Mr. Sam said:
The Goddamn Butler
I'm the goddamn Butler - Alfred is my name,
Please do take a seat,
I'll tell you about my dubious claim to fame.
As a boy, young Bruce's parents were taken from him,
Gentleman by name o' Joe Chill,
With a gat in an alley, made an orphan of him.
I smile, I bow, I'm polite,
Master Bruce wears a cape,
Fights crime by night.
While The Joker swallows his own blood,
I'm doing the laundry,
Getting rid of stains of grass and mud.
While Two-Face feels justice's heavy fist,
I drive around town,
Checking off Master Bruce's shopping list.
While Penguin is made to eat crow,
I rid Wayne Manor of dust,
On shelves high and low.
Master Bruce cloaks himself in the night,
I wear a cloak at night.
Master Bruce caves villains' faces in,
I deal with this troublesome wash basin.
Master Bruce climbs on rooves,
I play DDR, showing off my moves.
I'm no mere butler,
No mere servant of the Knight,
I'm kickin' it old school,
My rhymes are relentlessly tight.
I'm no humble slave,
I'm the real protector of truth,
The true master of the Bat Cave.
Master Bruce isn't the only Caped Crusader,
I'm a dab hand at Infinity Blade,
And viciously good at Space Invaders.
This game runs on Unreal Engine 3,
I've a stack of glistening muscles,
All thanks to Cliff Bleszinski.
I make love like Jazz Jackrabbit,
I fight like Marcus Fenix,
I'll even tell you a joke or two about my twelve inch pianist.
And please, I have no trouble with women,
Though I'll admit it was my time in the navy,
When I saw my fair share of seamen.
Batman may be flirtatious with Selina Kyle,
But it's to me she comes,
When she wants to laugh and to smile.
Yes, you may mock because my accent is very thick,
But I'll tell you to fetch your coat,
And to choke on my Master Dick.