Of course I'm considering that, which is why I'm letting him tell his side of the story as well. It's a complex situation which is why I want to approach this carefully. I did let her know fully that whatever happens, I will not judge her and will help her out completely and so the best way for us to move forward is if she gives me the complete and true story. I'm taking the details with a grain of salt, but it's impossible for me as her brother not to give into her side of the story. I'm cognizant of that bias, however.
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I need advice on how to handle my little sister's situation
- Thread starter Mariolee
- Start date
Of course I'm considering that, which is why I'm letting him tell his side of the story as well. It's a complex situation which is why I want to approach this carefully. I did let her know fully that whatever happens, I will not judge her and will help her out completely and so the best way for us to move forward is if she gives me the complete and true story. I'm taking the details with a grain of salt, but it's impossible for me as her brother not to give into her side of the story. I'm cognizant of that bias, however.
BobbeMalle
Member
Of course you are man, who wouldn't?
You sound like a good dude anyway, you're handling it very well
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
By making this thread, soliciting responses, and digesting them... you're a good brother. I know you'll do the right thing for her.
Just, props for that.
Spladam
Member
OP.... I really want to kick this D-Bag's ass for you. There would be no connection to you, hahaha. Of course violence is the wrong way to go about this, and man, you are handling this well, you're update plan is a good one. Make lots of eye contact and put the fear of God in this prick.
Highschool is tough, so much pressure and so much to learn is such a short time, and I'm not talking about the studies. Good job being there for her, it has to be a little easier having an older sibling to lean on for this. I was the older brother in high school as well, but the high school my brother went to, that I went to for the last two years, was much better than the school I did my first two years at, so my brother had an easier run.
Highschool is tough, so much pressure and so much to learn is such a short time, and I'm not talking about the studies. Good job being there for her, it has to be a little easier having an older sibling to lean on for this. I was the older brother in high school as well, but the high school my brother went to, that I went to for the last two years, was much better than the school I did my first two years at, so my brother had an easier run.
Emerson
May contain jokes =>
I dunno where you got this from but it's absolutely not true. Ectopic pregnancies produce HCG like any pregnancy and are detectable by the usual tests.
Trust me, emergency medicine would be a fucking nightmare if ectopics could be HCG negative.
yeah, this. not downplaying what might have happened, but at the same time don't underestimate a kid with super uptight/religious/conservative etc parents wanting to rebel (i had them, too) and copy their peers.
FreeMufasa
Junior Member
I beat up my sisters boyfriend cos he said he was gonna dash acid in her face and I spent a night in jail. 5 years late they're married with a kid.
Got no idea how to handle situations like this
Got no idea how to handle situations like this
Westbahnhof
Banned
Yeah, relationships are crazy.
Though tbh, I don't think I could ever trust my sisters partner if he threatened to do something like that. Then again, 5 years are a long time, for loads of stuff to happen.
UnluckyKate
Member
Who the fuck goes from kiss to blow me in the car. And if you refuse then lets have sex. What a fucking prick
FreeMufasa
Junior Member
Eh... what? This seems so surreal.
Back to OP, I would kick him and punch him. But that isn't the wisest choice obviously. Hope it goes well for you and your sister.
Greatest Ever
Member
You still here TC?
This is what I'm thinking. It's a consensual relationship, but she doesn't want big bro to judge her.
Night.Ninja
Banned
Your sister is suspect
Them stories could never run with me
Them stories could never run with me
NorthAndSouth
Member
That's amazing of you, and I think this is the best approach. Your sister is truly very lucky to have someone like you as support.
Your sister should also talk to a health professional with regards to any trauma, if there are any complications like pregnancy and to make sure she's still getting her periods. I understand that you want to deal with the details personally, but her health should really be assessed by someone who has the training to deal with this. Also, I think other people have mentioned this, there may be details she's not comfortable telling you because you are her brother, even though you are non-judgemental.
I am so sorry to hear this is happening to your family.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Ah, she's more than likely fine, but another test to put her mind at ease is of no harm, I say.
Seems like you are a good brother. Good on you for taking care of her intelligently.
Dude she is a freshman in high school. this guy is a predator.
Some of the responses in this thread are something else.
bigmit3737
Member
I think this is good advice .
Go to the police, explain to them your situation and ask that they organize with medical professionals to notify your parents that an abortion is necessary (assuming she's actually pregnant).
If your parents fight the facts from then on, I think you and your sister should take a stand on your own. What are they going to do, throw you both out?
If your parents fight the facts from then on, I think you and your sister should take a stand on your own. What are they going to do, throw you both out?
RoninChaos
Member
I'm kind of thinking the same thing. Especially growing up in a repressed, conservative Christian house hold... suffice it to say there can be mixed signals given. It's very possible she feels shame for wanting to have sex with someone because, and forgive me if I'm reaching, but I grew up in the Bible Belt and I've seen plenty of repressed sexual feelings manifest in fucked up ways.
I think, if anything, what she needs is support. Let her know you support her decision to excercise her own free will in regards to herself and her body. If this dude really did take advantage of her then get the authorities involved. But make sure it's because your sister didn't want to have sex and not that she's saying she didn't want to because of religion/what your parents would think. I'm extremely sympathetic because I've had personal experience with how being raised in a conservative Christian situation can cause some really fucked up and confusing feelings, especially when it comes to sex.
Make sure it's because your sister didn't consent. If she did you could end up fucking up both their lives. And make sure she knows she doesn't owe ANYONE sex. Her body is hers and no one else's.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
Age of consent rules would vary state by state. Even then, I don't know if I could justify sending my sibling's bf (and yes, he's pretty much her bf) to jail over a 6 month technicality.
What we're really dealing with here is two teenagers having protected sex, and it clashing with what you believe is her conservative morals. I don't see this ending well with you getting heavily involved or dragging them both into court. Telling her to be careful and telling him to treat her with respect seems like your only recourse - if you banish him from her life, it's not like she won't just find some other 16yo white guy to have sex with.
What we're really dealing with here is two teenagers having protected sex, and it clashing with what you believe is her conservative morals. I don't see this ending well with you getting heavily involved or dragging them both into court. Telling her to be careful and telling him to treat her with respect seems like your only recourse - if you banish him from her life, it's not like she won't just find some other 16yo white guy to have sex with.
Zeus Molecules
illegal immigrants are stealing our air
I would of got some of my friends and beat him up. Not even on some "oh your having sex shit" but because of the car and him sneaking into your house situation.
If she was an adult cool, but as a 14 year old freshmen I would have a real issue with some older guy having casual sex with my sister and they aren't even dating.
As an adult we all have become use to logic to come to solutions to our problems but as a teenager..... yeah beat him up
If she was an adult cool, but as a 14 year old freshmen I would have a real issue with some older guy having casual sex with my sister and they aren't even dating.
As an adult we all have become use to logic to come to solutions to our problems but as a teenager..... yeah beat him up
TheCochese
Banned
She can't give consent. This seems to be a fact you keep tripping over.
Zeus Molecules
illegal immigrants are stealing our air
Also what do you mean "listen to his side of the story?"
1) teenagers lie like they breath (your sister possibly too)
2) your not an impartial figure in this like a teacher or guidance counselor. You're her brother. So you can and should be bias towards what she said...... and handle it accordingly
1) teenagers lie like they breath (your sister possibly too)
2) your not an impartial figure in this like a teacher or guidance counselor. You're her brother. So you can and should be bias towards what she said...... and handle it accordingly
Sho_Nuff82
Member
Age of consent varies from state to state, country to country, and average age of lost virginity varies wildly worldwide.
Consent laws are not biological fact, they are legislative opinion. It's kind of pointless to approach this situation using that mindset.
Laws are all good and well until you ruin someones life over six months difference, as if some sort of magical line can be crossed after those six months that suddenly makes things better.
Especially since you only hear one side of the story.
TheCochese
Banned
A) She's below the age of consent for every state.
2) Take that argument before a judge and see how it turns out. While our consent laws could use some work and some exceptions (and there are a few out there), what we feel is right doesn't matter.
While I'm sympathetic to those who have been unjustly railroaded by draconian laws, we don't just get to do whatever we want because we don't agree with how things are.
I think you're doing good so far, OP.
It's not about you and how you feel, it's about what your sister wants and that she has someone in her life that respects her wishes.
You want to give her a sense of control in her life, and already she trusts you to support her and her decisions. Just let her know you'll have her back against anybody in the world, even angry parents.
It's not about you and how you feel, it's about what your sister wants and that she has someone in her life that respects her wishes.
You want to give her a sense of control in her life, and already she trusts you to support her and her decisions. Just let her know you'll have her back against anybody in the world, even angry parents.
By all accounts this guy had sex with a girl that consented. And the discussion we are having is if "well she's six months too young to give consent" is reason to make this guy a rapist in everyone's mind.
And going by the OP's account, we don't even really have much detail in how they ended up having sex. It's a very flimsy reason to ruin someones life by labelling them a rapist (that stuff is never going away, even if he isn't convicted).
I'd sooner spend my energy on educating my little sister on how to handle such situations, since it seems to me her upbringing was severely lacking in sex ed, so she can better handle such situations in the future and allows her to properly tell men she does not want to have sex, rather than being in a situation where she feels pressured and allows things to happen.
TheCochese
Banned
The horse's tail might get caught on the closing barn door on that one.
He's an adult, responsible for every single one of his actions. All I can do is take the evidence presented at face value. I get it where there are two families who know each other and don't want to press charges or anything. I get gray areas. But I also feel like this guy needs to be taught a lesson that you don't pressure underage girls into having sex. If this relationship doesn't work out, some other family could be in this situation.
Both the girl and the guy need a lesson in responsibility here, it's up the OP if that involves getting the law involved. Personally, I might use the threat of the law as a deterrent before law was involved, but I suppose it would depend on the guy and my sister. I had a relationship with a 14 year old when I was 16, thankfully no sex was involved (hindsight, naturally). I still would have been held responsible for my actions, even though I was only six months over 16.
dripdripsplash
Member
Just wanted to jump in and say that your handling this incredibly well and you seem like a really good dude.
Hope it all turns out well for you and your sister.
Hope it all turns out well for you and your sister.
Bingo
This situation seems like the textbook case for why statutory rape laws should exist. Like even if she's actually secretly into the dude and just confused or scared about how to talk about it with her family, this situation is A Problem. Sister is clearly struggling to figure out how she feels and what she wants and she doesn't have a great grip on what the stakes / consequences are.
Even if she "consented" to the sex, a worthwhile responsible dude would've recognized that having sex would put her through all kinds of shit she's not equipped to deal with.
It's good to work with her and support her and help her find the way to a better situation. You don't necessarily want to take control of her life away from her, you don't want her to feel shame or guilt for having had sex.
Even if she "consented" to the sex, a worthwhile responsible dude would've recognized that having sex would put her through all kinds of shit she's not equipped to deal with.
It's good to work with her and support her and help her find the way to a better situation. You don't necessarily want to take control of her life away from her, you don't want her to feel shame or guilt for having had sex.
PRBoricua
Member
As somebody who's now with a girl who was abused in a very similar fashion, please take this very seriously and don't hesitate to get the authorities involved. Or at the very least, find somebody she can talk to, a psychiatrist for example.
While not every female will react the same way, I can tell you that what happened to my girlfriend has ruined her (sexually) and she's now in her early 30's.
While not every female will react the same way, I can tell you that what happened to my girlfriend has ruined her (sexually) and she's now in her early 30's.
sir_kevith
Member
I was gonna point that out too as someone who has peers with kids at this age. So many parents putting so much effort in doing the right thing, only for their kids to tell them to fuck off in the end. Its pretty sad actually and my kid is only a couple years away from that phase.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Tell his parents.
What an awful idea.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Yeah I'd honestly skip that part. Dude is a rapist at the worst, and a complete moron (and asshole who pressures reluctant girls into sex) who can't even use a condom properly at best. Just stick to telling him to fuck off, OP.
I haven't read the whole thread, so I'm not sure how old the dude is, but if he is underage I wouldn't call it rape. Sounds like he guilted her into sex, which makes him a piece of shit. If he is of age, well that is statutory rape and I would get someone involved. Either way, she needs to stay away from dude.