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[Northeastmonk]

"It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realize the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger."
-Gertrude Stein

Why I post this? You throw your anger at her, she becomes stronger. You just need to back out and start a new.

 

[akira28]

So...don't have any words with her while you're drunk. That goes without saying. But soon you should put things into motion. I'm assuming she's still living there, but that should change shortly.

 

[megamerican]

Update:

I went out to a few different pubs and bars with my brother. He's always been a fucking hero to me and he really came through for me with amazing advice and support and a brilliant night. Legendary fucking brother. yeah I'm drunk.

Then I get home. She's not here. I Whatsapp her, "you with yr dude? having fun?"

She replies she's at the pub with this other guy, part of the same circle. I say, "to me he's just your bf's bitch friend, so fuck him"

It's over.

GAF, you are fucking amazing for all the support you've given me in this thread. Seriously, it's early days but I feel like a strong fucking man. Thank you.

Sounds like you're taking it in stride man. On the brightside you ended it on your terms before she was able to sneak off with the guy, so that must feel better than the alternative. Enjoy your new found freedom.

 

[Juliet's 8½ Spirits]

You'll be back in no time friend, just lax and take it as easy as possible

 

[UrokeJoe]

It's over.

 

[NinjaMouse]

I hope I'd never do that to any person lol



Thanks mate, this is the kind of thing I was wanting to hear. I can believe it's tough but I hope you're having some fun as well. You sound really similar in your outlook to me.

---

Update:

I went out to a few different pubs and bars with my brother. He's always been a fucking hero to me and he really came through for me with amazing advice and support and a brilliant night. Legendary fucking brother. yeah I'm drunk.

Then I get home. She's not here. I Whatsapp her, "you with yr dude? having fun?"

She replies she's at the pub with this other guy, part of the same circle. I say, "to me he's just your bf's bitch friend, so fuck him"

It's over.

GAF, you are fucking amazing for all the support you've given me in this thread. Seriously, it's early days but I feel like a strong fucking man. Thank you.

Dude...this will end up being the best thing that ever happened to you, trust me. You'll get out of a mediocre situation and move on to bigger and better things. Just file this experience under "the hand I was dealt" file and it'll end up just being story you tell people. Keep in contact with your bro and friends and enjoy yourself. Don't fall in to the rut of going out and whoring around in spite...you'll end up in a bout of depression when you grow tired of it. Continue building on the quality friendships you probably already have, and you'll fire yourself into the stratosphere. I've got 2 friends that have gone through similar situations and they've both come out 10x better than before. The best parts are coming, bro-ham.

 

[bonesmccoy]

OP, seems like you have solid grounds for an annulment. She was obviously never up for the 'contract' part of the marriage.

 

[CrankyJay]

So...don't have any words with her while you're drunk. That goes without saying. But soon you should put things into motion. I'm assuming she's still living there, but that should change shortly.

Yeah. No more drunk dialing or texting.

 

[BruceLeeRoy]

This has to be old for this thread but.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1eAfpekWgQ

 

[francisnobleman]

I just hope she won't make a big dent in your economic situation. I reckon it is a 50-50 split right ?

That my #1 issue about marrying. Doing it and then having to part ways and part with 50% of my belongings.

Just don't forget to go to a nice strip club and hook with the hottest whore there. Will help you forget.

 

[The Lamonster]

ugh cheaters are so gross. You can and will do better

 

[MikeDown]

My biggest piece of advice right now is take whatever steps you have to do so that you can retain as much of your wealth/assets as possible. Don't want to sound blunt, but you gotta move on, build friendships, stay away from too much booze, do something relaxing and fun, maybe visit a stripclub.

 

[Septimius]

I just hope she won't make a big dent in your economic situation. I reckon it is a 50-50 split right ?

That my #1 issue about marrying. Doing it and then having to part ways and part with 50% of my belongings.

Just don't forget to go to a nice strip club and hook with the hottest whore there. Will help you forget.

..are you confusing strip clubs with brothels, or do you think of strippers as whores?

Also, the split this is not how it works. But also, you should look into prenups.


OP, that Whatsapp message was completely inappropriate. It doesn't help you, or her, or anyone.

 

[giga]

I hope I'd never do that to any person lol



Thanks mate, this is the kind of thing I was wanting to hear. I can believe it's tough but I hope you're having some fun as well. You sound really similar in your outlook to me.

---

Update:

I went out to a few different pubs and bars with my brother. He's always been a fucking hero to me and he really came through for me with amazing advice and support and a brilliant night. Legendary fucking brother. yeah I'm drunk.

Then I get home. She's not here. I Whatsapp her, "you with yr dude? having fun?"

She replies she's at the pub with this other guy, part of the same circle. I say, "to me he's just your bf's bitch friend, so fuck him"

It's over.

GAF, you are fucking amazing for all the support you've given me in this thread. Seriously, it's early days but I feel like a strong fucking man. Thank you.

I'm glad you're going out and having fun, but don't do this again. Just forget about her. Stop giving her any attention.

 

[maomaoIYP]

OP, that Whatsapp message was completely inappropriate. It doesn't help you, or her, or anyone.

I'm glad you're going out and having fun, but don't do this again. Just forget about her. Stop giving her any attention.

Yup. Stop giving her attention. Cut her off. Block her from all social media and stop messaging her. The next time you contact her should be via your lawyer.

 

[Random Painted HIghway]

I just hope she won't make a big dent in your economic situation. I reckon it is a 50-50 split right ?

That my #1 issue about marrying. Doing it and then having to part ways and part with 50% of my belongings.

Are you assuming you have to give her 50% of your pre-marital stuff? Yeah, that isn't how it works.So your comic book collection is safe.

 

[norinrad]

I hope I'd never do that to any person lol



Thanks mate, this is the kind of thing I was wanting to hear. I can believe it's tough but I hope you're having some fun as well. You sound really similar in your outlook to me.

---

Update:

I went out to a few different pubs and bars with my brother. He's always been a fucking hero to me and he really came through for me with amazing advice and support and a brilliant night. Legendary fucking brother. yeah I'm drunk.

Then I get home. She's not here. I Whatsapp her, "you with yr dude? having fun?"

She replies she's at the pub with this other guy, part of the same circle. I say, "to me he's just your bf's bitch friend, so fuck him"

It's over.

GAF, you are fucking amazing for all the support you've given me in this thread. Seriously, it's early days but I feel like a strong fucking man. Thank you.

Please don't do this. Makes you look like a little child. Let it go and move on, there is really no need to throw insults at her. Be wise , try to move on and stop sending her messages.

 

[Instigator]

Convince her you need one last moment together before parting ways. That it's the only way you can let go. That the break-up is so sudden, you had no time to adapt.

If she protests, tell her you two have had sex before and she never with the other guy (alledgedly) so what's the difference?

Then tell her you'll use protection,

Just make to punch big holes in that condom and your parting gift will be ready for her.

 

[goldenpp72]

It might be the hardest thing to do but I'd suggest leaving her, she obviously doesn't respect you as a lover and at this point your best scenario with her is to be someone she settled for. Unless you've done a lot to drive her away anyways, fixing a relationship is possible but her mind is probably too far gone to make that work now.

 

[K' Dash]

Do not, DO NOT contact her, please, you just go out and have fun.

 

[Ombala]

Time too move on you dont want the same things anyway if she dont want kids, cant belive ppl that can lie too their partner like that tbh.

 

[JennyTablina]

I published my last post just after you posted your update, by all means go out and get drunk but yeah, what everyone else said (mostly)

Take her off all social media, because if you have truly decided it is over, then it is none of your concern, nor should it be. I can understand taking the odd shot, because hey who wouldn't be bitter. But you need to rise above it, if she's gonna go about seeing dudes (and I'ld say it's...interesting how she's now hanging with his friend, alone) - that's her situation. All you need to do is get away from her as fast as possible, so you can move on too.

You can *maybe* be friends somewhere down the line, but absolutely not right now. Not when your about to serve her papers, and likely need to start putting your foot down. Hold that anger for the divorce proceedings because you'll need it, channel it into something more useful than little potshots, because she very likely doesn't give a shit what you think. That's pretty evident in her actions already as is, why give her the satisfaction?

All it does is give her reason to talk to her friends and yours, being all "oh look at these shitty messages he sent me! boo-hoo poor me!" - it's amazing how quickly people will forgive a major transgression because of someone being a dick about it. You need people on your side, and you need to give her the least ammo possible.

Channel it into finding a new place, or kicking her ungrateful ass out the door (whichever you see fit) She wants some fanciful new life? Well now she has to deal with the consequences of her decision, because why should you support her any further? She's her new guys problem now.

 

[Bluekaveli]

I'm sorry man

 

[kitsuneyo]

Please don't do this. Makes you look like a little child. Let it go and move on, there is really no need to throw insults at her. Be wise , try to move on and stop sending her messages.

Yeah it was stupid. I was drunk and angry that she went out with a friend of the guy.

She's still in the house. We're being civil. Next step is to get her out of here, but obviously have no intention of putting her on the streets. Could put her on a plane home.

Assets wise I think I'm pretty safe, and if I do need to give her something I'm ok with that. That's marriage. She has contributed to my life in a lot of good ways.

Not ready to take her off Facebook yet. My parents don't know yet and it will devastate them too. So just maintaining radio silence on social media.

 

[Particle Physicist]

Yeah it was stupid. I was drunk and angry that she went out with a friend of the guy.

She's still in the house. We're being civil. Next step is to get her out of here, but obviously have no intention of putting her on the streets. Could put her on a plane home.

Assets wise I think I'm pretty safe, and if I do need to give her something I'm ok with that. That's marriage. She has contributed to my life in a lot of good ways.

Not ready to take her off Facebook yet. My parents don't know yet and it will devastate them too. So just maintaining radio silence on social media.

I just have to reiterate what others have said here. After you have already figured out the whole divorce thing and all that comes with it, you have to completely cut all tied with her, including facebook, etc. It will make it so much easier to move on. As someone who went through a pretty bad breakup, that was the best thing I could do. It felt like I went on a cleanse.

 

[FLAguy954]

I wasn't referring to the OP, it was in response to this post that makes it sound like it's not possible for a woman to not want children:

That makes more sense because I was about to ask you for clarification as well.

 

[kitsuneyo]

I just have to reiterate what others have said here. After you have already figured out the whole divorce thing and all that comes with it, you have to completely cut all tied with her, including facebook, etc. It will make it so much easier to move on. As someone who went through a pretty bad breakup, that was the best thing I could do. It felt like I went on a cleanse.

It's only been 2 days, there's still a lot of loose ends. I agree with you though, in next couple days I'll do that. It's hard to let go

 

[CreativeWriter]

Gym, art/music classes, sports, friends. Populate your free time with what you've always wanted to do. Skydive.

Now you can live for you.

You will have lots and lots of free time, and those empty house nights are awful. Get (more) pets. But mostly you should hit the gym. Exercise has the dual benefit of making you more attractive for the next woman and improving your mental health. Don't know if you're a gym guy, OP, but you should be one now.

After my first wife left, I ran hundreds and hundreds of miles, lost 75 lbs, and staved off suicide by finally LIVING. I made tons of second-adolescence mistakes, but now I have a prettier, smarter, all around far more compatible wife (because I knew exactly what I wanted second time around). Life is good again. So, too, will it be for you, OP. Good luck!

 

[kitsuneyo]

Gym, art/music classes, sports, friends. Populate your free time with what you've always wanted to do. Skydive.

Now you can live for you.

You will have lots and lots of free time, and those empty house nights are awful. Get (more) pets. But mostly you should hit the gym. Exercise has the dual benefit of making you more attractive for the next woman and improving your mental health. Don't know if you're a gym guy, OP, but you should be one now.

After my first wife left, I ran hundreds and hundreds of miles, lost 75 lbs, and staved off suicide by finally LIVING. I made tons of second-adolescence mistakes, but now I have a prettier, smarter, all around far more compatible wife (because I knew exactly what I wanted second time around). Life is good again. So, too, will it be for you, OP. Good luck!

Thanks for this mate. I'm a gym guy, and I started playing basketball a while ago. Got a cat. Might get back into music. Yeah those nights alone are what I'm dreading.

 

[A Human Becoming]

Happy to see you're handling this well. GAF is always here for ya!

 

[Archer]

Leave, buddy. You're better than being treated like this. Don't even put up a fight, instead be cordial about splitting possessions.

Weather this storm, and you'll be much stronger and in a good position to find something that works for and with you afterwards.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Who paid for the trip to her home country?

 

[kitsuneyo]

Who paid for the trip to her home country?

This time, her dad. Every other time, me. No big deal though, in marriage you share and I love it there anyway.

 

[TheBryanJZX90]

I love it there anyway.

Dammit is this another failed Japanese + American marriage?

 

[DrFurbs]

OP your brother sounds amazing. I wish you all the best. Keep your chin up and find yourself again.

 

[Melchiah]

OP, from my personal experience it's harder to get over an emotional cheating, especially if deeper feelings are involved, than a one-night stand. I've experienced both, and learned that when you go across the threshold once, cheating again will be much easier.

 

[xxracerxx]

This time, her dad. Every other time, me. No big deal though, in marriage you share and I love it there anyway.

........umm. Do the parents love you?

 

[akira28]

........umm. Do the parents love you?

now we're just digging in the corpse

 

[Ramirez]

Just went through this last year, best piece of advice I can give you, is just move on with your life and be oh so thankful there are no kids involved.

We have one kid, who has Cystic Fibrosis, and the amount of stress I put myself under when he was away from home made me literally ill. Constantly worried if he was getting his treatments, as I was pretty much always the one doing them while we were together. I now have primary custody of him, so I don't have to worry about such things.

But seriously, you lucked out with no kids in the mix. Don't waste your time on someone who isn't willing to give their all to you. Once the trust is broken with something like this, you'll never be able to trust her again anyways.

 

[wedward]

Convince her you need one last moment together before parting ways. That it's the only way you can let go. That the break-up is so sudden, you had no time to adapt.

If she protests, tell her you two have had sex before and she never with the other guy (alledgedly) so what's the difference?

Then tell her you'll use protection,

Just make to punch big holes in that condom and your parting gift will be ready for her.

You look 16 in your avatar. Are you 16?

 

[Regiruler]

Burn her at the stake.

Spoiler

Don't listen to me.

 

[Deleted member 17706]

Dammit is this another failed Japanese + American marriage?

Due to the words he uses and time zone he's in, I'm thinking he lives in Britain. No idea where his wife is from, though.

 

[Instigator]

You look 16 in your avatar. Are you 16?

IDK how old the guy in the avatar is. Just a random pic.

 

[WoodWERD]

I agree with the others OP, cut it off completely.

IDK how old the guy in the avatar is. Just a random pic.

Mental note: This poster is a total weirdo. That previous post...wtf?

 

[kitsuneyo]

Just finished working late and there's nobody up to talk to, feeling crappy so thought I'd update this thread.

We talked a lot more and she's agreed to move out. She's got so many issues, which I've known about for a long time, that I'm no longer angry at her. Just sad.

I know for 100% fact she didn't sleep with the guy. Believe it or not, I know it for reasons too complicated to explain. Doesn't change the betrayal.

We ended up sleeping together on Sat night. Dumb move, yeah, whatever. It's hard to do the smart thing in this situation.

So we're separating. If she can stand on her own two feet, grow up and become a woman, and if we still want each other by then, I'm actually open to trying again. It will talk a lot of proving on her part. But I'm not filing for divorce just yet.

Typing that out and then thinking of what she did, I feel stupid for saying it. A lot's gonna change over the next few months though, to the point where how I feel about her now probably doesn't matter much.

Just gonna work hard and have some fun on my own now.

Thanks again GAF for all the support and good advice

A mod can close this thread if that's what usually happens.

 

[Zhengi]

Just finished working late and there's nobody up to talk to, feeling crappy so thought I'd update this thread.

We talked a lot more and she's agreed to move out. She's got so many issues, which I've known about for a long time, that I'm no longer angry at her. Just sad.

I know for 100% fact she didn't sleep with the guy. Believe it or not, I know it for reasons too complicated to explain. Doesn't change the betrayal.

We ended up sleeping together on Sat night. Dumb move, yeah, whatever. It's hard to do the smart thing in this situation.

So we're separating. If she can stand on her own two feet, grow up and become a woman, and if we still want each other by then, I'm actually open to trying again. It will talk a lot of proving on her part. But I'm not filing for divorce just yet.

Typing that out and then thinking of what she did, I feel stupid for saying it. A lot's gonna change over the next few months though, to the point where how I feel about her now probably doesn't matter much.

Just gonna work hard and have some fun on my own now.

Thanks again GAF for all the support and good advice

A mod can close this thread if that's what usually happens.

Good luck, take care of yourself, and have fun.

 

[maomaoIYP]

So we're separating. If she can stand on her own two feet, grow up and become a woman, and if we still want each other by then, I'm actually open to trying again. It will talk a lot of proving on her part. But I'm not filing for divorce just yet.

Just a word of caution my friend, I sincerely hope that this is not wishful thinking on your part, and that you're not telling her that you'll give it another try when she's ready but you're actually longing for the day she'll turn around and realize you were the one for her all this time.

Because if you are hoping that, you will be very very disappointed.

 

[kitsuneyo]

Just a word of caution my friend, I sincerely hope that this is not wishful thinking on your part, and that you're not telling her that you'll give it another try when she's ready but you're actually longing for the day she'll turn around and realize you were the one for her all this time.

Because if you are hoping that, you will be very very disappointed.

I'm not, I'm basically saying I'll give her another chance if she goes away and comes back good enough. I promise you that.

She already realised what an idiot she's been and spent hours saying sorry, and I'm the one who asked her to leave.

 

[K' Dash]

Just finished working late and there's nobody up to talk to, feeling crappy so thought I'd update this thread.

We talked a lot more and she's agreed to move out. She's got so many issues, which I've known about for a long time, that I'm no longer angry at her. Just sad.

I know for 100% fact she didn't sleep with the guy. Believe it or not, I know it for reasons too complicated to explain. Doesn't change the betrayal.

We ended up sleeping together on Sat night. Dumb move, yeah, whatever. It's hard to do the smart thing in this situation.

So we're separating. If she can stand on her own two feet, grow up and become a woman, and if we still want each other by then, I'm actually open to trying again. It will talk a lot of proving on her part. But I'm not filing for divorce just yet.

Typing that out and then thinking of what she did, I feel stupid for saying it. A lot's gonna change over the next few months though, to the point where how I feel about her now probably doesn't matter much.

Just gonna work hard and have some fun on my own now.

Thanks again GAF for all the support and good advice

A mod can close this thread if that's what usually happens.

You know the next few months are going to suck, be prepared for it, for the time being try to focus on work or a hobby, I know people have been telling you this and maybe you don't believe this will help, but it will, trust me, you just have to motivate yourself, try to look forward to your new reality and see the good comming out of this, and for the love of God, try not to look at pictures, facebook, twitter, instagram, etc., it will make it easier to you to move on.

I know it is not the same, but I broke up the woman I thought was the love of my life, and these tips are really helping me.

We're here for you, if you feel like talking, just post here.

 

[Baron Aloha]

She doesn't want kids, I do. One of our biggest issues.

Then its a no brainer. Kick her to the curb. Every second you spend with her is another second you COULD be spending with someone who WANTS to be with you (and have kids).

Edit: Just caught up. Good.