Hmm. I don't know without taking a closer look at fits and I'm probably not the best person to ask anyway. If you use a deadspace EM amplifier and get over 70% resist, I don't see why it would be a problem. The ward might give you slightly higher, but if you hit the resist mark and are over 100k EHP, then yes, it mostly just sucks up some cap (that's already more precious on a blaster boat.)
As for point 1, yes: read
this closely if you haven't. That's just one source, but it's a fairly good one.
Point 2 - I was off when the mom was killed, but a new incursion has spawned as of this post.
The list in that post pretty much covers the basic fitting and tanking skills (that are essential for everybody), yes. You'll also want to toss in whatever you chosen weapon (and corresponding support) skills in your queue as well. Since you said you're using a Merlin, that would be hybrid turrets. Caldari also uses missiles. Gallente ships also uses hybrid turrets with an additional focus on drones. Amarr ships primarily use energy turrets, though they make greater use of drones and missiles on some ships. Minmatar boats use projectile turrets with missiles being the secondary focus.
You can quickly cross-train to another race if you prefer their style of ship, especially since your character is so new, you'll hardly lose out on anything since you don't even have core skills up to scratch.
This reddit post from a few days ago gives a good overview of the traits of the various races.
And there's no perfect fitting for everything. Depending on your skills/wallet/risk-adversity, there are numerous valid fittings for every situation. I assume you mean for level 1/2 missions though.
Battleclinic is a decent place to look to get a general idea (check the boxes with the tags you're interested in after looking up the hull type.) And get
EVE Fitting Tool (EFT) as soon as possible to check out and play around with fits. Went far too long without it and it makes things much easier in that regard.
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That's it for this post though, probably too much information already (even though there's more I could say - game is deep!). I probably should get around to updating the OP with some essential links for new and returning players sometime.
Oh and join the NeoGAF chat channel in-game, and if you PM me your character name I can send you some ISK to help get you on your feet some - to buy skillbooks or whatever.
EDIT: Also just remembered,
ISK the guide was a useful resource for me when I was first starting out. Some of it will be outdated by now (and their v.2 isn't available in English yet for some reason), but most is still valid at least in principle, and it will give you a good synopsis of pretty much every game system in EVE. Something to read while going to sleep or whatever. (The site looks a bit scammy, but it's not - you don't have to pay for anything.)
