Astral Dog
Member
You smiled at her?
It could have been worse.
It could have been worse.
I just got counseled for workplace sexual harassment
- Thread starter TrueGrime
- Start date
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I said, "good point."
CornBurrito
Member
We don't know if that's what she saw. You seem to assume women like to make false sexual harassment accusations.
If the OP is telling the truth I simply cannot understand how checking your fly could in any way be miscontrued as sexual harassment (folding himself or something)
Girl must be crazy or blind. I would get pretty mad in this situation (at the supervisor coming to me for counseling)
Girl must be crazy or blind. I would get pretty mad in this situation (at the supervisor coming to me for counseling)
FunkyMunkey
Banned
Well now you can be double worried. Sexual harassment whether your fly is down or you notice and go to fix it. Sweatpants are the future of a safe workplace.
OP you seem like a very level-headed individual. I commend you on your rationality and understanding. You're dealing much better than many other men would.
SkeptiMism
Member
You don't know how it went exactly. And yes, checking his fly could potentially seem like him rubbing his junk. And it's not even that, but that combined with the potentially very implicit sounding "hey" in the context.
And also, as the OP said, the woman could've just casually mentioned it as a possibility of a sexual thing to OP's boss. As a civilian, she might not be even aware of that having 2 informal counselings might get a permanent mention on the guy's records (and someone in this thread contradicts that information too).
edit:
As a man myself I also check my fly sometimes. But honestly, a few times I've wondered that if someone saw it, would that person be 100% sure I was just zipping, or would there be a possibility that he/she thought I touched my junk. I could totally see a woman seeing it thinking I just touched my junk especially if she doesn't see men zipping that often. Couple that with a potentially implying "hey" and a smile, and yeah I could see that being very disturbing potentially.
Too heavy handed, systems gone too far the other way it would seem, there should always be a mediation process before any warnings or whatever - establish both sides of the story and if one side is clearly in error, hand out the warning. Anything else is stupid.
There seem to be two narratives here,
one is that the woman thought she saw something offensive and reported it ie she misinterpreted what she saw
The other is that she saw a dude coming out of the bathroom and thought yeah fuck that guy I'm gonna get him
The second one is not an impossibility but I would like to think it was a genuine mistake on her part rather than a bizarre way of lashing out at a stranger.
There's a clear difference between doing it front of people, and doing it when you think the coast is clear.
Or in Lear when he is cast out into the storm and into a field of dicks
TrueGrime
Member
Grimes, that really sucks, you're good peeps.
The part that really sucks is not being able to hang in the civilian break room...
Does anyone else besides management know about this at your work?
Thanks. Much love for you and Wazzles. Representing.
Nope. I think it will stay between me, her, my boss, and the supervisor. Others supervisors might know too. Others employees will not. They'll just notice me not hanging around. The repair contract that her company is working in our building for will be for about a month or so.
Im sorry but how does this come up in casual conversation?
As someone who's had a complaint filed against him for what someone perceived as a slight at work through email of all things, HR tends to work as a mediator between the two parties. From there it elevates if there's no conclusion to be found. I would imagine even in the case of sexual harassment it would work the same. Handling things poorly through HR afterall would probably lead to a suit being filed on one end if they felt things were unfairly handled.
Thanks. Much love for you and Wazzles. Representing.
Nope. I think it will stay between me, her, my boss, and the supervisor. Others supervisors might know too. Others employees will not. They'll just notice me not hanging around. The repair contract that her company is working in our building for will be for about a month or so.
Will you be allowed back in the break room when she is gone at least?
Kids in my school took that shit further, wall sized penises whilst the teacher writes on the board. Madness.
Wouldn't you like to think that a person would be a little more careful with someone's career? That's a pretty decent "mistake" to make on her part.
But, nonetheless, I get what you're saying.
partyphone
Banned
I had a coworker who was an absolute piece of shit and treated women like garbage. One day he was complaining about shit he was getting from 3 or 4 different women he had recently slept with and I sarcastically commented with something like "yeah all women are bitches" which he didn't pick up on.
Anyway, our conversation got overheard and we were both written up. I fully explained the situation to my boss and he understood but the punishment came down from HR. I took it as lesson learned. Jobs have rules and you have to follow them and I technically broke a rule.
Anyway, our conversation got overheard and we were both written up. I fully explained the situation to my boss and he understood but the punishment came down from HR. I took it as lesson learned. Jobs have rules and you have to follow them and I technically broke a rule.
Thanks. Much love for you and Wazzles. Representing.
Nope. I think it will stay between me, her, my boss, and the supervisor. Others supervisors might know too. Others employees will not. They'll just notice me not hanging around. The repair contract that her company is working in our building for will be for about a month or so.
<3
Like I said, you've been great about this whole thing and I'm glad you're not taking anyone elses advice to get revenge or whatever. My advice wasn't very good but I guess it comes from a more naive idea that it should be talked out since usually that's what management does over a misunderstanding.
Have a friend report on her for doing something sexually inappropriate. I mean really, if she can make something up so can anyone else. She's a temp, so she'll probably be terminated immediately. But she'll learn a valuable lesson, and one which she absolutely deserves/needs to learn.
TrueGrime
Member
I see. But are you told who the other party is or does that party remain anonymous?
I would say yes. That call is made by my boss. Could go either way.
weemadarthur
Member
In the civilian world, a complainant will generally be kept anonymous. However, like in your case, it may be obvious to the accused who complained.
Corporate policy will vary, as will different managers' perspectives on enforcing the policy.
Corporate policy will vary, as will different managers' perspectives on enforcing the policy.
Please tell me you're not serious with this terrible advice.
SkeptiMism
Member
AtomskEater
Member
OP didn't really say whether the hall was clear when he started. Some other posters assume that she must have been in the hall at least from the point that he came out of the bathroom.
FunkyMunkey
Banned
dat forehead sweat
You did the right the thing here but fuck me if thats standard military bureaucracy. How much time wasted over literally nothing. I'd avoid that woman like the plague, because you have to have some serious issues to misinterpret a fly check.
Thanks. Much love for you and Wazzles. Representing.
Nope. I think it will stay between me, her, my boss, and the supervisor. Others supervisors might know too. Others employees will not. They'll just notice me not hanging around. The repair contract that her company is working in our building for will be for about a month or so.
Yeah, it's for the best that's kept down low.
Never know how others could take it.
Good that she'll be gone in about a month.
Still that sucks.
I literally won't even pat someone on the back or anything of that type at work.
See others do it, but I just don't want someone one day ruining my career over it.
QuicheFontaine
Member
Sometimes during the day I need to touch my junk, just for comfort to rearrange what's going on down there. Neither sexual nor fly-related.
CornBurrito
Member
Tell us what else she deserves. How do you know she wasn't mistaken and simply being careful because the military historically has swept sexual harassment and sexual assault under the rug?
Nope. Eventually her poor judgment IS going to get someone fired for fucking checking their damn zipper. Her behavior needs to be corrected, promptly.
IE, she either doesn't need to be in the workplace or she needs to get a grip on reality.
Needs to be more certain before taking someone's livelihood and permanent career into her own hands. Sorry. Nothing about checking that your zipper is up is sexual harassment. Period.
Keeping it on the down low is the best.
I bet no management wants it out.
If it got around the office of what happened,
either her or Grimes could have something happen to them.
You just never know how others will perceive or react to the incident.
PflargBlarg
Member
I honestly had hopes that the neogaf community would be less toxic than it is showing itself to be in this thread. We have literally zero information on what this woman did in her reporting, and yet look at all the crazy conclusions people are jumping to.
Some men all excited that they get to throw out their favorite words 'bitch' and 'cunt'. Plus a little advocation of violence and sexual harrassment as retaliation. I mean, I get that some of it is a little jokey and whatever, but do any of you guys realize that this is why women are afraid to reveal themselves? Afraid to speak their minds about anything?
Women have legitimate reasons to be afraid of men, you don't know anything about this woman's life and yet some misogynist piece of crap feels free to put out something like "she's playing the woman card". Unbelievable.
Not to mention that any time someone tries to be serious about these issues you'll have some immature responses that dismiss you out of hand as a 'white knight', pussy, whatever. It's like some of you guys just can't wait until there's an opportunity for you to bring out the sexist insults. It seems some people are incapable of seeing a situation from another perspective.
I have to say, big compliments to the OP for how he's handling this. It's an unfortunate misunderstanding which has been exacerbated by stringent policies that have to be followed. I feel like in an ideal system there would be opportunity to defend yourself, but it's not ideal, it's setup to protect a vulnerable class of people and so there are going to be abuses and misuses of the system.
This isn't a fault of anybody in this situation, it's a societal fault that has required this system to be in place because of the actions of some men, and it's impossible to determine which men are which before they act.
And please, if you're thinking of something involving NOT ALL MEN, or BUT WOMEN TOO, just stop right there.
Some men all excited that they get to throw out their favorite words 'bitch' and 'cunt'. Plus a little advocation of violence and sexual harrassment as retaliation. I mean, I get that some of it is a little jokey and whatever, but do any of you guys realize that this is why women are afraid to reveal themselves? Afraid to speak their minds about anything?
Women have legitimate reasons to be afraid of men, you don't know anything about this woman's life and yet some misogynist piece of crap feels free to put out something like "she's playing the woman card". Unbelievable.
Not to mention that any time someone tries to be serious about these issues you'll have some immature responses that dismiss you out of hand as a 'white knight', pussy, whatever. It's like some of you guys just can't wait until there's an opportunity for you to bring out the sexist insults. It seems some people are incapable of seeing a situation from another perspective.
I have to say, big compliments to the OP for how he's handling this. It's an unfortunate misunderstanding which has been exacerbated by stringent policies that have to be followed. I feel like in an ideal system there would be opportunity to defend yourself, but it's not ideal, it's setup to protect a vulnerable class of people and so there are going to be abuses and misuses of the system.
This isn't a fault of anybody in this situation, it's a societal fault that has required this system to be in place because of the actions of some men, and it's impossible to determine which men are which before they act.
And please, if you're thinking of something involving NOT ALL MEN, or BUT WOMEN TOO, just stop right there.
Thats not a casual conversation that is a flat out accusation.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Absolute, mind-numbing stupidity.
Also, why wouldn't they have you both come in so you could talk to her and explain???
It's being reckless putting the history of the military on this guy because he was making sure his fly wasn't open followed by, after he finally noticed her, a "hey."
Initially it went anonymous, but it ended with a face to face.
CornBurrito
Member
And how do you know how she reported it? She could have been honest and said "he may have been checking his fly or maybe touching his junk. Could you remind him to be more careful in the future?"
Your reckless is my careful.
Wtf
teruterubozu
Member
You don't wanna be the winner of the office pocket pool.
SkeptiMism
Member
That is very much a casual mention of what she happened to see, saying it might be nothing (i.e. that she might've misunderstood).
This is such bizarre advice. Am I reading this right?
Then why bring it up?
Nice. It's not good to potentially mess up someone's career because of that. Over a fly check. In this instant, it's not careful, it's downright dangerous for that to be able to happen. You'll go about your way, but his career could be tarnished.
Take some responsibility really...and think it through.
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