-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
June UltraViolent Wrasslin' |OT| This is Small Potatoes!
- Thread starter British Monsoon
- Start date
So were Ibushi and Devitt when they were in G1.
He proved it on legit, and I mean legit, television.
FlammableD
Banned
bean breath
Member
Bray Wyatt.
Nocturnowl
Member
I've made it through the first two matches of my assigned tournament of death, it certainly is something.
My gif making ability is non existent so I'm not sure what I should add to my riveting text review.
My gif making ability is non existent so I'm not sure what I should add to my riveting text review.
Mr. Luchador
Member
MS Paint reconstructions.
The Shapesmith
Member
I don't hate Elgin as much as most on this board but I also don't watch nearly enough of him. I enjoyed his run in our local indy til ROH pulled him and am intrigued to see him on this HUGE stage. That being said he will have his work cut out for him but I'm hoping he hosses some dudes around Sekimoto style.
Arn Anderson is the platonic form of Dad Bod.
FallingEdge
Member
Arn Anderson is in shape and looks like he lifts. That has nothing to do with a dad bod.
that is a dad bod you damn nerds
that is a dad bod you damn nerds
Ninja Scooter
Member
Arn Anderson looks like he spends 6 hours a day chopping wood with his shirt off.
A "dad bod" always struck me as someone who is sort of out of shape but has decent enough genetics to prevent them from getting too sloppy fat like the pic above.
Wrestlers are too bulky, even the fat ones like Bo Dallas or Kevin Owens, to have dad bods. Punk might have been the closest.
A "dad bod" always struck me as someone who is sort of out of shape but has decent enough genetics to prevent them from getting too sloppy fat like the pic above.
Wrestlers are too bulky, even the fat ones like Bo Dallas or Kevin Owens, to have dad bods. Punk might have been the closest.
funkystudent
Member
Arm looks like a pretty fit old male pornstar.
bean breath
Member
CM Punk is skinny fatass not dad bod. An important distinction.
slightconfuse
Banned
CAVERNARIO vs Dorada was awesome
Nocturnowl
Member
It's happening, that or doodles if its easier.
Either way the child friendly version of death match wrasslin.
British Monsoon
Member
All aboard the Geeze Train! CHOO CHOO;
Austin endorsed. Crazy that the GZRS are causing such a fuss when they've barely had a handful of matches between them, putting a lot of British wrestlers on notice.
July 20th.
Austin endorsed. Crazy that the GZRS are causing such a fuss when they've barely had a handful of matches between them, putting a lot of British wrestlers on notice.
July 20th.
So was Vader, and he got a good section of the crowd behind him even as the bad guy.
Sweeney Tom
Banned
.
Eh, at least Vader makes sense because he's massive and was booked like a world beating monster. Plus like Sid in 1992 he got the positive reaction anyone credible got when they faced Hogan.
#fucked
The guy who called Ricardo 'Bumblebee' because he is Mexican and fat totally isn't going to hire this girl
Awesome Kong got her gimmick back anyway. She can get fucked....
Pro wrestling is fake, but its race problem isn't.
Reneledarker
Banned
Yeah it surprise me people think they would not hire someone in WWE because of racist comments, when the higher ups in WWE are pretty racist themselves.
FallingEdge
Member
Progress has all their vids on demand? Awesome. I will check out that tourney. Seems like a good deal for 7 bux.
18 minute Big Poppa Pump tribute
18 minute Big Poppa Pump tribute
Sibersk Esto
Banned
Those tweets are almost lazy
Watermelon and fried chicken? Did you learn about racism from a stand up routine?
Watermelon and fried chicken? Did you learn about racism from a stand up routine?
slightconfuse
Banned
HOLY SHIT BOSJ Finals was amazing. Kushida is truth. Kyle needs to stop that rebound lariat , looks worse than Ambrose
That's La Parka Negra. He was played briefly by El Zorro.Just saw an episode of Sens8 where some characters attended an (I think) AAA Lucha Libre match. I recognized Myzteziz (OG Sin Cara), but didn't recognize the other wrestler in black.
There were other wrestlers in the match, but these two were shown more prominently.
Nocturnowl
Member
Tournament of Death IX Part 1
Like the borderline jobber that manages to sneak into a MitB ladder match lineup I feel like a man out of his element with no idea what carnage to expect as I dive into something that will make said ladder matches look like a picnic.
Fortunately for the squeamish I know bugger all about gifs making so instead make do with doodles as suggested by Mr. Luchador. Brace yourself for a mess and malformed bodies, that's for both the doodles and the matches by the way.
Im greeted by this fella known as DJ Hyde carrying a beer bottle to the ring, probably a hint that Ill need some booze of my own to tackle this. Turns out a quick googling explains that Hyde is the owner of CZW, what a hero.
But hey theyve fostered a jolly atmosphere here, Im not sure if Im supposed to be enduring barbaric hardcore madness or some sort of improv comedy event judging by this intro, well its still better than 20 minutes of the Authority.
Theres a Ten Bell Salute to Trent Acid, a name I actually vaguely recollect and honestly I had no idea he was dead. The fine folks in attendance actually keep their silence immediately elevating them beyond those of a few football (or soccer for those across the pond) matches Ive been dragged to in my time, why maybe this is going to be a classier outing than I expected?
Danny Havoc vs JC Bailey - Havoc's Happyland Deathmatch
Introducing JC motherfucking bailey bitches as his meth addict looking manager says beating the actual announcer to the punch, both Bailey and Havoc emerged carrying good ol light tubes which must be the lighting of choice in Happyland.
Weve got early lockups, trading chops and teases of being whipped into light tubes, guess were building up to the carnage. Fortunately my bloodlust is soon satiated when Havoc eventually manages to hoist Bailey up for a powerbomb into some tubes propped up in the corner, the commentary team are right to say that only NOW has the tournament officially begun.
Bailey has the next revolution in light based weaponry, a RED tube so it blends in with the blood presumably, he uses a steel chair to launch himself as a human cannonball into the corner where Havoc is collapsed with the red tube, this of course means that Bailey basically seemed to eat all of that tube with Havoc only getting a few bits of shrapnel, well thats wrasslin logic for ya.
Bailey drags Havoc over the broken glass, well thats actually pretty grim looking, as is Havocs back of course, Bailey then follows up using a glass tube as a straight up weapon, shades of WM19 on the Gamecube there.
Havocs attempt to recover with high flying trickery is thwarted and end up with him eating glass courtesy of a cutter from the top rope, when I say eating glass I may well mean it literally, yum.
The refs own hand is gonna get cut to ribbons making counts at this rate, the ring is a sea of shards.
I can only assume both wrasslers are hitting their signature moves right now (including a top rope double stomp through glass tubes of course) but never mind that, weve got the best thing since the mythical red tube, a glass tube wrapped in barbwire!
Once again Havoc is foiled and ends up getting brainbustered into the barbwire tube, man this Havoc guy is taking all the punishment in this one.
Hes also taking the fall because thats all she wrote, Bailey gets the win and the luxury of having to put his body through more entertaining idiocy with future matches, makes me wonder who the real winner is here.
Havoc is given a mild ovation from the loyal crowd post match, all these hardcore folk stick together! Havoc apologizes to his fans which includes some 7 or 8 year old kid who is appreciative of the mans effort .wait, who the hell brings their kid to CZW deathmatches?!
Nick Gage vs Abdullah Kobayashi - Weapons of Mass Destruction Deathmatch
The F bombs are coming as Nick Gage strolls out blaring out F this and F that to anything and everything and he crowd are happy to join in (cover your ears 7 or 8 year old Kid!).
Gage makes it known that he doesnt like those Japanese pussys eliciting a USA chant because of course it does.
Kobayashi waddles out, a man in the crowd yells Hows Hiroshima BITCH?! to whooping and hollering because of course it does.
Gage grabs the mic to continue his fuck fest, seeing that hes losing what little audience he has Kobayashi grabs the mic to win them back using his mightiest English promo skills YOU COCK SUUUCKEEEERR! and boy does it work, the crowd erupt (or as much as this small mob can erupt) and the Ref is losing his shit, all of this and the match aint even started yet but once the ref composes himself its on.
The return of Collar and elbow tie ups! Its like they want to subvert all my expectations. Gage soon decides sod it to that nonsense and spits in Kobayashis face, his reponse? To gleefully devour that snotty spittle and thus this marks the most sickening and twisted thing Ive seen in this event thus far, WOULD SOMEONE STOP THE DAMN MATCH!
After thoroughly licking his lips both men prepare to showdown with light tubes, before a full blown swordfight gets under way Kobayashi decides to let Gage have a free clean swing at his skull and Gage is happy to oblige as glass shatters over the bald bonce of Kobayashi.
Yet it seems that that spit snack wasnt enough for Kobayashi who decides to simply take a bite out of his light tube to try and cure his hunger pangs, or maybe its another mindgame? I could go either way on this. Actually it may well be a bit of both, dude is straight up devouring that glass like a panda chomps bamboo so clearly its a tasty snack, it also provides a unique spit projectile of his own as he fires a stream of glassy goodness out of his gob into Gages face.
After devouring even more glass like the circus freak show attraction he is the dominant Kobiyashi grabs a bag, I assume thumbtacks, I get the evolution of thumbtacks which are mini beds of sharp needles spilling onto the mat. Gage takes a sideslam into the mini needle beds which are then also used as a handheld weapon of which to grind against Gages head and chest.
Desperately needing a turn around Gage decides to just boot Kobayashi in the nuts, twice at that to great effect. Gage grabs a barbed wire steel chair and dives it into the skull of a laid out Kobayashi.
Gage then grabs something I can only describe as looking like the head of a water cooler with Christmas baubles attached to it as blasts it off of Kobayashis head promptly shattering all those colourful decorations, but really I cant figure out what this thing is supposed to be and believe me Ive been trying since Gage first came out.
Gage delivers the shoddiest looking lopsided diving headbutt Ive ever seen, you aint getting a three count with that. Kobayashi pulls out a surprisingly agile standing front dropkick to regain control and starts stomping around the ring so heavily that Gages man boobs genuinely start jiggling, the second most disgusting thing Ive seen so far.
After a bit of back and forth Gage gains the upperhand after Kobayashi misses the baka elbow drop which I name that because Im pretty sure he yelled baka as he collapsed into the elbow drop (translators note: Baka means idiot which also means tournament of death participant hohoho!).
Time for a big spot, Gage balances a mini needle bed oh Kobayashis head and hammers the bloody thing in with a steel chair! Heck its so good he does it twice which still only gets a two count, Im not sure which part of that mystifies me more.
Gage tries to either pull the needle boards out of Kobayashis skull or push them further in, its hard to tell but seeing that he tries using his teeth Im guessing he was actually trying to get them out but no dice, those things are hammered in good.
Thumbtack bat is apparently a thing, and its also another thing walloping Kobayashi in the cranium and no doubt sending him on the fast lane to concussion city. Against all odds Kobayashi fights back and just grabs a ton of curved glass tubes for his high flying antics which is to say he sort of falls off the top rope with a bigger baka elbow and smashes a whole bunch of tubes into Gage in the process, it looks as sloppy as you may expect which is followed up by a sloppy pinfall where Gage seemingly kicks out before three but it doesnt count, Kobayashi is the winner and Gage looks like he tried to protect his loss or something, its all kind of awkward really.
Post match promo from Kobayashi I LOVE AMERICAN PEOPLE I LOVE DEATHMATCH!, good to see he knows how to get cheap pops from these bozos.
WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST WATCH?!
Part 2 coming when I work my way through more of this madness...
Like the borderline jobber that manages to sneak into a MitB ladder match lineup I feel like a man out of his element with no idea what carnage to expect as I dive into something that will make said ladder matches look like a picnic.
Fortunately for the squeamish I know bugger all about gifs making so instead make do with doodles as suggested by Mr. Luchador. Brace yourself for a mess and malformed bodies, that's for both the doodles and the matches by the way.
Im greeted by this fella known as DJ Hyde carrying a beer bottle to the ring, probably a hint that Ill need some booze of my own to tackle this. Turns out a quick googling explains that Hyde is the owner of CZW, what a hero.
But hey theyve fostered a jolly atmosphere here, Im not sure if Im supposed to be enduring barbaric hardcore madness or some sort of improv comedy event judging by this intro, well its still better than 20 minutes of the Authority.
Theres a Ten Bell Salute to Trent Acid, a name I actually vaguely recollect and honestly I had no idea he was dead. The fine folks in attendance actually keep their silence immediately elevating them beyond those of a few football (or soccer for those across the pond) matches Ive been dragged to in my time, why maybe this is going to be a classier outing than I expected?
Danny Havoc vs JC Bailey - Havoc's Happyland Deathmatch
Introducing JC motherfucking bailey bitches as his meth addict looking manager says beating the actual announcer to the punch, both Bailey and Havoc emerged carrying good ol light tubes which must be the lighting of choice in Happyland.
Weve got early lockups, trading chops and teases of being whipped into light tubes, guess were building up to the carnage. Fortunately my bloodlust is soon satiated when Havoc eventually manages to hoist Bailey up for a powerbomb into some tubes propped up in the corner, the commentary team are right to say that only NOW has the tournament officially begun.
Bailey has the next revolution in light based weaponry, a RED tube so it blends in with the blood presumably, he uses a steel chair to launch himself as a human cannonball into the corner where Havoc is collapsed with the red tube, this of course means that Bailey basically seemed to eat all of that tube with Havoc only getting a few bits of shrapnel, well thats wrasslin logic for ya.
Bailey drags Havoc over the broken glass, well thats actually pretty grim looking, as is Havocs back of course, Bailey then follows up using a glass tube as a straight up weapon, shades of WM19 on the Gamecube there.
Havocs attempt to recover with high flying trickery is thwarted and end up with him eating glass courtesy of a cutter from the top rope, when I say eating glass I may well mean it literally, yum.
The refs own hand is gonna get cut to ribbons making counts at this rate, the ring is a sea of shards.
I can only assume both wrasslers are hitting their signature moves right now (including a top rope double stomp through glass tubes of course) but never mind that, weve got the best thing since the mythical red tube, a glass tube wrapped in barbwire!
Once again Havoc is foiled and ends up getting brainbustered into the barbwire tube, man this Havoc guy is taking all the punishment in this one.
Hes also taking the fall because thats all she wrote, Bailey gets the win and the luxury of having to put his body through more entertaining idiocy with future matches, makes me wonder who the real winner is here.
Havoc is given a mild ovation from the loyal crowd post match, all these hardcore folk stick together! Havoc apologizes to his fans which includes some 7 or 8 year old kid who is appreciative of the mans effort .wait, who the hell brings their kid to CZW deathmatches?!
Nick Gage vs Abdullah Kobayashi - Weapons of Mass Destruction Deathmatch
The F bombs are coming as Nick Gage strolls out blaring out F this and F that to anything and everything and he crowd are happy to join in (cover your ears 7 or 8 year old Kid!).
Gage makes it known that he doesnt like those Japanese pussys eliciting a USA chant because of course it does.
Kobayashi waddles out, a man in the crowd yells Hows Hiroshima BITCH?! to whooping and hollering because of course it does.
Gage grabs the mic to continue his fuck fest, seeing that hes losing what little audience he has Kobayashi grabs the mic to win them back using his mightiest English promo skills YOU COCK SUUUCKEEEERR! and boy does it work, the crowd erupt (or as much as this small mob can erupt) and the Ref is losing his shit, all of this and the match aint even started yet but once the ref composes himself its on.
The return of Collar and elbow tie ups! Its like they want to subvert all my expectations. Gage soon decides sod it to that nonsense and spits in Kobayashis face, his reponse? To gleefully devour that snotty spittle and thus this marks the most sickening and twisted thing Ive seen in this event thus far, WOULD SOMEONE STOP THE DAMN MATCH!
After thoroughly licking his lips both men prepare to showdown with light tubes, before a full blown swordfight gets under way Kobayashi decides to let Gage have a free clean swing at his skull and Gage is happy to oblige as glass shatters over the bald bonce of Kobayashi.
Yet it seems that that spit snack wasnt enough for Kobayashi who decides to simply take a bite out of his light tube to try and cure his hunger pangs, or maybe its another mindgame? I could go either way on this. Actually it may well be a bit of both, dude is straight up devouring that glass like a panda chomps bamboo so clearly its a tasty snack, it also provides a unique spit projectile of his own as he fires a stream of glassy goodness out of his gob into Gages face.
After devouring even more glass like the circus freak show attraction he is the dominant Kobiyashi grabs a bag, I assume thumbtacks, I get the evolution of thumbtacks which are mini beds of sharp needles spilling onto the mat. Gage takes a sideslam into the mini needle beds which are then also used as a handheld weapon of which to grind against Gages head and chest.
Desperately needing a turn around Gage decides to just boot Kobayashi in the nuts, twice at that to great effect. Gage grabs a barbed wire steel chair and dives it into the skull of a laid out Kobayashi.
Gage then grabs something I can only describe as looking like the head of a water cooler with Christmas baubles attached to it as blasts it off of Kobayashis head promptly shattering all those colourful decorations, but really I cant figure out what this thing is supposed to be and believe me Ive been trying since Gage first came out.
Gage delivers the shoddiest looking lopsided diving headbutt Ive ever seen, you aint getting a three count with that. Kobayashi pulls out a surprisingly agile standing front dropkick to regain control and starts stomping around the ring so heavily that Gages man boobs genuinely start jiggling, the second most disgusting thing Ive seen so far.
After a bit of back and forth Gage gains the upperhand after Kobayashi misses the baka elbow drop which I name that because Im pretty sure he yelled baka as he collapsed into the elbow drop (translators note: Baka means idiot which also means tournament of death participant hohoho!).
Time for a big spot, Gage balances a mini needle bed oh Kobayashis head and hammers the bloody thing in with a steel chair! Heck its so good he does it twice which still only gets a two count, Im not sure which part of that mystifies me more.
Gage tries to either pull the needle boards out of Kobayashis skull or push them further in, its hard to tell but seeing that he tries using his teeth Im guessing he was actually trying to get them out but no dice, those things are hammered in good.
Thumbtack bat is apparently a thing, and its also another thing walloping Kobayashi in the cranium and no doubt sending him on the fast lane to concussion city. Against all odds Kobayashi fights back and just grabs a ton of curved glass tubes for his high flying antics which is to say he sort of falls off the top rope with a bigger baka elbow and smashes a whole bunch of tubes into Gage in the process, it looks as sloppy as you may expect which is followed up by a sloppy pinfall where Gage seemingly kicks out before three but it doesnt count, Kobayashi is the winner and Gage looks like he tried to protect his loss or something, its all kind of awkward really.
Post match promo from Kobayashi I LOVE AMERICAN PEOPLE I LOVE DEATHMATCH!, good to see he knows how to get cheap pops from these bozos.
WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST WATCH?!
Part 2 coming when I work my way through more of this madness...
"That was kayfabe." #Safe
If Albert trains the people well and becomes well liked by everyone, I don't see WWE hiring DeMott back. Unless their PR team is really tone deaf...
Holy shit they found Japanese Maria!
Tom Prichard was well respected and well liked by students and his peers. They replaced DeMott with him the first time they fired him. Then brought DeMott back on and kicked Prichard out.
British Monsoon
Member
A-MAZING!! Added to the OP. Love the doodles.
Incidentally, the little needle beds are called kenzans and are used in the art of Japanese flower arranging. Now there's an odd Venn Diagram.
At least some people still protect this business, goddamit.
Nocturnowl
Member
Ah Kenzans, it was bugging me that I couldn't figure out what they actually were and the commentators didn't seem to have much idea either.