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[Miguel]

So GAF, my GF and I are both virgins and I think that she isn't being really subtle showing that she is interested in sharing a night with me. I was chatting with her for a few hours and she dropped some obvious hints. Here we go:
- She showed me that she keeps condoms in her drawer.
- She told me that most of her nieces are teen-age mothers/pregnant.
- She told me about a conversation she had with her dad, him telling her that she should not be as stupid as said nieces.
- Told me that all her friends have lost their virginity already.
- Mentioned that some guy randomly asked for a bj, she asked me if I'd like one too (jokingly and she wasn't asking for permission in any way, shape or form.)
- Asked me if I didn't find it weird that I'm still a virgin, since I'm two years older.

So is she just a big tease? What's the best way to approach this? How do I react?

She wants some Baconsaurus. Go for it, I'll let others help detail the actual methods for going for it, but as everyone has said, she's sending some pretty loud and clear "subtle" signals.

Never thought I would post in here, but here goes nothing...

I've been seeing this girl at Uni for the last month or so. When I met her at the beginning of term, she had a boyfriend of 2 years, but she told me she was thinking about breaking up with him because she hasn't been happy for a while. So they decided to go on a break instead of splitting up completely, resulting in her being allowed to see other people. So we started seeing each other for just over a month, and things were going well. But she kept on telling me she didn't want people to know about us since it might get back to the boyfriend or something and upset him (despite her telling me countless times that she no longer likes him). So I agreed to keep it low key and between the both of us. Obviously I got a bit stressed out about it because not being able to hold hands or give a peck on the cheek to the girl you're into when around other people can be difficult haha. Anyway, she went back home to her parents for Christmas (the town where her boyfriend lives also) and she told me she was meeting up with him to end it completely. However they ended up making out instead (still a bit skeptical that something more happened). Obviously I was a bit like "what the fuck?" but she tells me I had no right to be upset since we weren't officially anything and that she hadn't been stringing me along at all.

Do I have any right to be a bit pissed off about this? Or am I just being a bit dramatic? Not really sure whether I should pursue with someone who lies either (she told me nothing happened when the bf came round over christmas but when I pressed her about it, she confessed).

There was probably never a "break". You're being used. Right to be pissed off, but at the same time, you probably should have seen it coming with the "didn't want people to know" and lack of PDA.

Mr. City and Combine are the same person.

They...combined?

I wanna get an opinion on this:

Basically, one of my coworkers said she wanted to set me up with a friend of hers, who I'm apparently "her perfect type". Unfortunately, she lives over in Vancouver (I live across the water), so I kind of dismissed the idea. Anyways, turns out I saw her today when I went in to say hi to my coworkers, and she was this extremely cute little blonde girl. I didn't realize it was her, but I had to keep stealing glances.

My coworker hasn't really said anything to me regarding her for a while; before she was saying how excited she was to set us up and yadda, yadda. I don't want to seem like a bother or a creep, but should I ask my coworker about her friend being interested in me? Or should I just leave it alone and forget about it/let them come to me?

Ask her. It sounds like it's not really a situation where you two may really cross paths all that often. coworker offered it in the past so clearly he thinks she'd like you, and probably would do it again. Do it.

 

[-PXG-]

Yeah, I go to college and am just about to start a new semester, which is why I'm leaning towards just letting it go and looking for a girl at school.

The problem I keep coming back to though is that I've been looking for a girl at school for a year and a half now with no luck, and I did really like this girl I met at the party more than any girl I've met at school so far.

Still, I think my best course of action would be to just put her out of my mind so I can focus on finding someone else who is closer.

You go to school full-time, right? You live on, or near campus, right? There's a damn near endless supply of girls for your choosing. No need to waste precious time and energy with one who is so far away.

I had an....interesting....date tonight. Oh lordy. I'll talk about it later. I wish it was like that girl in NYC last year, but it wasn't like that, unfortunately. I need a drink...and a shower..and need to go to bed, like, NOW.

 

[NihonTiger90]

GAF, I didn't want to post this, lest I curse my luck, but in my Internet dating travels, I managed to strike up conversation with an incredibly awesome girl. What's great isn't just the interests we have and somewhat share, but that we seem to be able to play off each other well in our conversations.

When I asked if she wanted to hang out, she said she "sure would" and we've pretty much figured out we're going to be going to do laser tag when we meet up. We talked about cooking and stuff a bit (we both like it, it turns out) and when I asked if she'd want to cook some time when I visited, with me helping out, I got "Perhaps. " as a response. We've been talking over the Internet almost every day for the last week and a half and things have gone well.

(And for the record, I do not have her number yet. She doesn't want to give out her number freely and I honestly can't blame her, as it sounds like from her response that she's had issues with that in the past. I decided not to push the issue; if we're meeting up, I'll get it from her then.)

The only hitch so far is we haven't set a time to do this; she said she'd let me know when it'd be good for her and I said that was ok, but doubts from things that went bad in the past have surfaced. I don't want to push things, obviously, and mistakenly seem bossy or clingy, but I also don't want to just get pushed aside if I can help it.

Thoughts, GAF? My plan is to right now not worry about it, try to enjoy the conversations we have and see what unfolds. Is this a good way to go? I feel like things are going right and I just don't want them to go wrong.

 

[-PXG-]

This is absolutely not a brag post, because this is a serious problem:

Because of talking to multiple women online and in person at the same time, I have somehow piqued the interest of three women. The problem isn't the three women, but rather that I've been in a series of poor relationships/dating experiences and would like to have a more effective filter. Lately I've been on dates that ended with me thinking it was a waste of time so I'd like avoid that as much as possible.

I think a part of it, contrary to the advice on this thread, is that I've been going on the first date too soon without really knowing the girl. Would that line of reasoning make sense?

(Also, one girl is pushing me towards texts after two or three messages, which is making me kind of uncomfortable...)

1) Having multiple prospects is never a bad thing. Good job

2) Yeah, sometimes I feel the same way, but that's just how it is. You just gotta sort through the bullshit. At least you're learning something

3) Hey, you just have more to talk about on your date. That isn't so bad.

4) Why would this creep you out? How is she asking? You should be flattered. Then again, maybe you're right. Again, how is she asking? Is she attractive? Interesting?

 

[Miguel]

GAF, I didn't want to post this

Yes you do

In any case, what worked for me, at least for this girl I'm currently seeing, is I kinda got caught up in the "I'll see when I have free time" thing for a week or two (while I was between dates one and two with the previous girl) and after the awful 2nd date I remembered I had tickets to a concert, and didn't want to take the first girl to the concert, hadn't mentioned it to her, and thought, not likely girl 2 will want to go, but I'll ask anyway.

I asked "hey I'm going to see Rise Against next week, are you interested in going?"

Response was somewhere along the lines of "FUCK YES!!"

...I mean, it helps if the band you're going to see just so happens to be one of the girls favorite bands at the moment.. haha.


Point I'm trying to make is, are you already going somewhere that has large crowds or in a big public setting you think she might enjoy going to?

A simple "hey I'm going to _____ next thursday and was wondering if you'd like to come with me" is usually a way to break the I'll let you know when I'm free" thing that seems to cause a stalemate in the initial meet up process.

Myself, it legitimately was something I was already going to and had 2 tickets for, just because I always buy two tickets and find someone else to go later on. Maybe you want to look something up that's interesting coming up soon, but it's even better if it's already something you're planning on doing.

 

[SRG01]

1) Having multiple prospects is never a bad thing. Good job

2) Yeah, sometimes I feel the same way, but that's just how it is. You just gotta sort through the bullshit. At least you're learning something

3) Hey, you just have more to talk about on your date. That isn't so bad.

4) Why would this creep you out? How is she asking? You should be flattered. Then again, maybe you're right. Again, how is she asking? Is she attractive? Interesting?

Haha, thanks. To be quite honest, I usually do have multiple prospects on the go at any given time, but never get past the first date because of either myself or her. For example, I met this one girl about a month and a half ago. Driven, insanely smart, very attractive... but zero chemistry between us in person. Absolutely nothing. I think I upset her so much when I told her I wanted to be friends that she deleted her POF account right after.

I think you've raised some good points. I usually treat the first date as a "crazy" check, but I think in my post-breakup self -- and taking some advice from Devo to heart -- I have to take the first date a little more seriously. Like asking more personal questions, flirting a little more, etc. Or like you said, learning to sort through the bullshit until I find one that's worth it.

Oh and about the girl: I was flattered at first, until I realized that I've only been messaging her since yesterday and she had been dropping constant hints of wanting to talk to me more. She's definitely interesting and attractive, but the way she expresses her eagerness is kind of... not alluring? I mean, she dropped her phone number out of the blue basically telling me to text her, instead of asking me if I wanted to move things off email first.

 

[NeOak]

Never thought I would post in here, but here goes nothing...

I've been seeing this girl at Uni for the last month or so. When I met her at the beginning of term, she had a boyfriend of 2 years, but she told me she was thinking about breaking up with him because she hasn't been happy for a while. So they decided to go on a break instead of splitting up completely, resulting in her being allowed to see other people. So we started seeing each other for just over a month, and things were going well. But she kept on telling me she didn't want people to know about us since it might get back to the boyfriend or something and upset him (despite her telling me countless times that she no longer likes him). So I agreed to keep it low key and between the both of us. Obviously I got a bit stressed out about it because not being able to hold hands or give a peck on the cheek to the girl you're into when around other people can be difficult haha. Anyway, she went back home to her parents for Christmas (the town where her boyfriend lives also) and she told me she was meeting up with him to end it completely. However they ended up making out instead (still a bit skeptical that something more happened). Obviously I was a bit like "what the fuck?" but she tells me I had no right to be upset since we weren't officially anything and that she hadn't been stringing me along at all.

Do I have any right to be a bit pissed off about this? Or am I just being a bit dramatic? Not really sure whether I should pursue with someone who lies either (she told me nothing happened when the bf came round over christmas but when I pressed her about it, she confessed).

She:
1. Used you
2. Won't accept anything because that would make her look like a slut
3. She is a slut

Cut off all contact and move on. She doesn't deserve your time.

 

[PigSpeakers]

Hey, a page or two back I posted something and wanted to repost it.

On new year's eve, I went with a friend of mine and her friends to a nice restaurant and then we spent time walking around the city. This friend of mine is a girl I knew back in high school who moved out of state for awhile. We were friends in high school, but not particularly close until we started to talking on facebook after she'd moved. Over that course of time I started to get interested in her. A month or two after she'd moved back (sometime around September or October, I think), I let her know that I was really interested in her. She said she could kind of tell, but that she wasn't looking for anyone right now. We were still friends after that and continued to talk on the phone weekly and spend time hanging out or whatever. I thought I had gotten over her, but that takes this up to the other night.

She'd told me she hadn't really wanted to go to this new years thing with her friends. I said I'd go with her and even pay for dinner (I thought I'd quit doing this for people, but now that I have a job, I guess not). So we went to the dinner, she was dressed nicer and looked nicer than usual and so was I. I noticed that she flirted a lot more with me that night. There was one point where we both heard some music off in the distance that we really liked, she grabbed my arm and we ran towards it (there were several spots where bands were playing on the street that night for New Years). I know those aren't really signs or anything, but I couldn't help but start to like her again. I knew it was just a girl thing, and I kept telling myself that and I felt so stupid and dumb. She kept telling me that her friends thought we were a couple and she kept telling them that she wasn't interested in me that way.

And now I can't get my mind off of this and I have no idea what to say to her the next time I see her if anything at all about this. I just want to go back to feeling normal and not like a gradeschooler in love. It just bums me out, which is strange because rarely anything gets me down anymore.

 

[Ultima_5]

Hey, a page or two back I posted something and wanted to repost it.

On new year's eve, I went with a friend of mine and her friends to a nice restaurant and then we spent time walking around the city. This friend of mine is a girl I knew back in high school who moved out of state for awhile. We were friends in high school, but not particularly close until we started to talking on facebook after she'd moved. Over that course of time I started to get interested in her. A month or two after she'd moved back (sometime around September or October, I think), I let her know that I was really interested in her. She said she could kind of tell, but that she wasn't looking for anyone right now. We were still friends after that and continued to talk on the phone weekly and spend time hanging out or whatever. I thought I had gotten over her, but that takes this up to the other night.

She'd told me she hadn't really wanted to go to this new years thing with her friends. I said I'd go with her and even pay for dinner (I thought I'd quit doing this for people, but now that I have a job, I guess not). So we went to the dinner, she was dressed nicer and looked nicer than usual and so was I. I noticed that she flirted a lot more with me that night. There was one point where we both heard some music off in the distance that we really liked, she grabbed my arm and we ran towards it (there were several spots where bands were playing on the street that night for New Years). I know those aren't really signs or anything, but I couldn't help but start to like her again. I knew it was just a girl thing, and I kept telling myself that and I felt so stupid and dumb. She kept telling me that her friends thought we were a couple and she kept telling them that she was interested in me that way.

And now I can't get my mind off of this and I have no idea what to say to her the next time I see her if anything at all about this. I just want to go back to feeling normal and not like a gradeschooler in love. It just bums me out, which is strange because rarely anything gets me down anymore.

If I read this properly, it sounds like she's interested in you right? Or did you mean to say that "she wasn't interested in me that way"? Anyway, just tell her that you had a really great time with her on NYE, and that you two should hang out more and then ask her on a date? Worst she can say is no, and if that does happen just forget about getting with her.

 

[PigSpeakers]

Agh. I meant wasn't. Yeah, she said she considers me her best guy friend which basically ether to any hope I had, I think. I just can't understand why I can't get over it, though.

 

[nOoblet16]

Well I donno if I should post this here as I'm not really dating the chick, anyways here's the situation.

I'm in love with my best mate and she has been sort of friendzoning me for a while. I told her that I like her, albeit in a shitty manner, early in December and she said that she doesn't feels the same way for me and never did as she still likes this guy and is all over him (this guy happens to be one of my closest mates and also someone who doesn't gives two shit about her). Now she's somewhat of an introvert who doesn't gets close to people easily and a couple of days before I told her, I came to know that the reason why we became so close in such a short span of time was cause she had a small crush on me before we met. This revelation along with a few things things that I observed, for instance quite often when we sat close to each other and talked or watched a movie she'd start staring at my face and smile, sometimes we'd cuddle and this one time she literally took my shirt off after I took home from a pub where she got drunk, these things led me to believe that she was interested in me.

Now the problem is that she has been behaving REALLY inconsistent with me since the time I told her that I like her (which is sort of expected I guess), one moment she'll be close to me more than she's ever been tell her how much she loves me etc etc and the next she'll sort of distant herself. Like this night of her birthday when we went to her place after the party, we were just spending some time together having a couple of drinks after which she rested herself on my lap and kept kissing me on my cheeks while told me that she doesn't wanna lose me ever and how I'm the best guy she's ever met, I reciprocate in a similar manner. 10-15 minutes later she immediately gets up and quietly says 'please stay away from me' and then leaves the room comes back after a while and sits next to me again and then falls asleep later. The next few days go fine until its that time of month for her, and this time she was sort of more aggressive than normal towards me (just me) during her PMS and so she was distant once again, and I haven't seen her since as both of us flew back home for Christmas and I wont see her till 11th of Jan. I have spoken to her a couple of times since then though.

Its just that I don't know what to make of this anymore and I'm confused cause she's very unpredictable and this sort makes me hold back from talking to her openly. And yes I'd still like to date this woman if its at all possible, cause when she is at her best she's the sweetest and the cutest girl ever !

 

[Minamu]

Met a girl in a stairwell on NYE. She might've just as well have had a silver platter with her for she said straight out to me and two others that if we wanted single women tonight, we could come home to her place later :lol And she was really cute too. She bailed before anyone could take her up on her offer though and never showed up again. Weird stuff happening in my life. First time for everything I suppose.

 

[soundahfekz]

Well I donno if I should post this here as I'm not really dating the chick, anyways here's the situation.

I'm in love with my best mate and she has been sort of friendzoning me for a while. I told her that I like her, albeit in a shitty manner, early in December and she said that she doesn't feels the same way for me and never did as she still likes this guy and is all over him (this guy happens to be one of my closest guy mates and also someone who doesn't gives two shit about her). Now she's somewhat of an introvert who doesn't gets close to people easily and a couple of days before I told her, I came to know that the reason why we became so close in such a short span of time was cause she had a small crush on me before we met. This revelation along with a few things things that I observed, for instance quite often when we sat close to each other and talked or watched a movie she'd start staring at my face and smile, sometimes we'd cuddle and this one time she literally took my shirt off after I took home from a pub where she got drunk, these things led me to believe that she was interested in me.

Now the problem is that she has been behaving REALLY inconsistent with me since the time I told her that I like her (which is sort of expected I guess), one moment she'll be close to me more than she's ever been tell her how much she loves me etc etc and the next she'll sort of distant herself. Like this night of her birthday when we went to her place after the party, we were just spending some time together having a couple of drinks after which she rested herself on my lap and kept kissing me on my cheeks while told me that she doesn't wanna lose me ever and how I'm the best guy she's ever met, I reciprocate in a similar manner. 10-15 minutes later she immediately gets up and quietly says 'please stay away from me' and then leaves the room comes back after a while and sits next to me again and then falls asleep later. The next few days go fine until its that time of month for her, and this time she was sort of more aggressive than normal towards me (just me) during her PMS and so she was distant once again, and I haven't seen her since as both of us flew back home for Christmas and I wont see her till 11th of Jan. I have spoken to her a couple of times since then though.

Its just that I don't know what to make of this anymore and I'm confused cause she's very unpredictable and this sort makes me hold back from talking to her openly. And yes I'd still like to date this woman if its at all possible.

I generally don't like to be judgemental, but I kind of feel like you're getting what you deserve here in trying to A) snipe someone involved with your good friend, and B) playing classic passive "friend" we've all become so familiar with in this thread. She's toying with you because she knows you'll eat it up.

Sometimes life can be painfully simple, and the best advice I think you'll find in this particular situation is to find someone who isn't unstable and doesn't have an ongoing relationship with your best friend.

 

[nOoblet16]

You got that bit wrong, she was never with that guy. She met him for the first time in late 2010 and at best they were just acquaintances, since then she has had this obsession with him. And it wasn't until a couple of months ago when I re-introduced him to her (I never knew that she liked him back then and neither did that guy) that she started to go crazy for him again. She was starting to resort to alcoholism but I helped her to overcome that issue and she's fine now. During the early days of our friendship I was involved in an ugly breakup and it was her who helped me put myself together and as time flew past I gradually started liking her, so when I told her I like her she was kind of shocked as she thought that I moved on so quick (it wasn't quick at all it took me 2 months).

 

[soundahfekz]

You got that bit wrong, she was never with that guy. She met him for the first time in late 2010 and at best they were just acquaintances, since then she has had this obsession with him. And it wasn't until a couple of months ago when I re-introduced him to her (I never knew that she liked him back then and neither did that guy) that she started to go crazy for him again.

My apologies for misreading that part. Either way the writing is on the wall man. You're not yet experienced/assertive enough to overcome her instability and go for sex only, and from what it sounds like if you were you'd catch even more feelings. Your best bet is to look elsewhere and avoid the inevitable, but unnecessary heartbreak you'd experience in trying to establish something with her.

I get the feeling you're younger? Early twenties? Get out there and date, have fun, and get some experience under your belt cause if you're willing to put up with what you posted, you're not quite ready for a relationship.

 

[nOoblet16]

I'm 21 and you are correct when you assume that I don't have much experience.

However, I do believe that I have helped her bring about a greater stability in her life cause her mother acknowledged this once and so did her best female friend. Her problems go far beyond being mad about a guy, its something in her family.

 

[Hypereides]

Who's idea was it about the romantic letters? I can see the novelty for a little while, but looks like she lost interest in all the sappiness (indeed you are not teenagers anymore). She also doesn't need to call you if she's getting attention in the free time she has.

You need to understand that it is a bullshit excuse to not reply or call for weeks because she is "busy". She doesn't want to lead you on too much (by ignoring your messages) because she's not that interested. The whole breaking up thing in the beginning is a reflection of that, but she kept you around as a fun and romantic little adventure to please her needs once in a while.

The fact that the word "love" came out doesn't mean much often. Love is an action, and she was not showing you love by ignoring you.

Call her to get your keys, and tell her this deal is not working out for you.

Don't let that chick use you whenever she pleases. Sounds shady as hell.

You know... even though this isnt directed at me, its kinda helping me on my situation.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I believe a good way to build up interest from a girl (specifically if she is much younger than you) is to completely ignore her, radio silence and totally vanish. Let HER come to YOU. Remember you gotta display a certain I-dont-give-shit-like attitude.

Sadly most of the girls I attract are much younger than me ( i.e: want bad boys/douchebags-types), and mostly the above theory has proven true for me on many occasions.

The girl Im currently interested in, is pretty much leading me on right now and not contacting me at all. I need this to change. She fucking knows her game.

I know that if I ignore her long enough she will start wondering whats going and contact me anyway. She left her rings on my night stand, so thats a seed right there..

 

[Miguel]

So the girl and I (despite the freakout from 2-3 nights ago) have hit the one month mark, and things are going pretty well. There is still the underlying factor of the idiot ex, but I'll worry about him later.

Pretty satisfied with how things are going, and she really does seem to enjoy my company, as I do hers. She essentially rearranged her NYE plans to spend a large chunk of the day with me. She had NYE plans set up weeks ago with her friends, but we did enjoy the day together.

Had plans with my aunt and cousins for today that I can't really back out of, but I'm considering heading over later in the night and maybe finding something to do for an hour or so, just to spend time together. There's a coffee place near her I'm considering, just gotta check the hours.

 

[Xun]

I must say it's interesting seeing what a lot of users in this thread look like.

 

[ConradCervantes]

girl stuff two posts above

Did I miss the follow up to the whole birthday party fiasco? Did you ever talk to her about that?

 

[Hypereides]

I must say it's interesting seeing what a lot of users in this thread look like.

There's a thread for that.

Ultimately when it all narrows down, looks arent that vital. Dont focus on your looks if thats what youre thinking.

 

[Miguel]

Did I miss the follow up to the whole birthday party fiasco? Did you ever talk to her about that?

Hadn't posted anything about it yet.

Talked to her about it the next day.

It wasn't really the birthday party that was the issue, more the picture of them together that made me flip my lid. I'm not thrilled with them being friends, but as far as I can tell, it's nothing more than a jealous ex who hasn't gotten over her. A month into things, it's not my place to tell her who to be friends with... although that part could be fast approaching, or if there are any actual flareups where the dude does or says anything.

Talked with her about it, what the deal was with the picture on his profile, and she essentially reiterated what my initial thought was, that he just isn't quite over her. She's not helping the situation by still being friends with him, but so long as he stays out of my way, I'm pleased with every other part of this whole month, so I'm not going to let his actions screw with a good thing. Which I'm sure is his intent now that he sees we're getting somewhat serious.

I told her I didn't want this guy causing problems down the line, since we do seem to be getting more serious now (meeting friends and such), and she said "he's harmless". Not totally at ease with the statement, but for now, I can live with it. If he starts posting shit or calling/texting her while we're out though, then we're going to have to re-evaluate her keeping him as a friend.

For now though, not as huge of a deal as it seemed to be late last week. The old pic of them just set me off and I was pretty livid.

Also, some CSI-ing of the image shows that her hair was shorter than it is now, so it was old... which is the first part that put me back at ease somewhat, and I was able to talk to her normally rather than while in an angry mood.

 

[ConradCervantes]

That's good to hear. She seems to have her head on straighter than most girls who still prefer to associate with their exes.

/bitter

 

[Xun]

There's a thread for that.

Ultimately when it all narrows down, looks arent that vital. Dont focus on your looks if thats what youre thinking.

I was alluding to the fact that this thread is full of good looking guys.

I know it's not all about looks, but I was just saying.

 

[Miguel]

That's good to hear. She seems to have her head on straighter than most girls who still prefer to associate with their exes.

/bitter

Heh, I must have missed your story, but by that sentence, I can't imagine it ended well. Sorry bro.

And yeah she does seem to have her head on pretty straight despite a lot of shitty events in her life.

We've been pretty open in talking about nearly any subject that has come up, including the ex stuff that day, past relationships, awful family history (both of us), and just other things that you wouldn't really expect to talk about within the first month of dating, much less the first date (family stuff). Not sure what it was, but we clicked really well early on during the first date, and it made the entire night really amazing, even with the shitty family talk thrown in on the drive home.

The whole month has been really great. In comparision with my last relationship, we're seemingly further along in 31 days than I was in 4 months with my previous girl. Although she was a complete lunatic, and I should have seen it coming.

I keep meaning to write up a summary of the past few dates, but 1-2 dates has vaulted to 9 dates in a month... some just dinner, some more typical datey stuff, but seeing her twice or more a week has been fun. Drive to her place is long, but up to this point, I haven't minded it at all.

 

[-PXG-]

Haha, thanks. To be quite honest, I usually do have multiple prospects on the go at any given time, but never get past the first date because of either myself or her. For example, I met this one girl about a month and a half ago. Driven, insanely smart, very attractive... but zero chemistry between us in person. Absolutely nothing. I think I upset her so much when I told her I wanted to be friends that she deleted her POF account right after.

I think you've raised some good points. I usually treat the first date as a "crazy" check, but I think in my post-breakup self -- and taking some advice from Devo to heart -- I have to take the first date a little more seriously. Like asking more personal questions, flirting a little more, etc. Or like you said, learning to sort through the bullshit until I find one that's worth it.

Oh and about the girl: I was flattered at first, until I realized that I've only been messaging her since yesterday and she had been dropping constant hints of wanting to talk to me more. She's definitely interesting and attractive, but the way she expresses her eagerness is kind of... not alluring? I mean, she dropped her phone number out of the blue basically telling me to text her, instead of asking me if I wanted to move things off email first.

Sounds normal to me, unless there is something you're not telling me. She gave you her number for a reason. Text her. She might be genuinely interested, or just really friendly...or mad sketchy. Only one way to find out.

Oh and fuck email. Don't ever ask a girl for email. Get her number.

 

[Miguel]

I was alluding to the fact that this thread is full of good looking guys.

I know it's not all about looks, but I was just saying.

<--- Chicks really love my mask.

 

[Hypereides]

<--- Chicks really love my mask.

You probably do a mean fleshy cunnilingus with that.

 

[E-phonk]

Do I have any right to be a bit pissed off about this? Or am I just being a bit dramatic? Not really sure whether I should pursue with someone who lies either (she told me nothing happened when the bf came round over christmas but when I pressed her about it, she confessed).

Screw her dude. You have every right to be pissed of.

 

[Chuck Norris]

So GAF, my GF and I are both virgins and I think that she isn't being really subtle showing that she is interested in sharing a night with me. I was chatting with her for a few hours and she dropped some obvious hints. Here we go:
- She showed me that she keeps condoms in her drawer.
- She told me that most of her nieces are teen-age mothers/pregnant.
- She told me about a conversation she had with her dad, him telling her that she should not be as stupid as said nieces.
- Told me that all her friends have lost their virginity already.
- Mentioned that some guy randomly asked for a bj, she asked me if I'd like one too (jokingly and she wasn't asking for permission in any way, shape or form.)
- Asked me if I didn't find it weird that I'm still a virgin, since I'm two years older.

So is she just a big tease? What's the best way to approach this? How do I react?

Your girlfriend isn't a virgin. She just feels weird that you are and she isn't.

 

[Baconsaurus Rex]

Your girlfriend isn't a virgin. She just feels weird that you are and she isn't.

Say what now

 

[Scythian Empire]

There was probably never a "break". You're being used. Right to be pissed off, but at the same time, you probably should have seen it coming with the "didn't want people to know" and lack of PDA.

She:
1. Used you
2. Won't accept anything because that would make her look like a slut
3. She is a slut

Cut off all contact and move on. She doesn't deserve your time.

Screw her dude. You have every right to be pissed of.

Thanks guys, I didn't think I was being over-dramatic. The worst part of it is that I bought us both tickets to see Radical Face when we get back from the holidays. Hope it wont be awkward

 

[Spacebar]

Follow-up on this disaster:



Well, the date went kinda sour with that movie, but I guess she liked me regardless because we went on another date yesterday. Took her hiking, had a small picnic at a scenic overlook, then took her to my place for a couple beers and Terminator (slightly better movie choice lol) We did a lot of hugging and snuggling for sure. Lemme tell you, I was so distressed I didn't go for the kiss.

After I dropped her off at her place, I went to friends to chill and had a lotta fun there. Fast forward a few hours, I really wanted to call her to tell her happy new year's. I have no charger, my phone is dead, so I damn well go out and buy one at Wallgreene's. I call her, she's at a party and invites me to join them. So I do, and am elieved to see she's not already drunk.

We waited 10 minutes for the clock to strike 12. I'd never kissed a girl before in my life. We made out for an hour and a half.

Don't really know where things go from here. Said she has a lotta baggage and isn't ready for a relationship. Who knows where things will go, there's so many factors in life. Maybe I'll never see her again, maybe she'll call in the next few hours. Not gonna worry about things I can't control. All I know is this has been the best weekend I've had in a long time, if ever. Happy New Years Gaf

 

[soundahfekz]

I'm 21 and you are correct when you assume that I don't have much experience.

However, I do believe that I have helped her bring about a greater stability in her life cause her mother acknowledged this once and so did her best female friend. Her problems go far beyond being mad about a guy, its something in her family.

Don't be that guy.

Her mother and her best friend don't matter. Neither does speculation on how you've impacted her life. If that's something she truly wanted and believed, would you posting about it in girl-age?

Don't be that "nice guy" who can't recognize his own shortcomings and need for development, who then strives to occupy his time trying to "fix" someone else or keep them on a stable course then gets mad when his selfish intent isn't rewarded with the gaze of a thousand distressed maidens. I get the vibe you think you're the only one who understands her, and you deserve her affection and admiration off that assertion. It's not healthy man. You don't wanna hear it, but you need to move on and work on nOoblet16.

 

[SRG01]

Sounds normal to me, unless there is something you're not telling me. She gave you her number for a reason. Text her. She might be genuinely interested, or just really friendly...or mad sketchy. Only one way to find out.

Oh and fuck email. Don't ever ask a girl for email. Get her number.

I should rephrase; this is on POF messaging. I never ask for email, and will always ask for a number in person.

 

[NihonTiger90]

Remember how things were going so well yesterday?

Yeah, not so well anymore, it seems. I knew I should not have said anything. I don't even know what went wrong but looks like she's not responding to me anymore. Guess I'm starting over from scratch again ... *sigh*

EDIT: At this point, I don't know what's up. Kinda sucks.

 

[SRG01]

Oh update: things wound down naturally with that girl, as the messaging is getting shorter and she's getting less enthused. She also told me she hates talking on the phone and prefers texts/in-person. Good thing I found out now before I asked her on a date, since text-only communication outside of face-to-face contact is pretty much a deal-breaker for me.

I still have a couple of dates this weekend, so hopefully those will go well.

 

[threenote]

Damn it, me and this girl talked for almost 2 hours at 2am, and we have a dinner date this evening...and a car ride there. I sort of ran out of things to talk about. Any advice?

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

Damn it, me and this girl talked for almost 2 hours at 2am, and we have a dinner date this evening...and a car ride there. I sort of ran out of things to talk about. Any advice?

"How was your day?" is always a good starting point. As long as you keep the conversation flowing there shouldn't be a problem with stuff to talk about

 

[soundahfekz]

Remember how things were going so well yesterday?

Yeah, not so well anymore, it seems. I knew I should not have said anything. I don't even know what went wrong but looks like she's not responding to me anymore. Guess I'm starting over from scratch again ... *sigh*

EDIT: At this point, I don't know what's up. Kinda sucks.

If you were conversing with her everyday, you basically had your first date over the internet. Get a good conversation going long enough for her to be comfortable to meet, after that you need to transition to an actual meet up.

If she knows everything about you before you even see her, minus your mannerisms and potential humor that may go unnoticed online, including your level of confidence, its easy for interest to wane. The only time conversation should extend that long without a meet is if there's significant distance involved.

Fall back, move on and see if she hits you back. It usually happens at some point if you stop contact attempts. If not, you know next time move in for the date a bit faster.

 

[nOoblet16]

Don't be that guy.

Her mother and her best friend don't matter. Neither does speculation on how you've impacted her life. If that's something she truly wanted and believed, would you posting about it in girl-age?

Don't be that "nice guy" who can't recognize his own shortcomings and need for development, who then strives to occupy his time trying to "fix" someone else or keep them on a stable course then gets mad when his selfish intent isn't rewarded with the gaze of a thousand distressed maidens. I get the vibe you think you're the only one who understands her, and you deserve her affection and admiration off that assertion. It's not healthy man. You don't wanna hear it, but you need to move on and work on nOoblet16.

To be honest, whatever I did for her I didn't do it cause I wanted something in return from her, infact back when all of that happened I wasn't interested in her at all...not even one bit. I just thought that as her best friend, it was in my best interest to help her out. And I acknowledge the fact that there are people who understand her more than me as they've known her for a lot longer time than I have.

In any case I won't give a chase to this one, if something has to happen it'll happen otherwise this is how it stays. In the mean time I'll live my own life, I've already been thinking on asking this other girl out.

 

[soundahfekz]

To be honest, whatever I did for her I didn't do it cause I wanted something in return from her, infact back when all of that happened I wasn't interested in her at all...not even one bit. I just thought that as her best friend, it was in my best interest to help her out. And I acknowledge the fact that there are people who understand her more than me as they've known her for a lot longer time than I have.

In any case I won't give a chase to this one, if something has to happen it'll happen otherwise this is how it stays. In the mean time I'll live my own life, I've already been thinking on asking this other girl out.

Good for you man, there's plenty of stable women out there

 

[MTE]

Hi guys.
Maybe not the usual question for girl-age, but basically, is there a way I can keep an interest as a friend?
About a week ago, I asked out someone I was interested in, and I thought she was in me.
She, in quite an indirect manner, said no and that she has a boyfriend.
I've felt, since then, that she's been less friendly to me in general. I don't know if this is to make it further clear that she's not interested or perhaps I put her off for some reason.
I'm moving on, girl wise (Have had a date since), but I'd like to keep her as a friend. I think I can handle it fine.
Is there a simple way I can let her know this? I don't have a lot of friends, so I'd hate to lose her as one.

 

[hipgnosis]

Seems like my thing with this law student girl is slowly escalating into a relationship. We now talk pretty much daily and both are really into each other. She invited me over tomorrow and were gonna grab some snack and watch a movie, should be awesome. She is incredibly attractive. Have been seeing her well over a month now.

She's my third girl after my breakup in september, but definitely the best out of those girls.

Oh boy, here I go again.

 

[Sanky Panky]

To be honest, whatever I did for her I didn't do it cause I wanted something in return from her, infact back when all of that happened I wasn't interested in her at all...not even one bit. I just thought that as her best friend, it was in my best interest to help her out. And I acknowledge the fact that there are people who understand her more than me as they've known her for a lot longer time than I have.

In any case I won't give a chase to this one, if something has to happen it'll happen otherwise this is how it stays. In the mean time I'll live my own life, I've already been thinking on asking this other girl out.

It's ok to acknowledge that we are all self-serving people. I have to comment on this because I've taken two "best friend, shoulder to cry on" girls, and hooked up with them. Moral of the story, IT IS POINTLESS AND NOT GOOD FOR LONG-TERM.

Because of a lack of experience, you view this girl as perfect for you (at least she's sweet and caring), and in your mind, YOU are the perfect guy for her (hell her family and friends agree!) so you think that it's only a matter of time until her rational mind comes into play and agrees with this... EXCEPT GIRLS ARE NOT RATIONAL WITH "LOVE". Unless she is a 30yr old single mother looking for a baby-daddy, she won't chose you because you treat her so good, help her better herself, and provide stability in her life. Her immature mind is thinking about that sweep-her-off-her-feet love at first sight (or "I'd fuck your brains out" at first sight), and sadly YOU ARE NOT THAT. You need to accept this. You might hook up with her, but ultimately, the minute she finds that guy, you are out AGAIN.

If you definitely want to give it a shot, and I and others have said this many times, create distance between you and her, and DATE OTHER WOMEN. Create value for yourself. Indifference is the best tool you have to bring her around to you. But, once again, these things don't work out in the end. Delude yourself that you are the 1 in 10000 case that will lead to happily ever after, but don't be surprised when she breaks your heart over and over again.

There is a great thing about all this. Identify things in her that you like, and use them to filter out other people. In fact, when you find that person that loves you back, you'll realize how dumb you were for liking her in the first place. YOU ARE 21 DAMMIT! YOU DON'T FIGURE SHIT OUT REALLY UNTIL 25+

WHY AM I SCREAMING

 

[Cubsfan23]

I was alluding to the fact that this thread is full of good looking guys.

I know it's not all about looks, but I was just saying.

Charm and Confidence is all you need

 

[NihonTiger90]

If you were conversing with her everyday, you basically had your first date over the internet. Get a good conversation going long enough for her to be comfortable to meet, after that you need to transition to an actual meet up.

If she knows everything about you before you even see her, minus your mannerisms and potential humor that may go unnoticed online, including your level of confidence, its easy for interest to wane. The only time conversation should extend that long without a meet is if there's significant distance involved.

Fall back, move on and see if she hits you back. It usually happens at some point if you stop contact attempts. If not, you know next time move in for the date a bit faster.

Fun thing is, she doesn't. I went with the enough to be comfortable bit, and actually ... there is some distance involved between us (it's about 2 1/2 to 3 hours, which we are both OK with and is manageable. I live in the middle of four or five major cities, for reference.)

Might fall back a bit and see if she hits back. Won't give up on this one quite yet.

 

[Miguel]

Nooblet...stop. you remind me too much of me when I was younger. It hurts. I'll post something more useful when I get to my computer. I'm on my phone right now.

 

[Atramental]

.

 

[jasonng]

Hi guys.
Maybe not the usual question for girl-age, but basically, is there a way I can keep an interest as a friend?
About a week ago, I asked out someone I was interested in, and I thought she was in me.
She, in quite an indirect manner, said no and that she has a boyfriend.
I've felt, since then, that she's been less friendly to me in general. I don't know if this is to make it further clear that she's not interested or perhaps I put her off for some reason.
I'm moving on, girl wise (Have had a date since), but I'd like to keep her as a friend. I think I can handle it fine.
Is there a simple way I can let her know this? I don't have a lot of friends, so I'd hate to lose her as one.

Assuming you're not trying to hook up with her later on then the only way I can think of is to just tell her. Say "hey, I know you have a boyfriend but I really want to keep you as a friend. As a matter of fact, could you give me a girl's perspective on ____ . I'm going on with this date and I want your opinion on _____ ."

However, I'm not a fan of befriending someone you asked out. You can make friends with anyone else.