Some of the rare drops are too painful to base a new build around, you're better off in NG+ for that sort of thing. Especially getting the Magma Blades, that's one of the rarer ones - let alone two of them. If you know what you're doing you can get to that enemy within about 25 minutes of a new game, but the luck is too low to stand any real chance and the enemies are a higher area scaling than you have the gear for.
You're not wrong about delayed attacks, and it really takes some adjusting to. It's indicative of From's gameplay design progress, as they take something from a recent project and run with it. Dark Souls 2 was anti-[everything that worked in 1] to the point of annoyance. Rolls were nerfed, enemies got insane tracking to stop back stabs. When they made Bloodborne, all future games got faster. After they made Dark Souls 3 and Namless King kicked everyone's arse with his delayed attacks, Elden Ring had 400,000 delayed attacks. It's fine if you adapt, and the point is to stop people getting away with panic rolling, but it's almost a meta game From play with long time fans to catch them out and punish what works.
For better or worse, as time goes on it's emphasised the idea that the gameplay is sometimes less about acting and more about reacting. You wait for/create opportunities to safely get hits in. Then if you get good at that and don't play too safely, you can start to stagger enemies/bosses and be rewarded with bonus damage for your efforts.
I will recommend Strength builds to anyone coming into ER fresh, because not only do that absolutely encourage it (Great Axe, Axe talisman, Strength tear all in the first area) but bigger weapons do more for you than smaller ones will (stagger) while also discouraging lots of hits.
But the truth is that you're missing a lot because you're trying to take shortcuts. Of course things are hidden if your solution to everything is YouTube instead of playing the game, what do you expect? Volcano Manor's Rya gives you more and more dialogue that hints towards a hidden wall as you progress through the assignments. If you don't like the gameplay that's fine, but the game gives you so many more options than previous games did and they're all valid. Summon spirits, buff to fuck, find a nice powerful ash of war, craft sleep bombs. You get windows to attack when a summon is drawing aggro for you. Not all enemies have massive combos, you're salty because impatience is punished and it's clouded your judgement. I find it strange that you'll happily take some previous games, but ER isn't that far away from any of them so if you can play them you can definitely play this.