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Harry Knowles reviews Blade Trinity

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Ninja Scooter

Member
Now it comes to BLADE: TRINITY – If I have to use a sexual metaphor to compare BLADE: TRINITY to, it would be this. It is as if you decided to live out a fantasy and you hired a dominatrix to tie you up. She comes in covered head to toe in latex. You’re bound firmly. Once helpless and anticipating great pleasure… You see her remove her hood and in place of what you had hoped you see the most hideous creature known to mankind. It smiles at you with a maw filled with chipped broken cavity ridden teeth and pus-y gums. It goes down on you dragging these sharp jagged teeth across the sensitive skin of your horrified organ. Cutting your flesh, infecting you with it’s terribleness… from time to time the tongue gives a second or two of pleasure, but the ill-formed briar patch mouth causes mostly winces and agony, as you’re constantly reminded of the fact… you paid for this shit. FUCK!
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shocked.jpg
 
D

distantmantra

Member
They should look into hiring an editor, thus saving us all from Knowles' writing.

Not like I'm a fantastic writer by any means, but at least I know better.
 
F

Flynn

Member
God, I hate to defend Harry Knowles' horrendous grammar, but there is a long tradition of trashy, gossip-centric entertainment journalism running roughshot over the language, creating a coarse, titillating reading experience.

Knowles fails in this regard, because of his poor command of prose, but that's still where I'd file him.
 
M

Mason

Member
Ninja Scooter said:
at least he put the "-" in there to make it worksafe!
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Huh?? Are you joking? You guys think it says "pussy?" He's saying the gums have pus in them; how much sense does "pussy gums" make?
 
L

Lakitu

st5fu
Mason said:
Huh?? Are you joking? You guys think it says "pussy?" He's saying the gums have pus in them; how much sense does "pussy gums" make?
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Oh come on! Everybody knows what pussy gums are!
 
S

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
When I was in high school I worked at a movie theater in Austin. The guy is pathetic. Whenever we had a press screening for something he would show up 4 or 5 hours before hand and just sit in the lobby all alone eating popcorn. It was really sad.

One time we had Woody Allen come for one of the 10K 'premiers' of Hollywood Story. If you read his review of it he gushes all about how he got to meet Woody Allen and how great the movie was.. too bad the movie sucked. The guy is a tool that wants to be a hollywood insider but is just a sad overweight manchild.

It was really great because several of the people at the theater were RTF majors at UT so they knew who he was, and we would all openly mock the guy to his face. He is a walking joke.
 
F

Flynn

Member
StoOgE said:
When I was in high school I worked at a movie theater in Austin. The guy is pathetic. Whenever we had a press screening for something he would show up 4 or 5 hours before hand and just sit in the lobby all alone eating popcorn. It was really sad.

One time we had Woody Allen come for one of the 10K 'premiers' of Hollywood Story. If you read his review of it he gushes all about how he got to meet Woody Allen and how great the movie was.. too bad the movie sucked. The guy is a tool that wants to be a hollywood insider but is just a sad overweight manchild.

It was really great because several of the people at the theater were RTF majors at UT so they knew who he was, and we would all openly mock the guy to his face. He is a walking joke.
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Again, I hate to be the one to come to Harry's defense, but he's a fan. The epitome of a fan. And all the collective loathing and derision aimed at him is, in my mind, self-hatred. Geeks, buffs, afficianados, whatever you want to call them, all bear secret shame and Harry is an easy target because he's fat, enthusiastic, swayable, doting, and all-too-devoted.

But these are traits that we all, as geeks of one sort or another bear.

I guess, what I'm saying is, "those who live in glass houses."
 
Tortfeasor

Tortfeasor

Member
Flynn said:
Again, I hate to be the one to come to Harry's defense, but he's a fan. The epitome of a fan. And all the collective loathing and derision aimed at him is, in my mind, self-hatred. Geeks, buffs, afficianados, whatever you want to call them, all bear secret shame and Harry is an easy target because he's fat, enthusiastic, swayable, doting, and all-too-devoted.

But these are traits that we all, as geeks of one sort or another bear.

I guess, what I'm saying is, "those who live in glass houses."
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Exactly. I mean come on... We are sitting here posting on a board made for and filled with people like Harry... Well, at least on the game side :) :)
 
S

Seth C

Member
distantmantra said:
They should look into hiring an editor, thus saving us all from Knowles' writing.

Not like I'm a fantastic writer by any means, but at least I know better.
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They should hire a web designer while they're at it.
 
B

belgurdo

Banned
StoOgE said:
When I was in high school I worked at a movie theater in Austin. The guy is pathetic. Whenever we had a press screening for something he would show up 4 or 5 hours before hand and just sit in the lobby all alone eating popcorn. It was really sad.
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Paying customers who spend their time how they want are really sad!
 
D

DarienA

The black man everyone at Activision can agree on
Flynn said:
Again, I hate to be the one to come to Harry's defense, but he's a fan. The epitome of a fan. And all the collective loathing and derision aimed at him is, in my mind, self-hatred. Geeks, buffs, afficianados, whatever you want to call them, all bear secret shame and Harry is an easy target because he's fat, enthusiastic, swayable, doting, and all-too-devoted.

But these are traits that we all, as geeks of one sort or another bear.

I guess, what I'm saying is, "those who live in glass houses."
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My response:

08_Broken%20window.jpg
 
D

Dead

well not really...yet
Blade 3 is getting some horrible pre screening impressions. Seems theyve ruined this series. If David Goyers Blade 3 work is any indication of what the Batman Begins final Script is like, woo boy :p
 
ManaByte

ManaByte

Gold Member
DeadStar said:
Blade 3 is getting some horrible pre screening impressions. Seems theyve ruined this series. If David Goyers Blade 3 work is any indication of what the Batman Begins final Script is like, woo boy :p
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David Goyer wrote Blade and Blade II as well. So it's not like he's some newb. And his Batman Begins script is fucking awesome.
 
K

Kuro Madoushi

Unconfirmed Member
jenov4 said:
Is there a movie that this dude doesn't go ape shit over? Especially when it's a comic to movie port?
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IAWTP

Do they EVER have negative reviews or objective reviews of anything?
The website is just one gigantic hype machine that loves even crap movies
 
L

levious

That throwing stick stunt of yours has boomeranged on us.
looks like the PR people forgot to send Harry his care package.
 
D

deadhorse32

Bad Art ™
DeadStar said:
Blade 3 is getting some horrible pre screening impressions. Seems theyve ruined this series. If David Goyers Blade 3 work is any indication of what the Batman Begins final Script is like, woo boy :p
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Goyers writing = good
Goyers directing = bad
 
S

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
belgurdo said:
Paying customers who spend their time how they want are really sad!
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he wasnt a paying customer actually. They get everything free, the movie studios pay for whatever they want to eat. You could see the fear in the screeners eyes when Harry walked up to the snack booth. That guy can single handidly put a marketing budget over.
 
W

White Man

Member
Now it comes to BLADE: TRINITY – If I have to use a sexual metaphor to compare BLADE: TRINITY to, it would be this
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I knew this was going to be a negative review after this sentence. Harry Knowles and sexual metaphors go together like razor blades and chewing gum.
 
P

Prospero

Member
For me, both Blade and Blade 2 benefited from the low expectations I had going in. As far as action movies go, they're both better than average.

So I have to see Blade 3, even though I fear there won't be enough of Snipes in it for my taste. The other two vampire hunters that the trailers keep trying to sell me look like they wandered in from some Joss Whedon series or something.
 
ManaByte

ManaByte

Gold Member
Prospero said:
For me, both Blade and Blade 2 benefited from the low expectations I had going in. As far as action movies go, they're both better than average.

So I have to see Blade 3, even though I fear there won't be enough of Snipes in it for my taste. The other two vampire hunters that the trailers keep trying to sell me look like they wandered in from some Joss Whedon series or something.
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Uh, those other two Vampire hunters are the Nightstalkers. The movie is Blade + the Nightstalkers and they've already considered a full Nightstalkers spin-off.

aus-nightstalkers-01-nm-marvel.jpg
 
D

Duck of Death

Member
Kuro Madoushi said:
IAWTP

Do they EVER have negative reviews or objective reviews of anything?
The website is just one gigantic hype machine that loves even crap movies
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WTF? He completely trashes the film. :\
 
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