Support NeoGAF

[Prophet Steve]

Sexual double standards are really sad. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't have an issue with you having one with two women. If she was being safe about it and isn't otherwise promiscuous, it really shouldn't matter that she had one crazy night once. Women are human and enjoy sex.

This is not a sexual double standard...

Maybe it would be if he would be okay when his partner was a dude that was in a threesome with two women, but I don't see that situation happening.

That she is okay with it would be because she is more comfortable with threesomes.

 

[Vicetrailia]

OP I'd ask her if that is what she wants to do. I'd tell her that you will never be interested in a threesome, it will never happen between you two. If she responds with any hesitancy you can drop her.

But since you want to break up with her I would just do that, especially if there is already a drive gulf between you two before the threesome knowledge.

 

[Nipo]

Sexual double standards are really sad. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't have an issue with you having one with two women. If she was being safe about it and isn't otherwise promiscuous, it really shouldn't matter that she had one crazy night once. Women are human and enjoy sex.

Plenty of women aren't comfortable with their partner having had threesomes it is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer.

 

[Guiberu]

Run.

 

[Tagyhag]

Sexual double standards are really sad. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't have an issue with you having one with two women. If she was being safe about it and isn't otherwise promiscuous, it really shouldn't matter that she had one crazy night once. Women are human and enjoy sex.

While I also think double standards comes into play, it also has to do with the individuals. As a female, finding that my partner did FFM or MMF would make me feel uncomfortable. Again, I wouldn't be judging or shaming them, it's just not something that I enjoy knowing.

OP hasn't shamed his GF once and a lot of people here just completely shit on him, some of you have NO chill.

 

[Opto]

Seriously OP, it sounds like you aren't even talking this out with the girl, the person you should be talking to, not 100 seat version of crossfire

 

[Nappuccino]

I don't see the problem with a partner having a threesome in the past or two. Just be upfront and say you aren't interested in having one. If that's not a deal breaker for her, then you're good. If it is, then you're good.

Worrying about what you don't know and just making assumptions is insane when you can talk to the person and have an adult conversation.

 

[superseohyun]

If she is someone that you had hopes of getting serious with, I would take that as a sign that she is the unfaithful type beings she said she has done it multiple times. It's obviously something she is into and is testing the waters with you in order to see if you are.

lol wtf

 

[Lunarwhale]

He can't shame his girlfriend for having the experience but you guys can shame him for being uncomfortable with it. Awesome.

I'm liking the shaming of him for not wanting to consent to doing it with two girls or having an otherwise sexually adventurous lifestyle. Sex positivity being forced onto someone's lifestyle ouroborosing back into rape culture is really something.

OP, talk to her about it. If you like her enough to make the relationship work then this is where you put in the effort to not be bothered by her sexual history. If she's interested in doing something like this again and you just don't want to be a part of that kind of sexual lifestyle, end the relationship because she's not right for you.

 

[Ledhead]

If that's how you feel about it, bail out. You're obviously not going to move past it, and I'm not sure she has either. A few times? Is she over that stuff? I can see her suggesting one if she's just the type of person into that, and since you're not, it won't work out.

You're not a bad person. You just have different values when it comes to sexuality, and it's a very big deal in a relationship.

Yeah, this is basically how I feel about it. People shouldn't be shaming OP just because this bothers him. Not everyone is comfortable with this sort of thing and that's perfectly okay. If this is what she's into then that's okay as well. If they just aren't compatible sexually then that's a legitimate issue that needs to be addressed, and if that means breaking up, then so be it.

 

[Ryaaan14]

While Googling a pic for this thread I found this. How did I not know about these 😳

 

[Kinyou]

He can't shame his girlfriend for having the experience but you guys can shame him for being uncomfortable with it. Awesome.

That is kind of funny

 

[The Kree]

Every time I've found out that a chick I'm into has done threesomes, I immediately try to set one up for myself.

 

[DragonSworne]

How many guys has she been in a threesome with?

How many guys has she dated?

 

[puebla]

2 guys 1 girl isn't a threesome, it's a train. Yeah u should let that go.

 

[KurtSloane]

There is nothing wrong with what she did, but if you can't get past it and it makes you think less of her, dump her.


I understand, its a judgement call, but those are OK to make, just own up to it.

And before anyone starts, it is not part of being an adult to accept things that you don't find acceptable .... we all have our own individual standards, it is part of what makes us individuals. And that's OK.

 

[Turbowaffles]

Wow, if you think this way I feel sorry for you. Women often like to share experiences they have just for the sake of feeling closer to someone, there isn't always a secret agenda.

I'm sorry, but this is bullcrap to me. Usually anyone, man or woman, who would bring something like that up, has an agenda.

I think your gut instinct is right OP, break up with her. Even if she was just "innocently" bringing it up, it clearly bothers you and is going to be a problem in the relationship.

 

[Ganzlinger]

The fact she brought it up probably means she wants to have another one and is wondering if you'd be interested. You clearly are not, and this is going to be a recurring issue. Your gut is right OP, break up.

Looks like it. If she wants that and you don't, so this is it. But if it was one in a life time event, I'd say you are overreacting and unfair to her.

 

[ApharmdX]

I am seeing this girl since April and few days ago when we were watching a TV show HIMYM "Third Wheel". She asked me if I have ever had a threesome, there was an awkward pause and I said "NO" why?. she is like no was just curious. I was like "OKK". then after sometime she asked me, "aren't you going to ask me?" and then I just knew she probably did, but I asked anyways. And she indeed did, and she worded "she did it few times". With 2 guys. She told me some specifics that I wish I didn't hear it. Such as "DP" and "Rough".

Anyways, so after this conversation, her image have completely changed in my mind. I feel like I don't know her at all. I thought I will get over it within a day or two but I obviously couldn't. So here I am. Look I am not a shallow person. Its her life, she can live the way she want and do what she want. But now every time I am with her, I have that image in my head and it drives me nuts. That's all I can think of, I haven't had sex with her since then. And planning to break up with her. Am I a bad person? I like her, and she does too. But if this is something she is into, do you think she will expect me to be part of her threesome? I can't even think about it, another guy fucking her? no, just no. Can't be part of that ever.

btw

before someone suggests, no I am not going to have sex with two girls either. So I am not going to ask her to bring a girl to make it even. That's not even an option.

I have been in this exact same situation before. I've had MFF threesomes a couple of times, so while I was a little uncomfortable, I felt hypocritical making a big deal out of it. But I will say, it did bother me.

For you, breaking up is the answer. The image will stay with you, trust me. Hit it, quit it, and find someone who either a) doesn't have that kind of past or b) doesn't share it with you. Don't let anyone here tell you differently.

Exactly. What kind of misogynistic bullshit is this OP going off on? Stop trying to controlling women's bodies.

You're 100% wrong on this. OP is in a relationship with this woman. He is allowed to decide what is acceptable in that relationship or not. That is not misogyny. Or are you saying that OP loses his right to choose what is acceptable in a partner now?

I've seen this argument before and it's crazy talk. Freedom to act does not equal freedom from judgment. Full stop.

 

[Sou Da]

A few means 6 times OP

3-4 imo.

 

[royalan]

2 guys 1 girl isn't a threesome, it's a train. Yeah u should let that go.

There's no actual difference other than "train" being the word you use when you want to shame the girl for having a threesome.

 

[Prophet Steve]

2 guys 1 girl isn't a threesome, it's a train. Yeah u should let that go.

Now this might be a better example of a sexual double standard...

 

[RecRoulette]

So why didn't you just dump her the first time you had sex and found out she wasn't a virgin?

 

[Fluvian]

Oh I'd love to have your problems, seriously if there was a way for us to switch problems, so that you could deal with my not having any friends, drug addiction and various health and money concerns. And I could deal with your girlfriend having got around a bit, I would switch in a nanosecond.

 

[mdubs]

People here will try to convince you to this is okay somehow, or great or even hot. Or that its none of your business. Or that you should get over it.

None of that matters. Because it bothers you. They arent dating her, you are.

If you cant accept it, and no amount of arguments here or anywhere else wont make you, then you know what to do.

For real, don't let people here shame you OP

 

[Pai Pai Master]

2 guys 1 girl isn't a threesome, it's a train. Yeah u should let that go.

What does this even mean

 

[Strangelove77]

Nice strawman.

I'm probably older than most people here, didn't grow up with porn, and yet I've had a couple of exes I stayed a long time with who had previously done stuff like that. I don't think it's normal (or abnormal FWIW), it's not something I'd like, but I don't think how people acted at one particular point their lives in one particular aspect of their lives should somehow define them forever.

I certainly wouldn't blame OP for being uncomfortable with this, as it's pretty hard to be in a relationship with someone if you don't feel comfortable, and no amount of words is going to somehow change OP's view.

I'm not saying threesomes or group sex or anything else a Christian would find shameful is bad. There should be no shame attached to it. You make anyone feel bad for what they personally do with their bodies then you're a piece of shit.
But the dude has feelings for this girl and it's obvious he's completely monogomous, but now he thinks his girlfriend wants to fuck another dude.
He's not thinking about the sexual act of two dudes fucking a girl, but of another dude fucking someone he has strong emotional feelings about in front of him.

At least that's what I'm assuming because that's the only part of this I can empathize with.
But if he's just hung up on her past and thinks less of her for what she did, then that's not right. But that's him.

 

[And_Gignac]

Insecure men shocked by their girlfriends past sexual history are pathetic. Welll, maybe not them but the social expectations that breed such mentaity sure are. One of the many reasons why we need sex positive feminism.

Ask yourself OP, what type of idea are you holding to that makes you feel insecure, disgusted about your girlfriend having sex for the sake of pleasure? What this uneasiness you feel says about the ideas you have regarding a women´s sexual role?

 

[ZeroMaverick]

So why didn't you just dump her the first time you had sex and found out she wasn't a virgin?

That's not the same thing at all.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

Eh I kind of feel for OP. Been in similar situations of girl giving away too much information that bothered me too much as she was going through a break up.

OP all I can suggest is if you're like me, break it off now rather than later. She clearly wants to be with someone who could accept this of her if she instigated the conversation while watching the show. That's not something you just bring out because hey what a silly little conversation.

At the end of the day it sounds like you haven't been dating for so long it'd be a dick move to break it off over this. Do both of you a favor.

And next lady you're dating just make it clear that you're fine with them having sexually history but that you don't want to know the details.

 

[Pork]

Sexual double standards are really sad. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't have an issue with you having one with two women. If she was being safe about it and isn't otherwise promiscuous, it really shouldn't matter that she had one crazy night once. Women are human and enjoy sex.

It's not a double standard in this case though. Ths is just the tired old, "If I'm okay with it, you should be too" fallacy.

It would be a double standard if OP was okay with himself being in a threesome, but not his GF. But that is not the case. OP is applying his standards equally to both himself and his partner, thus this is NOT a double standard.

 

[shintoki]

Nothing is wrong with being insecure about it. Let's be blunt, she asked you out of the blue and it was a shock. If my gf said she use to get tag teamed by two guys and double stuffed. I'd be shocked too. It's alright to take some time to get over it. It's just something you have to work out and understand.

 

[soultron]

The thing we know for sure: OP has to stop watching HIMYM because that show got awful after season 5.

 

[ApharmdX]

2 guys 1 girl isn't a threesome, it's a train. Yeah u should let that go.

No, a train is one at a time.

 

[Devil]

Just talk to her and tell her that it is not an option for you and and ask if she is okay with that. Also tell her that the image was kind of burned into your head and be honest about it that you may need some time to be able to ignore it..

Better than acting weird and breaking up over something you might soon forget.

 

[KurtSloane]

I'm not saying threesomes or group sex or anything else a Christian would find shameful is bad. There should be no shame attached to it. You make anyone feel bad for what they personally do with their bodies then you're a piece of shit.
But the dude has feelings for this girl and it's obvious he's completely monogomous, but now he thinks his girlfriend wants to fuck another dude.
He's not thinking about the sexual act of two dudes fucking a girl, but of another dude fucking someone he has strong emotional feelings about in front of him.

At least that's what I'm assuming because that's the only part of this I can empathize with.
But if he's just hung up on her past and thinks less of her for what she did, then that's not right. But that's him.

Individual standards are what make us who we are, if he doesn't want a relationship with someone who has sex with multiple partners at the same time, then that is his right.

No one here has any right to shame him, all he has to do is break up with her and they can go one their separate lives.

 

[Draper]

Probably should speak to her about it and express that it makes you uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with having differing sexual limitations- it shouldn't be shameful on either side.

And hey, if that really did permanently change your perception of her for the worse, then so be it; be transparent with her about that fact too, and then move on if you personally feel it's the best option for yourself.

Individuals part ways for a variety of irreconcilable differences, many of the times for much pettier issues. You shouldn't feel guilty for your viewpoint.

 

[LittleBoots]

I don't know why you care so much. Didn't this happen before you met her? And before you were even a couple? Don't worry about her asking you to be a part of a threesome. I'm sure she's recognized that you want no part of that with her based on your reaction.

Planning to break up with her over something minute like this doesn't make you a bad person. It just makes you insecure, and well, maybe a little bit petty.

 

[Nappuccino]

No, a train is one at a time.

He's thinking of an Eiffel Tower, I guess?

 

[LookAtMeGo]

This is why you should always have a threesome before you get commited to someone.

Seriously though. I don't give a shit about that stuff. Who cares that she had a threesome before you were together. Not like she cheated on you. You can try and have a threesome with her and another girl but you dont seem very open about this kind of thing when she didnt even know you. Why the fuck should she be cool with you doing it while your together? Doesn't really seem fair to me.

I guess you should just break it off but thats too bad since girls that are comfortable with different sexual acts are usually the fun ones to have sex with. Go find someone more boring in the sack.

 

[RDreamer]

I mean it's up to you of you want to break up with her over this, it does kinda make you a bad person though. Everyone you will ever end up with is going to have a sexual history as an adult (well a large majority). If this freaks you out, how did you feel when you kissed her, cause you realize she's probably given oral at some point and had a dick in her mouth? Does that freak you out? She's got some kinks, accept them man, this is mild anyway.

Was going to post, but this post pretty much sums up my opinion on it.

 

[RoninChaos]

Finger cuffs.

 

[KurtSloane]

I don't know why you care so much. Didn't this happen before you met her? And before you were even a couple? Don't worry about her asking you to be a part of a threesome. I'm sure she's recognized that you want no part of that with her based on your reaction.

Planning to break up with her over something minute like this doesn't make you a bad person. It just makes you insecure, and well, maybe a little bit petty.

Making a judgement of on persons standards based on your own, good job.


I'm sure that makes you a hypocrite.

 

[Vicetrailia]

Insecure men shocked by their girlfriends past sexual history are pathetic.

So what if he's insecure? At least he isn't fake. Women feel the same way too. People feel all kinds of ways.

He's acting on what is true to him.

 

[Requeim]

Making a judgement of on persons standards based on your own, good job.


I'm sure that makes you a hypocrite.

There's a lot of that going on in this thread.

 

[UnObtainium17]

I cannot blame you for reacting that way.. I feel like i would have reacted the same way as yours.. DP with 2 guys? Darn thats straight up ho status toss to bushes to most guys.

 

[Dai Kaiju]

Wow. DP even. Why would she think you would want to know that?

 

[Angelus Errare]

Look I am not a shallow person

Eh…

I haven't had sex with her since then. And planning to break up with her.

 

[Epsilon-delta]

Sexual double standards are really sad. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't have an issue with you having one with two women. If she was being safe about it and isn't otherwise promiscuous, it really shouldn't matter that she had one crazy night once. Women are human and enjoy sex.

Nope. You're just projecting.

I had an ex-girlfriend who broke up with me because I had a threesome before. Contrary to GAF, women can be just as insecure as men.

Did I make her feel like shit and told her she was acting immature? No. Why? Because it was her decision to make and if she felt that uncomfortable about my past, then I can't really blame her for leaving.

 

[NoblesseOblige]

Can anyone give an explanation as to why they are perturbed by a multiple partner experience but not an individual having multiple single-partner experiences? I mean, what's the difference to them if a person is having sex with two people a once opposed to having sex with with 2 different people but only one at a time. Is it because there's some idea that threesomes are a fling with uncommitted partners? Or is it just the idea of two dongers in a man or woman upsets some.