When you're forcing yourself on people, no, its not fair. I don't know how to make this more clear, but since the other two people that I normally play with aren't interested in being as direct, I'll try my best. If I am off-base that their thoughts align with mine, I'm sure they will correct me.
The clique you're talking about certainly exists. I'm friends with Aladuf in real life. We've played Gears of War together for years. ThirdEngine has been playing with Aladuf for a long time now as well. That's the core of the group. In addition, there are two to four other people, including another real life friend, who have come to form a regular thing. All of us prefer public matches, all of us have both map packs (and intend to buy the next one), and all of us now have a fair idea of what to expect from one another when playing the game. It's a nicely defined pool of people to fill a party with.
So we already have enough people for what we do. We don't need more. If the four to five people that play together every night are online, that's who's going to be playing together, and anyone who takes up a space or kicks over the five-person limit will be removed. They will always have priority.
When the four other people I play the game with are online during our usual playtime, that's who I'm going to be playing with. I'm not going to accommodate people and play custom matches so as not to step on peoples' toes. I don't feel any urge to play with new people every night. Especially some people.
For instance, I think you're kind of a blowhard, PXG, and my idea of a good time doesn't include you in it. I didn't like playing Gears 1 with you for the short amount I did, and I don't want to play Gears 2 with you. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. If Gears 2 offered the option of a closed party for matchmaking, you can bet I'd have that setting turned on in a heartbeat (Come on, TU4!). It would address so much of this unnecessary bullshit, and I wouldn't have to be spending five minutes typing this.
I really hope that whatever situation you're striving toward where there are these amazing, fun, lag-free GAF matches can come to fruition. But please stop trying to include the people I play with as any major component of those plans. Its annoying to hear them complain second-hand about it. You're going after people that just don't want what you want. I think there are plenty of other people that would be far more receptive to what you're looking to achieve. That's part of what I tried to do with the Online/Matchup thread; get you a userbase to pull from that doesn't include people that just want to play public matches with their already defined group.
Okay?