I was married for 11 years. Still am, legally. I'm hoping to change that this year, but it's a daunting process.
In those 11 years my wife cheated on me with pretty much every person (Man, woman, cis and trans-gendered) who paid her any attention. She made no real secret of it. Each time she'd tell me immediately and be heartbroken at her foolishness, blaming her never-actually-diagnosed "Borderline Personality Disorder".
Each time I'd die a bit more, but accept it and choose to forgive her because we had two kids together. I never really believed her when she'd say she'd stop and come to her senses, but if there's one thing we humans excel at it's justifying anything at all we need to. I was there due to my trying to keep the home together for our daughters, and as I've said often since those days, if you wake up in hell long enough it eventually just becomes the "new normal".
People make mistakes.It's entirely possible that she's yet to pull the trigger on physical infidelity. I'll tell you this, though; If she's gotten to this point even, it's likely too late. Once a seed has been planted in the mind, it will come to bear fruit. Always, without fail. You can't put the genie back it's bottle.
It also might benefit you to remember, when you consider counseling or forgiveness, that you caught her. She didn't feel awful and come to you, heavy of heart, to admit her wrongdoing whether physical or emotional. Sure she admitted it, once you'd confronted her.
It begs the question how long she would go without your discovery. Would she ever admit it? What if she became pregnant? Would she tell you then? That would be the decent thing to do, but then again, decency would not have brought about this situation.
Personally, I wish I'd not been so forgiving/scared when I was in your shoes. I can't blame you, though. I never would have ended my marriage, I was too invested in the idea. It was only my wife coming out of the closet that saved me.
If you're asking how to move on, you do it day by day and moment to moment. For months I thought every day of when this madness would be over and she'd realize she still loved me and would ask me to come home. That call never came.
Eventually one day, about 6 months, I took my wedding ring off and stuck it in my wallet (Just in case I needed it again!). After another few months, I just threw it away and didn't give a fig about it.
I know this whole scenario seems insane and impossible. I know you're reeling right now. Just hold tight, man. If she wanted this to work out you wouldn't be where you are right now. I'm not saying counseling doesn't work. If two people really want to fix things I'm sure it can. I also feel that if someone wants to fix things they don't wait to admit their wrongdoing until they're caught red-handed. At that point they aren't sorry for their actions, they're sorry they got caught.
Just take it one step at a time. It's time to stop thinking about your wife and how she feels. She's made this mess. Now is the best time to think about how ol' kitsuneyo is doing.
It's about fucking time somebody does.
