You're right... many people are doormats who lack self respect. That doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. A couple that's worked through one partner cheating isn't a balanced or respectable couple.
I just found out my wife's been cheating on me
- Thread starter kitsuneyo
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You're right... many people are doormats who lack self respect. That doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. A couple that's worked through one partner cheating isn't a balanced or respectable couple.
LocknessMobster
Member
Damn sorry to hear OP,going through something similar myself atm. Basically I found on my birthday no less, some questionable texts between my girlfriend and a coworker shes worked with for years. Ive been waiting to find something more solid before I confront her about it just to make sure Im not jumping the gun but already my mindset has jumped into "single life pimp mode" for a lack of better words. Stopped smoking weed and hopefully cigarettes soon,started working out again and eating healthy, and most important to me started going out and socializing with friends and family coworkers ect. Mentally its been a mind drain but these things are helping me tremendously. If you ever need to chat hit me up.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Sorry to hear about this matey, I was in a similar situation (was only engaged thankfully) and experienced similar feelings and events and thankfully I dodged a bullet big time because I would have been in a worst situation if I didn't find out sooner rather than later. To be fair though I did during the start of going out and we had our little splits many years back (being 17 back then) I did sleep with a few girls when we did "break up" but that is a totally different situation and time in compared to yours.
It did hurt a lot for a while having your life flip upside down and having to restart your life again, in more ways than one, but you should cut all contact out of it. For quite some time I tried the "let's be friends" approach but when the trust is not there and you see someone from a different perspective then it's just a poisonous environment. You will take a few blows that will hurt you mentally for a while but if you stay true to yourself and block all communication with her (you will have to fight the temptation a lot for a while) and hang with your friends and family and enjoy your hobbies, go to the gym and so fourth, then you will feel better again and become stronger and better as person.
Two years later I am a happier person and made great progress in my career, I have been having fun with my best friends and also going out with someone again and enjoying the great company. I am almost at a point in my life where I can feel totally relaxed and content again but I still have a little more road to travel because of all that has happened. You will look back in a few years and feel so much better that you have escaped that situation. There is always more than one person out there for you.
It did hurt a lot for a while having your life flip upside down and having to restart your life again, in more ways than one, but you should cut all contact out of it. For quite some time I tried the "let's be friends" approach but when the trust is not there and you see someone from a different perspective then it's just a poisonous environment. You will take a few blows that will hurt you mentally for a while but if you stay true to yourself and block all communication with her (you will have to fight the temptation a lot for a while) and hang with your friends and family and enjoy your hobbies, go to the gym and so fourth, then you will feel better again and become stronger and better as person.
Two years later I am a happier person and made great progress in my career, I have been having fun with my best friends and also going out with someone again and enjoying the great company. I am almost at a point in my life where I can feel totally relaxed and content again but I still have a little more road to travel because of all that has happened. You will look back in a few years and feel so much better that you have escaped that situation. There is always more than one person out there for you.
Loss is very difficult. Whether it's a family member or significant other - it simply takes time. Granted, I could suggest easy things, like working out, picking up new hobbies or surrounding yourself with other women. Yeah, those things will make you feel better, but only temporarily.
The honest truth is simply to end contact and begin the healing process. The longer you delay it - the harder it becomes. In time, you will become a better man because of all this, and in the end, meet someone you were more compatible with, and loves you more.
The honest truth is simply to end contact and begin the healing process. The longer you delay it - the harder it becomes. In time, you will become a better man because of all this, and in the end, meet someone you were more compatible with, and loves you more.
brasilianlongdong
Neo Member
first off im sorry to hear this happened OP. I know how you feel. My wife cheated on me, (after 4 years) when i was deployed and it truly does suck. (found out almost the same way you did).
She did have sex with him but said how she doesn't love him and loves me and all this other crap. long story short, i went to my next duty station without her. after about 6-8 months i flew her and our kids out to me and have been fine ever since.
If i was in your shoes i would leave. just leave everything that reminds you of her and start off brand new. I coudn't i have kids and the fact that i have the upper hand and she wanted to still be with me.
I hate to sound crule but sounds like she wants out. just leave her alone, she will regret it in the end and in 6 months or so (maybe even less) you will be a better man and feel like a better man. keep your head up, walk straight and remember you make your own future.
let us know what happens!!!
She did have sex with him but said how she doesn't love him and loves me and all this other crap. long story short, i went to my next duty station without her. after about 6-8 months i flew her and our kids out to me and have been fine ever since.
If i was in your shoes i would leave. just leave everything that reminds you of her and start off brand new. I coudn't i have kids and the fact that i have the upper hand and she wanted to still be with me.
I hate to sound crule but sounds like she wants out. just leave her alone, she will regret it in the end and in 6 months or so (maybe even less) you will be a better man and feel like a better man. keep your head up, walk straight and remember you make your own future.
let us know what happens!!!
aygomyownroad
Member
Happened to me with my Ex. On holiday and found out she had been seeing someone. She hadn't slept with his, but I saw the texts etc and what they said hurt me more than sex ever could. Also we were more friends by this stage but still hurt.
1) Divorce is what you need to organise, try and make it amicable so it goes smoothly.
2) once divorced, I wouldn't remain on speaking terms, as it would just cause emotions etc to happen.
3) get with friends and enjoy as best you can their companionship in these times.
I decided to try online dating. Felt it was worth a shot, and now a few years later we have a daughter and are planning for our wedding.
This isn't the end. Its the start of a new chapter for you. No matter how hurting inside you are just now, and regardless it will be a lot, you need to get yourself up off the ground and move on in your own way, but don't stay locked up inside on your own.
1) Divorce is what you need to organise, try and make it amicable so it goes smoothly.
2) once divorced, I wouldn't remain on speaking terms, as it would just cause emotions etc to happen.
3) get with friends and enjoy as best you can their companionship in these times.
I decided to try online dating. Felt it was worth a shot, and now a few years later we have a daughter and are planning for our wedding.
This isn't the end. Its the start of a new chapter for you. No matter how hurting inside you are just now, and regardless it will be a lot, you need to get yourself up off the ground and move on in your own way, but don't stay locked up inside on your own.
ElectricBlue187
Member
Make sure you file first OP, stay organized and keep records of everything that might help
MarkMclovin
Member
Feel for you OP.
Me and my ex wife split just before New Years for the same reason, only I found out what she done afterwards when she left her Facebook profile logged in on my laptop. When I was reading the sex messages back and forth between them (I actually know the guy too), the feeling I got I'd never experienced before. It was a mixture of shock and wanting to be sick. We were married for 4 years, together for 9 and our daughter was 2 at the time. Our relationship started to get rocky a few months before but we were ok, or so I thought.
During the divorce she got really shitty with me. Started to blame me for the reason she left, making all sorts of shit up about me just to try and justify what she done and generally making my life very stressful. And when I met a new woman, it all got (and still is) pretty bad. My daughter would catch on to what was going on and started to not want to see me on weekends anymore, but as soon as I got her home, she'd be fine thankfully. She would make things difficult like not be at home when I was dropping my daughter home (she'd be in the pub mostly). She would threaten every month to not pay towards our debt knowing I didn't have enough to pay the whole lot and she still does this now. We own a house together which I live in after she moved out to her parents house. Luckily it's going through the process of being sold so my nightmare will hopefully end soon, though I'm told that chances are she'll still be a bitch when it comes to our daughter.
To help myself get through the whole thing, I joined a gym with a good mate last March and I've built my confidence right up. I also took up running and within a few months, I lost 4 stone and finished a half marathon. I'd also met a new woman who is the complete opposite to my ex and it feels like I'v had the worst and best year of my life.
My advice OP, would be to end it now and try to be as amicable as possible, especially if you both own a home. Don't say you want to stay friends because it wont happen. Divorces can be very messy and the only winner will be the solicitors. With my divorce, which didn't cost me a penny, it was very straight forward and I didn't hire a solicitor at all, even though we had to sort out shared custody. By all means get some free advice from one or two, but go from there.
Good luck OP.
EDIT - Forgot to say that my friends were absolutely fucking amazing as well. Without them, I doubt I would have gotten through it as well as I did and my GF was such an amazing person for me.
Me and my ex wife split just before New Years for the same reason, only I found out what she done afterwards when she left her Facebook profile logged in on my laptop. When I was reading the sex messages back and forth between them (I actually know the guy too), the feeling I got I'd never experienced before. It was a mixture of shock and wanting to be sick. We were married for 4 years, together for 9 and our daughter was 2 at the time. Our relationship started to get rocky a few months before but we were ok, or so I thought.
During the divorce she got really shitty with me. Started to blame me for the reason she left, making all sorts of shit up about me just to try and justify what she done and generally making my life very stressful. And when I met a new woman, it all got (and still is) pretty bad. My daughter would catch on to what was going on and started to not want to see me on weekends anymore, but as soon as I got her home, she'd be fine thankfully. She would make things difficult like not be at home when I was dropping my daughter home (she'd be in the pub mostly). She would threaten every month to not pay towards our debt knowing I didn't have enough to pay the whole lot and she still does this now. We own a house together which I live in after she moved out to her parents house. Luckily it's going through the process of being sold so my nightmare will hopefully end soon, though I'm told that chances are she'll still be a bitch when it comes to our daughter.
To help myself get through the whole thing, I joined a gym with a good mate last March and I've built my confidence right up. I also took up running and within a few months, I lost 4 stone and finished a half marathon. I'd also met a new woman who is the complete opposite to my ex and it feels like I'v had the worst and best year of my life.
My advice OP, would be to end it now and try to be as amicable as possible, especially if you both own a home. Don't say you want to stay friends because it wont happen. Divorces can be very messy and the only winner will be the solicitors. With my divorce, which didn't cost me a penny, it was very straight forward and I didn't hire a solicitor at all, even though we had to sort out shared custody. By all means get some free advice from one or two, but go from there.
Good luck OP.
EDIT - Forgot to say that my friends were absolutely fucking amazing as well. Without them, I doubt I would have gotten through it as well as I did and my GF was such an amazing person for me.
First of all, IANAL.
From what I understood when I was going through my divorce, it'd be rare for either party to "lose" the house outright.
Your income during the marriage is considered marital property. If a married couple purchases a house and pays the mortgage during the marriage, they both have equal claim. It makes no difference who's writing the check, because more than likely it's current income that the mortgage is being paid with, and current income is marital property.
People who "lose" the house do it through negotiation. Ideally, the person who is quitting their claim would get monetary compensation for their portion of the equity, but most don't have that kind of cash sitting around (especially during divorce), so they find other ways to be compensated. Also, it's common for parents to not want their kids to have to leave their home, so they give up claim instead of selling and splitting the proceeds.
In general, marital property isn't forfeit because of infidelity. Alimony can be forfeit in some states, but for marital assets the intent during divorce is to slice everything of value down the middle. Even property brought into the marriage can become commingled... I had a house when I got remarried, but the mortgage is now paid with my current income. It would be difficult for me to claim sole ownership, because it would be difficult for me to establish that marital funds aren't being used to pay the mortgage. That our finances are still separate doesn't matter, because my wife has as much claim to my income as I do, no matter whose account it goes into.
Sorry to hear that dude, I never got divorced, but have been in two really serious relationships and I think the best way to get over it is to work on yourself, just try to be better than you've ever been, start working out (if you haven't already), try to look as good as possible (it might sound superficial, but it works), try to be as good as you can at your work, your hobbies, stuff that interests you and so on. Self-improvement is the key. Put yourself first, for some time at least.
OverBlood 3
Banned
Get some young meat and enjoy your life.
shikamaroooo
Member
I'm really sorry to hear that. One part sounds really suspect
The part were he says "start together" sounds like the guy and her were planning on becoming something more than friends. Maybe you could talk to the guy and hear his side of the story. You never what's she's told him.
The part were he says "start together" sounds like the guy and her were planning on becoming something more than friends. Maybe you could talk to the guy and hear his side of the story. You never what's she's told him.
First part I agree with. Second part I don't. Of course I'm in the very small minority when it comes to this it seems, given the statistics.
I've come to accept that the majority of people only say they are monogamous to avoid social persecution, though that persecution is slowly going away thanks to the culture of hooking up and having a lot of short-term partners that's now mostly prevalent among the 20-somethings of my generation. I have the same natural urge as other dudes to go out and fuck a ton of women, but my morals don't align with it. Maybe some day monogamy as we know it will cease to exist and everyone will be casual fuck buddies, I don't want to be alive when that day comes.
OP, I'm not going to tell you what to do or not do, you seem to already have a firm grasp on yourself and clearly you are a dude who has self-respect. Your life's hit one of its low points but there are new experiences on the horizon that would not have been there had your marriage continued on as it has - for every door that closes a new one opens, the saying goes. Best of luck to you dude.
This is stupid. If you find the right person then both can work perfectly, it's when couples get boring and lose any passion and never make time to do special things is when it fails. You need to marry someone who is also your best friend.
This happened with someone I knew. They barely had sex and when they did it was boring and passionless, she had to ask him to ever compliment her, they never went anywhere special or did anything special, he sat around most weekends doing his own stuff, never asked how her day was or anything like that. A dull, passionless relationship and then he wonders why she left him for another man. Take a fucking hint. You do nothing and wonder why she went to someone who wanted to do everything? I'm not saying this is the OP's case but a lot of times an affair that's more than just sex normally stems from cracks in the relationship and being unsatisfied.
You can be perfectly happy with one person but you gotta put the effort in and too many people are clueless or lazy to do that.
Spend time with good friends. Get out as often as you can. Physically separate yourself from her. Don't look her up on facebook or ask about her for a while.
I say this from experience of my six year marriage ending with my wife having an affair. Happened not long before I went to Afghanistan, which ended up being more of a blessing because it forced me to not be around it. I travelled to a lot of countries in the couple of years after and met a lot of people. Take your time to mourn the death of your relationship but make an effort to move on by going out and experiencing life again, and in a new light. If you've got any questions or want me to elaborate more, don't hesitate to ask because talking with friends helps.
Thanks for more messages guys. Lot of bravado in my posts last night. Feeling shit today but focusing on work and other stuff, and going to the pub with my brother tonight.
I don't believe she was really planning to leave actually, even if just for practical reasons. And like someone else said, the note was like something from a smitten puppy, no evidence so far of her actually making plans. She was doing more than humouring him though, I know that. The betrayal is what hurts. The fact she would do this to me after I've put everything into the marriage. It's unforgivable.
I don't believe she was really planning to leave actually, even if just for practical reasons. And like someone else said, the note was like something from a smitten puppy, no evidence so far of her actually making plans. She was doing more than humouring him though, I know that. The betrayal is what hurts. The fact she would do this to me after I've put everything into the marriage. It's unforgivable.
daninthemix
Member
Forgive her and split. If your love is mostly unrequited then the marriage only has more pain in store for you.
I have to agree with this. I've been caught in the same situation before. I have no doubt they're sleeping together. And you can't trust a single word coming out of her mouth because she has been living this secret life for a while. I know in your heart what you want to believe, because you're still in love with her, but trust me, its over. Your best course of action right now is to start looking at separation scenarios and planning on where your life goes without her.
The silver lining in the whole scenario is that you have no kids. Thats no consolation to you now, but years later you may look back and be really grateful you aren't dragging innocent people through this mess.
Wow that sucks. Do yourself a favor and don't drag it on, just end it. A few years ago I was in a similar situation, here is my advice:
- Just accept that she doesn't want to be with you, try to not have hatred etc in your mind, just let it go.
- Focus on yourself for a while, have goals and get your confidence back. Change a few things in your lifestyle like for example getting fitter or having a new hobby.
- Just accept that she doesn't want to be with you, try to not have hatred etc in your mind, just let it go.
- Focus on yourself for a while, have goals and get your confidence back. Change a few things in your lifestyle like for example getting fitter or having a new hobby.
ScreenSplitter
Member
Good. Your family is your rock in situations like this.
n64coder
Member
My wife has been a stay-at-home Mom for about 12 years and about a year ago, went back to work in a part-time job (about 25 hrs/week). She earns about 1/8 of what I make but I tell her that she's doing great because 1. It's not easy to find a good paying part-time job in marketing 2: She was out of the workforce for so long that she has to re-establish herself but because she worked before we got married, she will get back to where she was before a lot quicker than someone just out of college. The key point is that we're partners in this marriage and we are both contributing to the house, groceries, and the kids. The nice thing is that I just take her pay check and put it directly in the investment account as savings.
It's easy for the spouse who is not earning as much to feel that they're not pulling their weight but you have to remind them that you're partners in this marriage and everyone is contributing in different ways.
There are two different types of states. Most states are equitable distribution where you negotiate the splitting of assets acquired during the marriage. A handful of states are community property states where all assets are split 50/50. Here's a good explanation
I'm really sorry that happened to you, OP. I'll try to offer you what advice I can from my limited knowledge of relationships. Right now the big questions that you need to discuss are the why and if she plans on going through with the relationship with the other guy. If she offered to move out it sounds like she's accepted that you want to end things, so at this point you might just want to think about moving on from her. Give yourself time to get used to the idea before you make the decision so it doesn't hit as hard when it actually comes time for you to split up. Good luck, OP.
I had a long term relationship abruptly end once as well. It's cliche, but all the usual advice given was true: it gets better with time, invest in some new hobbies and pursuits, redouble your efforts at work. Essentially, go about your life as if nothing is the matter. And one day, that'll be true.
Sorry for your loss OP.
Sorry for your loss OP.
OG_Original Gamer
Member
The fact that she isn't making any effort to fight for the relationship says a lot. At this point the best thing you can do is spend at least six months alone. You can still get some cookie if you want, just make sure its understood that you just want that and nothing else.
Omegasquash
Member
Very sorry to hear this, OP. I'm sure it's been mentioned in the thread, but be sure to protect your assets. Start new accounts, cancel credit cards, and change passwords. That needs to be done immediately. Next up, make decisions together about how to split mutual possessions, and hold on to the evidence that you have. If there's evidence of an affair (and having it in writing that they're going to start a "new life" together is pretty strong), that will give you dealing power.
And I hate saying this, because it's a truth bat, but if that "new life" shit was written, she was already thinking about how to leave you, and may well have plans in place that benefit her at your expense. Fuck those plans.
Your life and your happiness matter most. Keep those as goals, but don't let anger cloud your decision making ability. Matter of fact, don't let lack of SLEEP do it either, but that's easier said than done at this point. Exercise as much as you're able, take time from work if you're able, and work to settle things the easiest way possible. I wish you luck, and I'll be paying attention to this thread. God DAMNED.
And I hate saying this, because it's a truth bat, but if that "new life" shit was written, she was already thinking about how to leave you, and may well have plans in place that benefit her at your expense. Fuck those plans.
Your life and your happiness matter most. Keep those as goals, but don't let anger cloud your decision making ability. Matter of fact, don't let lack of SLEEP do it either, but that's easier said than done at this point. Exercise as much as you're able, take time from work if you're able, and work to settle things the easiest way possible. I wish you luck, and I'll be paying attention to this thread. God DAMNED.
OP - I know exactly how you are feeling. I too had a cheating spouse. I was married for 10+ years and with a young daughter. I actually found out she was cheating during my late dad's wake/viewing. I remember that distinct feeling I had and I could feel it again when I read about you finding the letter and your subsequent confrontation. Your spouses coolness and talk of another life mimics what my ex spouse said. I'd be safe to say, the relationship has been done on her side for quite some time. Unfortuantely, you are just finding out right now.
You are in a very shitty spot. No doubt about it. But you will get through this. In the very short term, make sure you don't screw up your job. If work takes longer to do because of the state you are in, get in earlier and stay later. The focus of work will help keep your mind not on your situation all the time. Plus, you'll want to remain gainfully employed during this time, so don't let your work suffer.
The news of your spouse cheating is devastating. Your head is going to be spinning for awhile. You'll go through a range of emotions and ideas on what to do with your marriage. You'll go through this period for an unspecified amount of time, but I can tell you it'll be at least a few months. My advice to you during this time, is to move out (or have her move out) immediately. Regardless of what happens in the long term, you need a separation. If you want to make it a legal separation, you can do that during this time. Just make it so you are no longer under the same roof as her.
You can use this time of separation to divide assets fairly. This is no time to be nice (or time to be a dick). Personal items can be easily be divided. Be fair and equal to her on the other assets, but be fair and equal to yourself as well.
Drinking is fine. But do it with others, not by yourself. I absolutley love to drink, but you should not try to drink alone during this time.
I could write forever on all the phases and feelings and what I did next, but I'll leave you with what I wrote above. Just the short term stuff.
Btw OP -My life now is as happy as it could possibly be, but there were some strange and weird phases up to now. I believe you'll also be at that point one day.
If you have any questions, post them here or PM, I'd be happy to add my point of view/advice.
Take care of yourself first and foremost. You'll get through this OP.
You are in a very shitty spot. No doubt about it. But you will get through this. In the very short term, make sure you don't screw up your job. If work takes longer to do because of the state you are in, get in earlier and stay later. The focus of work will help keep your mind not on your situation all the time. Plus, you'll want to remain gainfully employed during this time, so don't let your work suffer.
The news of your spouse cheating is devastating. Your head is going to be spinning for awhile. You'll go through a range of emotions and ideas on what to do with your marriage. You'll go through this period for an unspecified amount of time, but I can tell you it'll be at least a few months. My advice to you during this time, is to move out (or have her move out) immediately. Regardless of what happens in the long term, you need a separation. If you want to make it a legal separation, you can do that during this time. Just make it so you are no longer under the same roof as her.
You can use this time of separation to divide assets fairly. This is no time to be nice (or time to be a dick). Personal items can be easily be divided. Be fair and equal to her on the other assets, but be fair and equal to yourself as well.
Drinking is fine. But do it with others, not by yourself. I absolutley love to drink, but you should not try to drink alone during this time.
I could write forever on all the phases and feelings and what I did next, but I'll leave you with what I wrote above. Just the short term stuff.
Btw OP -My life now is as happy as it could possibly be, but there were some strange and weird phases up to now. I believe you'll also be at that point one day.
If you have any questions, post them here or PM, I'd be happy to add my point of view/advice.
Take care of yourself first and foremost. You'll get through this OP.
opticalmace
Member
Why is that a red flag? Not everyone wants kids you know.
Zuhzuhzombie!!
Member
Welcome to the club.
1> Keep a cool head, keep your distance.
2> Don't believe a thing she says. Don't be vindictive about distrust, just that there's no reason to trust her.
3> Lawyer up.
4> One of you has to get out of the house asap and you need to cut contact.
5> Seriously. Don't take her word for anything, do not keep in contact outside of legal matters. Take ownership of what you can legally prove is completely yours, define what is legally completely hers (bank accounts in individual names, debt, etc). Put the house up for sale and split the proceeds, if any.
Follow these five steps and prepare the papers in the mean time.
1> Keep a cool head, keep your distance.
2> Don't believe a thing she says. Don't be vindictive about distrust, just that there's no reason to trust her.
3> Lawyer up.
4> One of you has to get out of the house asap and you need to cut contact.
5> Seriously. Don't take her word for anything, do not keep in contact outside of legal matters. Take ownership of what you can legally prove is completely yours, define what is legally completely hers (bank accounts in individual names, debt, etc). Put the house up for sale and split the proceeds, if any.
Follow these five steps and prepare the papers in the mean time.
Oppo
Member
Uh, no, it's not.
POWERSPHERE
Member
poor dude! hope it works out ok however it goes
Shabadoo69
Member
Don't waste your money on a divorce lawyer or the divorce process. If you have joint accounts or are both on a house and/or car its going to be a pain in the ass. You will want to get your name off of everything you can ASAP. A divorce decree is more like a suggestion of guidelines that you should follow but if you don't there aren't really and penalties.
In my divorce I took almost all of the debt and the house. She didn't have a job and was a complete waste of space. She actually went to jail for having 3 DUI's in 2 months but thats a different story. She was responsible for a small portion of debt and her car but didn't pay on either and 3 years later I have lawyers calling me and trying to garnish my wages and collect reasonable attorney fees. They wont go after her because she still doesn't have a job so they can't get anything from her.
I'm sure people will disagree with me but I'm coming from experience. My girl friend got screwed and a couple of people I work with as well. Trust me and save your money.
This is another reason I will never ever have joint bank accounts or be on the title of car or anything else ever again. I'm glad my girlfriend feels the same way.
In my divorce I took almost all of the debt and the house. She didn't have a job and was a complete waste of space. She actually went to jail for having 3 DUI's in 2 months but thats a different story. She was responsible for a small portion of debt and her car but didn't pay on either and 3 years later I have lawyers calling me and trying to garnish my wages and collect reasonable attorney fees. They wont go after her because she still doesn't have a job so they can't get anything from her.
I'm sure people will disagree with me but I'm coming from experience. My girl friend got screwed and a couple of people I work with as well. Trust me and save your money.
This is another reason I will never ever have joint bank accounts or be on the title of car or anything else ever again. I'm glad my girlfriend feels the same way.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
And this is why maintaining a healthy sex life is of utmost important in a marriage.
Gotta keep that passion burning, never let it go cold.
Gotta keep that passion burning, never let it go cold.
Hahaha, what? So should I just dump my wife of 5 years now?
And I guess one good thing about being next to my wife 24/7 is that there's literally no chance for stuff like this to even happen. Though even if we weren't, I trust her completely and know for certain she wouldn't.
Sounds like you're taking it well though, OP. It can't be easy, but I think you're making the best of it all things considered. In a few years, hopefully this will all be ancient history.
Sounds to me like she's just trying to get your attention. She's probably getting bored and asking you to step your shit up (in a fucked up way..but it usually works for them). If you think it's worth it, you can fix it. You only live once though, no point in trying to mend shit for the rest of your life.
Just stabbing in the dark but if one person does wan't kids and the other doesn't somethings gotta give at some point right?
ScriptedReality
Member
Dunno how you feel about this but you have proof that she's cheating. Leave and divorce her. I don't know what your pockets are like but that saves you from alimony and all that.
That's for them to decide, I guess. Neither one of us wants kids, so it's a moot point.
But it's probably best to have a good long sleep before deciding what happens to a four year relations though.
Then why did you say "Hahaha, what? So should I just dump my wife of 5 years now?". The OP does wan't kids and his wife doesn't, that reply doesn't make sense unless either you or your wife do want kids.
SixStringPsycho
Member
Believe when I say this. One day shell come knocking on your door. Crying herself out and accepting she was wrong. Begging you to take her back. That she will change and make you happy and work out your relationship.
Then do this, let her in, have crazy monkey sex with her and when its over, grab some pocket change and throw it beside her. Tell her thats all you got and thank you.
I know thats cruel and no dont do it. Its some joke i often tell my frienda when that shot happens to them. Best advice? Move on OP. She isnt worth it. There are lots of women out there looking for a man like you. And willing to make you happy as long as you make her happy.
Then do this, let her in, have crazy monkey sex with her and when its over, grab some pocket change and throw it beside her. Tell her thats all you got and thank you.
I know thats cruel and no dont do it. Its some joke i often tell my frienda when that shot happens to them. Best advice? Move on OP. She isnt worth it. There are lots of women out there looking for a man like you. And willing to make you happy as long as you make her happy.
I wasn't referring to the OP, it was in response to this post that makes it sound like it's not possible for a woman to not want children:
The people telling you to get out now, and get a far away from her as possible are not doing this so you can look like a "cold badass", they are telling you this because in a few years, you will look back at this terrible period in your life and wish you did things differently, that you werent so "nice" and accommodating.
You have already done enough nice things for her i am sure, you also did not cheat on her and you even helped her along by discovering this on your own. Even if this woman is a angel on earth, she is secretly glad you discovered it yourself, as it saves her from having to really do anything than sleep on a couch and make a bunch of excuses to you why she did it.
After some time you will lose most of whatever positive feelings you have for this person, and then you will look on this situation with far more blunt eyes and wish you were stricter, hence the many advice to get out as fast as possible, do not try to make this any easier for her, stand up for yourself, you and every other person in the world deserves more respect than being cheated on, and in a marriage no less.
You have already done enough nice things for her i am sure, you also did not cheat on her and you even helped her along by discovering this on your own. Even if this woman is a angel on earth, she is secretly glad you discovered it yourself, as it saves her from having to really do anything than sleep on a couch and make a bunch of excuses to you why she did it.
After some time you will lose most of whatever positive feelings you have for this person, and then you will look on this situation with far more blunt eyes and wish you were stricter, hence the many advice to get out as fast as possible, do not try to make this any easier for her, stand up for yourself, you and every other person in the world deserves more respect than being cheated on, and in a marriage no less.
ryutaro's mama
Member
Wat?
You do realize that the victims of cheating are often times still in a healthy sex life with their partners when they are cheated on, right?
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