so it's easier to just say that you prefer Asians.

For me, most of women I am attracted to are Asian. And if I took a random sample of women grouped by broad ethnicity, the Asian percentage would be higher (ie 50% of women in the Asian group vs 30% in the Latina group, etc). But I don't think it has anything to do with me liking Asian girls for being Asian. Just that the combination of physical features I am attracted to are most common in Asian women. That, and for some reason I seem to hang around a lot of Asian women.

Edit:

I'm not sure why that article even brings up the guy's preferences.

On topic, though, I personally think it's semi-racist to consider racial preferences as fetishes anyway. Someone brought it up in that thread, but if an Asian woman dates exclusively white guys, do people say she has an Anglo or white fetish? No. So how come a white guy who dates exclusively Asians has "yellow fever" or whatever? It's because white is normal, and minorities are marginalized, so a "normal" person preferring to date minorities has some sort of dysfunction, making his preference a fetish. It's nonsense.


If there is such a middle ground, it's actually a lot smaller than we think. Outside of a doctor telling you to do something about your lifestyle, there's a razor-thin line between, "Lose some weight, tubby," and, "You're beautiful no matter what." No matter what you say, if it's not the latter, people will take it that you mean the former.

It's even more bothersome that some are now moving onto thin shaming. "Kiera Knightley needs to eat a sandwich," and whatnot. It's the same thing.

I think people just need to think about others before they speak. If you're friend has lost a lot of weight or gained a lot of weight lately, sure, maybe you can ask them about it in a way that doesn't make them feel like shit. There's no need to comment on the physical appearance of someone you just met, especially if it's just to put them down.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Well, truthfully speaking, I find Asian men to be the most attractive (physically), and for the sake of my parents, I looked for other Chinese/Taiwanese, or at least Asian-American men, when I looking for serious, marriage-y relationships.

That being said, I don't think anyone likes being fetishized based on race.



Yep.



Yes. I read subreddits like /r/fatlogic (not to be confused with fatpeoplehate!). TBH, I think what annoys me the most is just the denial of the simple fact that for most people, losing weight comes down to consuming less calories than what your body uses.

That being said, DISCLAIMER, about half my partners were chubby, and only a few of them were actually thin. By Asian standards quite a few of them were actually fat (one of them had the nickname, fathead [in Chinese], by his friends). So... I don't find fat to be gross, and physically I'm okay with it. It's not like OMIGOD EW FAT PEOPLE, I'm really just angry about willful stupidity. Part of willful stupidity includes denying there is anything unhealthy with being very overweight. There's actually an article about how Asian people are affected by weight at a lower weight level than white people... so basically, it's even worse for Asians to be "fat" because the negative parts of being fat occur to us at a lower weight relative to our peers. @___@



Will watch it when I get home, but that sound intriguing. Asian trap? Yes please.

Does anyone else feel like this is pretty common? It feels like it comes up a lot in my experience for why they date who they date.

 

[zeemumu]

I'm not sure why that article even brings up the guy's preferences.

On topic, though, I personally think it's semi-racist to consider racial preferences as fetishes anyway. Someone brought it up in that thread, but if an Asian woman dates exclusively white guys, do people say she has an Anglo or white fetish? No. So how come a white guy who dates exclusively Asians has "yellow fever" or whatever? It's because white is normal, and minorities are marginalized, so a "normal" person preferring to date minorities has some sort of dysfunction, making his preference a fetish. It's nonsense.

From what I can tell in the replies they're all trying to figure out if dating someone purely based on stereotypes for that race would be considered fetishism. It's pretty unrelated to the main idea of the thread though. I wasn't expecting it to be a racial issue when I clicked on it.

Does anyone else feel like this is pretty common? It feels like it comes up a lot in my experience for why they date who they date.

I don't think my parents care, honestly, but for a lot of parents it does. I have a friend whose parents were initially pretty wary of me because they thought we were secretly dating or something and were on that "no black guys" train.

 

[suzu]

My sister gets fat shamed a lot not just by family but family friends.

Only Chinese people would greet family friends with "oh..you got fat" in that semi-condescending polite tone and think it's ok.

Thissss. I either got fat or should gain more weight. Rude as fuck. It's never you look healthy or good or just nothing.

Are any of you keeping up with the OK Cupid thread?

What are your opinions on fetishizing people based on race?

I don't care much if people have preferences. As for yellow fever, I save that term for people who are obviously fetishizing (which is gross).

Tbh though, a non-Asian person that exclusively dates Asians is a bit suspect to me... but I wouldn't dismiss them right off the bat. At least not until I got to know them a little better.

 

[CapNBritain]

for the sake of my parents, I looked for other Chinese/Taiwanese, or at least Asian-American men, when I looking for serious, marriage-y relationships.

Does anyone else feel like this is pretty common? It feels like it comes up a lot in my experience for why they date who they date.

No, thank god. But I just randomly met someone that was Chinese. We both swear it wasn't planned.

Also, regarding parents, have any of you spoken to them about their thoughts on such potentially sensitive subjects as gay rights or even the existence of black people? I've never done so directly, but the other weekend my step-father was talking about how happy he was that I found someone. He then said that as long as I was happy, he was happy, even if the person I had found had been a guy. He kind of coughed and smiled a little when he said "guy" but it was nice nonetheless.

 

[suzu]

They also have this weird belief that white people really like to divorce each other.

My mom has brought this up a bunch of times before! lol

 

[CapNBritain]

I responded to you in that thread!

To detail here, since I don't think over there is the right place-- there's a lot of bitterness about Asian girls who exclusively date white men. They're called race traitor, self-hating Asians, wannabe whites, etc.

I can sympathize a bit. When I was younger, I didn't think that I had a chance with non-Asian women because of the whole non-sexy Asian male stereotype. And then to see so many Asian women preferring non-Asian (mostly white) men just seemed like a further blow to the ego.

It just takes a little maturing to grow out of that woe is me mindset.

I don't know why, but I just find Asian faces to be really attractive?

It's hard to describe. I don't give physical appearance very much thought, my boyfriends have all been very different looking in body, but I like the Asian male face. MC Jin? So fucking hot, crushed on him for YEARS. Wang Lee Hom? Just beautiful.

I don't even know how to explain it properly. It's just attractive to me.

Sounds about right. I too am attracted to the type of face that many Asian girls have, which could conceivably be called Asian face. I am also attracted to many Latinas because they have a face that is similar. A nice body is good, but face is where is where it's at.

Family matters the most. You don't just marry a person, you marry their family. As the chick, I'm going to be expected to listen and obey my husband's parents.

Also, I love and care about my parents more than I love/care about anyone else in the world (maybe with the exception of my little brother and whoever my future husband will be), so I want them to be happy and what they think of my future husband matters a lot.

However, I think my parents also just want me to be happy. They just think I won't be as happy if I date someone too different from me. They also have this weird belief that white people really like to divorce each other.

Oh my god.

Don't even get me started (lol).

My parents, bless their hearts, have some of the most intolerant beliefs about things like ... gay rights, and other colored people.

What can I do @_____@

I am going home tonight and telling my fiance that she is expected to listen and obey my parents. Her reaction will be hilarious and potentially deadly.

I'm lucky that all of our parents aren't that involved in our lives and are generally easygoing about everything. Of course, I didn't think there would be family drama for the wedding, and was already proven wrong.

Edit:

They also have this weird belief that white people really like to divorce each other.

My mom has brought this up a bunch of times before! lol

This is funny to me because my parents are divorced.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Family matters the most. You don't just marry a person, you marry their family. As the chick, I'm going to be expected to listen and obey my husband's parents.

Also, I love and care about my parents more than I love/care about anyone else in the world (maybe with the exception of my little brother and whoever my future husband will be), so I want them to be happy and what they think of my future husband matters a lot.

However, I think my parents also just want me to be happy. They just think I won't be as happy if I date someone too different from me. They also have this weird belief that white people really like to divorce each other.

But do you think by marrying someone who isn't asian/chinese that you're saying that your family doesn't matter? It's just interesting because I love my family but I can't imagine not talking to/dating someone because my family feels a certain way. Not that they ever would hate someone I date but still. Just feel like almost fear of what their parents think vs. what they would want.

 

[Gully State]

But do you think by marrying someone who isn't asian/chinese that you're saying that your family doesn't matter? It's just interesting because I love my family but I can't imagine not talking to/dating someone because my family feels a certain way. Not that they ever would hate someone I date but still. Just feel like almost fear of what their parents think vs. what they would want.

I don't think it's saying that your family doesn't matter but if you date someone that doesn't get along with your family, it creates a bit of friction. I don't think this phenomena is an Asian only thing TBH. It's more of a if you are really close to your family, these things matter in the same way religion is a big deal breaker too.

I had a friend in college who was dating a Filipino girl. Everything was good up until he decided to bring her home. Now it wasn't that the girl was crazy or the parents were intolerant (his parents were super progressive people). It was just that there was a cultural and language barrier (parents didn't really speak much English) which prevented the girl from really being included in everything and he was close to his parents (his mom and dad were his "best friends"). They both came to a conclusion that it just wouldn't work out in the end.

 

[CapNBritain]

I don't think it's saying that your family doesn't matter but if you date someone that doesn't get along with your family, it creates a bit of friction. I don't think this phenomena is an Asian only thing TBH. It's more of a if you are really close to your family, these things matter in the same way religion is a big deal breaker too.

I had a friend in college who was dating a Filipino girl. Everything was good up until he decided to bring her home. Now it wasn't that the girl was crazy or the parents were intolerant (his parents were super progressive people). It was just that there was a cultural and language barrier (parents didn't really speak much English) which prevented the girl from really being included in everything and he was close to his parents (his mom and dad were his "best friends"). They both came to a conclusion that it just wouldn't work out in the end.

That is a sad story, but I'm assuming that while everything was good before meeting the parents, it wasn't like they were head over heels in love either. My fiance's parents only speak Cantonese so I can't communicate with them at all. It makes visiting them slightly awkward, because they're always yelling at each other.

 

[IAmtheFMan]

To me, I think people throw around fetish way too much. Having a preference for Asian girls, like the guy in the thread, does not mean he has a fetish. I mean, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't date an "ugly" Asian girl just because she was Asian.

I agree with you definitely but when my sister was online dating, she asked me to screen some of the guys that messaged her and a few of those were from the annals of "nice guys of OKcupid" that opened with a "Ni Hao!" or "Konichiwa!" (we're Korean). Luckily, she's now married to a (non-Asian) guy who's totally great and a perfect match for her.

It would be incredibly stupid and myopic to say that all white guys going after Asian girls on dating websites are fetishers. The vast majority of guys are decent, but it's the minority that gives them the bad rap. Having said that, those guys definitely do exist and it's always not obvious; I'm always curious why guys that claim that they don't "fetishize" sometimes get extremely defensive about it. I dated three Indian girls in a row and was accused (by some of my Indian friends who were only partially joking) of an Indian fetish. It really didn't bother me and I just shrugged it off.

 

[Gully State]

That is a sad story, but I'm assuming that while everything was good before meeting the parents, it wasn't like they were head over heels in love either. My fiance's parents only speak Cantonese so I can't communicate with them at all. It makes visiting them slightly awkward, because they're always yelling at each other.

I just don't have a problem with this criteria being a potential deal breaker when it comes to marriage. I also don't think it's absolutely wrong nor is it an Asian only thing.

 

[CapNBritain]

I agree with you definitely but when my sister was online dating, she asked me to screen some of the guys that messaged her and a few of those were from the annals of "nice guys of OKcupid" that opened with a "Ni Hao!" or "Konichiwa!" (we're Korean). Luckily, she's now married to a (non-Asian) guy who's totally great and a perfect match for her.

It would be incredibly stupid and myopic to say that all white guys going after Asian girls on dating websites are fetishers. The vast majority of guys are decent, but it's the minority that gives them the bad rap. Having said that, those guys definitely do exist and it's always not obvious; I'm always curious why guys that claim that they don't "fetishize" sometimes get extremely defensive about it. I dated three Indian girls in a row and was accused (by some of my Indian friends who were only partially joking) of an Indian fetish. It really didn't bother me and I just shrugged it off.

Holy shit how to people think that Ni Hao! is a good opening line? Even from another CHinese person it's cringe-worthy. And when it comes to OKCupid (not sure about other online dating sites), all girls spend their first week filtering. Some would say girls spend their whole lives filtering.

I just don't have a problem with this criteria being a potential deal breaker when it comes to marriage. I also don't think it's absolutely wrong nor is it an Asian only thing.

I have a Love Conquers All mindset. Anything that can't be reduced down to "is a terrible person" isn't an impediment for me.

 

[zeemumu]

I have a Love Conquers All mindset. Anything that can't be reduced down to "is a terrible person" isn't an impediment for me.

It's not impossible to function in a relationship where your parents don't like your SO or have cultural differences that make communication difficult. It's just hard as f**k. A lot harder than you'd expect it to be.


Unrelated, but I got Splatoon! It's been so long since I've used my Wii U that I forgot what my username was, though.

 

[CapNBritain]

It's not impossible to function in a relationship where your parents don't like your SO or have cultural differences that make communication difficult. It's just hard as f**k. A lot harder than you'd expect it to be.

Yeah, definitely. My fiance and I just kind of ignore our parents. We go up for a weekend to visit once every other month but that's about it. I imagine it would be much harder for people that have their family fully entrenched in their lives.

 

[zeemumu]

Yeah, definitely. My fiance and I just kind of ignore our parents. We go up for a weekend to visit once every other month but that's about it. I imagine it would be much harder for people that have their family fully entrenched in their lives.

Like you wouldn't believe. It's made worse if you don't have anyone but your family and the SO, because if things are too badly damaged you have no support system.

 

[Kikirin]

Oh my god.

Don't even get me started (lol).

My parents, bless their hearts, have some of the most intolerant beliefs about things like ... gay rights, and other colored people.

What can I do @_____@

If you ever figure this out, I could use some tips. At best, I usually shake my head and wear my best put-off face until the topic changes.

 

[SRG01]

Incidentally, I somewhat realized that I hugely prefer to have an Asian GF than a Caucasian one, solely for cultural and language reasons. Most of my past GFs were Caucasian, and the level of ease was just not comparable to my Asian GFs.

I mean, love *is* important, but certain logistics are important factors too.

 

[kudoboi]

well... i had no idea there was an asian-gaf thread. any singaporeans here?

 

[jasonng]

To me, I think people throw around fetish way too much. Having a preference for Asian girls, like the guy in the thread, does not mean he has a fetish. I mean, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't date an "ugly" Asian girl just because she was Asian.

And funnily enough, I just gave a wedding speech over the weekend about OKCupid.

Where do you draw the line between preference and fetish? You say that guy won't date an "ugly" Asian but how do you know? I honestly believe that when someone has a racial preference (and I think that's okay!) they tend to give more leeway in the looks department. That's not a problem and in fact would make sense because someone knows what they like. Is it still preference or it is now a fetish to date a less attractive Asian?

I also want to hear this speech.

Well, truthfully speaking, I find Asian men to be the most attractive (physically), and for the sake of my parents, I looked for other Chinese/Taiwanese, or at least Asian-American men, when I looking for serious, marriage-y relationships.

That being said, I don't think anyone likes being fetishized based on race.

So this is interesting. I was going to make a joke and say how I feel bad for your man since he's being fetishized for being a ruggedly good looking Asian male but it got me thinking. If you weren'tAsian, does that actually mean you have yellow fever?

I feel like we're talking semantics when it comes to this subject. I think in real life we can tell the difference when we see it. I always find this discussion interesting.

well... i had no idea there was an asian-gaf thread. any singaporeans here?

Yo send over some durian ice cream. You bastards are hogging it all.

 

[CapNBritain]

Like you wouldn't believe. It's made worse if you don't have anyone but your family and the SO, because if things are too badly damaged you have no support system.

Dang that does sound rough. I feel like that's why I always shake my head at the people that ditch their friends when they're in a relationship. You have to build a varied support network so that if one section goes down, the others can pick up the slacks. Of course, I'm a huge hypocrite for saying this, because I neglect my family and haven't made a new friend in years.

That and it is kinda hard to force myself to go out with the sorta-friends you made in your 20s. I went out with them when I was single, but now the thought of driving an hour into downtown LA to hang out doesn't sound appealing when I can snuggle up to my fiance and watch Netflix. It is what it is.

Well, I have the bad habit of talking back (you can see my personality in OT, I really can't keep my mouth shut).

So, with my mom, I generally tell her, over and over re: "the gays", "mom, it's not a choice, they're people too, you can't say stuff like that." With stuff about nonAsian people (black people, especially), it's the same thing: "Mom, you can't judge everyone just by a few people," "Mom, please don't say this stuff in public."

With my dad, it's more intellectual, but it's also *way* worse because he and I legitly fight with each other and have heated arguments about what is "wrong" and "right." I tend toward the, racism is wrong dad, institutionalized racism IS A REAL thing, etc.

The problem with the both of them is that they dislike facts, don't trust peer-reviewed academic work, etc, when it doesn't fit their narrative of the world. It's *really* frustrating, and I made the mistake once of saying something to the effect of "it's science, I'm not going to argue this with you." My dad was REALLY pissed and told me that I shouldn't believe everything that "science" teaches me (I was explaining that homosexuality is a behavior found in animals, and it's not just OMIGOD NOT NATURAL).

Arghhhh the willful ignorance at times @____@

I have raised my voice to my parents like 5 times in my life. And I was goddamned terrified each time.

Edit:

Where do you draw the line between preference and fetish? You say that guy won't date an "ugly" Asian but how do you know? I honestly believe that when someone has a racial preference (and I think that's okay!) they tend to give more leeway in the looks department. That's not a problem and in fact would make sense because someone knows what they like. Is it still preference or it is now a fetish to date a less attractive Asian?

I also want to hear this speech.

I think there might be some leeway. I think I would personally overlook some physical flaws on an Asian girl over a similarly looking non-Asian girl. It all depends on the person and I think as long as there isn't an absolute line drawn based on race then someone should be fine.

This is from the near the end of my speech:

What I'm trying to get at here is that [girl] is the perfect match for [boy]. More perfect than I could have ever imagined. Which is why OKCupid is the greatest technological achievement of our time.