The Pleasure
Gold Member
They kill the feeling. Plus women hate condoms more than men.
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I think I lost a friend: Is it my fault?
- Thread starter ZQQLANDER
- Start date
LordKasual
Banned
literally never heard a woman say this
avoiding STDs and avoiding pregnancy is always top priority
F
Foamy
Unconfirmed Member
While you could have been a little more up front with him in the end its not your fault you have the goods and he doesn't.
If he wants to be a big drama queen over it and stop being friends then he obviously wasn't a very good friend to begin with.
More importantly though OP, you should keep in mind that religion should be a part of your life, it shouldn't rule your life or define you as a person.
If he wants to be a big drama queen over it and stop being friends then he obviously wasn't a very good friend to begin with.
More importantly though OP, you should keep in mind that religion should be a part of your life, it shouldn't rule your life or define you as a person.
LordKasual
Banned
Your friend sounds like a hoe. He's behaving like a little girl.
Been in/seen this situation too many times....key points:
1) you gave him a headstart and he got nowhere. Be careful feeling bad for people who ask if its "okay to pursue" and then literally take 5 months being shy, making silly jokes, and generally getting friendzone'd.
2) "no physical intimacy" so what's even the big deal
3) Based on #2, i have to ask -- are you SURE you're dating this chick, or are you guys just really close and "feeling it out"
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The Pleasure
Gold Member
Lies. And i do believe in avoiding stds and pregnancy but women hate condoms just as much if not more. Ever had a pull out end up woth her wrapping her legs around you and forcing you in deeper?
Tactics Young Women Use to Resist Condom Use When a Partner Wants to Use a Condom - PMC
Although there is a growing literature on men’s condom use resistance (CUR) tactics (e.g., direct requests, deception), little research exists on women’s CUR tactics. This study investigated young women’s (ages 18 to 21) self-reported use of CUR ...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
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Rbk_3
Member
I find this odd.
TaySan
Banned
Was it because my advice was bad or just because i said it?
Xaero Gravity
NEXT LEVEL lame™
Both, but mostly the latter, because you have no idea what you're talking about.Was it because my advice was bad or just because i said it?
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ZQQLANDER
Member
I reached out and told him I'd like to apologize in person which elicited a pretty vehement response. Not gonna repost it here, but he basically needs some time. I told him the offer still stood if/when he was ready.
I hope I didn't sound like a judgemental choir boy in my initial post. My personal stance on marriage/sex is my own and everyone has to make that decision for themselves. Of course I don't think less of anyone who doesn't agree with my conservative stance.
If you would maybe elaborate a bit more on what you mean here. Or create a separate thread because I think it would be an interesting topic. I would say my faith defines me as a person, but it doesn't rule my life if that makes sense (i.e. my faith isn't the only criteria I use when voting or I wasn't driving out of town to attend a service during quarantine)
Personal preference I guess but I don't like my social circle, religious or other wise, seeing me with a young woman and then I have to explain to multiple people why I'm not with said individual anymore; regardless of who broke up with whom for what reason.
#takethecornerkickquick #YNWA
#2 Lol, yeah I heard that from several of my secular friends, giving me this deadpan stare like they are waiting for the punchline of a bad joke.
#3 I get where you might see that, but we both have the understanding we are seeing each other. I like to be crystal clear early.
I hope I didn't sound like a judgemental choir boy in my initial post. My personal stance on marriage/sex is my own and everyone has to make that decision for themselves. Of course I don't think less of anyone who doesn't agree with my conservative stance.
If you would maybe elaborate a bit more on what you mean here. Or create a separate thread because I think it would be an interesting topic. I would say my faith defines me as a person, but it doesn't rule my life if that makes sense (i.e. my faith isn't the only criteria I use when voting or I wasn't driving out of town to attend a service during quarantine)
Personal preference I guess but I don't like my social circle, religious or other wise, seeing me with a young woman and then I have to explain to multiple people why I'm not with said individual anymore; regardless of who broke up with whom for what reason.
#takethecornerkickquick #YNWA
#2 Lol, yeah I heard that from several of my secular friends, giving me this deadpan stare like they are waiting for the punchline of a bad joke.
#3 I get where you might see that, but we both have the understanding we are seeing each other. I like to be crystal clear early.
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MaestroMike
Gold Member
tell him he took to long to make a move and to not hate the playa hate the game im sure he'll understand. plow her b4 ur christian group finds out of ur betrayal & kicks u out !
ZQQLANDER
Member
Sorry, that was a typo in the original post. It was supposed to read "what would happen to your reputation when other guys..."
I've always known I've wanted to find my significant other in the current religious social circle I am in. As a result I've been very careful about whom I've gone out on dates with. If you aren't you can easily get blacklisted. Fortunately there are plenty of activities (social gatherings, parties, athletic events, volunteering) where you can casually hang out with people you may be interested in.
appaws
Banned
This is such a mythology of the secular world. Christians and those who delay sex until marriage report better sex lives and are less likely to divorce. Also people who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who don’t. If modernity, free sex, and psychiatry are so great at replacing God it is pretty tough to see it in all the miserable fuckers these days.
Of course cupping the balls and personal hygiene are pretty important, but if you love someone those things get worked out with proper communication.
Tesseract
Banned
how can you say this with so much duplicitous actionWas it because my advice was bad or just because i said it?
Moff
Member
you did not think of your friend at all when you accepted Sarahs invitation for the walk? I certainly would have, I think it's your fault.
When two friends pursue the same woman there is a lot of potential for drama, which is why your friend decided to be open and honest about it and asked you in advance, which is the correct and mature choice.
You did not, I can absolutely see why he thinks you stabbed him in the back.
You should also be careful about how you try to salvage this, a simple apology after you "got" her might be seen as insult to injury.
When two friends pursue the same woman there is a lot of potential for drama, which is why your friend decided to be open and honest about it and asked you in advance, which is the correct and mature choice.
You did not, I can absolutely see why he thinks you stabbed him in the back.
You should also be careful about how you try to salvage this, a simple apology after you "got" her might be seen as insult to injury.
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Starlight Lotice
Member
Wouldn't them talking it out be better though? It feels like it was damned if he did and damned if he didn't as he didn't have the hindsight to know whether she would be interested in him.
Two guys talking it out would be the best option of course, but it really depends on if the other dude talked to the girl first before she decided to take a chance with the OP.
I personally wouldn't like to be in his scenario in any case, and wish him the best and not lose his friend.
ValiantTraveler
Member
OP you sound like a good person, you made a mistake but you are concerned about your friend, explained yourself and asked to apologize. Good on you.
Now your friend still can’t get over it, which makes me think: why is he so desperate? He’s acting like he lost his only chance at love. Seems like he’s the one who should put bros before hoes. Give him some time and keep your hand extended to him. But I suspect he has an underlying issue with girls and needs to work on it.
Also, props to you for saving sex until marriage. This is beautiful and so rare nowadays.
Now your friend still can’t get over it, which makes me think: why is he so desperate? He’s acting like he lost his only chance at love. Seems like he’s the one who should put bros before hoes. Give him some time and keep your hand extended to him. But I suspect he has an underlying issue with girls and needs to work on it.
Also, props to you for saving sex until marriage. This is beautiful and so rare nowadays.
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F
Foamy
Unconfirmed Member
You're certainly welcome to start a new thread but personally I don't want to be drawn into endless discussion on religion.
All that I meant was that some churches insist on you only socializing within their church groups. Sadly this is a form of control as they're afraid you might be swayed away by outsiders. There are plenty of good people of every religious denomination as well as atheists. Another issue is money, if you feel obligated to give 30% of your gross earning as opposed to say being more comfortable with 8% (random number) well that's a problem too. The amount of money you give to a church isnt a measuring stick for how devoted you are. Regardless of what anyone may tell you.
Anyway... yeah, that's my 2 cents.
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LordKasual
Banned
I cannot believe people wait until the point of no return to decide to finally see if you're sexually compatible with another human
like that has to be THE most risky dice roll ever
right next to dating and refusing to use condoms, you fools
yikes bro thats ugly.
what's more telling though is how he's threatening to snitch on you because he dont got no sauce
like that has to be THE most risky dice roll ever
right next to dating and refusing to use condoms, you fools
yikes bro thats ugly.
what's more telling though is how he's threatening to snitch on you because he dont got no sauce
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JimmyRustler
Member
I go with this. OP, you knew he was hitting on her. You should have asked your friend before meeting up with her.
StormCell
Member
The whole thing sounds really interesting. I'd like to know more about this religious circle, perhaps over PM?
iconmaster
Banned
The concept is nonsense. Barring deformities, every adult male is sexually compatible with every adult female. You sort through different preferences over time in the same way you sort through different preferences in which movies you watch, like adults.
Kamina
Golden Boy
Stealth Sientology recruitment thread
ZQQLANDER
Member
Certainly, feel free. There are several individuals who spend time in the social circle who don't practice the same faith or who aren't religious. So it's not like you have to convert to be a part of it.
WhiskeyDiver
Member
Two months is a significant amount of time in terms of "seeing someone". It's more dishonest, and to be honest a bit fucked up, to try and keep it quiet that long especially when it's someone your friend wanted to ask out, and you said it was ok. Your friend probably, not definitely, probably feels some measure of being betrayed...but not to the point of making the friendship end due to irreconcilable differences.
Yeah you fucked up by not saying anything. Yeah you done goofed by not saying anything to your friend, but it's more than possible to remain friends after a period of reflection and forgiveness on his behalf. While I don't agree with how you were handling it, I can modestly understand why you did it, and I don't think you did things this way with any malice or intent to hurt your friend.
This is all my simple opinion. It does not by any way make me think what I said is right. In the end, I simply disagree with how you handled the situation. I honestly don't doubt you're a good and honest person
ZQQLANDER
, so I believe that you handled it the way you did, because you thought it was the best way to go about things in order to avoid hurting your friend's feelings. I don't know the specifics of your life, and I am not entitled to them obviously, so I concede the fact that if you did things the way I would have, the chances of the whole thing turning out far worse is 100% possible.
Yeah you fucked up by not saying anything. Yeah you done goofed by not saying anything to your friend, but it's more than possible to remain friends after a period of reflection and forgiveness on his behalf. While I don't agree with how you were handling it, I can modestly understand why you did it, and I don't think you did things this way with any malice or intent to hurt your friend.
This is all my simple opinion. It does not by any way make me think what I said is right. In the end, I simply disagree with how you handled the situation. I honestly don't doubt you're a good and honest person
ZQQLANDER
, so I believe that you handled it the way you did, because you thought it was the best way to go about things in order to avoid hurting your friend's feelings. I don't know the specifics of your life, and I am not entitled to them obviously, so I concede the fact that if you did things the way I would have, the chances of the whole thing turning out far worse is 100% possible.
PaddyOCanager
Member
I'm confused. Did Sarah ask you out, or did you tell her you were interested in more than friendship and then she asked you out?
Also, wtf has your "friend" been doing for two months exactly? Still planning to ask her out? Sounds to me he's pissed at himself for being ineffectual but now he can use you as a target for his self-loathing and say it's your fault.
Either way, losing a friend over girl drama is fucking stupid. Men do really stupid shit when it comes to women, and every guy knows how tough it is out there. Guys need to forgive and forget unless it's something egregious like fucking their partner. Your friend is not fucking Sarah nor has he even asked her out. She's not his "property", his partner, or anything of his.
Yeah you could've probably done better per the bro code and him getting mad is understandable, but have a drink together and get over it - I've had to get over shit before, and I've also had to apologize for stupid shit I've done. I don't remember the girls involved, but I still have those friends in my life.
You've already apologized, so in my opinion this conversation is over unless he brings it up.
Also, wtf has your "friend" been doing for two months exactly? Still planning to ask her out? Sounds to me he's pissed at himself for being ineffectual but now he can use you as a target for his self-loathing and say it's your fault.
Either way, losing a friend over girl drama is fucking stupid. Men do really stupid shit when it comes to women, and every guy knows how tough it is out there. Guys need to forgive and forget unless it's something egregious like fucking their partner. Your friend is not fucking Sarah nor has he even asked her out. She's not his "property", his partner, or anything of his.
Yeah you could've probably done better per the bro code and him getting mad is understandable, but have a drink together and get over it - I've had to get over shit before, and I've also had to apologize for stupid shit I've done. I don't remember the girls involved, but I still have those friends in my life.
You've already apologized, so in my opinion this conversation is over unless he brings it up.
ZQQLANDER
Member
Sarah asked me out initially. We had just been chatting over SMS/Social media for a brief period. We didn't talk about it being more than a friendship until seeing each other a couple times after that.
That I don't know. He does not have a traditional MO when asking someone out. He likes to evaluate the friendship before making a move. I'm not sure if it's fear of rejection or if he is waiting for the perfect time or setting. Several other friends of mine have made similar observations.
PaddyOCanager
Member
Well then it sounds to me you taught him a valuable lesson about real life.
Halo is Back
Member
I don't understand. If he didn't tell you he was interested in her before how is that on you? Also, that little comment about turning your friends against you sounds like some narcissistic shit. just because he didn't get what he wanted.
ZQQLANDER
Member
Recently met with my friend for a chat to apologize. I didn't get "in the weeds" with regards to details and timeline as I didn't want to make it seem like I was apologizing while also offering excuses for my actions. In hindsight I should have given him a heads-up that Sarah had asked me out on a date; I should have trusted him as a friend to keep this in confidence. I genuinely believe I made a mistake by not doing this.
He said he wasn't upset that I had gone out with Sarah, just the fact I hadn't told him. However, I have a feeling if I had brought this up to him originally he would still have gotten mad, albeit slightly less so. During the course of the conversation he walked back from his original stance and stated he was never really interested in her to begin with.
All in all it was a very confusing conversation.
More interestingly I spoke with Sarah about this issue (prior to meeting with my friend). She felt bad I was in this situation and could somewhat relate as she anticipated this might happen to her in the near future. Before all of this kicked off she had expressed interest in me to a recent acquaintance of hers. Said acquaintance proceeded to go into a monologue about how she wanted to ask me out. At which point Sarah felt she had to "wait her turn." Fortunately she didn't ascribe to this train of though for long. Imagine both of us being in the same social circle, interested in one another but afraid to ask the other out due to fear of hurting our friends/acquaintances. It would have been mental and a complete waste of time.
He said he wasn't upset that I had gone out with Sarah, just the fact I hadn't told him. However, I have a feeling if I had brought this up to him originally he would still have gotten mad, albeit slightly less so. During the course of the conversation he walked back from his original stance and stated he was never really interested in her to begin with.
All in all it was a very confusing conversation.
More interestingly I spoke with Sarah about this issue (prior to meeting with my friend). She felt bad I was in this situation and could somewhat relate as she anticipated this might happen to her in the near future. Before all of this kicked off she had expressed interest in me to a recent acquaintance of hers. Said acquaintance proceeded to go into a monologue about how she wanted to ask me out. At which point Sarah felt she had to "wait her turn." Fortunately she didn't ascribe to this train of though for long. Imagine both of us being in the same social circle, interested in one another but afraid to ask the other out due to fear of hurting our friends/acquaintances. It would have been mental and a complete waste of time.
F
Foamy
Unconfirmed Member
So everything's good then. Orgy for the four of you this weekend.
Spukc
always chasing the next thrill
ValiantTraveler
Member
LOL at Sarah anticipating this, girl really thinks of herself as the prize.
Good on you OP for making up with your friendo.
Good on you OP for making up with your friendo.
Xaero Gravity
NEXT LEVEL lame™
Usually a massive red flag that someone is a narcissistic bitch that is going to be far more trouble than they're worth.
DisplayingSuperman
Neo Member
Friends are overrated.
DisplayingSuperman
Neo Member
Though friends are overrated, you slighted your buddy. Givin' how it was you that told him to pursue "Sarah" in the first place, you under-cut him. Big time. The moment you started a spark with the same girl you told your buddy to pursue, you should have reached out and discussed. You definitely slighted him and ripped the rug out from underneath him. I don't blame him for being upset with you. One bit. Meh.
DisplayingSuperman
Neo Member
Good on you. I feel you have the best interests in mind and you don't really want to screw over anyone involved. Judging by this recent post, it sounds pretty fucked up and drama-ridden. No thanks.