Girlfriend Stuck in 1 Year Bedroom Lease with Ex-Boyfriend: Advice?

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Kitoro said:
They're all 24 and I'm 30.
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Jesus.

LumpOfCole said:
j6WY8Vl.jpg
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Holy shit!
 
Kitoro said:
She's been sleeping on the couch some nights, but that's not good for anyone's back, and it's admitting defeat to the ex. He should be on that couch, as that's about what his rent contribution basically affords.

Either way, one of them needs to get out, for the sake of each of their own well being.
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Holy shit dude. So she'd rather wake up with his boner in her back every morning rather than 'admit defeat' and buy an inflatable mattress or sleep on the couch?!

Jesus, just go to the landlord and say he hasn't been paying his share and try to get him kicked out or the lease broken properly.
 
Let me provide my own self-evaluation here, since I think I'm coming off wrong in just dropping facts, intuition, and more in broken spurts.

She's been with him for 3.5 years. She's been miserable with him for the last 2 years. He's a good guy, but not a good fit for her. They have little in common, he doesn't like to go out at all or do anything fun or spontaneous, and he doesn't try to make her happy. He just does his thing and is used to her just being bored and sitting idly by, but never leaving.

When she tries to leave, he begs her to stay, and they just grow complacent all over again. I was a wake-up call to her that some guys can be fun, sweet, respectful, spontaneous, and willing to compromise, and she wants that.

I found her at a low point in her adult life, and she really wishes she'd have met me at a time when she could have put her best foot forward. I pride myself for being a great judge of character, and no one I deemed to be of good character has ever surprised me by wronging me in the past. I've got a good track record, in this regard.

This girl is incredibly sweet, has been through so much that I could never imagine surviving through, and is still positive and bubbly about life. This situation is seriously the Achilles's Heel to her life right now, and I've no doubt that she'd make a fantastic partner to enjoy life with, whether it's for a short or long time.

Trust me, I've dated my fair share of crazies, and I drop them like hot potatoes; she is not crazy; she's just made a terrible decision recently that she's having trouble dealing with.

All this aside, though, NeoGAF community, your advice and general consensus is not falling on deaf ears. I'm going to sit with her tonight and ask for more details on how serious she's been putting her foot down on things with her ex, and why he's so eerily okay with all this. I want to find out of he's just a crazy loser in denial, or if she's not being firm and definitive enough, and I'll get that information tonight.

I'm reading every post, and I do appreciate each and every one of them, even the hilarious/joke posts.
 
Kitoro said:
They never got around to shopping for a bigger one. It was in the cards had they not collapsed.
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She was the one that was going to pay for it. He can't afford more than 300$ a month remember. Who owns the current twin bed?


Also why the hell is she going to you for legal advice on getting out of her lease? She couldn't have contacted her landlord or an attorney or anyone else?

Kitoro said:
I found her at a low point in her adult life, and she really wishes she'd have met me at a time when she could have put her best foot forward. I pride myself for being a great judge of character, and no one I deemed to be of good character has ever surprised me by wronging me in the past. I've got a good track record, in this regard.
.
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I don't mean to sound rude. But didn't you get divorced earlier this year? I mean are you really 100% sure that you are are a great judge of character and nobody has ever wronged you that you thought was a good person?

HardRojo said:
Has OP confirmed whether he's at least getting some? Because if not holy shit.
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No he hasn't.
 
If they share a bathroom its obvious the ex is taking angrier, vindictive, smellier shits to punish her. Get her out of there man, do us Klonoa fans proud.
 
Kitoro said:
Let me provide my own self-evaluation here, since I think I'm coming off wrong in just dropping facts, intuition, and more in broken spurts.

She's been with him for 3.5 years. She's been miserable with him for the last 2 years. He's a good guy, but not a good fit for her. They have little in common, he doesn't like to go out at all or do anything fun or spontaneous, and he doesn't try to make her happy. He just does his thing and is used to her just being bored and sitting idly by, but never leaving.

When she tries to leave, he begs her to stay, and they just grow complacent all over again. I was a wake-up call to her that some guys can be fun, sweet, respectful, spontaneous, and willing to compromise, and she wants that.

I found her at a low point in her adult life, and she really wishes she'd have met me at a time when she could have put her best foot forward. I pride myself for being a great judge of character, and no one I deemed to be of good character has ever surprised me by wronging me in the past. I've got a good track record, in this regard.

This girl is incredibly sweet, has been through so much that I could never imagine surviving through, and is still positive and bubbly about life. This situation is seriously the Achilles's Heel to her life right now, and I've no doubt that she'd make a fantastic partner to enjoy life with, whether it's for a short or long time.

Trust me, I've dated my fair share of crazies, and I drop them like hot potatoes; she is not crazy; she's just made a terrible decision recently that she's having trouble dealing with.

All this aside, though, NeoGAF community, your advice and general consensus is not falling on deaf ears. I'm going to sit with her tonight and ask for more details on how serious she's been putting her foot down on things with her ex, and why he's so eerily okay with all this. I want to find out of he's just a crazy loser in denial, or if she's not being firm and definitive enough, and I'll get that information tonight.

I'm reading every post, and I do appreciate each and every one of them, even the hilarious/joke posts.
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You're still acting like a sucka.
 
Kitoro said:
Let me provide my own self-evaluation here, since I think I'm coming off wrong in just dropping facts, intuition, and more in broken spurts.

She's been with him for 3.5 years. She's been miserable with him for the last 2 years. He's a good guy, but not a good fit for her. They have little in common, he doesn't like to go out at all or do anything fun or spontaneous, and he doesn't try to make her happy. He just does his thing and is used to her just being bored and sitting idly by, but never leaving.

When she tries to leave, he begs her to stay, and they just grow complacent all over again. I was a wake-up call to her that some guys can be fun, sweet, respectful, spontaneous, and willing to compromise, and she wants that.

I found her at a low point in her adult life, and she really wishes she'd have met me at a time when she could have put her best foot forward. I pride myself for being a great judge of character, and no one I deemed to be of good character has ever surprised me by wronging me in the past. I've got a good track record, in this regard.

This girl is incredibly sweet, has been through so much that I could never imagine surviving through, and is still positive and bubbly about life. This situation is seriously the Achilles's Heel to her life right now, and I've no doubt that she'd make a fantastic partner to enjoy life with, whether it's for a short or long time.

Trust me, I've dated my fair share of crazies, and I drop them like hot potatoes; she is not crazy; she's just made a terrible decision recently that she's having trouble dealing with.

All this aside, though, NeoGAF community, your advice and general consensus is not falling on deaf ears. I'm going to sit with her tonight and ask for more details on how serious she's been putting her foot down on things with her ex, and why he's so eerily okay with all this. I want to find out of he's just a crazy loser in denial, or if she's not being firm and definitive enough, and I'll get that information tonight.

I'm reading every post, and I do appreciate each and every one of them, even the hilarious/joke posts.
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You're posts are the only joke in this thread OP.

You known this girl 3 weeks.
You claim you're dating.
She is still sleeping with her "ex"

You're goddamn 30 years old and act as if you haven't seen a girl named before, because if you haven't you wouldn't be this thirsty.

Kitoro said:
I'm getting more than some.
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I don't believe you and if you are, from what you said, you are taking advantage of this girl.
 
Kitoro said:
Let me provide my own self-evaluation here, since I think I'm coming off wrong in just dropping facts, intuition, and more in broken spurts.

She's been with him for 3.5 years. She's been miserable with him for the last 2 years. He's a good guy, but not a good fit for her. They have little in common, he doesn't like to go out at all or do anything fun or spontaneous, and he doesn't try to make her happy. He just does his thing and is used to her just being bored and sitting idly by, but never leaving.

When she tries to leave, he begs her to stay, and they just grow complacent all over again. I was a wake-up call to her that some guys can be fun, sweet, respectful, spontaneous, and willing to compromise, and she wants that.

I found her at a low point in her adult life, and she really wishes she'd have met me at a time when she could have put her best foot forward. I pride myself for being a great judge of character, and no one I deemed to be of good character has ever surprised me by wronging me in the past. I've got a good track record, in this regard.

This girl is incredibly sweet, has been through so much that I could never imagine surviving through, and is still positive and bubbly about life. This situation is seriously the Achilles's Heel to her life right now, and I've no doubt that she'd make a fantastic partner to enjoy life with, whether it's for a short or long time.

Trust me, I've dated my fair share of crazies, and I drop them like hot potatoes; she is not crazy; she's just made a terrible decision recently that she's having trouble dealing with.

All this aside, though, NeoGAF community, your advice and general consensus is not falling on deaf ears. I'm going to sit with her tonight and ask for more details on how serious she's been putting her foot down on things with her ex, and why he's so eerily okay with all this. I want to find out of he's just a crazy loser in denial, or if she's not being firm and definitive enough, and I'll get that information tonight.

I'm reading every post, and I do appreciate each and every one of them, even the hilarious/joke posts.
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She's an adult person, not a stray. You are talking about her as if she needs you to save her. That's not healthy. If she is the person you say she is, she will figure her way out of this on her own.
 
Jpop said:
Sorry OP, but you are a side piece. Get real with yourself and have some self respect.
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I think OP bout to get promoted as the main and the other guys broke ass will be demoted to side. I think the girl has been looking for a while now for a guy to save her from the ex. Lots have probably dipped before and it was OP here who get snared.

Sorry if it sounded harsh. But find yourself a woman who get her shit together. I'm just 26 and I read your posts and put myself in your position and all I'm like was I'm too old to be dealing with these.
 
You might want to back out of this one. I mean, you only just met her.. I don't really understand your investment at this stage.
 
Situation is messed up frm both sides, why'd she care in going there, to my mortgage knowledge tell her ex shes unable to pay her portion for whatever reason cuz bank only needs money to recover frm whoever, bank will terminate lease contract then you come up to catch the lease as fresh.
 
Ninja Scooter said:
She's an adult person, not a stray. You are talking about her as if she needs you to save her. That's not healthy. If she is the person you say she is, she will figure her way out of this on her own.
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Facts.

If she likes you, and she's as good as you say she is, she'll get out of this mess on her own. Your story is basically "they always end up back together." Why do you think you're different? Let her get out of her mess before having anything to do with her. Seriously.
 
Kitoro said:
I should add, she presented the idea of sleeping on the couch.

I'm the one who thinks that's a terrible solution to the problem, and will only make it seem like a better idea to suffer through the entirety of the lease on a couch.

I believe the only solution to this mess is for one of them to get out.
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This gets more and more bizarre the more of your posts I read.

That's it; I'm out. I honestly don't think you're going to listen to any advice here anyway. Good luck OP, and don't get yourself played just because you're in awe of this woman.
 
Kitoro said:
Still, I don't consider myself to be idealizing her right now.
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Kitoro said:
This girl is incredibly sweet, has been through so much that I could never imagine surviving through, and is still positive and bubbly about life. This situation is seriously the Achilles's Heel to her life right now, and I've no doubt that she'd make a fantastic partner to enjoy life with, whether it's for a short or long time.
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Yep ok.
 
Kitoro said:
Believe it or not, she's very intelligent, self-sufficient, strong, and has been through more than most people in this thread have, and still has an incredible head on her shoulders and a positive outlook on life. She's really a joy and pleasure to be with and around.
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Dude you sound like liberal GAF talking about Queen Hillary.

Really, tell her to deal with her ex and bail out.
 
He's under no legal obligation to move out just because your gf is no longer into the relationship. He's on the lease, he just has to pay the rent and he gets to stay.

If she bails on her rent, she screws all 4 tenants, because they're all on the lease.

Her only recourse is to get a sub-letter willing to pay her share and share a bedroom with her bf. If that can't/won't happen, she's stuck as is.

It sucks, but seriously a) what the hell was she thinking signing a lease with a guy that she was planning on breaking up with in a few weeks/months and b) what the hell was she thinking doing a room share with someone who can't go for at least half, and c) what the hell are you thinking letting a girl move in with you after only 3 weeks? Doesn't this seem like a terrible idea, given the precedent that she's laid out before you?

Dude is being petty as hell, but if you look at from his perspective, he's got a pretty sweet room that he otherwise wouldn't be able to afford for only $300 a month, and in his mind he still has a chance to get back with his gf if he keeps trying. She needs to sleep on the couch for the duration of the rental period, buy out her portion of the lease (yes, that's 12x$700), get an air-mattress/futon, or just take the financial L and move in with you.

I'm hoping she doesn't do the latter. Moving in together for casual relationships is a terrible idea.

Kitoro said:
I should add, she presented the idea of sleeping on the couch.

I'm the one who thinks that's a terrible solution to the problem, and will only make it seem like a better idea to suffer through the entirety of the lease on a couch.

I believe the only solution to this mess is for one of them to get out.
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Welcome to the real world. Sometimes there are no good choices and no one gets to win. You snatched his gf out from under his nose, he's taking her financially to the cleaners for a year legally. She needs to sleep on the couch. A guy willing to "surprise snuggle" is only a 6 pack away from "surprise sex".
 
Kitoro said:
Let me provide my own self-evaluation here, since I think I'm coming off wrong in just dropping facts, intuition, and more in broken spurts.

She's been with him for 3.5 years. She's been miserable with him for the last 2 years. He's a good guy, but not a good fit for her. They have little in common, he doesn't like to go out at all or do anything fun or spontaneous, and he doesn't try to make her happy. He just does his thing and is used to her just being bored and sitting idly by, but never leaving.

When she tries to leave, he begs her to stay, and they just grow complacent all over again. I was a wake-up call to her that some guys can be fun, sweet, respectful, spontaneous, and willing to compromise, and she wants that.

I found her at a low point in her adult life, and she really wishes she'd have met me at a time when she could have put her best foot forward. I pride myself for being a great judge of character, and no one I deemed to be of good character has ever surprised me by wronging me in the past. I've got a good track record, in this regard.

This girl is incredibly sweet, has been through so much that I could never imagine surviving through, and is still positive and bubbly about life. This situation is seriously the Achilles's Heel to her life right now, and I've no doubt that she'd make a fantastic partner to enjoy life with, whether it's for a short or long time.

Trust me, I've dated my fair share of crazies, and I drop them like hot potatoes; she is not crazy; she's just made a terrible decision recently that she's having trouble dealing with.

All this aside, though, NeoGAF community, your advice and general consensus is not falling on deaf ears. I'm going to sit with her tonight and ask for more details on how serious she's been putting her foot down on things with her ex, and why he's so eerily okay with all this. I want to find out of he's just a crazy loser in denial, or if she's not being firm and definitive enough, and I'll get that information tonight.

I'm reading every post, and I do appreciate each and every one of them, even the hilarious/joke posts.
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I am saying this as someone who has fallen into this trap.

Stop trying to save her. She is an adult. She doesn't need to be saved, she should be able to figure this shit out herself. By herself. If she can't she isn't worth your time.
 
Kitoro said:
Let me provide my own self-evaluation here, since I think I'm coming off wrong in just dropping facts, intuition, and more in broken spurts.

She's been with him for 3.5 years. She's been miserable with him for the last 2 years. He's a good guy, but not a good fit for her. They have little in common, he doesn't like to go out at all or do anything fun or spontaneous, and he doesn't try to make her happy. He just does his thing and is used to her just being bored and sitting idly by, but never leaving.

When she tries to leave, he begs her to stay, and they just grow complacent all over again. I was a wake-up call to her that some guys can be fun, sweet, respectful, spontaneous, and willing to compromise, and she wants that.

I found her at a low point in her adult life, and she really wishes she'd have met me at a time when she could have put her best foot forward. I pride myself for being a great judge of character, and no one I deemed to be of good character has ever surprised me by wronging me in the past. I've got a good track record, in this regard.

This girl is incredibly sweet, has been through so much that I could never imagine surviving through, and is still positive and bubbly about life. This situation is seriously the Achilles's Heel to her life right now, and I've no doubt that she'd make a fantastic partner to enjoy life with, whether it's for a short or long time.

Trust me, I've dated my fair share of crazies, and I drop them like hot potatoes; she is not crazy; she's just made a terrible decision recently that she's having trouble dealing with.

All this aside, though, NeoGAF community, your advice and general consensus is not falling on deaf ears. I'm going to sit with her tonight and ask for more details on how serious she's been putting her foot down on things with her ex, and why he's so eerily okay with all this. I want to find out of he's just a crazy loser in denial, or if she's not being firm and definitive enough, and I'll get that information tonight.

I'm reading every post, and I do appreciate each and every one of them, even the hilarious/joke posts.
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This might just be me, but this seems like more red flag territory for me. It took her 2 years to finally break it off with him? And if she's been mulling leaving him before, then why did she agree to another year of living with him not that long ago? Maybe she is pretty smart and intelligent, OP, but right now it seems like she's making some very unintelligent decisions. Or she's not giving you the full story.

And I still think you're rebound action to her.

Also - if she's leaving him for you because you made her realize guys can be fun and all that jazz, there's a high probability she will do the same thing to you at some point when she finds another guy who gives her those feelings. Trust me, I've fallen into that trap.
 
Confirminly your friend does not have any proof that she paid her ex's part that he owes her significant amount that you can demand frm him.
 
Kitoro said:
Let me provide my own self-evaluation here, since I think I'm coming off wrong in just dropping facts, intuition, and more in broken spurts.

She's been with him for 3.5 years. She's been miserable with him for the last 2 years. He's a good guy, but not a good fit for her. They have little in common, he doesn't like to go out at all or do anything fun or spontaneous, and he doesn't try to make her happy. He just does his thing and is used to her just being bored and sitting idly by, but never leaving.

When she tries to leave, he begs her to stay, and they just grow complacent all over again. I was a wake-up call to her that some guys can be fun, sweet, respectful, spontaneous, and willing to compromise, and she wants that.

I found her at a low point in her adult life, and she really wishes she'd have met me at a time when she could have put her best foot forward. I pride myself for being a great judge of character, and no one I deemed to be of good character has ever surprised me by wronging me in the past. I've got a good track record, in this regard.

This girl is incredibly sweet, has been through so much that I could never imagine surviving through, and is still positive and bubbly about life. This situation is seriously the Achilles's Heel to her life right now, and I've no doubt that she'd make a fantastic partner to enjoy life with, whether it's for a short or long time.

Trust me, I've dated my fair share of crazies, and I drop them like hot potatoes; she is not crazy; she's just made a terrible decision recently that she's having trouble dealing with.

All this aside, though, NeoGAF community, your advice and general consensus is not falling on deaf ears. I'm going to sit with her tonight and ask for more details on how serious she's been putting her foot down on things with her ex, and why he's so eerily okay with all this. I want to find out of he's just a crazy loser in denial, or if she's not being firm and definitive enough, and I'll get that information tonight.

I'm reading every post, and I do appreciate each and every one of them, even the hilarious/joke posts.
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She's been miserable with him for two years but just signed an expensive lease with him? Dude, you aren't getting the full story from this girl.
 
Teriyaki Blues said:
It won't stop him from abusing, raping, or killing her though, which it sounds like this guy is well on the path to doing.
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Might want to lay off the Law and Order there chief.

If I met a girl and after 3 weeks she laid this much red flag shit on me I'd be gone faster than you can say '1 year lease with my ex boyfriend'.
 
If your girlfriend is serious about maintaining a relationship with you, she'll do everything in her power to change her situation. Doesn't seem like she's doing that. If she hasn't done anything to change the situation in 2-4 weeks, bail.
 
Honestly OP it sounds like you might be the side guy while she works things out with her ex.

You might be getting played here guy. I know (believe me I know) it's hard to see that angle right now, but if her sharing a bed with him WHILE YOU TWO ARE DATING isn't a Fucking mammoth red flag, then I'm not sure what to tell you.
 
This is insane lmao

No one can be forced to sleep in a bed with someone else. She's WILLINGLY doing this.

He begs her to stay and she says ok?

You seem to be trying really hard to make it work but she isn't doing shit.

And all this for 3 weeks? Lol please stop wasting your time.
 
Kitoro said:
When she tries to leave, he begs her to stay, and they just grow complacent all over again. I was a wake-up call to her that some guys can be fun, sweet, respectful, spontaneous, and willing to compromise, and she wants that.
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how cute.
Kitoro said:
I pride myself for being a great judge of character, and no one I deemed to be of good character has ever surprised me by wronging me in the past. I've got a good track record, in this regard.
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followed by

Kitoro said:
Trust me, I've dated my fair share of crazies
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in the same post.

can't make that shit up.
 
Triggerhappytel said:
This gets more and more bizarre the more of your posts I read.

That's it; I'm out. I honestly don't think you're going to listen to any advice here anyway. Good luck OP, and don't get yourself played just because you're in awe of this woman.
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I am taking advice from this thread, Trigger. I'm going to tell her she needs to break her lease and cut financial obligations with him if we're going to even consider taking this any further than it's been.

Also, as I said, I'm going to ask for a more detailed summary of the talks they've had about this situation, and how firm she's been.

All I'm committing to right now is giving her a place to stay away from him for a week to clear her head, think things through, and figure out what she wants and if she can actually rise to the occasion to achieve it.

I think what I'm doing is fair, even if ill-advised. I am not going any further than the end of the month without some sort of clear-cut resolution and some bravery on her end to clean her mess up the right way.

I'm coming out of this thread a lot more resolute and guarded than when I came in, and to that I thank you and everyone else who has contributed good advice.
 
Let her deal with it herself. If she is serious about it, she will talk to a lawyer about her options. Seems like money isn't an issue, so the first thing she'd do is buy a damn second bed.

Don't get involved too much dude.
 
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