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[Step]

Sorry to heard that OP, you said No and she didn't heard it/respect it, you should really report it, and even more if you are not sure if she took off the condom, you never know if she will later get pregnant and then use it to her favor and don't forget get tested.

And don't feel ashamed or angry about yourself, try to find help with a therapist or a really close friend / familiar , I can't imagine how vulnerable you must feel.

 

[Irishmantis]

Although its a common sex vision i have

i wouldn't know how i would actually react prolly be freaked as fuck

plus im assuming she did without protection which could lead to worse things

(Not that it makes it OK once you have a Condom)

 

[Dude Abides]

You had sex without your consent. That is the normal common sense definition of rape.

In some jurisdictions you have to be penetrated to be raped (or at least this used to be this law, not entirely sure) - i.e. a woman having vaginal sex with a man can't be rape - but even in those places there is probably some other type of sexual offense that she committed.

 

[Radec]

How can some of you try to joke in a situation like this?

Truly baffling.

Wasn't joking.

Feel sorry for the guy actually.

 

[Kraftwerk]

Wasn't joking.

Let me rephrase;

Why are you coming into a thread about the OP talking about this extremely delicate issue, and asking him how he was able to get hard while he was drunk. because you can never do that.

Seriously?

 

[kame-sennin]

For people who don't know how to live in a civilized society, this is what consent looks like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD2EooMhqRI

 

[stn]

How well do you know this girl, OP? Sorry this happened to you, you should consider talking to your family about it.

 

[chicko1983]

if there was no consent, then it was rape.

 

[Trey]

For people who don't know how to live in a civilized society, this is what consent looks like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD2EooMhqRI

Having to okay every incremental move the initiator makes is but one situation where consent is a factor.

 

[qazqaNii]

Congrats on fathership.

Spoiler

YES, I KNOW!!

 

[prwxv3]

I still can't believe that "he had a erection, he must have wanted it" bullshit is still believed by many people.

 

[BurnOutBrighter]

You had sex without your consent. That is the normal common sense definition of rape.

In some jurisdictions you have to be penetrated to be raped (or at least this used to be this law, not entirely sure) - i.e. a woman having vaginal sex with a man can't be rape - but even in those places there is probably some other type of sexual offense that she committed.

Yeah this double standard still exists in New Zealand law as well.

(2)Person A rapes person B if person A has sexual connection with person B, effected by the penetration of person B's genitalia by person A's penis,—
(a)without person B's consent to the connection; and
(b)without believing on reasonable grounds that person B consents to the connection.

http://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/1961/0043/latest/DLM329051.html

Any other form of nonconsensual sexual activity is termed "sexual violation" or "unlawful sexual connection". So by law, only men can be "rapists".

They should scrap the term "rape", which is such a loaded word while also not being very specific, and just use "sexual violation" or "sexual assault" to describe any kind of nonconsensual sex.

 

[InsaneZero]

I still can't believe that "he had a erection, he must have wanted it" bullshit is still believed by many people.

I think it might have to do with the lack of dialogue that we have regarding male rape in general.

 

[thestopsign]

I'm sorry OP, I feel ya. Thankfully my case stopped before the bed room, was still weird. Had/have the same mix of feelings as you (as far as I can tell).

 

[Jakeh111]

You were drunk so even if you said yes it could still be considered rape.

 

[DR2K]

Well you were both in alerted state, so if you report this you better make sure you have all the facts. From what you posted, yes, you were forced to have sex against your own will.

 

[terrisus]

Well you were both in alerted state, so if you report this you better make sure you have all the facts. From what you posted, yes, you were forced to have sex against your own will.

Had to read over this a couple of times before realizing you meant "altered state."
Since, "alerted state" would mean almost the exact opposite.

 

[GoldenEye 007]

I think it might have to do with the lack of dialogue that we have regarding male rape in general.

I'd say more a lack of basic scientific understanding. Assuming we've all been through puberty, we should mostly know an erection can happen out of your control.

Probably a bit of both.

Edit: Oh, and OP, please get help. Since you were both drunk, the first person who sees the police usually has the advantage. Lawyers have straight up told people this when in educational settings. This is not legal advice. But I wouldn't personally want that hanging out there over my head... Or around my neck.

 

[Mii]

I'm sorry that you must face this problem OP. I honestly don't know how I'd react if it happened to me.

When I try to imagine being put in the situation, the first response I would have is an odd form of guilt around feeling violated when the people around me think such a problem couldn't be faced by a male who had sex with a female. Even GAFers in this thread seem to belittle the problem.

I would also have a sense of shame around being male and raped, as I would expect to receive a lot of shit from everyone around me for pursuing action. I wouldn't expect anyone around me to take it seriously, and I imagine that would probably cause a great deal of grief for me.

I would also have a weird form of sympathy for the female rapist, thinking that she possibly wasn't raised to be aware of what her own sexual actions could mean to others. She possibly has never thought of her own sexual actions as ever being unwanted by anyone. I don't know if this is a jaded male perspective, but I feel that in the modern era, men are better informed on matters of personal space and limits than women.

Admittedly, there is a chance these feelings would leave me petrified of pursuing action. I hope whatever you do decide to do, that you'll recover from this to the fullest extent possible.

 

[terrisus]

I'd say more a lack of basic scientific understanding. Assuming we've all been through puberty, we should mostly know an erection can happen out of your control.

Probably a bit of both.

I feel like it's more the other reason.

As you said, any male who's been through puberty should know better than to say stuff like that.
And, whole whole "if you had an erection/orgasm, you must've wanted it," aside from being the match to victim-blaming when things happen the other way, is basically just an extension of the whole "all guys want sex/you must've enjoyed it/who wouldn't have wanted that?" sort of thing.

You see it plenty in instances of underage males being raped/molested/etc. by older women as well. The whole "Wow, when I was that age, I would've loved for that to happen to me!" thing.

I don't think people "don't understand the scientific side of things." I feel like that's just a convenient accompanying to what's being said.

 

[ndawgdrake]

My ex GF in the past has done this to me before. I didn't exactly give my consent, but I wasn't mad when I woke up because, you know, she's my gf and shit.

I guess the question in the end is: are you okay with it?

 

[terrisus]

I guess the question in the end is: are you okay with it?

You mean "Are you okay with being raped?"

 

[Krakn3Dfx]

I'm a guy who doesn't really care too much about getting laid or not

Damn stud, everytime I get a piece

 

[Mononoke]

My ex GF in the past has done this to me before. I didn't exactly give my consent, but I wasn't mad when I woke up because, you know, she's my gf and shit.

I guess the question in the end is: are you okay with it?

I mean, I'm not telling you how you should feel. But just because she was your girlfriend, doesn't mean it's not rape. Going out with someone doesn't entitle you to sex with them. Sex without a consent is never okay.

But that said, you were okay with it. Like, even though you didn't give consent every time, was there like an understanding that she would do this, and you were okay with it? Because that kind of is consent (if in the relationship, you have an understanding and are okay with her doing that).

 

[terrisus]

But just because she was your girlfriend, doesn't mean it's not rape. Going out with someone doesn't entitle you to sex with them. Sex without a consent is never okay.

Indeed. Even if one is married, it's still the same deal.

 

[Devolution]

It's best to just air that shit out regardless of whether you're with someone or not.

Like is it okay to wake you up with a bj? Yes? Okay then. Or they stipulate that it is. Open lines of communication people.

 

[ProfessorMoran]

Last night I was hanging out with a girl and a few drinks turned into a lot more. She turned on some music and started grinding on me then pulled me into the bedroom; I remember all of that. Then I started to pass out and sort of hunched over her as she kept grinding on me. She pushed me onto the bed and took my pants off. At this point I remember saying, "hey no, let's not do this drunk" and she said it was fine. She grabbed a prophylactic and put it on me and attempted to have sex with me while I was on the bed. I was in and out of all of this; only remember flashes of what happened.

Woke up this morning and she apologized for what happened last night.

I feel really weird about this because I'm a guy who doesn't really care too much about getting laid or not. But when I ask a woman not to have sex with me and she does, while I'm drunk at that, I feel...I don't know violated doesn't seem to encompass the feeling.

Are you OK with this? You probably did get rapped.

Is she hot?

 

[User 100115]

I really want to say, thank you mods for being top notch in this thread. The only way we can change social attitudes on this shit is to show people how wrong it is. You guys are doing awesome.

 

[Deaf Spacker]

Holy shit at some of the replies in this thread.

I'm only going to echo what most have said but you were raped OP.

 

[terrisus]

I really want to say, thank you mods for being top notch in this thread. The only way we can change social attitudes on this shit is to show people how wrong it is. You guys are doing awesome.

Seconded.

 

[remnant]

For people who don't know how to live in a civilized society, this is what consent looks like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD2EooMhqRI

Is this meant for 5th graders?

 

[Toxi]

Jesus Christ, my sympathies OP. I have no idea how I'd act in your situation.

 

[Gustav]

Sorry for asking. I thought if you're drunk you can't consent anyway in most states in the US. Shouldn't that make that situation a rape even if you said yes?

 

[Ninja Scooter]

Sorry for asking. I thought if you're drunk you can't consent anyway in most states in the US. Shouldn't that make that situation a rape even if you said yes?

In situations like this if she was drunk too could she claim rape?

 

[Deaf Spacker]

Sorry for asking. I thought if you're drunk you can't consent anyway in most states in the US. Shouldn't that make that situation a rape even if you said yes?

In situations like this if she was drunk too could she claim rape?

I believe so, in recent years there's been a big campaign aimed at university students where drunk sex doesn't necessary mean consensual sex, this is in the UK btw.

 

[Vitten]

I dunno dude; you willingly got plastered together with a frisky woman and then you complain you might have gotten 'raped' ? Sounds like a bunch of whining if you ask me.. Thousands of people have drunk sex every weekend, and I'm sure most of them have some regrets afterwards..

I sure as hell wouldn't go to the cops like some peope here are suggesting. What the hell would that achieve ? They 'll probably just laugh in your face.

 

[Deaf Spacker]

I dunno dude; you willingly got plastered together with a frisky woman and then you complain you might have gotten 'raped' ? Sounds like a bunch of whining if you ask me.. Thousands of people have drunk sex every weekend, and I'm sure most of them have some regrets afterwards..

I sure as hell wouldn't go to the cops like some peope here are suggesting. What the hell would that achieve ? They 'll probably just laugh in your face.

The OP made it clear that he didn't want sex.

 

[Giolon]

I dunno dude; you willingly got plastered together with a frisky woman and then you complain you might have gotten 'raped' ? Sounds like a bunch of whining if you ask me.. Thousands of people have drunk sex every weekend, and I'm sure most of them have some regrets afterwards..

I sure as hell wouldn't go to the cops like some peope here are suggesting. What the hell would that achieve ? They 'll probably just laugh in your face.

It's like nobody even pays attention to the people getting banned.

Sorry to hear, OP. You have my thoughts.

 

[User 100115]

I dunno dude; you willingly got plastered together with a frisky woman and then you complain you might have gotten 'raped' ? Sounds like a bunch of whining if you ask me.. Thousands of people have drunk sex every weekend, and I'm sure most of them have some regrets afterwards..

I sure as hell wouldn't go to the cops like some peope here are suggesting. What the hell would that achieve ? They 'll probably just laugh in your face.

The only reason they would laugh at him is because people like you keep the myth that male rape is impossible alive, and that passed out drunk people are fair game when it comes to sex.. Also, you are victim blaming; getting drunk doesn't mean you automatically consent to any and all sex.

How would you feel if you got black out drunk and kept waking up to find some huge ass dude reaming you? Think about that for a second. And enjoy your ban.

 

[DOWN]

She took advantage of the state you were in and did what she wanted regardless of you not consenting.


I'm sorry this happened to you.

This says it best, unfortunately.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

I dunno dude; you willingly got plastered together with a frisky woman and then you complain you might have gotten 'raped' ? Sounds like a bunch of whining if you ask me.. Thousands of people have drunk sex every weekend, and I'm sure most of them have some regrets afterwards..

I sure as hell wouldn't go to the cops like some peope here are suggesting. What the hell would that achieve ? They 'll probably just laugh in your face.

This post is like everything wrong all wrapped up into one crappy package.

 

[Hidden One]

You got raped bro, call the cops.

 

[Yagharek]

I believe so, in recent years there's been a big campaign aimed at university students where drunk sex doesn't necessary mean consensual sex, this is in the UK btw.

The rapist is the one initiating the act, in this case being told no and then continuing despite this.

Of course, the problem is in law it comes down to one person's word against another. So even though the victim knows what happened, it can be incredibly difficult to prove.

 

[Vitten]

The only reason they would laugh at him is because people like you keep the myth that male rape is impossible alive. Also, you are victim blaming; getting drunk doesn't mean you automatically consent to any and all sex.

How would you feel if you got black out drunk and kept waking up to find some huge ass dude reaming you? Think about that for a second. And enjoy your ban.

WTF, did I say anything about being raped by a male ? Of course that's real and I would never laugh with such a traumatic event. But as a hetero I find this situation with a woman and lots of booze involved very...grey.

 

[terrisus]

WTF, did I say anything about being raped by a male ? Of course that's real and I would never laugh with such a traumatic event. But as a hetero I find this situation with a woman and lots of booze involved very...grey.

So a rape of a man by a woman is:
Not real
Not traumatic

Really?

Rape is rape.

 

[FyreWulff]

WTF, did I say anything about being raped by a male ? Of course that's real and I would never laugh with such a traumatic event. But as a hetero I find this situation with a woman and lots of booze involved very...grey.

So what you're saying it it's possibly not rape because the 'default' is man and woman sex, which men will always want.

Because that what it looks like you're saying.

 

[User 100115]

WTF, did I say anything about being raped by a male ? Of course that's real and I would never laugh with such a traumatic event. But as a hetero I find this situation with a woman and lots of booze involved very...grey.

I was trying to give you some perspective. He didn't want to have to sex. He stated as much. He was so drunk he was blacking out. He told her no. He said she was way more sober than he was. She proceeded to have sex with him anyway. How in the hell is that 'gray'? How is it not rape?

Perspective. He didn't want to have to sex. I assume you wouldn't want someone railing you while you were passed out drunk. Same situation. How are they different?

 

[laoni]

Let me clear it up

If either party says no or anything close to a no, don't do it
If either party is too inebriated to make an informed choice, don't do it
If either party is literally black out drunk, don't do it

OP was all 3. He didn't consent, made it known to the other party, and yet she still went ahead.

 

[Deaf Spacker]

The rapist is the one initiating the act, in this case being told no and then continuing despite this.

Of course, the problem is in law it comes down to one person's word against another. So even though the victim knows what happened, it can be incredibly difficult to prove.

Yeah, I seem to remember a case in recent years and I might be wrong, where a drunk university student initially gave consent but she then withdrew the consent during sex and the male student carried on. If I remember correctly the male student got sentenced to prison.

In no way am I saying that this happened to the OP, I'm trying to say that sometimes, justice prevails, even when the details are not clear cut.

 

[Terrell]

How you wish to deal with the situation is up to you OP, but I will say that if you don't report it to the authorities, you'll quite possibly regret it if there comes a time when you can't anymore or feel that you should have.

If she's genuinely sorry and you know her well enough, perhaps you can talk to her about it, if that feels more appropriate or comforting for you.
I have a friend who talked about her rape with her rapist who was in a similar situation (happened under the influence), but she knew him really well and knew he would be approachable about it. At the end of the discussion, he understood that he went way too far, apologized profusely and went to counseling. Doesn't do drugs or drink anymore either. And she felt better knowing that he wasn't criminalized for a mistake he knows he made. Gave her power back, I think.

But I understand that not everyone can be as forgiving or able to resolve these things in that manner due to differing circumstances.

At the end of the day, you have to do what feels right to do and in your best interests. Because if you don't, it's a burden you'll carry for much longer than you need to.