One day, I decided to start watching more anime. I mean, I'd liked Cowboy Bebop, so I'd probably like the rest, right?
I watched Neon Genesis Evangelion because it's The Evangelion of Anime. I was congratulated. I watched FLCL. I watched Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. All the big names. I moved on to more and more obscure shows. Random Light Novel adaptations and Visual Novel adaptations galore...
As I awoke one morning from an uneasy dream I found myself transformed in my bed into an anime. Every day, I woke up and I was late for school, despite not being in school. I awoke with a slice of toast in my mouth, and a cartoonishly-panicked expression. I jumped out of bed and slid into a school uniform in mid-air. I hopped into a giant robot and went to anime school.
When I got there, the strongest guy in the class wanted to fight me. He announced his entry by punching a hole in the wall, and said some Real Dumb Stuff with a suitably-dramatic intonation. It appeared as though we were to fight, but before I could fully process what was happening, fate intervened.
A magical girl appeared between us and broke up the fight. She goes to anime school as well, you see. She reprimanded us for our lateness (she's also the hall monitor) and made us go our separate ways. I was thankful. I got to class and the teacher insisted I'd been thrown out from the big city to this small town like "yesterday's garbage" and Jeff and Vinny made a bunch of jokes about how my crooked-toothed teacher was probably a sex offender (I mean, he probably was). Then a bunch of really muscular men burst into the room and struck elaborate and fabulous poses and there were sparkles and the colours went all crazy and kana was superimposed over the screen that I couldn't read but probably said something like "sparkle" or "pose" and then I was hunting vampires with this crew of super-manly men who were totally comfortable with their sexuality and everything was named after '70s and '80s rock and pop music and I briefly considered writing into the Bombcast to tell Brad that that unreleased NES game he got an e-mail about this week that he was super stoked to see for himself was basically Jojo's Bizarre Adventure so the moral of the story is please don't get involved with anime.
Not even once. Just say no.