I must say, I absolutely adore your beard. :3
But on a more serious note, it starts to become a problem when you have to bargin with yourself to get out of bed in the morning... Bleh.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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I must say, I absolutely adore your beard. :3
But on a more serious note, it starts to become a problem when you have to bargin with yourself to get out of bed in the morning... Bleh.
Dude. I read Tropic of Cancer when I was 20 and it opened my eyes to how a man can change his destiny when he's 40 years old still. It's such bullshit to think that if you are not ready to start your work pipeline fresh out of university or whatever, you are failed or behind. That's utter disgusting bullshit.
I just recently listened to a former UK soldier who operated a submarine. He said he's killed people. Now he's 50 and lives in Kajaani, Finland in the middle of nowhere and runs a government business to kickstart small companies. He stated that he found his calling when he was nearly fifty.
Van Gogh was a priest and over 30 before he started to create his art.
Do what you must now to get over the depression. You still have a lifetime to search for happiness after that.
Hey, I've been watching this thread for some time now but couldn't find the courage to post.
I actually don't know where to start or what to post without my post being a mess and all over the place.
Thinking back, I feel like I've had mental issues for a very long time but ignored them because I found people to love that kept me from spiraling down and life felt pretty good. Roughly ten years back during my apprenticeship I was on the verge of suicide. Day in day out for more than half a year I pondered about this idea, perhaps even longer. I feared going to work, because I felt like I wasn't good enough and that I couldn't handle the work given to me, which in fact I hardly could since the company used me mainly to do things like copying paperwork all day long without instructing me on the important skills for the job. I'd go to work hoping to pass the day, after leaving I'd already be devastated to have to return there the next day, arriving home, going to my room, crying, drowning myself in music or visiting my best friend at the time to do the same with alcohol. I'm glad that my co-worker during these days was an amazing person and even having her own share of problems in life had an open ear. Since I kept more and more to myself in real life I found friends on a forum including my ex-girlfriend. If it wasn't for her being there for me at the time, I don't know if I'd be posting on GAF today. Typing and reading this, it sounds weird and cliche but it's how I remember these days. Thinking back, it was probably the dumbest thing to finish the apprenticeship in the first place but I didn't want to disappoint my parents and thought it would be bad for my résumé later on. Looking at it now, it would have been the least of my problems in that regard. I was a fucking coward and I can't say much has changed.
Anyway, I made up my mind to go back to school to get into university/college later on which worked out, even though I wasted more time than necessary for various reasons which I'm mostly alone to blame for.
At the time I started university, I was already in a four year long relationship with a new GF. Since her parent's moved it became a long-distance relationship after our first year and I was happy to start a new chapter in my life together with her. We "broke up" in less than a year of living together which was entirely my fault for being asshole. Years later, I still regret this and it still affects me.
People must wonder what this has to do with the topic. It made me realize that I've never had the drive to do anything or achieve anything for myself. It always came from another party.
My life is falling apart since then. It started that I gradually began to lose interest in people around me. I usually loved to hear people out and give advice. Nowadays I can't relate to other people's problems nor do I care, like I don't care for pretty much everything else.
I haven't left my apartment for months with a few exceptions and the only person I talk to is a friend who visits me every now and then and nows about my problems but even then I need alcohol to open up and get a conversation going. Even the most basic things like shopping for food feel like gargantuan tasks. I feel numb, can't concentrate und it feels like my brain is unwilling to keep the information it's fed. Right now I could sleep all day long, a few months while I was working during summer break I couldn't sleep even though I was completely and utterly exhausted. I'd get up sometimes without being able to sleep for even a minute. Hell, I even have to force myself to eat sometimes because it's too much of a hassle.
I feel anxious around people and being watched. I get nervous when the doorbell rings and ignore it, like I ignore basically most of my text messages. I cry about the most useless stuff but can't shed a tear when something actually awful happens. A few weeks back my parents called me and told me they had to put down my cat which was one of the most precious things I had left in life and also in some ways a connection to the past of better days. I don't know why I am writing this but oh well...
I could go on but honestly I feel like a fool already for writing this. Life just feels empty and meaningless. Sorry for the wall of text.
I actually don't know where to start or what to post without my post being a mess and all over the place.
Thinking back, I feel like I've had mental issues for a very long time but ignored them because I found people to love that kept me from spiraling down and life felt pretty good. Roughly ten years back during my apprenticeship I was on the verge of suicide. Day in day out for more than half a year I pondered about this idea, perhaps even longer. I feared going to work, because I felt like I wasn't good enough and that I couldn't handle the work given to me, which in fact I hardly could since the company used me mainly to do things like copying paperwork all day long without instructing me on the important skills for the job. I'd go to work hoping to pass the day, after leaving I'd already be devastated to have to return there the next day, arriving home, going to my room, crying, drowning myself in music or visiting my best friend at the time to do the same with alcohol. I'm glad that my co-worker during these days was an amazing person and even having her own share of problems in life had an open ear. Since I kept more and more to myself in real life I found friends on a forum including my ex-girlfriend. If it wasn't for her being there for me at the time, I don't know if I'd be posting on GAF today. Typing and reading this, it sounds weird and cliche but it's how I remember these days. Thinking back, it was probably the dumbest thing to finish the apprenticeship in the first place but I didn't want to disappoint my parents and thought it would be bad for my résumé later on. Looking at it now, it would have been the least of my problems in that regard. I was a fucking coward and I can't say much has changed.
Anyway, I made up my mind to go back to school to get into university/college later on which worked out, even though I wasted more time than necessary for various reasons which I'm mostly alone to blame for.
At the time I started university, I was already in a four year long relationship with a new GF. Since her parent's moved it became a long-distance relationship after our first year and I was happy to start a new chapter in my life together with her. We "broke up" in less than a year of living together which was entirely my fault for being asshole. Years later, I still regret this and it still affects me.
People must wonder what this has to do with the topic. It made me realize that I've never had the drive to do anything or achieve anything for myself. It always came from another party.
My life is falling apart since then. It started that I gradually began to lose interest in people around me. I usually loved to hear people out and give advice. Nowadays I can't relate to other people's problems nor do I care, like I don't care for pretty much everything else.
I haven't left my apartment for months with a few exceptions and the only person I talk to is a friend who visits me every now and then and nows about my problems but even then I need alcohol to open up and get a conversation going. Even the most basic things like shopping for food feel like gargantuan tasks. I feel numb, can't concentrate und it feels like my brain is unwilling to keep the information it's fed. Right now I could sleep all day long, a few months while I was working during summer break I couldn't sleep even though I was completely and utterly exhausted. I'd get up sometimes without being able to sleep for even a minute. Hell, I even have to force myself to eat sometimes because it's too much of a hassle.
I feel anxious around people and being watched. I get nervous when the doorbell rings and ignore it, like I ignore basically most of my text messages. I cry about the most useless stuff but can't shed a tear when something actually awful happens. A few weeks back my parents called me and told me they had to put down my cat which was one of the most precious things I had left in life and also in some ways a connection to the past of better days. I don't know why I am writing this but oh well...
I could go on but honestly I feel like a fool already for writing this. Life just feels empty and meaningless. Sorry for the wall of text.
Tesseract
Banned
Fun fact: I went to school with the guy who made that video. I remember when it was a link on his FB page with like 10 views lol
Also, my therapist told me I was a trauma victim today. I'd never considered that, but it actually made perfect sense when she told me that. She's been super-helpful and I'm hoping that I can finally make some progress towards attaining happiness.
Tesseract
Banned
awesome! emphasizes the fact that we're all connected.
la flama blanca
Banned
I wish I had more information, plenty of trips to the doctor, camera down my throat, blood tests blah blah. No answers. This shit fucking sucks.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Does anyone else feel like they're just incapable of happiness? I just am always miserable or anxious. Don't know what to do. People have endured much much more than I have yet I'm the one who seems incapable of handling life.
I have that too. That's definitely a chemical imbalance. I only feel happy when I listen to certain music and I'm pretty sure it's because it has an effect on neurotransmitters.
Glorious_Paradox
Member
I'm the same. Whenever I look at my life I have all the pieces there to make me happy: a truly wonderful person by my side, a great and enjoyable job among people who appreciate me, and (without being rich) having more money than I can spend.
I'm pretty much fine when I'm busy with something (e.g. working, watching a movie, hanging out with friends etc.), but whenever I sit about idle for a while all my "demons" resurface and steal any sense of contentment I may have.
The thing is, although I manage to perform well and beyond the expectations of those around me, I never really feel like I'm operating at 100%. I'm simply not as "quick" as I used to, feel much weaker and more tired as a person overall, and sometimes I find it hard to maintain my concentration. Especially when I'm alone, I never really find peace; It's like I should always be somewhere else, doing something else, never feeling content living in the moment (I guess "anxiousness" would be a good way to describe it).
This has been going on for a few years now, and I'm finally considering seeing a doctor about it soon. As a side-note, my brother got diagnosed with mild schizophrenia a few years ago, so it appears mental illness is in our family. I hope it's just a simple + treatable chemical imbalance or something.
It actually felt good writing those things down. Thanks! =)
Yes. I was bullied heavily as a child, and continued to be put down long after. A lifetime of setbacks will do that to a person. You start to feel like you don't deserve love or happiness after a while. Sometimes when I go to sleep, I wish that I don't have to wake. Life can be so painful when you're alone and it seems like the entire world conspires against you.
VanillaCakeIsBurning
Member
Have you tried googling your symptoms?
Getting tested by a different doctor might not be out of the question either. Sometimes the first one you go to isn't the best.
Just back from the Doctor. It was difficult even telling him that I have depression.
Anyway after a talk he put me on Fluoxetine, 7 capsules of it.
He made an appointment for me to return to him on Tuesday the 15th.
He talked about having a Nurse come visit me, but he didn't go too much into it, I guess I'll find out more on Tuesday.
Besides that he asked me some questions like have I talked to my anybody else about my depression, if I drink alcohol through the day, and if I've thought of suicide.
Anyway after a talk he put me on Fluoxetine, 7 capsules of it.
He made an appointment for me to return to him on Tuesday the 15th.
He talked about having a Nurse come visit me, but he didn't go too much into it, I guess I'll find out more on Tuesday.
Besides that he asked me some questions like have I talked to my anybody else about my depression, if I drink alcohol through the day, and if I've thought of suicide.
I have been having trouble really putting anything to paper so to speak. I consume content at a steady rate.... I read a lot but when it comes time to put anything together I just can't or at an amazingly slow rate. I feel just overwhelmed, I tried the list idea some offer last month, maybe I need to break down my itinerary even further. I think i suffer from anxiety and I am looking for help.
Its a step in the right direction to talk to someone. It was hard for me to talk to my doctor too but looking back I don't know why I even got nervous. You should try seeking out a therapist/someone to talk to as well.
Anyways I got prescribed Celexa/Buspar combo a month ago and that had no effect at all, and now he prescribed me Effexor and hydroxyzine. Apathy is at an all time high and I truly have no idea what I'm going to do with my life.
Hopefully you find someone that's helpful. If this is your first visit to a therapist, you should expect that you may have to visit a few people before finding someone that works well with you. I know I had to shop around before finding the person I'm seeing now. This is #4, and I finally feel like I've found someone that can help me. Speaking of which, I just got back from a therapy session. This time, my mom was with me. This was a session for us to get our feelings out and to discuss how she can help me with my depression/social phobia/PTSD. It was a harrowing session, but a helpful one. If you find a therapist that you somewhat dread going to, you've probably found the right one. lol
Side note, but at the risk of sounding vain I had another person tell me I should be a model today. It's weird because I've never felt attractive, yet I have plenty of people always saying how good-looking I am. To anyone else that must sound super-conceited, but given my posts in here I'm sure you guys can understand that I have a hard time believing people when they say good things about me. Still, so many people have said something that maybe I should look into it...
I was depressed for a good part of my life up until last August. I was at the lowest of lows, I was lashing out again, I lost nearly all of my best friends, and I shut myself in. It was a bad time and I needed to make some type of change.
Starting with a small change is the best thing you can do for yourself. I started with a daily routine of going to bed at a certain time. I wasn't restless anymore and started to feel positive about my life.
Changing the small things gives you confidence on fighting the bigger battles. It can even give you enough confidence to forget about the enormity of certain changes you're going to have to make. By the end of the Fall, I forgot about my old best friends because, "Fuck 'em. I'm enjoying life and I really don't want to talk or deal with them right now."
I didn't want to deal with them because I was given a new perspective. They were friends once, but when I was at my lowest and they knew it, I didn't even get a single phone call asking if I was alright. They ignored me, and I'm with better people now.
Start with the small changes and the rest will follow. You will make mistakes. You will fall back to square one, but ultimately you're going to be in a better place. So, instead of browsing the internet all day, go outside. Walk around. Say hello to new people. It's a start and you won't be wallowing the whole day.
Starting with a small change is the best thing you can do for yourself. I started with a daily routine of going to bed at a certain time. I wasn't restless anymore and started to feel positive about my life.
Changing the small things gives you confidence on fighting the bigger battles. It can even give you enough confidence to forget about the enormity of certain changes you're going to have to make. By the end of the Fall, I forgot about my old best friends because, "Fuck 'em. I'm enjoying life and I really don't want to talk or deal with them right now."
I didn't want to deal with them because I was given a new perspective. They were friends once, but when I was at my lowest and they knew it, I didn't even get a single phone call asking if I was alright. They ignored me, and I'm with better people now.
Start with the small changes and the rest will follow. You will make mistakes. You will fall back to square one, but ultimately you're going to be in a better place. So, instead of browsing the internet all day, go outside. Walk around. Say hello to new people. It's a start and you won't be wallowing the whole day.
Yup, first therapist. I'm really glad you told me all that because that's invaluable advice. I hope first time's the charm haha, but with my luck I doubt it :/
Well the biggest thing to keep in mind is that your therapist is another person and, therefore, only can know and base their approach on what you bring to them. I was very reserved with my previous therapist and, consequently, didn't make much headway. This time around I was very forward about what I was experiencing and why I needed help in the first session. That said, different therapists will come up with different approaches, so there's definitely a give-and-take relationship. Again, you just have to find somebody that works well with you.
I feel the same.
I'm at the pub as we speak just depressed.
I have nothing to look forward to in life. What's the point? Nothing is going my way, and I just feel trapped in a routine that'll never end.
VanillaCakeIsBurning
Member
I'm planning on telling my parents tonight. I've been holding on to this for over 9 years.
I feel I'm at the breaking point. If I don't do something about this now I'm never going to move forward with my life.
I feel I'm at the breaking point. If I don't do something about this now I'm never going to move forward with my life.
Agent Cooper
Member
I try to tell my mom and brother. Hell, I've even broke down in front of my mom.
But I'm not going to get help. She says I'm a strong person to have endured what I did and I can continue to do so and that I'm well adjusted and I'm not.
I'm just... Not.
I'm so sick of how everyone treats me.
But I'm not going to get help. She says I'm a strong person to have endured what I did and I can continue to do so and that I'm well adjusted and I'm not.
I'm just... Not.
I'm so sick of how everyone treats me.
i told my parents the other day as i've been resolving to be more open with people these days. i'm not sure if it was a good choice yet though, i didn't like the hassle at first of them suddenly being very worried for me but i also received some nice supportive texts from my mum since then. i definitely felt good sharing it with someone outside the internet though and at least they didn't trivialize it or get annoyed at me.
my main depression feeling at the moment is that of just being completely lost in the world. i wake up and constantly don't even know why anything matters or what i'm supposed to do with the time i have. nothing i do in life feels meaningful.
my main depression feeling at the moment is that of just being completely lost in the world. i wake up and constantly don't even know why anything matters or what i'm supposed to do with the time i have. nothing i do in life feels meaningful.
Is it weird that I occasionally think of Saw-styled death traps for myself? I've been thinking about something like an electric chair, but the thing that goes around your head has guns attached on each side. When you hit the switch, all 4 guns (maybe 5 if one goes on top) would shoot at the same time and kaboom your head with no way to accidentally survive.
ElectricBlanketFire
Member
If you have serious thoughts of suicide, please call 911.
Prax
Member
Do what you have to do to get better. Some people just aren't able to empathize because they have not been on that level. You might have to use analogies like "You know how it's kind of an exhausting and probably fruitless endeavour to 'will yourself better from cancer'? Well, the depression I have is like a thought cancer. No matter how strong or healthy I look, it's eating away at me from the inside and I need help for it." (hopefully they won't try to pull any "it's not fatal/real" stuff on you, because in the extreme cases of desperation, suicide is pretty real and fatal.. >_>)
That is the kind of language you might have to use to illustrate your struggle. And whether or not you get support for it, go and do what you have to. You put effort into communicating you needs to them. If they don't get it (or are in denial/too scared to accept it), then use up your reserves to seek a therapist yourself.
I don't think that's too weird as long as they remain creative "what-if"s to amuse yourself or kind of reduce your anxiety (it's actually pretty creative? lol It might make for a cool illustration or story, you know?), but it's definitely not healthy if it becomes intrusive and you become obsessed with the idea.
How so? Just do what you gotta do a little bit at a time.
I know it's hard to focus your energies when you're in a mental fog, but if this is what you want, then put in a good effort. At the very least you can say you tried.
Well GAF, looks like the work I realized under the situation explained here was (much) better than I expect. My professors now want to transform two of my final projects into full-blown Scholarly papers to be published and presented at international events and magazines. And I also got my thesis project, which also aims at spawning at least one published paper and a conference at an international forum this summer. Graduating from the program with three published papers would do wonders for my career.
However, i would submit myself to high pressure, working into three different demanding projects to be delivered by summer. And as the linked post attest, I might not be up to the task. By I'm afraid of burning bridges if I refuse to one (or more) of the opportunities presented to me during this week.
What should I do, GAF?
BTW Prax, don't be afraid of responding my posts.
However, i would submit myself to high pressure, working into three different demanding projects to be delivered by summer. And as the linked post attest, I might not be up to the task. By I'm afraid of burning bridges if I refuse to one (or more) of the opportunities presented to me during this week.
What should I do, GAF?
BTW Prax, don't be afraid of responding my posts.
Well GAF, looks like the work I realized under the situation explained here was (much) better than I expect. My professors now want to transform two of my final projects into full-blown Scholarly papers to be published and presented at international events and magazines. And I also got my thesis project, which also aims at spawning at least one published paper and a conference at an international forum this summer. Graduating from the program with three published papers would do wonders for my career.
However, i would submit myself to high pressure, working into three different demanding projects to be delivered by summer. And as the linked post attest, I might not be up to the task. By I'm afraid of burning bridges if I refuse to one (or more) of the opportunities presented to me during this week.
What should I do, GAF?
Discuss the situation honestly with your professors and then between you, you can figure out the best way forward. In terms of your career, the most important thing is that you actually have a career. If you have the ability to have published papers then you are in a good position. Work at a pace that you enjoy, you got a whole lifetime to do it. so there's no need to rush or stress.
Agent Cooper
Member
I'm trying desperately to find a job so 1) i can save up and find a therapist or something and 2) so my mom will get off my back about finding a job.
She seems sympathetic, but then she just puts all this stress on me and it just... Ugh.
I get so exhausted.
I'll try the first thing, though.
Tickets for one of my favourite bands went on sale today, and I was hoping to get them when I got in from work.
Turns out they've all sold out, and this just makes an already shitty day worse.
I am absolutely fed up with every single aspect of my life, and although it's something so trivial as a ticket it is icing on the cake for a shitty week. I've been looking forward in seeing the band again for a while now, and for this to happen is just destroying me.
I can't tell you how much I wish to scream right now.
Why is nothing going right in my life right now? It's not getting better, it's all spiralled out of control, and I'm just going deeper and deeper into depression. I even had some people at work ask why I looked so glum, and told me to cheer up since it's a friday...
Turns out they've all sold out, and this just makes an already shitty day worse.
I am absolutely fed up with every single aspect of my life, and although it's something so trivial as a ticket it is icing on the cake for a shitty week. I've been looking forward in seeing the band again for a while now, and for this to happen is just destroying me.
I can't tell you how much I wish to scream right now.
Why is nothing going right in my life right now? It's not getting better, it's all spiralled out of control, and I'm just going deeper and deeper into depression. I even had some people at work ask why I looked so glum, and told me to cheer up since it's a friday...
I feel this way a little bit lately. It's hard moving to a new city. Even though I know very few people here, it still feels lonesome. I'm so used to my previous lifestyle that it's hard adjusting to a new one. Hopefully, things will come together with due time but augh for now!
I don't think it is too serious. I used to think of more ridiculous ways to die like jumping off a sky scraper and being sniped on the way down.
I don't believe that to be the best course of action. :/
Yay, I can post now.
Feeling really down lately and I find myself welling up with tears damn near everyday. My ex was my only friend, and now I walk around the city feeling like an absolute ghost. I just started a new job and I feel too tired to do a good job. Feel like I'm going to crack soon.
Feeling really down lately and I find myself welling up with tears damn near everyday. My ex was my only friend, and now I walk around the city feeling like an absolute ghost. I just started a new job and I feel too tired to do a good job. Feel like I'm going to crack soon.
Prax
Member
Oh boy~! Someone said my name and summoned me~Well GAF, looks like the work I realized under the situation explained here was (much) better than I expect. My professors now want to transform two of my final projects into full-blown Scholarly papers to be published and presented at international events and magazines. And I also got my thesis project, which also aims at spawning at least one published paper and a conference at an international forum this summer. Graduating from the program with three published papers would do wonders for my career.
However, i would submit myself to high pressure, working into three different demanding projects to be delivered by summer. And as the linked post attest, I might not be up to the task. By I'm afraid of burning bridges if I refuse to one (or more) of the opportunities presented to me during this week.
What should I do, GAF?
BTW Prax, don't be afraid of responding my posts.
Okay, my advice would be NOT to overcommit yourself if you don't think you can mentally handle it. HOWEVER, if all three projects are somewhat similar and you can recycle your sources or information (and have them work synergistically off of one another), I would say to go for it.
You said you had a lot more fun doing it than you thought you would, right? Maybe you are like me. Agonize and procrastinate forever, but once you get going, a "mode" turns on and all the connections start getting made and things start turning out really clever! It'll probably always feel like a "fluke", but in reality, you're probably really just smart and qualified. Just that.. time management and possibly all that anxiety remains a roadblock. >_>
Explain to your profs the amount of work you will have to do and ask THEM if they think it's realistic for you to accomplish all of it. You can also point out that you were already really stressed out while finishing your last thing (you can say "I had a lot on my plate while trying to complete the other project at the same time and I will for this as well") and while you did well, you aren't quite sure you can pull the same quality again under even more stress. I think they will be understanding and help you strategize around this. I mean, they were grad students once too!
You won't be burning bridges. Just do what you can. You might be able to complete mini projects for them instead. They probably just see in you a lot of potential and want to push you as far as you can (and ride on your hard work too! XD), but they'll probably be more understanding than you think they would be. And even then, you can tell them that you can always finish the work at a more leisurely pace if they REALLY wanted it done and you can help them present it the following year instead. There will always be more conferences and journals to publish in.
Ha.. finding a job thing is terrible. I hate looking for work. So soul-crushing to not get replies, and then suddenly frightening when you do. Will any job do? Are job fairs going around in your area? I know January's a kind of slow month, but maybe you'll have luck if you just send resumes everywhere.
You are hanging in there well despite all the stress. If you're exhausted, make sure to treat yourself well and reward yourself often. Even if it seems like you might be overindulging yourself, it's okay.
revolverjgw
Member
Does the idea of a failed suicide scare you?
I've often thought of suicide, but never in a really serious way. I've never been close to doing it, just kind of thought about the comfort of having that option, and about how I'd do it in a way that I'd feel comfortable. And like you, I've thought about elaborate methods because the thought of surviving it is terrifying to me... I thought of going out on the edge of a boat and shooting myself in the head so that if I somehow survived the bullet, I'd surely drown. No life support or vegetative state for me. And I also thought about a way to use two guns at once. The brain can be surprisingly resilient and it feels like one bullet might not be enough. But these thoughts were kind of half serious, more like morbid contemplations that were actually darkly funny to me as I was thinking about it... because that's all they were, way-out-there thoughts and not plans.
And to be honest, your five-gun suicide seat made me laugh (I have a very dark sense of humor) when I read it. But only because I can kind of understand where you might be coming from, and well... it's a crazy mental image. I mean, as long as you're not actually thinking about rigging this shit up...
SpartanForce
Member
My doctor gave me Saphris to counter my "bipolar depression".
So far so good.
So far so good.
1.) Read back several pages. Figure out who the most helpful posters are. Think about their suggestions in other cases
2.) Don't hold back. Just feel free to vent, unload, whatever - we've all done it (my interview will be up soonish, we hope. I've shared the short story with many of you.
3.) Read any responses and engage.
go beyond this and call out/PM/find on skype the people you really think may be able to help
4.) with some direction, wade into the PraxChats. They're wilder, but you'll get more perspectives. Cultivated the helpful associations and ignore anything that seems nuts.
And if there are things we're not addressing well, contact me directly. It's not my thread but I try to watch over it and coordinate with the inner circle of dedicated DepressionGaffers. We really want to help steer people towards resources that can really help them. People are getting help in this thread, including me - for which I cannot adequately express my gratitude to Piano <3, Oomi, <3 Nos <3, Pau <3, Prax <3, Agent Cooper <3. Xun, Neojubei, UChip (if he returns to us}....and others too numerous to count. I know I'm leaving people out, but I'm falling asleep. We're a family. We watch out for each other and people have time and again demonstrated how far they'll go to help their depressionGAF family.
Don't ever worry abut bothering us! If people are in the group, on skype, I think they'd love to be approached. And if not,a polite "I'm really busy - can we talk on x" is about the worst that'll happen.
This is a community to defy all expectations. Let's keep it up as a force for good, as a tiny pinprick of hope among all the darkness. I owe you all so much for helping me with my problems, and for letting me hear about yours. I'm so proud of what we've built.
Contact me ANY TIME! I read everything and try to reply as speedily a i can. It is no bother at all. If I'm busy, we'll set up some other time. gaf.bagels on skype or bagels on steam, i believe. OR just PM me. I'm always here to help. I liked with depression for a decade now, almost ended my life multiple times, yet here I am, well on my way to becoming a psychiatrist. And because I've known you all, I know I'll be a better doc. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I owe each of you the world.And knowing so many of you so well, it's criminal how others get you to accept that you're ugly or stupid or not good enough for 'x'. Fuck those voices. Or at least listen to me, too - I have yet to hear a goal that was not eminently reachable with some hard work and some help from your peers. You have a lifetime to learn to be mediocre; you're at that perfect point to identify your calling and throw yourself into it and make a real difference.
2.) Don't hold back. Just feel free to vent, unload, whatever - we've all done it (my interview will be up soonish, we hope. I've shared the short story with many of you.
3.) Read any responses and engage.
go beyond this and call out/PM/find on skype the people you really think may be able to help
4.) with some direction, wade into the PraxChats. They're wilder, but you'll get more perspectives. Cultivated the helpful associations and ignore anything that seems nuts.
And if there are things we're not addressing well, contact me directly. It's not my thread but I try to watch over it and coordinate with the inner circle of dedicated DepressionGaffers. We really want to help steer people towards resources that can really help them. People are getting help in this thread, including me - for which I cannot adequately express my gratitude to Piano <3, Oomi, <3 Nos <3, Pau <3, Prax <3, Agent Cooper <3. Xun, Neojubei, UChip (if he returns to us}....and others too numerous to count. I know I'm leaving people out, but I'm falling asleep. We're a family. We watch out for each other and people have time and again demonstrated how far they'll go to help their depressionGAF family.
Don't ever worry abut bothering us! If people are in the group, on skype, I think they'd love to be approached. And if not,a polite "I'm really busy - can we talk on x" is about the worst that'll happen.
This is a community to defy all expectations. Let's keep it up as a force for good, as a tiny pinprick of hope among all the darkness. I owe you all so much for helping me with my problems, and for letting me hear about yours. I'm so proud of what we've built.
Contact me ANY TIME! I read everything and try to reply as speedily a i can. It is no bother at all. If I'm busy, we'll set up some other time. gaf.bagels on skype or bagels on steam, i believe. OR just PM me. I'm always here to help. I liked with depression for a decade now, almost ended my life multiple times, yet here I am, well on my way to becoming a psychiatrist. And because I've known you all, I know I'll be a better doc. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I owe each of you the world.And knowing so many of you so well, it's criminal how others get you to accept that you're ugly or stupid or not good enough for 'x'. Fuck those voices. Or at least listen to me, too - I have yet to hear a goal that was not eminently reachable with some hard work and some help from your peers. You have a lifetime to learn to be mediocre; you're at that perfect point to identify your calling and throw yourself into it and make a real difference.
I can't say I've ever really thought about a failed attempt. I've only been serious enough about suicide to know it was a bad situation once. Also, I can't build shit. I can't even build stuff out of legos and I barely passed shop class. I have no guns, no access to guns, and have never even held a real gun. I don't see me building a 5 way brain shooter any time soon.
Yeah, so I took a sleeping pill somewhere between these last two posts and then, of course, did NOT go to sleep. So apologies as it MADE NO GODDAM SENSE. DELETED!
I've just been getting more questions about my story, and we haven't been able to get an interview together yet, so I was going to just hang out in the PraxChat (details above!) and answer any questions people have. I feel bad knowing so much about so many of you, yet only a few of you know how I ended up in this thread at all.
So I'll be in the chat. People can just chat if they want, but I'll try to answer your questions about me if you have them.
I've just been getting more questions about my story, and we haven't been able to get an interview together yet, so I was going to just hang out in the PraxChat (details above!) and answer any questions people have. I feel bad knowing so much about so many of you, yet only a few of you know how I ended up in this thread at all.
So I'll be in the chat. People can just chat if they want, but I'll try to answer your questions about me if you have them.
Ken Masters
Banned
Science research is 99% failure, hang in there
Charoncaori
Member
Well now that my birthday is over, it's back to the "you've accomplished nothing" talks.
I just want to be left alone. =__=
I just want to be left alone. =__=
Rocket Scientist
Member
What triggers the going down in the afternoon? Instead of drinking, maybe try exercise. Release some dopamine and stay moving.
fierrotlepou
Member
Can't seem to find the relationship-gaf topic, but I'm depressed again.
My girlfriend dumped me after she found out that I kissed someone (on a drunken evening). This is something that happened almost a year ago, but someone found it funny (?) to make it even worse by saying that I fucked her. My girlfriend always said to me that if I ever kiss someone when I'm drunk or by accident or whatever, that I should say it and that she wouldn't really be mad.
I couldn't do it, I don't know why. But all this time passed and I just forgot about it honestly. We had been together for a year now.
So I came at her door and she just threw her ring at me that she got from me a while ago (not an engagement ring or anything, but whatever). I didn't know what was up. Then she told me that she heard from her friend (who heard it from someone else - yes it that kind of thing) that I fucked a girl. That I cheated on her. I told her nothing happened and that I didn't fuck anyone! She then said: "why would she lie about it herself? I called her and she immediately admitted it." (Afterwards she told me that she just said she was sorry and that I didn't fuck her, it's the other person that did) By then I couldn't think anymore, why would she say that I fucked her? I could only think about the part that said I fucked someone else. Which is not true. So I left because I couldn't handle it.
Then she told me that she talked to the girl and she said: "Why aren't you honest with me and why don't you tell me that you only kissed her?"
She's right but I really couldn't think straight at that time... We talked a little bit afterwards and she said that she might've overreacted a little, but the image of me is "fucked" now, she said in those words.
I don't know what to do... We were going to Budapest in February, everything was set. I had so much planned.
My girlfriend dumped me after she found out that I kissed someone (on a drunken evening). This is something that happened almost a year ago, but someone found it funny (?) to make it even worse by saying that I fucked her. My girlfriend always said to me that if I ever kiss someone when I'm drunk or by accident or whatever, that I should say it and that she wouldn't really be mad.
I couldn't do it, I don't know why. But all this time passed and I just forgot about it honestly. We had been together for a year now.
So I came at her door and she just threw her ring at me that she got from me a while ago (not an engagement ring or anything, but whatever). I didn't know what was up. Then she told me that she heard from her friend (who heard it from someone else - yes it that kind of thing) that I fucked a girl. That I cheated on her. I told her nothing happened and that I didn't fuck anyone! She then said: "why would she lie about it herself? I called her and she immediately admitted it." (Afterwards she told me that she just said she was sorry and that I didn't fuck her, it's the other person that did) By then I couldn't think anymore, why would she say that I fucked her? I could only think about the part that said I fucked someone else. Which is not true. So I left because I couldn't handle it.
Then she told me that she talked to the girl and she said: "Why aren't you honest with me and why don't you tell me that you only kissed her?"
She's right but I really couldn't think straight at that time... We talked a little bit afterwards and she said that she might've overreacted a little, but the image of me is "fucked" now, she said in those words.
I don't know what to do... We were going to Budapest in February, everything was set. I had so much planned.
- Status