Gay and Bisexual Coming-out thread |OT|

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ilikeme said:
A bond of connection? Isn't that exactly what this is?

"Look here loads of people made the step maybe you can too"

connecting, supporting

"Oh why make such a big deal"

disconnecting
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no, i mean, a connection in that sexuality no longer is an issue but rather just a facet of one's character just like heterosexuality is perceived as.

But you can feel free to see that as a disconnection all you want.
 
ilikeme said:
A bond of connection? Isn't that exactly what this is?

"Look here loads of people made the step maybe you can too"

connecting, supporting

"Oh why make such a big deal"

disconnecting
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He means a connection with everyone, not with a LGBT community. By creating that community, you're distancing yourself from the other big sexuality-group: straight people. If you create a bond with everyone, which includes all sexualities, the notion of sexuality as a means of bonding becomes irrelevant.


I think that's what he means.
 
ZephyrFate said:
as a gay man who came out by only telling a few people (and then everyone in my school knew from there) and had no need to make it any more special than that. Just a minute change in my day-to-day life, nothing more.
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And that's all a person's coming out might be! Today is not about making it "special" or having some publicized anniversary for you to look back on and celebrate. Coming Out Day is a catalyst for improving ones quality of life.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
And that's all a person's coming out might be! Today is not about making it "special" or having some publicized anniversary for you to look back on and celebrate. Coming Out Day is a catalyst for improving ones quality of life.
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But people shouldn't need a reminder that coming out can improve your life or that others have come out already. It's 2010 -- we're everywhere.
 
ZephyrFate said:
But people shouldn't need a reminder that coming out can improve your life or that others have come out already. It's 2010 -- we're everywhere.
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And that's where you assume that your situation applies to everyone.
 
ZephyrFate said:
Because it fucking should! In the world we're heading towards, that's exactly how it should hopefully be.
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Well, you say yourself it should be this way. Should. And I agree. If everyone was in a position where being gay is just a non issue, as trivial as being straight, then all the fuss about coming outs and pride would be stupid and even self indulgent. But that's not reality. And for every gay person in the world, living in an environment that's not ideal to be open or ok about your sexuality, even such a stupid thing as "National Coming Out Day" could be a good thing.

But we've said all of this before and are running circles.
 
ZephyrFate said:
But people shouldn't need a reminder that coming out can improve your life or that others have come out already. It's 2010 -- we're everywhere.
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Shouldn't need. Shouldn't. And yet, this is not the ideal society you want to believe(?) it is.

There are so many young people - and adults, as well - that simply need this positive reinforcement to help them make the decision to come out or not. Downplaying its importance because, 'hey, this is the 21st century and gays are all over! Get over yourselves. No one cares that you''re gay' is an incredibly ineffectual and callous way of treating the issue.
 
National Coming Out Day is just sort of a remembrance of what happens throughout the year for different people. Some people come out and it's a big deal for them, maybe they were afraid, maybe their loved ones didn't take it so well, maybe everything went okay and it was no big deal.

It's just sort of a reminder of what we as a group go through despite the difference in the experience. It can also open a dialogue between people in the community, and friends. Maybe just a simple 'I support you', and that can be very meaningful to someone who might not have it so easy with their coming out experience.
 
Souldriver said:
Well, you say yourself it should be this way. And I agree. If everyone was in a position where being gay is just a non issue, as trivial as being straight, then all the fuss about coming outs and pride would be stupid and even self indulgent. But that's not reality. And for every gay person in the world, living in an environment that's not ideal to be open or ok about your sexuality, even such a stupid thing as "National Coming Out Day" could be a good thing.

But we've said all of this before and are running circles.
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Well then we're getting nowhere. I'm going to hold my opinion, as Devil's Advocate-y as it sounds.

I feel like there's positive reinforcement all around, you just have to look for it. A holiday isn't necessary for that. I'm glad that you see my opinion as callous, Cosmic Bus. And that's a-okay. And in no point was anything I was saying condescending, but you're free to take it that way.
 
ZephyrFate said:
Well then we're getting nowhere. I'm going to hold my opinion, as Devil's Advocate-y as it sounds.

I feel like there's positive reinforcement all around, you just have to look for it. A holiday isn't necessary for that. I'm glad that you see my opinion as callous, Cosmic Bus. And that's a-okay. And in no point was anything I was saying condescending, but you're free to take it that way.
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You mean like all the organizations, events, support groups and campaigns to make people sensitized about the existence and normality of gays and to make gays feel okay about themselves? Like, say, a Coming Out Day?


The positive reinforcement you talk about didn't come overnight. Just because you yourself are fine with your sexuality and therefore think that the rest of the world is, or should be, doesn't mean that we're actually there yet. You have to turn a blind eye to ignore all the bigotry, hatred, psychological problems, ... a lot of gay people still face.
 
Souldriver said:
You mean like all the organizations, events, support groups and campaigns to make people sensitized about the existence and normality of gays and to make gays feel okay about themselves? Like, say, a Coming Out Day?
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Everything else is fine.

You guys really are aroused that I don't support a coming out holiday, aren't you? I can't wait for the 'you're a self-loathing gay' comments to start happening.
 
ZephyrFate said:
Everything else is fine.

You guys really are aroused that I don't support a coming out holiday, aren't you? I can't wait for the 'you're a self-loathing gay' comments to start happening.
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Oh, I'd never say that. I've been called a self-loathing gay on here too, because I didn't see a reason to ban scientific research related to sexuality...

I'm not aroused in the slightest. The sight of Pique on every page makes that impossible.
 
Souldriver said:
Oh, I'd never say that. I've been called a self-loathing gay on here too, because I didn't see a reason to ban scientific research related to sexuality...

I'm not aroused in the slightest. The sight of Pique on every page makes that impossible.
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Low blow. Your avatar does the same thing for me. =[
 
I'd just like to add one thing, another gay teen in Oklahoma just committed suicide. If it was really ok to be gay everywhere in 2010, it wouldn't happen.
So yes, it's more and more widely accepted and more and more people just don't care anymore. But there are still a lot of places around the world and within countries where sadly being gay is not ok.
 
Alcoori said:
I'd just like to add one thing, another gay teen in Oklahoma just committed suicide. If it was really ok to be gay everywhere in 2010, it wouldn't happen.
So yes, it's more and more widely accepted and more and more people just don't care anymore. But there are still a lot of places around the world and within countries where sadly being gay is not ok.
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Suicide is another topic I'd probably get a lot of flak for, so I'll just say that that is terrible and nothing more.
 
_Isaac said:
Don't forget Cesc and Pique. <3
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The biggest bromance in the history of sports? Of course. There are people giving them shit for being so close, though. Why can't two straight men hug and love each other without it being called gay?
 
ZephyrFate said:
The biggest bromance in the history of sports? Of course. There are people giving them shit for being so close, though. Why can't two straight men hug and love each other without it being called gay?
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You mean like what I implied just now?
 
ZephyrFate said:
Oh I'd love to indulge you, but I'm afraid you'd get all dramatic about it.
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You're the one who stated that you had "edgy," unpopular views in the first place. I can make a few guesses about your opinions, but i'd rather hear them from you :)
 
FoneBone said:
You're the one who stated that you had "edgy," unpopular views in the first place. I can make a few guesses about your opinions, but i'd rather hear them from you :)
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I'm honestly not in the mood to get gangbanged by a bunch of people who'll extrapolate my views to something barbaric or whatever so I'm going to have to decline.

So how about that coming out eh?
 
So I'm wondering if I handled my coming out incorrectly. I came out to my parents In November of 2009. They didn't respond too badly. My mom flipped out, cried for a week or so, became bedridden and other drama queen type stuff. My dad was supportive on the first day until he pulled a 180 and all of a sudden pulled the whole sinner card on me the next day. My mom must've gotten to him. Well I was a little angry with it all and I pretty much told her I would never tell her anything ever again. So we talk a lot less and I really don't tell her anything about my life. I feel like that might've been a douchey thing to do. Should I have been more present or understanding? I didn't even open myself up for questions. I don't know what I expected really, but when they were so negative about it. I just shut down and secluded myself. This is probably a shakey journey for them, so maybe I should've helped them out with the whole process of acceptance. I haven't acknowledged my sexuality to them since and anytime something like that is hinted at my mom gets angry or starts crying. They still try to set me up with girls and they are in denial of it. Today is Coming Out Day, and I've been wondering if I should probably come out to them again. I think they otherwise are going to assume it's just a phase I'm going to move past. This time I should probably be there for their questions and try to be more understanding. I just don't know how someone is supposed to deal with parents who struggle to accept it. When I came out I hadn't done any research or anything. It just happened.
 
I think you should just tell them that you love them but that you don't have to take shit from them for something you have no control of.
 
Suairyu said:
Not at all. I do everything I can to avoid the subject. Since that incident, I also avoid telling her anything about my relationships also, save for when I've been going steady with someone for a long time. It sucks, but the whole thing just pushed me to always keep my private life as hidden from my family as possible and I don't think that will change until I'm a fully independent individual, doing well in my career and living the life I want to.
For sure. I don't wish to imply I thought it was a majority opinion among people to dislike bi-sexuals, just that it shocks me how prevalent the attitude is. Certainly, I only surround myself with people who pass the "not a prejudice twat" and in my experience they are more numerous than those who fail it.

It's like the notion of a GAF hivemind - it's bullshit, but it's difficult to see anything but a singular entity sometimes when the minority opinion is shouted the loudest, or when that opinion is unfortunately one held by people who'd be described as pillars of the community. That make sense? If only one in ten people thought that way, that's still too many people, aye?
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You can only take this forum so seriously. I knew I was going to get trolled in the Iwata thread. Piracy affects people's jobs, it ruins the industry, and there will be less games because of it. I'm not willing to argue these points anymore. They're not up for debate, and most of the people who speak on them don't speak from any position of authority.

I mix music and work in a field where people DIRECTLY lose jobs to the crumbling industry left and right. Piracy isn't the sole cause - never has, never will be - but it's a significant part of the problem. I show concern and get trolled. You speak from experience, you get trolled. You know more than people would like, you get trolled.

They show no experience, they're celebrated. They prove nothing, they're in high regard. They have tenure on this forum, everyone listens. That's how it works. The ball's never in their court to do anything. They speak, and it's the gospel.

You were avoiding losing battles just like I was... Except I didn't...
 
How do you guys feel about the whole FCKH8 thing? I think we talked about it in Skype a little but I don't remember.

I thought it was pretty funny and well done. I don't know if it's going to get the lbgt community any more supporters, and I'm sure it might lose us some, but I think it was a funny way of saying "we're here, we're queer, deal with it!"

I might buy a shirt :)
 
Sai-kun said:
I thought it was pretty funny and well done. I don't know if it's going to get the lbgt community any more supporters, and I'm sure it might lose us some, but I think it was a funny way of saying "we're here, we're queer, deal with it!"
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eeeh. i don't think it'll ever get big enough to do either. most people aren't going to want to walk around with those shirts on.

it's not like the "legalize gay" shirts or the legalize gay cupcakes and such, and even those are tiny.
 
_Isaac said:
So I'm wondering if I handled my coming out incorrectly. I came out to my parents In November of 2009. They didn't respond too badly. My mom flipped out, cried for a week or so, became bedridden and other drama queen type stuff. My dad was supportive on the first day until he pulled a 180 and all of a sudden pulled the whole sinner card on me the next day. My mom must've gotten to him. Well I was a little angry with it all and I pretty much told her I would never tell her anything ever again. So we talk a lot less and I really don't tell her anything about my life. I feel like that might've been a douchey thing to do. Should I have been more present or understanding? I didn't even open myself up for questions. I don't know what I expected really, but when they were so negative about it. I just shut down and secluded myself. This is probably a shakey journey for them, so maybe I should've helped them out with the whole process of acceptance. I haven't acknowledged my sexuality to them since and anytime something like that is hinted at my mom gets angry or starts crying. They still try to set me up with girls and they are in denial of it. Today is Coming Out Day, and I've been wondering if I should probably come out to them again. I think they otherwise are going to assume it's just a phase I'm going to move past. This time I should probably be there for their questions and try to be more understanding. I just don't know how someone is supposed to deal with parents who struggle to accept it. When I came out I hadn't done any research or anything. It just happened.
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Well, you certainly have the right to feel hurt/betrayed by their reactions; so don't feel bad for distancing yourself. But this seems to be a hard thing for some parents to deal with. If YOU want a better relationship with them and to move past it, you can try talking to them again. Just ask if you can have an honest talk with them, try to answer questions/concerns as best you can if they have any.

Again, if it's for your sake, try, and afterwards give them some time to think about it and let them have whatever reactions they will have. Talk again in a week and see where things stand. Can't really do much more than that.

I think you should definitely talk about setting you up with girls. Let them know it's disrespectful to do that to you, and you would appreciate if they stopped.

Good luck man! *hug*
 
soco said:
eeeh. i don't think it'll ever get big enough to do either. most people aren't going to want to walk around with those shirts on.

it's not like the "legalize gay" shirts or the legalize gay cupcakes and such, and even those are tiny.
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What are you guys talking about? Link?
 
soco said:
eeeh. i don't think it'll ever get big enough to do either. most people aren't going to want to walk around with those shirts on.

it's not like the "legalize gay" shirts or the legalize gay cupcakes and such, and even those are tiny.
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I think the FCKH8 might be a little offensive to be wearing in public

but i like the "Some Dudes Marry Dudes - Get Over It" one :Lol
 
Sai-kun said:
I think the FCKH8 might be a little offensive to be wearing in public

but i like the "Some Dudes Marry Dudes - Get Over It" one :Lol
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Yeah, I liked that one. I'd probably wear it in the gym or something. I wouldn't wear it to places where it counts.

So I kinda just reminded my mom a bit that I was gay. She just responded with "Uh no. You're going to marry a woman." "Uh no" "Uh yes." "No." "Yes." It was kinda funny actually...and lame.

Oh I just remembered she also said that I should get a girlfriend and it's okay if I get a hotel or they can leave the house for a bit. I nearly gagged.
 
_Isaac said:
So I kinda just reminded my mom a bit that I was gay. She just responded with "Uh no. You're going to marry a woman." "Uh no" "Uh yes." "No." "Yes." It was kinda funny actually...and lame.
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She didn't deny that you were gay; it's your parents way of saying "We will pay for your sham marriage." Wedding presents, a fake wife/live-in cook and maid, and you can diddle guys on the sly? Brother, you hit the jackpot.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
She didn't deny that you were gay; it's your parents way of saying "We will pay for your sham marriage." Wedding presents, a fake wife/live-in cook and maid, and you can diddle guys on the sly? Brother, you hit the jackpot.
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Oh wow I never looked at it that way! :)
Except she did deny I was gay. I just didn't include that small tidbit in my brief story.
 
_Isaac said:
Oh wow I never looked at it that way! :)
Except she did deny I was gay. I just didn't include that small tidbit in my brief story.
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you need to not let that fly in any way. don't say "well, maybe in time I will change" even if you may or may not believe that.

let her know it's offensive and it needs to stop.

easier said than done, obviously.
 
I mentioned this in skype but the only person in my family that doesnt know i'm gay is my grandpa. He's been battling Cancer for a while now and i feel like i should tell him before it's to late. But i dont want to lose his respect i know that seems odd but only he really scares me.
 
Rez said:
you need to not let that fly in any way. don't say "well, maybe in time I will change" even if you may or may not believe that.

let her know it's offensive and it needs to stop.

easier said than done, obviously.
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Yeah, you really need to let her know that is disrespectful to you. It's not too late, just next time you talk to her, mention you felt disrespected by what she said.

If she's going to keep bringing it up in that way, she just needs to not talk to you then.
 
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