Ugh.
I've been going through some really tough times with my OCD and anxiety, so I've been pretty clammed up for the past couple days.
The girl I've been seeing to invited me to her​ place on Monday. She didn't think her roommate would be home, so it surprised us both. Now, this is the first time I met her roommate, so it was kind of awkward, especially she wasn't aware of her bringing me over.
Anyways, the roommate leaves and I was just so weirded out by the whole experience and that's because the roommate's controlling and mentally abusive boyfriend barged in right when I got there.
Despite​ us both having a great time, I felt strange, so after a quite a bit of time with her, I told her I had to leave, and I didn't even give a hug or kiss. Nothing.
After that, on Tuesday my OCD and anxiety started to peak, so I didn't really talk to her, and I kind of left her to catch the bus, though she decided to despite us usually going back together. I was at the point where I was severely stressed by the activity going on in the studio, so I left a bit after her. I pretty much ignored her the majority of the time we were in the studio. She knew something was wrong, but didn't mention anything.
I sent her a text that night to tell her that I was so sorry for the way I'd been acting, and I explained to her everything. She said she understood, etc.
Today, I saw her and decided to join her for her artist's critique for her paintings. I did a small presentation of my work, and she commented and said that she noticed I did not want to be there at all.
Things kind of spiraled after that and I tried to open up around her and her friends, but I couldn't really handle it, so I pretty much went to separate parts of the studio to take care of the various works I had going on.
Later today, a guy that hovers around us two while we work asked her out and she left with him.
She couldn't even look me in the eye when I was with her. I was completing a major project that I was creating for her, and she just gave me a quiet bye and a nervous smile before she left.
I have a feeling that I seriously messed up something. The look she gave me when leaving no, it was like she was scared.
Whenever this problem with my OCD and anxiety comes around, I start to get depressed, quiet and dismissive.
Well... I guess this is what happens when you act like an ass. This has caused me to have so many failed relationship.
I feel like shit.
::: If this reads weird, I've had vodka. Oh well...