I'm interested in bringing up your summary with some of my more Catholic friends as well as some priests I know as I'd love to learn more about it.
I accept the veiled challenge. In the following, I unpack my statement and reference the catholic catechism to give evidence that what I wrote actually represents catholic doctrine. I do not claim that the referenced passages are the best, since the concepts appear almost literally everywhere throughout the document, but the ones that I give work nonetheless.
"god sacrificed himself to himself"
This statement contains a reference to the concept of the trinity, which states that god is one god in "three persons", namely The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. So the sacrificed Jesus and the Father who received the sacrifice are the same person. No controversy here in using "himself to himself".
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P16.HTM
We firmly believe and confess without reservation that there is only one true God, eternal infinite (immensus) and unchangeable, incomprehensible, almighty and ineffable, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit; three persons indeed, but one essence, substance or nature entirely simple.
"so that this blood sacrifice would override a cosmic rule he himself set up, which condemns everyone on earth to eternal suffering"
This statement contains the claim that The Son was sacrificed to The Father in order to override a cosmic rule which he himself set up. That rule is the mechanism of sin. Several parts of the catholic catechism document this, for instance:
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P1O.HTM
The Scriptures had foretold this divine plan of salvation through the putting to death of "the righteous one, my Servant" as a mystery of universal redemption, that is, as the ransom that would free men from the slavery of sin. Citing a confession of faith that he himself had "received", St. Paul professes that "Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures." In particular Jesus' redemptive death fulfils Isaiah's prophecy of the suffering Servant. Indeed Jesus himself explained the meaning of his life and death in the light of God's suffering Servant. After his Resurrection he gave this interpretation of the Scriptures to the disciples at Emmaus, and then to the apostles.
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P6A.HTM
It is precisely in the Passion, when the mercy of Christ is about to vanquish it, that sin most clearly manifests its violence and its many forms: unbelief, murderous hatred, shunning and mockery by the leaders and the people, Pilate's cowardice and the cruelty of the soldiers, Judas' betrayal - so bitter to Jesus, Peter's denial and the disciples' flight. However, at the very hour of darkness, the hour of the prince of this world,The sacrifice of Christ secretly becomes the source from which the forgiveness of our sins will pour forth inexhaustibly.
The pasion of The Son is basically the Christian modification of the
Jewish ritual of Yom Kippur ("The goat for Azazel"), which works similarly. In the Christian version, Christ is the ultimate "lamb", because only this sacrifice is powerful enough for "universal redemption".
Also, the consequence of rejecting salvation is eternal suffering:
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P2O.HTM
The teaching of the Church affirms the existence of hell and its eternity. Immediately after death the souls of those who die in a state of mortal sin descend into hell, where they suffer the punishments of hell, "eternal fire." The chief punishment of hell is eternal separation from God, in whom alone man can possess the life and happiness for which he was created and for which he longs.
"just because an alleged ancient ancestor of all humans dared to acquire capabilities for ethical reasoning",
This is a reference to The Fall and the concept of Original Sin.
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p1s2c1p7.htm
We must know Christ as the source of grace in order to know Adam as the source of sin. The Spirit-Paraclete, sent by the risen Christ, came to "convict the world concerning sin", by revealing him who is its Redeemer.
God created man in his image and established him in his friendship. A spiritual creature, man can live this friendship only in free submission to God. The prohibition against eating "of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" spells this out: "for in the day that you eat of it, you shall die." The "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" symbolically evokes the insurmountable limits that man, being a creature, must freely recognize and respect with trust. Man is dependent on his Creator, and subject to the laws of creation and to the moral norms that govern the use of freedom.
All men are implicated in Adam's sin, as St. Paul affirms: "By one man's disobedience many (that is, all men) were made sinners": "sin came into the world through one man and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all men sinned." The Apostle contrasts the universality of sin and death with the universality of salvation in Christ. "Then as one man's trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one man's act of righteousness leads to acquittal and life for all men."
"unless you symbolically accept that blood sacrifice and eat the literal body of that god every Sunday morning."
This references that salvation is only possible through Jesus Christ as mediator between god and humanity.
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_P29.HTM
"Outside the Church there is no salvation"
How are we to understand this affirmation, often repeated by the Church Fathers? Re-formulated positively, it means that all salvation comes from Christ the Head through the Church which is his Body:
Basing itself on Scripture and Tradition, the Council teaches that the Church, a pilgrim now on earth, is necessary for salvation: the one Christ is the mediator and the way of salvation; he is present to us in his body which is the Church. He himself explicitly asserted the necessity of faith and Baptism, and thereby affirmed at the same time the necessity of the Church which men enter through Baptism as through a door. Hence they could not be saved who, knowing that the Catholic Church was founded as necessary by God through Christ, would refuse either to enter it or to remain in it.
Also, the catholic church stresses that their sacraments are necessary for salvation.
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P33.HTM
The Church affirms that for believers the sacraments of the New Covenant are necessary for salvation. "Sacramental grace" is the grace of the Holy Spirit, given by Christ and proper to each sacrament. the Spirit heals and transforms those who receive him by conforming them to the Son of God. the fruit of the sacramental life is that the Spirit of adoption makes the faithful partakers in the divine nature by uniting them in a living union with the only Son, the Savior.
In the sacrament of the Eucharist catholics are receiving the literal body of Christ, following the doctrine of transsubstantiation.
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c1a3.htm
The Council of Trent summarizes the Catholic faith by declaring: "Because Christ our Redeemer said that it was truly his body that he was offering under the species of bread, it has always been the conviction of the Church of God, and this holy Council now declares again, that by the consecration of the bread and wine there takes place a change of the whole substance of the bread into the substance of the body of Christ our Lord and of the whole substance of the wine into the substance of his blood. This change the holy Catholic Church has fittingly and properly called transubstantiation."
