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[OmegaRed]

I have tried to initiate sex with her, and she tells me that because of her past, she's done with sex. But we can do other intimate things..such a cuddle. Yeah, she actually said that.

 

[Neki]

Well, we both wanted it to work, we really did. But she was always so busy (she works Fridays and Saturdays until 1am, which is hard when we are both in high school), which made it really hard to stpend time with her and become closer with her, and also I'm still really inexperienced, so there are things I should have done which I didn't. We got along so great, liked each other, and both wanted it to work, but we both felt the relationship was moving so slowly, and she was the one to have to bring it up and end it.

She also really confuses me. While we were breaking up, she says things like 'you never know what can happen in the future. It may not be working right now, but we could re-connect sometime in the future and things could happen again, you never know'. She also mentioned later on that she has so many unwatched movies and I should come over sometime and watch some.

Makes me so confused Although one thing I sort of appreciate; my birthday is on monday, and she told me she's still bought me a birthday present she wants to give to me. I thought that was nice.... Although at the same time she broke up with me 6 days before my birthday...


Anyway, this is the post-break up whitehawk talking who is in denial. The logical side of me is saying do things and keep busy to keep your mind off of it, and try not to look back.

Better than me, in high school, broke up with my girlfriend on her birthday. SOOOOOOOOO BAD. :lol

 

[Luscious LeftFoot]

Could you guys lend me some advice?

This girl I'm dating is just all sorts of crazy.

For example, she'll say something like "oh I'm cold" and I'll be like "come over so I can warm you up." Then she'll go into a rant saying "oh you won't do anything anyway." and blah blah blah. To be honest, it's really starting to get on my nerves. She'll say I don't want her and I'm not affectionate. Yet on the other hand, she tells me how she's done having sex because of how promiscuous she used to be. There was even one incident where she told me she used a vibrator because she "knew" I wasn't going to do anything about it.

To be honest, I'm at the point where I'm about to lose my mind and call it quits.

And the sex part is crazy, we've been dating for 6 months. We've had no type of intimacy whatsoever. But she feels the need to tell me about her past sex life and tell me she's had over 15 sex partners.

Honestly, I'm about to bail out. I feel like she's playing games at this point.

Is there a specific reason you two haven't had sex yet?

When she things about you not doing anything about warming her up and having to use a vibe because you won't to anything about it. It comes across likes she's frustrated about the lack of intimacy too.

Edit*

I have tried to initiate sex with her, and she tells me that because of her past, she's done with sex. But we can do other intimate things..such a cuddle. Yeah, she actually said that.

Ok. Time to bail the fuck out.

 

[Barrage]

I have tried to initiate sex with her, and she tells me that because of her past, she's done with sex. But we can do other intimate things..such a cuddle. Yeah, she actually said that.

Drop this girl man. It sounds like you're miserable, and she's bi-polar.

 

[msv]

I have tried to initiate sex with her, and she tells me that because of her past, she's done with sex. But we can do other intimate things..such a cuddle. Yeah, she actually said that.

I'm guessing that you should be more insistent on sex. I mean, you shouldn't accept that. Either she has some trauma you should talk about, or she just wants you to be more aggressive. Have you tried to get her really hot and bothered, play with her and stuff? A girl can't really say no after that.

 

[Slo]

I have tried to initiate sex with her, and she tells me that because of her past, she's done with sex. But we can do other intimate things..such a cuddle. Yeah, she actually said that.

She wants you to want her. She needs you to need her. She'd love you to love her.

 

[vitaminwateryum]

Met a girl in NC over christmas break, had a great time while I was up there and haven't really talked to her since. She added me on facebook today out of the blue and sent me a message asking if I had skype or anything like that. What's the best way to make something positive out of this?

Well that'd be great. Except what he was talking about would be like step E. Having never been in a long distance relationship or anything like that, some advice as how to go from step A to step B first would be appreciated.

Reposting this for the new page, it got caught up in the flurry of OmegaRed quotes and was near the bottom of the last page.

 

[Eggo]

No they are not resolved but she says that I should give her a chance to fix them. It's a long story. She had a kid with another man. I feel she is still too involved with him. Fuck, I just went to our old apartment (which I moved out of) unannounced the other day to see her. She let me in and there were pictures of her and her ex all over the apartment. There was even a family portrait of all three of them hanging in the living room!! It was the first thing I noticed when I walked in and it was all I talked about when I got there. She said she is no longer with me anymore, she can put up whatever pictures she wants and they are for the baby anyway. They are so the baby can look at the pictures and say "mommy ... daddy." Yo, GAF, there is somethign seriously wrong with me that I still believe what comes out of this girls mouth. I think I need my head examined.

I can see her point about having the pics up. If you haven't realized this yet, once a woman has a kid, her priorities change. Her main focus is going to be her kid and what's best for the kid. If you can't handle being second place, you shouldn't date a single mother. I tend to think you shouldn't date single mothers in the first place, but if you do, realize you're not going to be top priority, or else she's a terrible mother.

Well that'd be great. Except what he was talking about would be like step E. Having never been in a long distance relationship or anything like that, some advice as how to go from step A to step B first would be appreciated.

I suggest not getting into a LDR, but I know people will do what they want to do. Sounds like you should get Skype or prepare for a lot of lengthy phone conversations if you're dead set on doing this (compatible phone plans on the same carrier, calling card, etc.). The better solution is to date someone you can see everyday if you want to.

 

[Zio]

FUCK i am freaking out, I can't do this. I cant

i'm feeling your pain man...and then some. i found out this weekend that my gf of nearly 4 years has been cheating on me for the past month, never even saw it coming. it's really fucking hard to move on positively from this, too. having a hard time dealing with this aftershock. at first it was easy, but it just keeps being hard. it feels like i'm mourning the loss of a loved one, and in many ways I am. Take it one day at a time, i suppose. Take it from me that it could be much worse! you could have poured your heart out for 4 years and received this shit as a reward for all your love and efforts. nothing left but tainted memories and images of the love of your life with another man, and with not a thought about you. on top of this, i have to live alone as i'm now in medical school that just keeps throwing shit my way.

i dont know if this is helping you :lol, but let me tell you this. there is a part of me that knows it will get better for me at some point, despite how low and depressed I feel. it's not the end of the world, and i know that life is much bigger than this moment. a part of me knows that a lot of this negative shit we go through is somewhat of a necessary evil, something that shapes us and teaches us, albeit in a cruel way at times. and if there is hope for me, there is certainly hope for you, and anyone else going through similar situations.


edit: yeah and this all happened because we were forced into a long distance thing, btw. something she wasn't strong enough a person for, not even for 3 months (with short breaks with each other in between). if you're considering long distance, given what I've been through, I'd say make sure she is not an attention-needy person. I didn't think she was anymore but I was wrong apparently. no matter how much trust is there, it seems if she's that type of person, it won't work out. with me not there, she seemed to stoop to record lows to have somebody/anybody with her after enough time goes by. the distance thing may only work with two strong-willed, dedicated people. that's just my story at least, or what sense i've made out of it. i'm sure many girls are different.

Spoiler

i think/hope?

 

[Mr.City]

I've never been a fan of long distance relationships. It's up to you though.

 

[Calion]

Well, I just learned from my own mistakes: Never open a joint checking account with a girlfriend, ever.

BBVA Compass just notified me that I must keep a minimum balance on that particular checking account for it to remain free. Yeah, that account hasn't been used in 6 months, and I depleted it as soon as it was over. (I was the only one who made deposits anyway). I had to call up my ex and tell her the situation so we could meet and and close the account together. Awkward as hell.

Never again.

 

[Xun]

According to OkCupid I'm part of the more attractive list of people or some shit! :lol

What a silly site.

 

[JB1981]

I can see her point about having the pics up. If you haven't realized this yet, once a woman has a kid, her priorities change. Her main focus is going to be her kid and what's best for the kid. If you can't handle being second place, you shouldn't date a single mother. I tend to think you shouldn't date single mothers in the first place, but if you do, realize you're not going to be top priority, or else she's a terrible mother.




I suggest not getting into a LDR, but I know people will do what they want to do. Sounds like you should get Skype or prepare for a lot of lengthy phone conversations if you're dead set on doing this (compatible phone plans on the same carrier, calling card, etc.). The better solution is to date someone you can see everyday if you want to.

She's really not a great mother though. She drinks too much, goes out too much, drives drunk, can't care for the baby when she's hungover etc. Having pictures of her and the ex has nothing to do with what is best for the baby, anyway. And constantly having him around is what is best FOR HER, not the baby.

 

[TheVampire]

I have tried to initiate sex with her, and she tells me that because of her past, she's done with sex. But we can do other intimate things..such a cuddle. Yeah, she actually said that.

Time to bail out, seriously your just waisting your time.

 

[Parts]

She's really not a great mother though. She drinks too much, goes out too much, drives drunk, can't care for the baby when she's hungover etc. Having pictures of her and the ex has nothing to do with what is best for the baby, anyway. And constantly having him around is what is best FOR HER, not the baby.

Bail the fuck out.

 

[Rubenov]

According to OkCupid I'm part of the more attractive list of people or some shit! :lol

What a silly site.

Avatar quote.

 

[Dabookerman]

According to OkCupid I'm part of the more attractive list of people or some shit! :lol

What a silly site.

How do you find that out?

 

[Nexus Zero]

How do you find that out?

They send you an email. It's a bit of an uncomfortable read actually. Also it says that pretty people will come up higher in your searches but I still see some proper doofers.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

So it turns out there's a bit more baggage in my relationship than I had originally thought.

It's not totally surprising, but it does explain why we haven't really been able to be intimate, aside from us trying to have sex a month ago.

I mean we make out or whatever just fine, but if I try to go down south she has always stopped me. I didn't question it really at first because we hadn't been going out very long, and no means no, right?

We'll have been dating for 2 months tomorrow, and last night I finally had to ask "what's up?"

Turns out she's never even really touched herself without some kind of clothing or washcloth, has some self-image issues due to her upbringing (despite being gorgeous, she's got guys coming after her all the time), and her previous relationships/sexual partners kind of didn't give a shit (which I've touched on briefly in this thread).

This talk comes after another one a couple days ago when I finally had to be like "we tried to have sex a month ago, you went away for 3 weeks, why aren't you basically jumping my bones at this point?" where she revealed she was worried about the relationship turning into just about the sex and her wanting to take it slow(er).


Needless to say after all my frustration and confusion about her behavior, confronting her made me understand. I really like this girl. She wants to change. She wants to be more comfortable with herself, and with me.

Yeah it's kind of a weird situation, but who doesn't have some kind of baggage? It's something that can be worked through. I'm glad I just straight up called her out on it now instead of months down the line of me not wanted to upset her or hurt her feelings or some bullshit.

Anyone have any ideas of how I can work with this? My first advice to her was to get more comfortable with her own body by, well, feeling herself up more when she had the chance. And I'm going to keep talking to her about it because I will not let this go, not just for my own enjoyment but for her well-being as well, I hate to see people who want to change but just don't know how or have the proper guidance.

 

[Luscious LeftFoot]

She sounds way too self conscious to feel comfortable touching herself.

You're going to have to try and ramp up the intimacy, take her out to a nice restaurant, crack open a bottle of red wine, initiate more physical contact, find out where her other erogenous zones are, tell her how she turns you on.

You have to turn her on, so that she wants you as much as you want her.

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

*hugs Whitehawk*

As has been said, there's only up to go from here. My first girlfriend and I dated for about as long as you two did and I was completely broken when she left until I stopped thinking about her and started looking at the possibilities ahead of me. Just go out and enjoy yourself, talk to all the cute girls you know, and just enjoy yourself.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

She sounds way too self conscious to feel comfortable touching herself.

You're going to have to try and ramp up the intimacy, take her out to a nice restaurant, crack open a bottle of red wine, initiate more physical contact, find out where her other erogenous zones are, tell her how she turns you on.

You have to turn her on, so that she wants you as much as you want her.

It's weird because I do all of this, and we've been quite physical. I take her out often and we sleep in the same bed nearly every night we can. There's just this weird leapfrogging going on where foreplay stops at a point and then (the one time) skipped straight to attempting sex. It was her call (look back in the thread to figure out why that didn't happen). I suggested we sleep naked the other night to see if she could be comfortable with another person in that way. It worked. She says she's more comfortable being herself around me than any other person she's ever been with. It's a learning process on both sides.

She is self-conscious, more than she lets on, but it's hard to hide stuff like that from me especially in a relationship. I'm incredibly curious and have a very strong intuition, so if I think something is off then I need to know why, and I need to try and fix it. I understand that this could easily lead me to being taken advantage of emotionally or whatever but I've been down that road (trapped me for damn near 5.5 years) and I know what the signs are. I don't get that off of this girl.

 

[Stridone]

How careful should you be with your girlfriends male friends? I've got a new girlfriend who hangs with guys alot, just as friends, but she's hot so I obviously know what most of these fuckers are thinking.:lol I trust her, but I'm not used to the idea of my gf hanging with a guy one on one... She's very naive and doesn't believe these guys are looking for more.

I'm obviously not gonna prohibit her from hanging around with them or anything, but should I just not give a fuck at all?

 

[booyakasha]

Alright, so I've held off posting this as long as I could, but I need some advice.

Ok so I met this girl in the beginning of summer and from the day we met we've been talking almost non stop every single day. She'd call me first thing when she woke up, while she ate breakfast, texted me while she showered , at night we'd talk so long that she'd fall asleep with the phone still on. We went out a couple times but I don't think she sees them as dates. Umm ALL her friends are guys, and despite all her body language towards me she says she never wants to be in a relationship as long as she lives. :/ And now she barely talks to me at all. I'm starting to think I fell in a trap. She doesn't know how I feel about her though. Im planning on just telling her and seeing what she says and ill see where to go from there. I really really really like her though, so I hope it works out

 

[dskillzhtown]

She's really not a great mother though. She drinks too much, goes out too much, drives drunk, can't care for the baby when she's hungover etc. Having pictures of her and the ex has nothing to do with what is best for the baby, anyway. And constantly having him around is what is best FOR HER, not the baby.

So why in the heck are you pursuing this girl? You have listed about 8 red flags with her, yet you still want to be with her? Why are you still dealing with her?

 

[dskillzhtown]

Alright, so I've held off posting this as long as I could, but I need some advice.

Ok so I met this girl in the beginning of summer and from the day we met we've been talking almost non stop every single day. She'd call me first thing when she woke up, while she ate breakfast, texted me while she showered , at night we'd talk so long that she'd fall asleep with the phone still on. We went out a couple times but I don't think she sees them as dates. Umm ALL her friends are guys, and despite all her body language towards me she says she never wants to be in a relationship as long as she lives. :/ And now she barely talks to me at all. I'm starting to think I fell in a trap. She doesn't know how I feel about her though. Im planning on just telling her and seeing what she says and ill see where to go from there. I really really really like her though, so I hope it works out

Seems to me she has alot of male friends and you were the newest one so she gave you the most attention. You aren't now so you are just one of the guys. She has told you she doesn't want a relationship, only friends and I am thinking she is serious about that. I know a girl like that. She hangs out with guys, when she meets a new one she is all about him for awhile, then he is just another friend to her. I think she has intimacy issues, but who knows.

Back to your issue, I think that if you tell her you really like her, you will lose her as a friend.

 

[booyakasha]

thx for the insight, im gonna give it one last shot tell her how i feel and hopefully she doesnt reject me

edit: yeah i thought the same thing about telling her how i felt, thats why i held off so long, but its really killing me now and i have to know how she feels so i can move on with my life

 

[dskillzhtown]

thx for the insight, im gonna give it one last shot tell her how i feel and hopefully she doesnt reject me

Good luck, but actions usually speak louder than words. Her actions are saying she friend zones everyone.

 

[JB1981]

So why in the heck are you pursuing this girl? You have listed about 8 red flags with her, yet you still want to be with her? Why are you still dealing with her?

She's my best friend, I guess. And I feel like I want her to be someone better. Like, maybe if she was with me she would be better. But I know that is not true. She was my first real adult relationship, to be honest. I'm not very experienced when it comes to break ups. I"m having a pretty rough time letting her go.

 

[whitehawk]

i'm feeling your pain man...and then some. i found out this weekend that my gf of nearly 4 years has been cheating on me for the past month, never even saw it coming. it's really fucking hard to move on positively from this, too. having a hard time dealing with this aftershock. at first it was easy, but it just keeps being hard. it feels like i'm mourning the loss of a loved one, and in many ways I am. Take it one day at a time, i suppose. Take it from me that it could be much worse! you could have poured your heart out for 4 years and received this shit as a reward for all your love and efforts. nothing left but tainted memories and images of the love of your life with another man, and with not a thought about you. on top of this, i have to live alone as i'm now in medical school that just keeps throwing shit my way.

i dont know if this is helping you :lol, but let me tell you this. there is a part of me that knows it will get better for me at some point, despite how low and depressed I feel. it's not the end of the world, and i know that life is much bigger than this moment. a part of me knows that a lot of this negative shit we go through is somewhat of a necessary evil, something that shapes us and teaches us, albeit in a cruel way at times. and if there is hope for me, there is certainly hope for you, and anyone else going through similar situations.


edit: yeah and this all happened because we were forced into a long distance thing, btw. something she wasn't strong enough a person for, not even for 3 months (with short breaks with each other in between). if you're considering long distance, given what I've been through, I'd say make sure she is not an attention-needy person. I didn't think she was anymore but I was wrong apparently. no matter how much trust is there, it seems if she's that type of person, it won't work out. with me not there, she seemed to stoop to record lows to have somebody/anybody with her after enough time goes by. the distance thing may only work with two strong-willed, dedicated people. that's just my story at least, or what sense i've made out of it. i'm sure many girls are different.

Spoiler

i think/hope?

The bolded is pretty accurate about how I feel. Because I can't really be friends with her, it not only feels like I've lost an important relationship, but I've lost an important person in my life. Plus I'm not only going to miss her, but her family too. I got to know them really well and they're all really nice people. I was even playing football with her dad every sunday.

I know you're all going to hate me for asking this but... Does anyone here have any experience with getting back together with an ex? Right now that thought is the only thing keeping me sane, that there is some glimmer of hope that it could work. I'll probably be meeting up with her soon since she still wants to give me a birthday present (my birthday is monday) and I'll see what the mood is like... Of course I wouldn't want to try getting her back right away... But I just feel that the relationship ended more because we didn't get to hang out a lot, and I'm inexperienced with serious relationships. Hell even after we broke up and had dinner we were laughing and making each other smile. It was weird, but it happened. I've learned a lot, and part of me feels like if we gave it another chance I would handle it so much better than I did before.

Sorry maybe this is stupid stuff to say, but it's truly how I feel right now.

 

[hellclerk]

thx for the insight, im gonna give it one last shot tell her how i feel and hopefully she doesnt reject me

edit: yeah i thought the same thing about telling her how i felt, thats why i held off so long, but its really killing me now and i have to know how she feels so i can move on with my life

Right, well, I'd suggest opening it with asking her why she doesn't want to get into a relationship and put your confession on top of that. If you give her some context for what you feel, she might get stuck staring in the mirror and how she might actually have feelings for you.

If this happens and works, good for you. If it happens and it DOESN'T work, she's flakey and has shit to work out, so bail out anyway. If just doesn't happen, she's probably asexual/a slut and you're boned either way.

 

[dskillzhtown]

She's my best friend, I guess. And I feel like I want her to be someone better. Like, maybe if she was with me she would be better. But I know that is not true. She was my first real adult relationship, to be honest. I'm not very experienced when it comes to break ups. I"m having a pretty rough time letting her go.

I hear ya, but people don't change unless they want to. She obviously is fine with who she is and doesn't feel like she needs to change. Ironically you still pursuing her is slowing down her change. She has a kid, does all the drinking she wants to do, parties, drunk drives and STILL has you and this other dude chasing her. Why should she change?

It is best for you to move on and get with a quality chick. Settling for that kind of drama chick isn't good. You always get caught up in it and eventually start thinking that all that shit she does isn't that bad when it really is. I was with a couple of girls like that. kids, drinking, getting high, poor parenting, barely keeping a job. But those flashes of the person she could be kept me around. But those flashes were rarities and not her true self. She was showing me who she really was those other 90% of the time. One of those girls was my first adult relationship as well.

Trust me, just bail out.

 

[DualShadow]

The bolded is pretty accurate about how I feel. Because I can't really be friends with her, it not only feels like I've lost an important relationship, but I've lost an important person in my life. Plus I'm not only going to miss her, but her family too. I got to know them really well and they're all really nice people. I was even playing football with her dad every sunday.

I know you're all going to hate me for asking this but... Does anyone here have any experience with getting back together with an ex? Right now that thought is the only thing keeping me sane, that there is some glimmer of hope that it could work. I'll probably be meeting up with her soon since she still wants to give me a birthday present (my birthday is monday) and I'll see what the mood is like... Of course I wouldn't want to try getting her back right away... But I just feel that the relationship ended more because we didn't get to hang out a lot, and I'm inexperienced with serious relationships. Hell even after we broke up and had dinner we were laughing and making each other smile. It was weird, but it happened. I've learned a lot, and part of me feels like if we gave it another chance I would handle it so much better than I did before.

Sorry maybe this is stupid stuff to say, but it's truly how I feel right now.

Hey man hope your feeling better, I recently broke one of my rules of not trying to get back with an ex. Let's just say I remember why I have that rule for a reason.

We were both keen to try and work it out but it wasn't the same and just wasn't working at all, we did sleep together a few times which was just as awesome as it always was but everything else was just shit :lol

But this was after a pretty damn long relationship (nearly 6 years) so it's a bit different to yours so maybe there is hope down the line.

But, for me personally I'll be keeping my 'Never get back with an ex' rule.

 

[booyakasha]

If just doesn't happen, she's probably asexual/a slut and you're boned either way.

Hmm asexual, thats pretty interesting...

I actually talked to her about relationships before. I asked her if she's ever had feelings for anyone or if she ever saw herself having feelings for anyone and she said no both times. I think she might be asexual after all, because she sure aint a slut.

i just attributed it to her being young(18) and naive, i guess it was just me being blind and stupid

 

[Zio]

The bolded is pretty accurate about how I feel. Because I can't really be friends with her, it not only feels like I've lost an important relationship, but I've lost an important person in my life. Plus I'm not only going to miss her, but her family too. I got to know them really well and they're all really nice people. I was even playing football with her dad every sunday.

I know you're all going to hate me for asking this but... Does anyone here have any experience with getting back together with an ex? Right now that thought is the only thing keeping me sane, that there is some glimmer of hope that it could work. I'll probably be meeting up with her soon since she still wants to give me a birthday present (my birthday is monday) and I'll see what the mood is like... Of course I wouldn't want to try getting her back right away... But I just feel that the relationship ended more because we didn't get to hang out a lot, and I'm inexperienced with serious relationships. Hell even after we broke up and had dinner we were laughing and making each other smile. It was weird, but it happened. I've learned a lot, and part of me feels like if we gave it another chance I would handle it so much better than I did before.

Sorry maybe this is stupid stuff to say, but it's truly how I feel right now.

this girl i spoke of...we broke up twice before. this was our third time trying to make it happen. it was the longest and strongest of all the three, and i thought we had finally worked out the problems from earlier. I didn't want to listen to everybody who told me if it didn't work out in the beginning, it probably wont ever. We wanted to prove them wrong and we thought we already did, and now this. As of right now, I don't think i'll ever do the break up/get back together thing again. I don't know the full extent of what you're relationship with this girl is, only you do, so only you can really decide what you think is the right thing to do. But for me, after 4 years of trying, struggling, and triumph, it ended up not working out in the worst way, and I may have been better off leaving her a long time ago, and trying harder to move on to someone better for me. really hard thing to do when you feel like you love someone though. good luck man.

 

[Lionheart1827]

I know. It's so easy being on the other end of the stick, telling your friends everything will be okay and you will get over it. And I've dealt with breakups before, but those relationships lasted a month, or even less, so I got over it very easily. However this girl is AMAZING, and we were together for almost 5 months. This is so hard. I'm thinking of what I tell my friends in this situation, but It's not helping.

I think a lot of us have been through this before. As much as it hurts, you will get over it in time, although it may feel like you wont, trust me it will. Just need a lot of "you" time. You need to purge all of the bad feelings your having, and it does NOT go away in a few days, even a few weeks. It takes awhile to really truly be over it. There isn't really a good way to get over things fast, you just gotta take it day by day.

You'll find love again, even if you are inexperienced, it will happen again. Try not to think of memories and what it was like with her, although it definitely is hard as fuck not to think of her when you look or hear anything. You see something on tv and it reminds you of her. Yeah, it fucking sucks ass, but it will pass in time. Watch Swingers if you have it, great movie and is pretty accurate in your situation. You just wanna be nice and have that little glimmer of hope that will bring you back together, but I would advise to just let it go or it will take that much longer to get over it. And you WILL in time.

In my last relationship I was with a girl for 2 years from hawaii, moved all the way to NY with me and she cheated on me. Blew my life away pretty much, in shambles. What finally got me over the whole thing, or was the turning point was my mother telling me that its her loss, not yours. After that it got better every day. Just take it day by day and you'll be ok, just dont do anything stupid to make it worse.

Day by day man! You can do this! You'll be OK.

 

[booyakasha]

Damn man, I've never heard of being asexual or aromantic before. After googling it I read a few articles on it and I understand it a bit and it describes her perfectly. I dont think even she knows she's asexual/aromantic. I think she leans a bit more towards being aromantic more than being asexual.

when she told me that she strictly doesnt date i just saw it as a challenge and kept trying harder. im kinda laughing at myself now. but it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders

 

[hellclerk]

Hmm asexual, thats pretty interesting...

I actually talked to her about relationships before. I asked her if she's ever had feelings for anyone or if she ever saw herself having feelings for anyone and she said no both times. I think she might be asexual after all, because she sure aint a slut.

i just attributed it to her being young(18) and naive, i guess it was just me being blind and stupid

Well, the OTHER end of that, the one that I'd like not to believe but is a reasonable likelihood, is that she's a cold hard bitch that gets off on leading men along. She might not be asexual, but she also might not have any interest in you whatsoever. That's what I was sort of alluding to when I said "slut". She might be an attention slut, not a "Fuck my holes raw" slut.

Wait, is this that same chick that freaks out and friendzones every guy when they get "too close" that someone was talking about some pages back? I can't remember who that was...

 

[whitehawk]

Thanks guys. You guys are great. I know it's going to be hard, but I know I'll get through it eventually. This friday I'm going sledding with my friends, and then hanging out with some close friends on Saturday, hopefully getting a little drunk. One of them went through a really tough breakup recently too, so it's good talking to him. Friends really help I notice.

I still feel that depending on the mood next time I see her, I may try to patch things up with her. I really don't think I can be friends with her. To hang out with her, and then realizing we are only hanging out as friends, really hurts. I feel like I have nothing to lose if it doesn't work out again.


Also, I have one more thing to ask. I've been playing football every week with her dad and some of his friends. Every sunday. Should I still play with him? My ex never went to the games, so she wouldn't be there. I mean, I missed last week, and he even texted me that they all missed me being there and really wanted me to come out again. Few days after that me and my GF broke up. I'm really not sure if I should be going or not.

 

[Lionheart1827]

Thanks guys. You guys are great. I know it's going to be hard, but I know I'll get through it eventually. This friday I'm going sledding with my friends, and then hanging out with some close friends on Saturday, hopefully getting a little drunk. One of them went through a really tough breakup recently too, so it's good talking to him. Friends really help I notice.

I still feel that depending on the mood next time I see her, I may try to patch things up with her. I really don't think I can be friends with her. To hang out with her, and then realizing we are only hanging out as friends, really hurts. I feel like I have nothing to lose if it doesn't work out again.


Also, I have one more thing to ask. I've been playing football every week with her dad and some of his friends. Every sunday. Should I still play with him? My ex never went to the games, so she wouldn't be there. I mean, I missed last week, and he even texted me that they all missed me being there and really wanted me to come out again. Few days after that me and my GF broke up. I'm really not sure if I should be going or not.

Yeah, thats what you should do, go hang out with your friends, get your mind off things. Also. try to understand what youre feeling rather than blindly shut it out. I did this in my last breakup and it made it harder. You want to get that shit out of you. Beat the shit out of something haha.

As far as patching things up, normally, I would say just stay away. However, its worth a shot but ONE shot only. Like I've said before, the longer you stick around, the harder it will be to get over things. Even being friends is probably a big no no since you'll more than likely want more than she does. Like you said you dont really have anything to lose, but what will suck is it will take quite a bit longer to get over it, especially if you try to be friends with her right off the bat. It usually doesnt work.

As for playing football, if I was in your position, I'd stay away from that, too. Again, the longer you stay in that mode of hanging around with her and her relatives, the longer and harder it will be to get away from it. Plus, if you end up finding somebody new to go out with, you think your new girl would want to know that? Better to nip it in the bud now and get things over with. However, thats just me. It all comes down to what you really feel is right. Good luck.

 

[whitehawk]

Thanks man. Yeah I won't be trying the friends thing right away, and she knows that. Her parents split up at one point many many years ago for a few months, and her mom even slept with someone else in that period. Of course now they are back together and have been for a long time. I'm not saying I want to marry this girl, but when I think of things like that I get that glimmer of hope that things could still work out.

I still don't know how I messed it up. She had a god damn crush on me for a year before I asked her out, and I still messed it up. Ugh. It's stuff like this I shouldn't be thinking of but it's hard.

Anyway yeah, I don't think I'll be going to play football. I'm sure he will understand the situation.

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

Whitehawk, I think it's best for you to leave her and move on.

On my end, college has started back and I'm doing wonderfully

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

She also really confuses me. While we were breaking up, she says things like 'you never know what can happen in the future. It may not be working right now, but we could re-connect sometime in the future and things could happen again, you never know'. She also mentioned later on that she has so many unwatched movies and I should come over sometime and watch some.

Don't be confused, she's just trying to let you down easy. Girls have told me that word for word before, and they all meant well, but it just led me to drag out the moving on process by holding out hope. There IS always hope, but you can't wait on it. If it happens, it happens. Cut all contact, and mourn. Delete her number, block her on facebook. You're not doing it to punish her, so don't be mean about it, but it has be done. Focus on yourself, lose weight, work out, get a hobby.

On a related note: When my ex broke up with me, I instantly (and very painfully) cut her completely out of my life with absolutely no contact...and she ended up trying to come back within two months.

 

[Rubenov]

Whitehawk,

How many times did you sex her up?

Did you maintain a separate life from her, with some activities that precluded you from being available to her all the time?

These are some of the areas where a lot of men in relationships fail.

Also, if you want a chance to get back with her eventually, start by cutting off contact now. Completely. The more you attempt to regain her at this time the farther away she will move from you.

 

[CrushDance]

Virginity.

Should I even bother with this anymore? i always kept rambling on about saving it for that special someone, not marriage. But is it even a big deal anymore? I'm at a crossroad where I can either stay single and kill off any feelings like that best I can. Or the other option is to go to a club or whatever and find a random girl to get it over with. I just don't care about this "love" thing or whatever, I've been incredibly ignorant and naive that it's embarrassing to even look back. I want to keep waiting, but I'm turning 23 soon and I skipped getting laid so many times over the years because I wanted to "save" it. But it hasn't given me anything? except some stupid sense of pride over the majority of other people.

 

[Aesius]

So I went on my date with Internet girl tonight. It went okay. She seemed VERY nervous, which was weird because I've never been on a date where the girl was more nervous than me. She also didn't look 100% like her pics, which is to be expected, I guess. She was still cute, of course, but not quite as striking as she looked online.

She texted me 20 minutes after we left, so I'd guess she had a good time. I'll ask her tomorrow if she wants to get together again.

Also, PoF is a fucking goldmine! I get almost 2 messages a day now. Granted, most are fatties, but I do have another date next weekend with a very cute girl from there. She actually wants to go to a bar, which is right up my alley (but most girls avoid that on a first date). I've found that girls are actually very receptive to receiving numbers online as opposed to real life, too. So far I'm 3/3 on giving out my number, ha.

I have to say that with online dating, you really need to be very, very careful which pic you select as your default. Mine is a total douchebag mirror pic, but it's one of the best pics I've ever taken, and subsequently, I get a lot of messages.

 

[Entropia]

Virginity.

Should I even bother with this anymore? i always kept rambling on about saving it for that special someone, not marriage. But is it even a big deal anymore? I'm at a crossroad where I can either stay single and kill off any feelings like that best I can. Or the other option is to go to a club or whatever and find a random girl to get it over with. I just don't care about this "love" thing or whatever, I've been incredibly ignorant and naive that it's embarrassing to even look back. I want to keep waiting, but I'm turning 23 soon and I skipped getting laid so many times over the years because I wanted to "save" it. But it hasn't given me anything? except some stupid sense of pride over the majority of other people.

I'm in the same boat as you man. I'm 25, still haven't fully done the deed and wondering about it.

I'm still thinking about saving the first time for someone somewhat special, but after that - whatever.

 

[CrushDance]

I'm in the same boat as you man. I'm 25, still haven't fully done the deed and wondering about it.

I'm still thinking about saving the first time for someone somewhat special, but after that - whatever.

Something finally broke today with me and I just don't care about the lovey dovey shit anymore. I mean there's still this part of me that wants that, but it's damn near impossible in todays society. Maybe I should just sleep on this before I do anything drastic,.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Okay, I'm involved with a coworker that's almost ten years old than me and married. We're going to Vegas in a few weeks. Good idea or not? Going through with it but I'm having second thoughts. At the same time, I suck with women and I want something so... yeah.

 

[whitehawk]

Whitehawk,

How many times did you sex her up?

Did you maintain a separate life from her, with some activities that precluded you from being available to her all the time?

These are some of the areas where a lot of men in relationships fail.

Also, if you want a chance to get back with her eventually, start by cutting off contact now. Completely. The more you attempt to regain her at this time the farther away she will move from you.

I'm actually really embarrassed by this, and it's also another thing I've had a hard time dealing with. We had been dating for about 4 months. Although she had been away in Africa and out of the city for a month of that time where I had no contact with her, so perhaps not exactly 4 months. Anyway, we tried to have sex earlier in december. I couldn't get it up, and it sucked. After that it slowly fell apart it feels. She brought up how she was upset because it felt like if she didn't arrange for us to meet up, we would never see each other. I pushed myself to change this, and I did. But then it seemed to do a 180. I was always the one making plans for us, and she wasn't. Anyway. After it didn't happen that time, it just sort of didn't happen after that. It's hard, since we are both in High School. She works on fridays and saturdays, and we both of very busy schedules outside of that. I was really trying recently, I become open with my parents and got them out of the house last week so we could have time alone together, but she had to cancel. I did the same thing this tuesday, in an effort to try and fix things, but then she broke up with me.

And yes, sexual tension was diffidently something that led to the downfall... And I feel really embarrassed that I wasn't able to have sex and lose my virginity after dating a girl for so long. It's been hard to deal with that, along with losing someone I really cared about. I was really trying hard in the past few weeks (I surprised her at her work on new years eve to spend it with her). But she did things, specially one thing, that really made me feel pushed away which made it really hard to open up to her. When we were walking together, in the past few weeks she wouldn't put her hand out to hold hands. Even on new years eve, when it was really really mild out. Made it really hard.

*sigh* Didn't expect to post so much. Sorry if it's a jumbled mess/doesn't make sense. And don't worry, I haven't made any contact with her since the breakup.

I'm singing a song at my school at the end of the month. I kind of want to put on a fucking kick ass performance to let her know "yeah, you broke up with this"