The main thing that has been making me feel like crap is not getting my stupid driver's license. It seems to simple, I woke last year and decided I need the license, I did the classes and all, but I want to be able to practice just before taking the exam, I want to be sure I pass it. The problem? I don't have access to a car, my father and mother don't have one, no one I know has one or is in a position to let me drive one. This stupid crap should have been done with over a decade ago when my father had a car. Last time I wanted him to rent one but he couldn't because they won't rent if the driver doesn't have a permit (temporary permit isn't accepted).
Every fucking thing in my life I have to do it myself. I get no support for anything, all the mistakes my parents made I have to pay for it, all their lack of effort I have to make up for. I have parents yet it feels so often like I've been growing up on my own all my life. At some point it gets exhausting, especially when you feel life went by too fast. I turned 30 recently so it makes it worst. I'm sick of playing catch up with a big void still there ahead.
Just like I didn't have an actual family, if I get a wife and have kids one day (starting to look unlikely), he won't have family on his father's side, just as it was with me. Some things you can't fix. When you grew up pretty much your whole life on your own with no family, no siblings, no birthdays, it doesn't make you a very interesting person.
I want to get the driver's license, then I want to buy a house. But I'm wondering if it will really make me feel any better.