You seem to post pretty exclusively in this thread Bagels. I actually appreciate it a lot you try to help a lot of folk and you may succeed sometimes. People like you are rare.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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You seem to post pretty exclusively in this thread Bagels. I actually appreciate it a lot you try to help a lot of folk and you may succeed sometimes. People like you are rare.
To break things up then, I'd like to recommend the Mental Illness Happy Hour, which is a podcast in which Paul Gilmartin speaks with various people (mostly comedians) about their experiences with mental illness. A lot of people in this thread seem to be under the belief that they're alone in their experiences and that other people don't have the same issues with anxiety, depression, lack of motivation, and the like, and the Mental Illness Happy Hour and its 108 episodes are a testament to how untrue that is. As such though, a lot of the episodes reiterate the same points, so I'd suggest going through the list of the top episodes of each year, as each episode is filled with really incredible stories and advice and make for fantastic and rather cathartic listening.
I do post more or less exclusively in here, but I read tons of GAF. I appreciate the kind words, but you're wrong. People trying to help in here are less rare than you'd think. Oomi, Smiley90, ClassyPenguin, WilsonGT, cam, CornBurrito,, Windam and on and on - this one page has so many people I know really well, have helped me personally, time and again, and are trying to be helpful in here. I get a lot of credit for any good this thread does, but it makes me feel good and bad. These folks, dear friends like Fiction, Prax, Lunch, Piano, Agent Cooper, swecide (don't mean to leave anyone out - you guys know I love you all!) - this community has a ridiculous number of incredible people fighting the good fight. It's easy to just see the posts that you don't think help (and I have to bite me tongue, too. There's stuff in here that really gets me down, or upset, too), and miss out on a Prax mega-post full of good stuff, or MrCola suggesting an idea to help people beat their depression. It's so like the depressed mind to only see the negative, but it helps to stop and think for a second that there's this whole community of people on here who, despite having never met you, are trying to help. I think that's pretty amazing.
SpartanForce
Member
No one gave a fuck about my early post. Why am I not surprised.
What would you like people to say? It's an uncomfortable topic for most people, and people don't like to pry about sensitive experiences, especially given the feelings that experience dredges up in you. Nobody in this thread is ignoring you out of malice. If you want to talk about it, you're more than free to do so and people will do what they can to help.
Collete
Member
Around 9/10 my b****ing goes unnoticed. The fact is, many posts will be unreplied but that's not your fault... I like to think that it's just hard to reply sometimes, even in a suicidal situation...It's just hard sometimes but has nothing to do with you per se. You have no idea how hard it is for people to reply to things...Hell, it takes a ton of effort on my part to produce a helpful post to people...I have to sit there and think a lot to make sure I don't offend anyone or try to make sure what I'm saying actually makes sense...It requires a bit of energy on my part because I am weak mentally and physically and it takes up a lot for me...That said when I'm better, I help as much as I can...even the "unreplyable" posts.
I honestly did not know what to say here, Spartan. The hardest posts to respond to are those really blunt, "this happened to me and it messed me up," posts. You're way outside of my experience. My depression came on in adulthood - my childhood was pretty idyllic.
There is at least one person in here who has survived the kind of things you went through. When that person is back around, I'll make sure they've seen your post.
I honestly do try to coordinate things outside of the thread, but if I know people are off doing other things, I try not to bug them TOO much.
OP. The answer is bolded. Tell him exactly what your telling us and I promise you life will begin to change. Everyone needs support. You have GAF as your support but more importantly, confide in your brother and start building a new you.
You have an open pathway. You can create yourself into anything you want. Anything.
Because genes alone never ruined anyones life.
I often wonder what happened to our OP, whose thread has made such a nice home for us. But the post you're responding to is 3.5 years old.
Prax
Member
If it helps you cope and brings you hope, it's a good trick.I always trick myself into believing some artifical change will make me feel better. I thought maybe once it warms up and is nice out again I will want to do all these outdoor activties and get back to working out but it never happens
Don't discount it! However, you should also try to make changes that you can build on. So that even when you're going through a rough patch, you will have a concrete "something" to remind you of your accomplishments.And I know the motivation/inertia that happens when the time finally comes to actually "do" what you imagined what you were going to be doing. I think sometimes the best thing is to just force yourself and do it. Even if you suddenly think "no, that actually won't make me feel better", it's good to kind of "make your dream a reality" anyway. And then mark it down somehow. The more you do that, the more you feel you can make things happen, and maybe that will build confidence and even more hope for more ambitious things.
I think sometimes our emotions and our reality don't line up, so it's important to have things to look back on and remind ourselves what is reality. I draw a lot, and that's pretty much how I document my days (I kind of remember the mood or sentiments I'm in, what I was thinking, the problems I was solving just by looking at what I drew), so that even if I think I wasted my whole year, I can see that I actually made a lot of drawings and it's concrete and THERE. It's the same reason why people keep journals/diaries, I think.
And I'm rambling! But the point is:
- Just do it anyway. You dreamt of something good, and you want to make that commitment with yourself, even if it's a small thing like jogging --and if not that, then something that kind of resembles it.. like maybe you just stretch instead and walk up and down the stairs for a bit
- make a record of it / keep a score card
- build on it and aim for more because it's possible
If you can force yourself to do that, then you have the courage to do something else that's even better. Like asking for help. Loudly.
I know it's uncomfortable. I am not the type to ask for help because it scares me to and I hate feeling like I am a bother to people, but I like to remind myself that it is of no big consequence really and I should just do it. Whether it's your homework or other forms of counselling, just ask for it. And loudly if you need. It's okay to!
Also, there's always summer school or night school. I retook calculus in summer school for instance because my marks were awful (I... didn't like doing the homework and I didn't understand the basic concepts when they got taught... >__> ). You just do what needs to be done, and if it's not something you need to even pass, then that's okay too!
Whenever I am bogged by anxiety, that's what I try to remind myself. "Whatever I do, it's not a huge consequence, so I should do what helps me the most and hope it pans out, and if not, then it's not like it mattered anyway". That way, it kind of counterbalances the catastrophic mindset of "if I can't do this, I can't do anything, my world is ending, oh noo!". It's not ending! It's fine. Just do whatever, and whatever pans out, it's going to be okay and it'll be figured out from there. This is how I have lived most of my anxious life anyway! o___o It's not a perfect strategy, but .. IT'S OKAY!
That does sound a lot like generalized anxiety to me. Like your body or brain is just too sensitive and all the sensations of being alive is "alarming" it. Not quite a panic attack, but a low hum of constant malaise. It could be the weather or diet or anything really.
I would just try to get very comfortable and take deep breaths and stretch to loosen the feeling in your chest. Maybe warm bath or low level of exercise might help too? Keep your mind and body occupied on low stress things and hopefully the feeling eases up in time.
I do always get an uneasy feeling when I come to the thread and see a page or so negative echo-chambering because although venting is good, it's not so great when it seems like people are "encouraging" each other into it. I figure it's because the negative thought patterns are too overwhelming to override, but people naturally seek validation for their thoughts anyway, so it just becomes a reinforcing thing when too much of it happens.
This thread has helped a few people though. And people do try to post with helpful advice or kind words whenever they have the energy for it. It does take a lot of time to "craft" a post or response that can't be taken to a negative spin (which is probably why professionals get to make so much money for being trained to try to say the "right" things).
I know that it seems that some people never get the help they need, and it's like the words won't pierce through the darkness. It's really tragic, but I have a lot of hope. I know it may seem very repetitive. I think my advice gets repetitive, but it's something that probably NEEDS to be repeated. One day, the words will sink in. One day, the words will click. And in that moment of lucidity, something may change.
I remember a story I was told once while in class. And I think on it often when I do post in the thread.
I don't remember the specifics, but it was of a patient who had very severe depression and other mental health issues. He went through many, many psychologists and psychiatrists and all sorts of treatments and it seemed like things would never improve. But during one of his lowest points, he rummaged through his wallet and pulled out something one of his therapists form long ago scribbled. I don't exactly remember what it was, but it was probably something like "Hope" or "I believe in you". It wasn't much, but it stopped him from pulling the trigger and was a part of helping him climb back out of his spiral.
I think the poignant part of the story.. for me at least.. was that he hung onto this scrap for years. Some part of him hung on to this gesture. That therapist probably would never know how they affected him, that their words had ever gone through. It just goes to show that even if it doesn't seem like anything is working or helping, that day after day it's the same or worse, people may still cling onto the kindness and hope they are given without ever knowing it or showing it. And so, even when people have no hope, I try to hold that hope for them, and I try to give it as much as I can. I may never know of the outcome of my efforts, but I don't feel them to be in vain.
And I hope that no one else feels like their efforts are in vain either.
I'm just glad that we do have so many regulars who care, even when they're dealing with their own issues too! Good luck on cramming! I half-miss those days! XD
You end up not choosing death though, so I think that means that you still have believe things can change. That you can fight whatever "fate" you believe you have. Maybe right now, all you have fuelling you is spite against your situation, and if so, it's better than giving up, so keep at it. I think eventually there will come a time when you will see a discernible difference your efforts have been making, it won't have to be spite any longer.
(Maybe you will even become a really obnoxiously proud jerk after accomplishing so much! lol)
The thread moves too fast! When I read that post earlier today, I was actually a little shocked you would disclose so much, and then really saddened. I can't even claim to be able to sympathize with the pain and anguish you must go through. I hope you understand that kind of experience is definitely hard to respond to in an appropriate manner. Even now, I am kind of pussyfooting with the language! :I
I don't know if the perpetrators are still in your life, or what triggers those flashbacks, if they come often, or what is even going on through your head and heart, but I hope you've been able to work through some of it and even fought back in your own way to feel more in power and in control now.
(For example, someone like me may create some kind of revenge fantasy comic if I had no power otherwise to legally exact it--though I suppose the "healthier" thing would be to make a more nurturing/healing story, but I am only human and I like action scenes!).
Thanks for reposting for every new page!
I know you have so much going on too, but you're really dedicated and it's inspirational.
PHEW!
And this post took me over an hour to write, so I hope you know I think you all are worth the effort. ;D ~~ <3 <3
Great, it's due today and I still have half an essay (or maybe more) to write :/
Well, nobody will miss the shit I wrote anyway, no great loss.
I've tried it, man. It's pretty wild. ^^
Sidewinder
Member
I've got to say, the next-gen being right around the corner and Virtual Reality finally getting somewhere helps me looking into the future, because there's not much else for me to look forward to at this point. It's pathetic, but at least it's something, right?
Not at all. It's great to have a reason to live, something to look for, however stupid it may be.
For example, the thing that makes me want to live (sometimes) is discovering new bands, and seeing my favorite musicians live. That's probably a really foolish thing, but it's what I like.
CornBurrito
Member
Oh there's actually an IRC channel?
Hey could someone give me advice or something...
I'm on effexor xr after switching from zoloft (which pooped out on my after like a month or so)...I've been doing pretty good but lately feel "off". Kind of what happened with the zoloft. I also feel kind of dizzy sometimes, disconnected and agitated. I almost wanna say forget taking prescriptions and go back to taking nothing. I'm afraid things might get worse that way though.....not sure what to do at this point.
I'm on effexor xr after switching from zoloft (which pooped out on my after like a month or so)...I've been doing pretty good but lately feel "off". Kind of what happened with the zoloft. I also feel kind of dizzy sometimes, disconnected and agitated. I almost wanna say forget taking prescriptions and go back to taking nothing. I'm afraid things might get worse that way though.....not sure what to do at this point.
Collete
Member
No please submit whatever you have...I would like to read it.
In a few weeks I'll be trained to go on my own...While I'm not complaining about that...It's just I can barely handle myself and fighting not to down my meds at this moment...It's all overwhelming....
*sigh* I just want to be recognized....
We could really use a new thread with an OP that links to various resources and has the IRC chat information so people don't have to quote it every page. Do it Bagels.I often wonder what happened to our OP, whose thread has made such a nice home for us. But the post you're responding to is 3.5 years old.
I was going to go to my first hip hop concert tonight and smoke a lot with a bunch of friends, but I fucked up a bunch of stuff in school today so I feel shitty about myself. I told them to go without me because I'm gonna be a downer and panicky.
So now I'm spending the night alone or with my girlfriend, eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching Game of Thrones.
So now I'm spending the night alone or with my girlfriend, eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching Game of Thrones.
User 100115
Banned
I am going to try to hop into chat tonight if I feel up to it. My being sick is lingering in the 'exhausted and not wanting to do shit' way. I haven't even posted on Gaf at all much in the last few days. Which is saying something.
As always, I am still around if anyone needs to talk via PM.
As always, I am still around if anyone needs to talk via PM.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I have so much negative energy built up, partly due to my perpetual illness. What's a good way to release it?
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
People would still have to quote it every page because plenty of people wouldn't read the OP.
User 100115
Banned
I release it by writing scary stories, or murdering folk in video games. Exercise can help too, if you are physically able.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Bagels can't do it because its not his post. A mod would have to do it or the op. Nobodys seen the op in ever so maybe we need a new thread.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
How fitting.
I don't even feel well enough to enjoy gaming.
I wish I felt well enough for this. On top of my congestion, cough and fatigue I have a stomach ache caused by my IBS, which I developed after an attempted suicide. I reminded of it when the discomfort emerges.
Hey guys. I know I'm a junior and all that, but I've lurked here (I hope that doesn't sound too weird, I mostly did to read some of the advice given here. It's quite useful at times, even though it wasn't intended for me.) and I must say that there are some amazing people here. Yes, this thread can get too negative at times, but that's entirely understandable and I'm sure quite a few people have been genuinely helped here nonetheless. So keep up the good work and perhaps even more important: keep hanging in there everyone.
Unfortunately I'm pretty bad at giving advice myself, so I don't think I'll be a help to anyone here, but I just felt like saying that for some reason.
Now about myself, if anyone cares to know. Well... I'm definitely at a low point in my life and no one I know cares. I realize I should get professional help, but the mental health care system here is pretty awful, so yeah... I have no idea why/what I'm writing here really. I wasn't planning on talking about it to anyone, let alone on gaf. I'd give some details, but it's all really personal, and I don't want everyone to hear about it. Oh well, I guess it would be nice to talk about it with someone, but I'm almost as bad at holding a conversation as I am at giving advice. Haha.
So uh yeah, looks like I just wrote a whole bunch of nothing.... And damn it sounds so whiny. Yay? >>'
Unfortunately I'm pretty bad at giving advice myself, so I don't think I'll be a help to anyone here, but I just felt like saying that for some reason.
Now about myself, if anyone cares to know. Well... I'm definitely at a low point in my life and no one I know cares. I realize I should get professional help, but the mental health care system here is pretty awful, so yeah... I have no idea why/what I'm writing here really. I wasn't planning on talking about it to anyone, let alone on gaf. I'd give some details, but it's all really personal, and I don't want everyone to hear about it. Oh well, I guess it would be nice to talk about it with someone, but I'm almost as bad at holding a conversation as I am at giving advice. Haha.
So uh yeah, looks like I just wrote a whole bunch of nothing.... And damn it sounds so whiny. Yay? >>'
Crimsonclaw111
Member
My absolute shit luck with finding a job is starting to get the best of me. I feel lost and cornered, knowing I have rent, bills, etc to pay. The only thing getting me through is financial aid right now, and next month is my last check until September. It pisses me off that every single fucking thing is online only, and it's wrecking my chances of finding shit.
GF might be getting a job but that only makes things worse on me, I feel inadequate.
GF might be getting a job but that only makes things worse on me, I feel inadequate.
If I knew someone was contemplating suicide tonight and I can't reach them (aka I don't know where they are right now, they could be at home not doing anything our actually trying something), would you guys say I should call 911?
EDIT: nvm.
EDIT: nvm.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Yes. 100% yes.
Collete
Member
I think I lost my touch of making friends feel better...Now to find some way to fix it, I have to...
Is everything ok now?
Is everything ok now?
Got put back into the "hospital" a few weeks back. Best fucking unit I've ever been on, only thing that sucked was lights out at 11:00 and you couldn't leave your room until 6:30, so I had to get 1mg of Ativan like every night to sleep all the way through because Sentara is a "no Ambien or Lunesta facility". But no sharing a room with somebody else, they were all one person rooms!
Anyway, I ended up going cold turkey off Saphris and had a major psychotic episode. So during my stay I was put on 300mg of Lithium twice daily, 75mg of Effexor, 3mg of Klonopin three times a day, and I'm continuing my Ambien to sleep. Probably haven't felt this good in a long time, very few side effects.
Anyway, I ended up going cold turkey off Saphris and had a major psychotic episode. So during my stay I was put on 300mg of Lithium twice daily, 75mg of Effexor, 3mg of Klonopin three times a day, and I'm continuing my Ambien to sleep. Probably haven't felt this good in a long time, very few side effects.
Has anyone ever quit smoking marijuana for a period of time and get anxiety attacks every time they smoke weed?
I had been smoking weed for 10+ years every day and I quit cold turkey for a piss test (bad ass job) (had a really really stressful time quitting, but prevailed, fuckyeah.jpg) and I took two fat ass bongrips of good kush my first time back and had a massive panic attack.
tried a couple of times since, and every time except for one I've gotten that familiar feeling of a panic attack (been able to talk myself out of them and calm myself down).
I don't want to smoke daily any more, but I do want to smoke every once and a while with good friends as a kick-back routine (I don't drink).
Will I ever be able to smoke weed again? Does this go away?
Before I quit, I started taking 25 mg of Prozac daily for OCD and Bipolar.
I had been smoking weed for 10+ years every day and I quit cold turkey for a piss test (bad ass job) (had a really really stressful time quitting, but prevailed, fuckyeah.jpg) and I took two fat ass bongrips of good kush my first time back and had a massive panic attack.
tried a couple of times since, and every time except for one I've gotten that familiar feeling of a panic attack (been able to talk myself out of them and calm myself down).
I don't want to smoke daily any more, but I do want to smoke every once and a while with good friends as a kick-back routine (I don't drink).
Will I ever be able to smoke weed again? Does this go away?
Before I quit, I started taking 25 mg of Prozac daily for OCD and Bipolar.
Silly.Mikey
Banned
It happened to me very much like this. All i can tell you is that for me, the girl not loving me was the cause of my depression. And i had to fall flat on my face many times to the point where i just got fed up of wasting my time on her. As soon as i realized once and for all that i just wanted to move on and stop caring for her, i came out of it. I was fed up of caring for her. Its that realization that sometimes takes a while. At least for me it did. Took me close to 2 years.
But I haven't finished it yet, I'm gonna try to write something more now. And trust me, nobody would like to read it
What does "on my own" mean? Are you going to go live alone? You can do it, you already know how to cook, right? That's what I consider the hardest part of living alone, and why I don't want to do it.
Get better soon, Fic! We need to repeat those crazy talks about the evil Dr. The Who (OK, it was only one talk, but he WAS evil).
Collete
Member
But I haven't finished it yet, I'm gonna try to write something more now. And trust me, nobody would like to read it
What does "on my own" mean? Are you going to go live alone? You can do it, you already know how to cook, right? That's what I consider the hardest part of living alone, and why I don't want to do it.
I said I would like to read it though...
Well I think I phrased it wrong...But I'll be trained and getting info to establish myself later on. It's just kind of nerve wracking to handle this now when I'm considering of dropping out of college at this point.
If it weren't for your parents, you wouldn't have a life. There's really no evidence that consciousness exists outside the body, and so I really doubt your "soul" or "spirit" would have gone to another baby's body had your parents not reproduced.
I used to smoke a lot in college, and then just sort of stopped cold turkey. I've tried it only a few times since then and have felt a lot more anxious than I ever remembered feeling in the height of my smoking days. It might go away, but are you willing to sit through it to get there? Or maybe you could start lightly, ignoring the bong and smoking with a bowl or a joint in the beginning?
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Glad to read you're feeling better. Be careful with the Klonopin, I felt amazing on it but it has serious withdrawals. My psychiatrist didn't keep me on it.
it would have been better not to have been born
windowlurker
Banned
Edit: While I am here dicking around, you should all take note; just because I don't post here, doesn't mean I don't follow this thread. You are all so incredibly profound and it most certainly helps knowing there are other depressed slabs of meat out in this hellscape.
There is this alternative called beer. Make it your messiah, your redemption.
There is this alternative called beer. Make it your messiah, your redemption.
Terrible advice. Marijuana doesn't kill you, beer does.
akachan ningen
Member
If you are feeling that low, you should go out and take a chance. You can do anything with your life, there is no right way.
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