Aeriscloud
Banned
No, you're not. I've been thinking about how to respond, but I don't know how. Sorry Sphinx.
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LGBThread |OT3| Friends of Dorothy!
- Thread starter Sai-kun
- Start date
- Status
No, you're not. I've been thinking about how to respond, but I don't know how. Sorry Sphinx.
it changes each day, I know I don't want a relationship, but sometimes I hope to make friends or find "something special"... don't know what, something...
the thing with praise and attention is definitely there and it's wrong. you know, it's like going to a casino and playing just to see the fucking machine give you 777 and you don't even want the reward, you just want the machine (in this analogy, machine = society, everyone) to admit you are a winner, a lucky guy, etc.
I have the profiles to get the hits and a message here and there with "handsome!" or something. but what the fuck is the purpose of that? I may get the nice icon or message from someone, then what? I want more acceptance, more people saying I am cool and nice and how I look more toned up from working out. Where is this leading me to?
nowhere....
so, instead of sitting in from of the laptop tweaking and twitching pics and profiles so that random strangers ackonwledge my greatness, why not go and do something productive?
I am 95% done with the bachelor degree in Musicology here in Germany,
why not get done with it and not procrastinate?
why not spend time preparing a piano recital?
why not spend time getting better at figure skating?
why not learn new exercises to do at the gym?
why not reduce my videogame backlog?
why not prepare better materials for my piano students?
why not join some activity club and make friends?
why not bake a fucking cake?
isn't it clear what I have to do?? then what the hell is keeping me from getting at it?
no, I haven't done many friends and since I broke with my ex, I've been very much on my own. friends are in Mexico and we talk over skype or facebook mainly. I can't blame other people, I am the kind of guy that doesn't get many true, real, friends, maybe I should work on that.
maybe, I don't think I have had a huge transformation physically but after breaking up with my ex and feeling alone and helpless in this strange country, I decided to grow a pair and work on having a mentally stronger and "better" version of me, so I started working out, growing a beard which has received mostly praise and buying fitting clothes that would let people know I work out (...lol, I mean I *rolleyes at myself).
It worked for a while, but I need to get over myself, come to terms with image and whatever message it may convey to others, find a balance and not think I look bad but don't expect or want people to compliment me on my appearance or pictures so I can be sure that everyone got the memo that I am "more badass and stronger" person than a year before...I mean, come on, it's embarassing to write it.
on the other hand, deleting internet profiles in all this cloud of drama is childish too, so I should maybe restrict myself to weekends or something.. don't know.
I think I know what I should do, I am just weak... can I be helped? can therapy give me strength? or can I eventually find it myself? who knows.
I think therapy is definitely something you might look into. If you're a student, you can actually talk to a counselor to find out your options. Sometimes you can get a few free sessions.
I'm still unsure of what the true issue is, since you're broadly making a list of things you want to do and not do, but there's not one central aspect that I'm picking up on -- at least not at this hour.
If you want a relationship focus on that, if you don't want a relationship and only want attention, you know you won't be satisfied. People who seek attention are never truly satisfied, I bet. What you want has to be something else, not just attention, and you have to figure that out on your own.
I'm still unsure of what the true issue is, since you're broadly making a list of things you want to do and not do, but there's not one central aspect that I'm picking up on -- at least not at this hour.
If you want a relationship focus on that, if you don't want a relationship and only want attention, you know you won't be satisfied. People who seek attention are never truly satisfied, I bet. What you want has to be something else, not just attention, and you have to figure that out on your own.
I think the issue is found here somewhere:
but like you say I have to find it, I'll work on that.
Mystic Theurge
Member
I shall play Devil's Advocate.
There's nothing wrong with wanting attention, Sphinx. Who is ever truly satisfied? Everyone wants more of something. Love, Sex, Friends, Time. As you long as you're not hurting anyone, it's okay to chase your desires.
If the activity is enjoyable, does there need to be anything more? Now, It could be that you no longer enjoy this and should move on to something else. However, is it possible that you want to do this, but there is pressure from elsewhere telling you not to?
Whether an activity is productive or not depends on you.
Sphinx, from reading you on gaf for a while I think you should really stop your online dating activity. It seems like it doesn't bring you anything except maybe even more self-consciousness problems.
Like Mystic Theurge says, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a little bit of attention. The thing is not letting it become an obsession. Buying fitting clothes so that people know you have a good body? I don't see anything wrong with that. You worked at it, there's no need to hide it (plus, not wearing fitting clothes is a crime).
My advice would be to definitely join an activity group, whatever it may be, so you can make friends. Having friends around is very important IMO. You don't need to have 100 friends, but a couple certainly help in feeling less lonely.
Also, for the love of the gay gods, bake yourself a cake man.
Like Mystic Theurge says, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a little bit of attention. The thing is not letting it become an obsession. Buying fitting clothes so that people know you have a good body? I don't see anything wrong with that. You worked at it, there's no need to hide it (plus, not wearing fitting clothes is a crime).
My advice would be to definitely join an activity group, whatever it may be, so you can make friends. Having friends around is very important IMO. You don't need to have 100 friends, but a couple certainly help in feeling less lonely.
Also, for the love of the gay gods, bake yourself a cake man.
the problem with this mindest is that I'll always want more, that's the problem.
If one guy send me a message, well now I want TWO guys to write me nice messages.
if a mildly atheltic guy sends me an icon and likes me, well now I want a big muscle bodybuilder to tell me that, atheltic guys are easy to get....
see the nonsense? I am not going to bed with any of those guys, even worse, maybe both the atheltic guy AND the bodybuilder didn't really mean it with the icons, they just wanted to be nice... everything is stupid.
I wished I could take it easy and not give things so much thought.
yes, it can turn into an obsession and that's the problem, I have to control it.
and follow your advice and make friends, maybe it's all some kind of loneliness I am having a hard time dealing with.
and my backing oven is broken :'( that was the only thing I had an actual excuse not to do it.
Fantastical
Death Prophet
Cliff Jensen is one of my favorites. <3
Mystic Theurge
Member
Have you considered joining the Skype chat, Sphinx?
I don't think it's childish. If you think you spent too much time on those sites and tend to care too much about messages and icons you get from guys to the point it starts being an obsession, then quiting it should help. If you it's a problem, then get rid of it.
And about the "No matter what people tell you, NOBODY truly gives a damn about you..." speech -- remember, what you're doing with yourself - working out, buying clothes, growing a beard, learning new things etc. - you should do that for YOURSELF, for your own satisfaction, not because some stranger, that you will probably never meet in person, might like it. Approval from others should only be considered as a nice, but still only optional bonus. You should not, however, long for it or demand it, because you will always end up disappointed; as you said, you will always want more and more. What's worse, lack of approval or attention from other guys may lead you to loosing interest in your work on yourself and create confidence problems - and you don't want that. Don't let opinions of some guys on the Internet affect you or your life.
I will be trying to repair my parent's friend's computer. ;_; I forgot about MS conference tomorrow and made an appointment with him. I just hope this won't take long. Microsoft announced that this time it will be all about games (they have to fix the damage done by that other conference and all the news that appeared recently after all). We will see.
Both Sony's conference and Nintendo Direct are early morning here (3:00 AM and 4:00 AM), so I will skip them and read synopsis/watch trailer at work.
Why did they remove the CG tears with a flat color. That's weird.
There's nothing wrong with wanting some attention, but in his case he's obsessing and making himself feel bad by believing that no one really cares about him when he's not getting any attention. So in this situation, his attention-seeking behavior is making him unhappy, which is obviously not good.
Henchmen21
Banned
Do we know for certain that the boards will be down? I mean they said that last year and it was only down for like a few hours (though that's more to do with last years E3 being so damn dull that most didn't post).
I still feel there's going to be a lot of time wasted on stuff I'll find boring. Exclusive EA sports features and CoD/GTA V DLC for example :/ Oh well we'll see
VICTORsaurio
Member
Just got back from my sort of second date with hot guy. As I said earlier, yesterday we talked about having lunch but that fell through. I talked to him when I woke up today and told him I was hungry so he asked if we were going to eat (he said yesterday we could go today). So I agreed.
He then told me he had to meet some friends afterwards, 'cause they're planning a trip (he talked to me about that trip when we met) and asked me what I wanted to do, if he could bring a friend to lunch or go with him after (I didn't really fully understand). I told him I'd rather it be just us, but it'd be fine anyway or we could just go some other day. He told me it was OK, that we could go alone.
I picked him up. He was talking to his friend too and told me at some point that his friend hadn't eaten yet neither, so I told him it was OK, that he could come with us. We picked him up and had lunch together. It was slightly awkward (mostly awkward silence from me, though I tried to start conversations or just talk a bit here and there) but I thought it was cool that he "wanted" me to meet one of his friends. Afterwards I dropped them off where they were meeting their other friends and he told me we'd talk when he was done there.
He then told me he had to meet some friends afterwards, 'cause they're planning a trip (he talked to me about that trip when we met) and asked me what I wanted to do, if he could bring a friend to lunch or go with him after (I didn't really fully understand). I told him I'd rather it be just us, but it'd be fine anyway or we could just go some other day. He told me it was OK, that we could go alone.
I picked him up. He was talking to his friend too and told me at some point that his friend hadn't eaten yet neither, so I told him it was OK, that he could come with us. We picked him up and had lunch together. It was slightly awkward (mostly awkward silence from me, though I tried to start conversations or just talk a bit here and there) but I thought it was cool that he "wanted" me to meet one of his friends. Afterwards I dropped them off where they were meeting their other friends and he told me we'd talk when he was done there.
I still feel there's going to be a lot of time wasted on stuff I'll find boring. Exclusive EA sports features and CoD/GTA V DLC for example :/ Oh well we'll see
Well, that's (unfortunately) a given. CoD and EA Sports games are Microsoft's bread and butter.
xxczx
Member
First argument with boyfriend today...
He has this guy friend from college who he always speaks to and FaceTime's at night with him every night. I only found this out a week ago that he has and because I work early mornings I go to sleep around 11 and he always texts me around half 9pm saying night so I won't text while he's on FaceTime which he admitted. He always texts him even when I'm around and says how funny he is, making me feel second best. So I said what I felt and he went on to how he couldn't believe I thought he would've cheated. I never said that or thought it then he was saying I wouldn't invite you to a family BBQ if he would been cheating and other stuff how he wouldn't of been doing so and so if he was cheating so I'm a little paranoid cus why would he say that? We've been going out four months and I can feel myself falling for him but stuff like this makes me paranoid and is the reason why I don't like relationships
He has this guy friend from college who he always speaks to and FaceTime's at night with him every night. I only found this out a week ago that he has and because I work early mornings I go to sleep around 11 and he always texts me around half 9pm saying night so I won't text while he's on FaceTime which he admitted. He always texts him even when I'm around and says how funny he is, making me feel second best. So I said what I felt and he went on to how he couldn't believe I thought he would've cheated. I never said that or thought it then he was saying I wouldn't invite you to a family BBQ if he would been cheating and other stuff how he wouldn't of been doing so and so if he was cheating so I'm a little paranoid cus why would he say that? We've been going out four months and I can feel myself falling for him but stuff like this makes me paranoid and is the reason why I don't like relationships
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
I'm hyped for everything tomorrow. Also, I'm hoping that at least one of my dream games gets announced/shown:
I've been thinking about this point for the last months.
At first, I always thought that straight guys has it easier, but now I'm not so sure. Like everything in life, there are cons and pros.
When you're gay, it's true that statistically the person you're staring at is straight, and it's annoying as hell. On the other hand, I think a lot about online dating. I think it's a tool that makes it easier to go out there, and expose yourself with minimum risk. I'm not saying it's ideal, but it's a privellage that I think straight people don't really have. Of course they can sign up, but they look at it as a sign of defeat and a last resort, wheres it's the natural thing to do in the gay commuinity.
All this is from my experience and at least how people view things like online dating in Israel. It might be different in other countries.
I think we can officially forget about that one... DQMJ2 bombed really really badly in the west :/
I can see people not getting Animal Crossing, is the epitome of the "non game", no objectives, no conflict (unless some asshole comes to your town and chops all the trees hehe), an actual real time clock, you just stroll there, living of the most inane things, but it's so incredibly charming it makes it a really compelling experience, again, it is not for everyone, that's for sure.
However, not being much of a Zelda fan makes you a pretty terrible Nintendo fan.
However, not being much of a Zelda fan makes you a pretty terrible Nintendo fan.
That does not make you a bad Ninty fan. A lot of people are not into Animal Crossing (or Zelda for that matter). I don't consider myself to be a fan of F-Zero.
Big time fan...what consoles do you have?
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
I don't blame you. If I had a copy I'd name my town Snoozeville cause that's what the game is.
Wii, 3DS, DSi and Gameboy Advance (I don't like the lighting so I haven't played in a very long time).
I used to have a Gamecube and a N64 but I sold them.
chronos4590
Member
Finally Got Internet Back!! And Just downloaded Animal Crossing! Excited
Ha, just in time for the bombs to be droppedFinally Got Internet Back!! And Just downloaded Animal Crossing! Excited
Never got into animal crossing and I've never been into Zelda at all. I've only played the first one on VC because I got it free as an ambassador. I've always wanted to try one of the 3d ones to see if I like it. Maybe I'll give wind waker HD a go or pick up Ocrina on 3DS. Either way I'm hyped for the direct on Tuesday!
As both an avid Nintendo and Animal Crossing fan, you are guilt-free on this one. Animal Crossing is one of those games where your brain either processes it as sheer ecstasy or the most banal waste of time imaginable. I can't even think of an exciting way to explain it to people considering the most "exciting" thing I did today in the game is send an insulting letter to one of my villagers that I don't like and hope leaves because his busted ass is the worst. Oh, and I was excited I made a down payment on a tent. So, yea. Only feel bad if you didn't like SMG2.
Also, c'mooooon Elite Beat Agents 2: And The Beat Goes On!
dragonlife
Member
I've been waiting for an EBA 2 for years. It really needs to happen. I still have to buy Ouendan 2, though, so I'll have something to ease the pain once I decide to get it.
Christopher
Member
Online dating is bad news and sphinx broski love yourself man I see you and your modern day Elton John coming through haha
VICTORsaurio
Member
OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!!!
OK... let me calm down. I wrote earlier about how I went out to lunch with Hot Guy (and a friend) and dropped them off somewhere.
So he writes me when they're done. He says he wants to have a beer or something. He knows I don't drink but I told him I wouldn't mind going with him (actually, them, the other guy came with him). So we went some place. They both got a beer. It was super awkward again, though I tried blending in/chatting but most of the time all three were just silent. He smoked a cigarette and then we left, we dropped his friend and then talked a bit while I was driving him home.
He asked me if I didn't feel lonely at home or if I used to have parties with friends, I told him that I don't really have a lot of friends now (he sort of knew). Then he tells me "you know you can talk to me when you need someone or we can go out somewhere if you want, etc . You know I'm leaving sometime in the future but we can still be in touch". Which I took as: You're cute but we don't fit so let's be friends.
It was a low blow for me. As I got back home I felt lonelier than ever. Cried my eyes out because, well, I liked him. The first time he wrote me I thought "WOW, this guy is too hot, this can't be happening" and well, turns out I was right. Nothing was happening.
I put myself together for a bit and think: I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!. So I decided to make one of the most stupid/crazy/romantic things I've ever done: go back to his place, tell him to come out and kiss him (for the first time).
I went out. When I arrived I called him, got a busy tone. So I wrote him "I need a huge favor from you" and waited a bit. Nothing. So I drive back home.
When I get back home, he writes asking me what did I need. I told him I didn't need the favor anymore. Then he tells me his friend had left his wallet in my car. I'm like: FUCK! THIS IS BULLSHIT!! IT'S A SIGN!!! MAYBE HE DID IT ON PURPOSE! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!.
So I checked my car, it was there. I called him and he told me to carry it and they would pick it up sometime tomorrow. I was like WHAAAAT??? NOOOOOO!!!! WE'LL BRING IT TO HIM!!! NOW!!!!!. In the end we agreed that I'd just bring it to him (hot guy) and he would give it to his friend tomorrow. He kept asking about what I wanted.
I get to his place, he comes out. He only opens the door of the car and gets the wallet and almost leaves (there were some people walking down the street, and it's very dangerous here) but I ask him to sit down with my hand. He closed the door). So the people were still coming towards us and we were a bit scared so I couldn't kiss him right away. I moved the car a bit and I'm all awkward... I try to make some sense... "what I wanted to tell you is..." and I kissed him. It was the worst kiss experience ever. Because well we were in the middle of the road and I couldn't just stand there because it was dangerous. So I kiss him a couple of times.
I think he was shocked but he didn't really fight back. But I don't think any of us really enjoyed. I was so ashamed. Like what the fuck, this is so weird, It should have been amazing and romantic but it was not. So I drive back to his place and leave him (stealing a few more kisses before) he didn't say much, he said he didn't expect it or something. He asked me to write him when I got back home.
So I drive back home with a big motherfucking smile on my face because I FUCKING DID IT!!! I DON'T CARE IF WE'RE OVER BUT I DID IT!!! I DON'T CARE IF IT WAS THE WORST KISS EVER!!! IT WAS ROMANTIC!!!...
I write him, he says "I'm still very shocked" I ask if I could call him, he says fine. So I explain myself. I tell him I knew it was a bit weird, I'm always very rational and a "good boy". But that's gotten me nowhere so I tried something different to see if something different happens in my life. I talked for a long time. So when I'm done he says: I gotta be honest with you, I have a partner...
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE????????????? WHY DO YOU THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I didn't say that).
He says he has a partner but he lives out of town (where he is moving sometime soon, for work too like he had told me). I read that as "I just wanted a fuck buddy" though I didn't day it. He said he was sorry and he understood that some of the things he said could have been misunderstood by me (like "you should have slept with me"), that he thinks I'm a good boy and that we're both a bit lonely so he thought we could hang out, be friends, talk or whatever.
I told him I don't know how's it gonna be, I probably should stay away since I already have/had a huge crush on someone else who is also in a relationship and I just don't want to fall in love with him or something. He did say something like "sometimes it's still worth giving things a shot 'cause you never know how that's gonna work out" which I understood as "if you stick around you don't know what could happen" but that's what the other asshole I'm still not over keeps on telling me, so I think he can go fuck himself.
I told him he could still write me, I really don't know how to handle this so I guess I'll just figure it out along the way. At least I'm glad I found out now instead of somewhere along the line when I would be devastated.
I'm still kind of angry with the world because I did go out of the way, do something crazy just because maybe it could have paid out. But all I get is this shit. I guess at least I tried and I'm sort of proud of that.
OK... let me calm down. I wrote earlier about how I went out to lunch with Hot Guy (and a friend) and dropped them off somewhere.
So he writes me when they're done. He says he wants to have a beer or something. He knows I don't drink but I told him I wouldn't mind going with him (actually, them, the other guy came with him). So we went some place. They both got a beer. It was super awkward again, though I tried blending in/chatting but most of the time all three were just silent. He smoked a cigarette and then we left, we dropped his friend and then talked a bit while I was driving him home.
He asked me if I didn't feel lonely at home or if I used to have parties with friends, I told him that I don't really have a lot of friends now (he sort of knew). Then he tells me "you know you can talk to me when you need someone or we can go out somewhere if you want, etc . You know I'm leaving sometime in the future but we can still be in touch". Which I took as: You're cute but we don't fit so let's be friends.
It was a low blow for me. As I got back home I felt lonelier than ever. Cried my eyes out because, well, I liked him. The first time he wrote me I thought "WOW, this guy is too hot, this can't be happening" and well, turns out I was right. Nothing was happening.
I put myself together for a bit and think: I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!. So I decided to make one of the most stupid/crazy/romantic things I've ever done: go back to his place, tell him to come out and kiss him (for the first time).
I went out. When I arrived I called him, got a busy tone. So I wrote him "I need a huge favor from you" and waited a bit. Nothing. So I drive back home.
When I get back home, he writes asking me what did I need. I told him I didn't need the favor anymore. Then he tells me his friend had left his wallet in my car. I'm like: FUCK! THIS IS BULLSHIT!! IT'S A SIGN!!! MAYBE HE DID IT ON PURPOSE! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!.
So I checked my car, it was there. I called him and he told me to carry it and they would pick it up sometime tomorrow. I was like WHAAAAT??? NOOOOOO!!!! WE'LL BRING IT TO HIM!!! NOW!!!!!. In the end we agreed that I'd just bring it to him (hot guy) and he would give it to his friend tomorrow. He kept asking about what I wanted.
I get to his place, he comes out. He only opens the door of the car and gets the wallet and almost leaves (there were some people walking down the street, and it's very dangerous here) but I ask him to sit down with my hand. He closed the door). So the people were still coming towards us and we were a bit scared so I couldn't kiss him right away. I moved the car a bit and I'm all awkward... I try to make some sense... "what I wanted to tell you is..." and I kissed him. It was the worst kiss experience ever. Because well we were in the middle of the road and I couldn't just stand there because it was dangerous. So I kiss him a couple of times.
I think he was shocked but he didn't really fight back. But I don't think any of us really enjoyed. I was so ashamed. Like what the fuck, this is so weird, It should have been amazing and romantic but it was not. So I drive back to his place and leave him (stealing a few more kisses before) he didn't say much, he said he didn't expect it or something. He asked me to write him when I got back home.
So I drive back home with a big motherfucking smile on my face because I FUCKING DID IT!!! I DON'T CARE IF WE'RE OVER BUT I DID IT!!! I DON'T CARE IF IT WAS THE WORST KISS EVER!!! IT WAS ROMANTIC!!!...
I write him, he says "I'm still very shocked" I ask if I could call him, he says fine. So I explain myself. I tell him I knew it was a bit weird, I'm always very rational and a "good boy". But that's gotten me nowhere so I tried something different to see if something different happens in my life. I talked for a long time. So when I'm done he says: I gotta be honest with you, I have a partner...
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE????????????? WHY DO YOU THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I didn't say that).
He says he has a partner but he lives out of town (where he is moving sometime soon, for work too like he had told me). I read that as "I just wanted a fuck buddy" though I didn't day it. He said he was sorry and he understood that some of the things he said could have been misunderstood by me (like "you should have slept with me"), that he thinks I'm a good boy and that we're both a bit lonely so he thought we could hang out, be friends, talk or whatever.
I told him I don't know how's it gonna be, I probably should stay away since I already have/had a huge crush on someone else who is also in a relationship and I just don't want to fall in love with him or something. He did say something like "sometimes it's still worth giving things a shot 'cause you never know how that's gonna work out" which I understood as "if you stick around you don't know what could happen" but that's what the other asshole I'm still not over keeps on telling me, so I think he can go fuck himself.
I told him he could still write me, I really don't know how to handle this so I guess I'll just figure it out along the way. At least I'm glad I found out now instead of somewhere along the line when I would be devastated.
I'm still kind of angry with the world because I did go out of the way, do something crazy just because maybe it could have paid out. But all I get is this shit. I guess at least I tried and I'm sort of proud of that.
VICTORsaurio
Member
lol
I WANT OUT OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROLLERCOASTER!!! IT'S NO FUN!!!!
He didn't say he was strictly looking for friends (well, minus today talk, which prompted me to kiss him, because I had no fucking clue he had a boyfriend, I mean you assume a guy is single if he asks you out... wouldn't you?).
He tried to minimize the thing with a couple of "you know, I'm being honest with you (and some people aren't)". He sort of has a point since he could have just keep his mouth shut and pursue something more with me but it's still a very crappy thing to do.
yeah, I'll manage
and hey, have you posted here before? I''ve seen you in other social threads but never here.
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