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WCW Monday Nitro 9/11/2000
EARLIER TODAY. A limo arrived. Crowbar and Daffney (and Ozzy) congratulated David on his big night. WHOOO.
TO THE BACK. Jeff claims all this is "sheer, outrageous vaudeville". I don't think Jeff has ever seen a vaudeville show.
Tonight is the night. David and Stacy get married!
Filthy Animals vs Kronik WCW Tag Team Championships
Got damn, Tygress is looking hot as BALLS! Fuuuck. Konnan is wearing a cowboy hat. Konnan, Disqo, and JB are on commentary tonight. I'm trying to get a shot of Tygress without dudes in it. Disqo says Juvi is "total nonstop action". Lol. They're in a huge arena that is clearly half full based on how dark most of it is. Konnan says something about how there won't be any face full of stuff tonight because Kronik didn't want to sell it. A Harris Brother comes out with a hand held camera when the other hits Crush with the TV camera. Disqo does a Chart Buster on the floor to Wrath, which seems like it'd hurt him more. Juvi hits a 450, but Wrath kicks out. The thought of a Kronik/Harris Boys home video makes me sad for humanity. The worst kind of porn is the kind with 4 stiffs and no one selling. Animals retain.
TO THE BACK. A white limo arrives. It's Stacy and her parents.
The same recap of Wargames 2000 is shown, with the same hornless ska music. The recap is for sure better than the match itself. Tony claims that Nash's win was one of the biggest SWERVES ever.
Show run down. The wedding. An update on Russo's condition. Apparently he's had 3 concussions in 3 months. He had brain surgery and we'll see video of it tonight!
The Cat and Ms. Jones come to the ring. Cat makes fun of brain surgery and says Russo's injunction to get rid of Cat's power was thrown out. The Cat is back in charge, baby! He was only out of control for one show. Nash vs Booker will now be a cage match at the PPV. Nash will have a title match against Steiner tonight! Ms. Jones books herself against Jeff Jarrett. This brings out Double J. He'll handcuff his wrists to prove that men are superior to women. So he's reverting back to his WWF wimyns hating gimmick? Cat and Jeff brawl. Steiner hits the ring.
TO THE BACK. Booker and Sting arrived.
Big Vito vs Reno Stick Ball Bat on a Pole Match
Cat decided during the break that Booker will ref the title match and Goldberg will be the special enforcer. Oh hey, another pole match. Oh, Russo. I believe this is the 4th pole match in a little over a month. There is a ref bump, which is completely useless in a match where the point is to get a weapon and hit your opponent with it. This led to JTB returning to save Vito only to SWERVE and turn on him. Reno wins. The rest of the NBT (minus Mike Sanders, who was suspended for his actions on Thunder) and lay a beat down on Vito. They did the Spirit Squad's finisher. Lol.
TO THE BACK. Cat bitches at Booker and Sting. They're calm to the point of not giving a fuck. Torrie heads to the ring. NWO 230498230 AOL V. 6.0 laugh about Cat's beat down. Booker, Sting, and Cat barge in their locker room and Cat says he'll fire them all if they don't do the title match tonight. Paula is with Madusa. She has a match with Torrie. I don't like Madusa. I've never liked her. Be it pre-WWF Madusa, Alundra Blaze, and post-WWF Madusa. I never thought she was a good wrestler.
Madusa vs Torrie Wilson
Mark says he'll lick Torrie's wounds. He also takes a shot at Jim Cornette just for fun. Shane comes in after one move and hits a belly to belly before putting her in the STF while Torrie shit talks her. Kidman hits the ring. Madden says Lou Thesz also beat up women. Madusa wants to add herself and Torrie to the scaffold match. Shane said "bitch" at least 40 times in the ring and on the mic.
TO THE BACK. Crowbar helps David get ready.
Jimmy Hart delivers a letter to Stacy. Her mom is pretty hot. She looks like Stacy, but with a 50 year old face and shorter. But you can tell Stacy is going to age well when you look at her. A limo pulls up, but Mike Awesome arrives in the Partridge Family bus. Steiner freaks out about not getting Goldberg tonight. Nash suggest they do the finger poke of doom finish. Scott doesn't seem to understand that he'd be the one to job.
Jeff Jarrett vs Ms. Jones
Cat puts the cuffs on Jeff and takes some cheap shots. Ms. Jones beats Jeff's ass for a while. She kicked Billy Silverman in the junk and then hit Jeff in the balls. Jeff STILL did a guitar shot even with his hands cuffed. Jeff Jarrett wins. He was going to do something with a chair, but Mike Awesome makes the save. In his blue leisure suit. How is anyone supposed to take Jeff as a serious threat when he can't even beat a non-wrestler woman without having to cheat?
TO THE BACK. Nash makes a diagram of how the match will go. He drew 3 legs for him and Scott's hand is long and next to his hips. Jeff comes in the office asking where his boys were when he needed them. Kev tells Jeff to go explain this to his retarded friend. "Retarded?" "Yeah. He is."
Jim Duggan comes to the ring. Again with the cancer talk? Jesus. Get over it, Jim. My dog had breast cancer 14 times. She didn't talk about it constantly. That bitch just wanted some bacon and a nap. She overcame cancer 2-3 times a year for 4-5 years. My dog was the John Cena of cancer survivors. He's announcing his retirement from the WCW and passes the flag on to General Donger. "They look like mother and daughter!" This brings Lance out.
Lance Storm vs General Rection
Non-title match. They're having a match at the PPV, which is 6 days away. I don't know why they're having a match right before it, but Shane and Kidman had 3 matches in a row before their PPV match. But then, I don't know why they had Nash beat Booker for the title 3 weeks before their big PPV match. Hugh misses he moonsault and is knocked out. Maple Leaf, but his hand is under the ropes. Duggan points it out to the ref. Jim hits Lance with the 2x4 while he was on the ropes, which sent him into a powerslam. Hugh wins. This is 3 losses in a row for Lance.
TO THE BACK. Stacy reads the letter she got earlier.
The wedding starts. Eh, maybe Stacy's mom isn't quite so hot. I believe Stacy will take care of herself a lot more, though. Crowbar is the best man, wearing a top hat and tuxedo shirt. David asks for Arn to come out. I love the late 90s Horsemen theme. SO good. The early 90s one was pretty lame, the mid 90s one was pretty boss, but nothing tops the late 90s one. Arn is telling David that it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. He also tells her to hide some of the money from the wedding. This money is for when he needs to run away. David asks for Ric to come out and be the best man. He's here! Rick now has David's hair cut. So weird seeing Ric with short, spiky hair.
A whole host of lawyers and cops come out to ringside. JB hops in the ring. Vince Russo took out a restraining order on Ric Flair that said he couldn't be within 100 feet of the arena. But Russo isn't there. Do restraining orders work like that? Would Russo need to be there for that? Stacy leaves the ring. Runaway bride!
TO THE BACK. Cops place Ric in a car. Arn says he'll take care of it.
We see all 3 of Russo's concussions. The cage match with Flair, Vito beat down, and during Wargames 2000.
TO THE BRAIN SURGERY. Russo had a blood clot in his brain. This doctor is boring as FUCK. He should have had charisma surgery. There weren't even clips of a brain. Just x-rays.
Sting vs The Harris Brothers
Russo booked this from the hospital or something. You know the spot where a guy gets in the ring and his opponent kicks or lifts the ropes to rack him? Sting did that spot. The main difference was that he grabbed the second rope when the Harris Brother stepped over the top rope. They beat on Sting with chains until Kronik hit the ring with chains of their own. Sting wins.
TO THE BACK. Jeff tries to convince Steiner to do the job. Stacy paces in her locker room. David has everything reset and wants to redo the wedding. Stacy is iffy on it all.
TO THE WEDDING. This minister is clearly a Southern Baptist. So hammy. Stacy objects to it all. She reveals that David is not the father! YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! Stacy runs away again.
TO THE BACK. Stacy hops in a limo and bolts. Awesome brings Paula to his bus. He was totally going to hit that. Jeff ambushes him, fights him off, and then the NBT attack. Gene is with Steiner. He ain't laying down for nobody. I can't understand ANYTHING he's saying. Even more than usually. Something about the axis being at 47 degrees vertically because his freaks can see the big dipper and know size matters horizontally and everything is fine when he goes behind....I don't fucking know. It made less sense than normal. It was awesome. I want him to go on the Rogan/Deathsquad podcast circuit. Can you imagine a podcast with Joey Diaz, Scott Steiner, and Bert Kreischer?
Scott Steiner vs Kevin Nash WCW Championship
Booker is ref, Goldberg is enforcer. Nash tries the finger poke. It doesn't work. Steiner pokes back. They have a real match until the attack Booker. Why isn't Goldberg stopping this? He does, eventually, after Charles Robinson comes out. Nash beats up Goldberg on the floor, Steiner beats up Booker on the floor. Now they're double teaming Bill. Seems like Booker should have called for a DQ 3 minutes ago. It might as well be a tag match now. Steiner gets knocked off the apron into Cat. Someone throws something in the ring. Goldberg sees who did it and SCREAMS at the guy, who clearly shit his pants and tried to hide behind his woman. The bus arrives with Jarrett and the NBT. Nash slams Book's head through the windshield of the bus. Goldberg is handcuffed to the grill so Steiner can beat on him. Goldberg RIPS THE GRILL OFF, but we're outta time!
The card for Fall Brawl is looking like this:
Booker T vs Kevin Nash WCW Championship Caged Heat
Scott Steiner vs Goldberg
General Rection vs Lance Storm Canadian Championship
Filthy Animals vs NBT WCW Tag Team Championships
Shane Douglas/Torrie Wilson vs Kidman/Madusa Pittsburg Plunge Scaffold Match
Harris Boys vs Kronik Chain Match
Sting vs The Great Muta vs Vampiro
Jeff Jarrett vs Mike Awesome Bunkhouse Brawl
Besides the chain and scaffold matches, this is a pretty good line up. Steiner/Goldberg was probably the only real "holy fuck, I have to see that" match WCW had at the time. It probably should have been done at Starrcade.
BONUS: