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LGBThread |OT3| Friends of Dorothy!
- Thread starter Sai-kun
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That sounds incredible.
Annoying like rude or just they just act irritating?
I get a mixed bag. Most of the gays I've met in Uni have been personable but not exceptional, and I have yet to meet one I share interests with.
The problem is that you don't share the same interests/points of view. But you don't have to get gay friends.
I have never found an interesting friendly gay guy (the outed ones) they are all very annoying and superficial (does that word exist? Or is it surfeceable? lol)
User 73706
Banned
Superficial is the correct term. Surfeceable sounds like some weird combination of surface, feasible and facetious, the latter of which is also applicable a lot of the time. Surfeceable is very definitely not a word. themoreuno.gif
both! not necessarily rude to me, but to other people. the irritating part is that so many of them are superficial. I guess it's true that most people are, but it seems like it shows more somehow
interests should be more diverse though - my boyfriend is amazing and I love him to death, for example, and no one else I know (or ever will) is like him. I'm not looking for gay friends, I've just noticed it's much harder to be friends with them. ya, you're right, it seems like a ton are superficial, but I could just be seeing only stereotypical behavior and not looking beyond it or something
CornBurrito
Member
Most of my friends are straight or bisexual girls it seems. Though I think I have a small amount of straight male friends.
Where do you go to school?
Poltergust
Member
I have a few straight and a couple gay male friends.
No female friends, though. Or at least no close female friends. I either find them annoying or uninteresting. It's an extremely rare occurrence when I can relate to one, but those people never stick around long enough for me to develop any sort of bond with them.
No female friends, though. Or at least no close female friends. I either find them annoying or uninteresting. It's an extremely rare occurrence when I can relate to one, but those people never stick around long enough for me to develop any sort of bond with them.
I had a crew of about 5 close friends, but they all scattered to the winds a few years ago, some overseas, some interstate. Now I have 1 gay male friend, 1 gay female friend, 1 ex girlfriend I am still friends with, and a lot of casual acquaintances. It suffices, but I miss have a close crew like that. Doesn't help that my gay male friend is sometimes pretty dismissive of lesbians. :/
Well. I'm glad I have a close group of friendsAnd will enjoy it while it lasts, before they start getting married and stuff.
as we get older i guess it's an inevitable situation.
we've been friend for 7 years, we know almost everything bout each other and have no problem to share a personal problems.
luckily my clique have same issues with me, we're still single, always struggling with relationships, and more common life problems, i guess me and my friends we'll be friends for a long time lol
My best friend will get married first, I know it. He basically is never single, that being said he just dumped his girlfriend of 3+ years... and he has already a new one. It's weird because his previous girlfriend became part of the group, and all of us except my best friend are still Facebook friends with her and stuff. It's awkward I'll never get attached to any of my friends' girlfriends again.
I'll never get attached to any of my friends' girlfriends again.Blood Diamonds
Banned
Are you guys talking about friends?
Well I have 2 girl best friends and one guy best friend but I'm thinking my friendship with my guy best friend is going to crash and burn.
Mostly because he seems obsessed with hating this Girl who rejected him last year, he does this thing where he acts all mad and stuff when you just say her name. I think it's kind of weird. He also told me today he wanted me to ignore her and stop talking to her, I just said why and didn't agree to anything. I'm friends with her and I like her, I don't hate her and I have no reason to.
It's weird, they were really good friends last year.
I have wanted to tell him he should try to move on but I don't think that's the best thing to do now.
End of shitty highschool drama.
Well I have 2 girl best friends and one guy best friend but I'm thinking my friendship with my guy best friend is going to crash and burn.
Mostly because he seems obsessed with hating this Girl who rejected him last year, he does this thing where he acts all mad and stuff when you just say her name. I think it's kind of weird. He also told me today he wanted me to ignore her and stop talking to her, I just said why and didn't agree to anything. I'm friends with her and I like her, I don't hate her and I have no reason to.
It's weird, they were really good friends last year.
I have wanted to tell him he should try to move on but I don't think that's the best thing to do now.
End of shitty highschool drama.
Naked Snake
Member
My two closest friends are straight guys from college, but they both live/work in another country so I rarely see them. Also my nephew (who's 28), we grew up together and were best friends for the longest time but have grown distant in recent years; I even see him perhaps once a month even though we live in the same city.
My best friend was telling me the other day how it's difficult or impossible to make real, close and long lasting friendships after a certain age. And I tend to agree. I lament the fact that I don't have real friends from my childhood anymore, except my nephew I guess.
On the topic of friends, I'll cross post this from a failed thread I made last week:
My best friend was telling me the other day how it's difficult or impossible to make real, close and long lasting friendships after a certain age. And I tend to agree. I lament the fact that I don't have real friends from my childhood anymore, except my nephew I guess.
On the topic of friends, I'll cross post this from a failed thread I made last week:
Naked Snake
Member
I console myself by saying that chances are I probably wouldn't like him if I met him today. That has been true of many childhood and school friends I've reconnected with later in life. Like not sharing any common interests, values, or worldviews.
HolyBaikal
Banned
Someone was recently asking me an interesting question.
I said I might like to become transgender someday. And they asked me a apt. question. "How does one become transgender, isn't that something you just are?". I felt like they were right and I was totally wrong. And misusing the term.
I feel like I identify as agender, if anything. As I don't truly "feel" like a gender, deep down, or inside. My only feelings of being a "guy" or a "male" are that of boredom, and sometimes mild annoyance, but certainly not dysphoria. I've never felt like I've "always been a girl", and thus, "always transgender". But I would like to become more feminine. Or even, becoming a girl, if I could control how it happened, and HRT didn't mean I'd grow breasts or hips or so forth.
The time I get to become the girl I've always wanted to be, I'll totally transition. I already try to remove my body hair. And I totally want petite and girly shoulders and a feminine face. Even though I know technology won't really let me have them right now. Would that be, "becoming transgender", if I switch genders later, then? I have I just horribly abused a term?
Because I totally don't feel like I'm transgender now. But I'd totally transition later if technology become available for the way I want to transition. Can one "become transgender"? I don't know what to say as someone who doesn't identify as transgender now, but might do so in the future when better technological advances come along.
I said I might like to become transgender someday. And they asked me a apt. question. "How does one become transgender, isn't that something you just are?". I felt like they were right and I was totally wrong. And misusing the term.
I feel like I identify as agender, if anything. As I don't truly "feel" like a gender, deep down, or inside. My only feelings of being a "guy" or a "male" are that of boredom, and sometimes mild annoyance, but certainly not dysphoria. I've never felt like I've "always been a girl", and thus, "always transgender". But I would like to become more feminine. Or even, becoming a girl, if I could control how it happened, and HRT didn't mean I'd grow breasts or hips or so forth.
The time I get to become the girl I've always wanted to be, I'll totally transition. I already try to remove my body hair. And I totally want petite and girly shoulders and a feminine face. Even though I know technology won't really let me have them right now. Would that be, "becoming transgender", if I switch genders later, then? I have I just horribly abused a term?
Because I totally don't feel like I'm transgender now. But I'd totally transition later if technology become available for the way I want to transition. Can one "become transgender"? I don't know what to say as someone who doesn't identify as transgender now, but might do so in the future when better technological advances come along.
you should go to trans-gaf with that question, they could probably answer it much better than anyone here
I'm pretty sure you can't become transgender, just like you can't become a certain gender - you are whatever your brain makes you feel you are, and you can't become something else, especially not trans. physical features don't influence whether or not you are transgender, just whether you look more female or male. if you are biologically male, but you are mentally female, then I think you're transgender because your perceived gender is different from your physical gender
I think, lol. I'd be happy to have someone correct me
I'm pretty sure you can't become transgender, just like you can't become a certain gender - you are whatever your brain makes you feel you are, and you can't become something else, especially not trans. physical features don't influence whether or not you are transgender, just whether you look more female or male. if you are biologically male, but you are mentally female, then I think you're transgender because your perceived gender is different from your physical gender
I think, lol. I'd be happy to have someone correct me
HolyBaikal
Banned
Wow, it sounds like I've said something really ridiculous and ignorant recently, then. And I'm pretty embarrassed.
I would continue such a discussion in TransGAF, like you've said. But I get the feeling I shouldn't further bother people with my ignorance.
I honestly feel so confused, I don't know what gender to identify as. I know I wouldn't mind transitioning, if that's a better word. I might be agender, but I hesitate to use that word. As I don't enjoy people telling me I'm trying to be a special snowflake.
I do definitely know that I hope that someday in the future technology makes it possible for me to become feminine in more ways. And that I'd like to remove my genitalia and replace it with female genitalia. That technology doesn't exist now, but I really, really want it to. I'm sure many people do. I guess the word wouldn't be "becoming transgender", it would be transitioning. And I would be transitioning to a more feminine body and presentation while still being agender.
Do you consider agender to be a legitimate "identity" or a-identity or whatever? Because the more I hear about the subject of gender, the more I feel like I don't actually have some innate gender identity or something like that.
I don't know what to say or call myself, I don't currently relate to a gender. But I'd love to have a vagina, and lose all my body hair, and be shorter, and have smaller shoulders, and have smaller feet, and have a more feminine face. Most of these things I can't do, because no technology. But I really want to do them. Literally as soon as the technology arrived, I would spend tens of thousands of dollars on it and save up for years if I had to.
But I don't think I can identify as being "transgender", either. Anyway, I'm super sorry about use a term like that wrongly and spreading my ignorance. I must sound so silly right now, too, talking about technological possibilities rather than action in the reality right now. Something about this seems very out of touch and comic, and I am self aware of it.
Sorry if I accidentally double post. I'm getting a lot of server errors with NeoGAF right now.
I would continue such a discussion in TransGAF, like you've said. But I get the feeling I shouldn't further bother people with my ignorance.
I honestly feel so confused, I don't know what gender to identify as. I know I wouldn't mind transitioning, if that's a better word. I might be agender, but I hesitate to use that word. As I don't enjoy people telling me I'm trying to be a special snowflake.
I do definitely know that I hope that someday in the future technology makes it possible for me to become feminine in more ways. And that I'd like to remove my genitalia and replace it with female genitalia. That technology doesn't exist now, but I really, really want it to. I'm sure many people do. I guess the word wouldn't be "becoming transgender", it would be transitioning. And I would be transitioning to a more feminine body and presentation while still being agender.
Do you consider agender to be a legitimate "identity" or a-identity or whatever? Because the more I hear about the subject of gender, the more I feel like I don't actually have some innate gender identity or something like that.
I don't know what to say or call myself, I don't currently relate to a gender. But I'd love to have a vagina, and lose all my body hair, and be shorter, and have smaller shoulders, and have smaller feet, and have a more feminine face. Most of these things I can't do, because no technology. But I really want to do them. Literally as soon as the technology arrived, I would spend tens of thousands of dollars on it and save up for years if I had to.
But I don't think I can identify as being "transgender", either. Anyway, I'm super sorry about use a term like that wrongly and spreading my ignorance. I must sound so silly right now, too, talking about technological possibilities rather than action in the reality right now. Something about this seems very out of touch and comic, and I am self aware of it.
Sorry if I accidentally double post. I'm getting a lot of server errors with NeoGAF right now.
I really doubt you'd be bothering people, being more educated is really important for gender identity especially if you're confused about it.
I assume people dont need to have a specific gender identity, but ofc it's very helpful to have one, plus most people do. gender is a social construct and many people have a hard time with it. I probably wouldnt consider agender to be 'legitimate' just because I've never had experience or met any people claiming to be agender. you might be getting too hung up on labels, but they're important anyway - if you feel more feminine and want a female body, it'd be easiest to say you're female. if you dont identify with a gender, then agender probably is the easiest term to use, sure
if you were then to say you're female even though your biological sex is male, then you'd be trans, I think. I'd still encourage you to go to trans gaf with this
oh, and dont worry about using incorrect terminology and stuff - very few people know anything about trans issues in the first place, and we're all just learning about it
I assume people dont need to have a specific gender identity, but ofc it's very helpful to have one, plus most people do. gender is a social construct and many people have a hard time with it. I probably wouldnt consider agender to be 'legitimate' just because I've never had experience or met any people claiming to be agender. you might be getting too hung up on labels, but they're important anyway - if you feel more feminine and want a female body, it'd be easiest to say you're female. if you dont identify with a gender, then agender probably is the easiest term to use, sure
if you were then to say you're female even though your biological sex is male, then you'd be trans, I think. I'd still encourage you to go to trans gaf with this
oh, and dont worry about using incorrect terminology and stuff - very few people know anything about trans issues in the first place, and we're all just learning about it
aaw snake you are old
I've seen some of my high school friends in Facebook, you should try it, it was kind of surreal to be honest. edit: you did search online, sorry I didn't read that part. There aren't an infinite possible non arabic equivalents right? the internet knows everything, I'm sure you can find him.
Having common interests has never been of importance for me, I always was the weird one, never liked the music they liked, or the movies, or really anything, I'm sure they even knew I was gay but no one dared to utter it out loud. Yet I still would like to get in contact with them, they were good people, and you do have at least one thing in common, you shared some time of your life with them.
Longtime reader and poster in both threads, and I have to second Grakl: terminology is hard to get down! You mean well, which is the most important thing, and terms get sorted with enough use. Anyhow, hopefully I can answer some of your questions.
Hope this was helpful! Don't be afraid to stop by the Trans OT if you want to say hi, ask questions, maybe even join us in the IRC and talk there.
- Transgender in common usage is an umbrella term for gender-variant people (intersex, transsexual, agender, and even crossdressing to some), so definitely a state of being for most of these.
- Transsexual in common usage refers to individuals who undergo various medical interventions such as hormone replacement therapy and sex reassignment surgery.
- Confusion is perfectly okay, and so is not identifying with either gender! If or when you find a term that feels descriptive of who you are, it'll just fall into place.
- Not conforming to the stock "always felt this way" is okay too, it's widely assumed to be true of all trans people, but the truth is that our life stories and our journeys are seldom the same. I myself didn't always feel that I wanted to make changes, once upon a time I just coasted along as a kid who didn't define herself (until puberty more or less began taking that away from me). What's most important right now is what you need, or maybe even just doing some soul-searching. There's no history test you have to pass for being trans.
Hope this was helpful! Don't be afraid to stop by the Trans OT if you want to say hi, ask questions, maybe even join us in the IRC and talk there.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Poltergust
Member
(Warning: Some self-loathing going on in this post.)
Ever since I've come to realize my sexuality, there has always been one problem for me: asking other people for a date. The problem compounds when the person I want to ask is someone I've known for a long time.
This problem can be broken down into three components:
1) I am not out. Asking another guy for a date would force me to come out. This especially becomes a problem if the person I out myself to is someone I know well, because I'm worried that it might ruin (or at least alter) whatever former relationship we've had. This really frightens me. I typically do not care about how others think of me, but when it comes to this kind of thing I just get scared.
2) I have no idea about who is gay or not. If I am gonna ask someone out, I want to at least be sure that they are gay, too. Otherwise, it would just be extremely awkward.
3) Finally, the is the general fear of rejection. Self-explanatory, mostly.
I just really hate my lack of courage when it comes to this. That's why up until now I've been using those gay dating sites and apps since it makes the above conditions a non-factor, but those are simply a workaround to my problem, not the solution. I fear that if I keep using those things I may become too overly reliant on them.
I do not wish to be like this anymore, but at the same time I'm too scared to do anything about it, so I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...
Ever since I've come to realize my sexuality, there has always been one problem for me: asking other people for a date. The problem compounds when the person I want to ask is someone I've known for a long time.
This problem can be broken down into three components:
1) I am not out. Asking another guy for a date would force me to come out. This especially becomes a problem if the person I out myself to is someone I know well, because I'm worried that it might ruin (or at least alter) whatever former relationship we've had. This really frightens me. I typically do not care about how others think of me, but when it comes to this kind of thing I just get scared.
2) I have no idea about who is gay or not. If I am gonna ask someone out, I want to at least be sure that they are gay, too. Otherwise, it would just be extremely awkward.
3) Finally, the is the general fear of rejection. Self-explanatory, mostly.
I just really hate my lack of courage when it comes to this. That's why up until now I've been using those gay dating sites and apps since it makes the above conditions a non-factor, but those are simply a workaround to my problem, not the solution. I fear that if I keep using those things I may become too overly reliant on them.
I do not wish to be like this anymore, but at the same time I'm too scared to do anything about it, so I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...
full disclosure: the only boyfriend I've ever had is the one I'm with now, and the way we met wasn't how I think people normally meet
I'm putting this first because it comes before everything else in asking people for a date - the easiest way to figure out if people are gay is by asking them straight-up if they are gay. If you're not a fan of that, apparently finding some way in to segueing a conversation to talk about gay rights and how the guy you're interested in feels about it is decent. If you still don't get an answer, revert back to the beginning of this paragraph and ask specifically if they're gay. Obviously don't do so if they suddenly show that they aren't for gay rights.
Why aren't you out? I said that #2 comes first when it comes to dating (because you don't know if other people are gay and some closeted people still manage to have boyfriends/girlfriends), but this is key to being way more successful than otherwise. You don't have to say "will you go out with me" and then "I'm gay" if you're worried about making things awkward that way. Instead, say "I'm gay" (if he is), then say "will you go out with me/wanna hang out some time/whatever". Get information on him first before you force yourself to be out.
I assume you have a specific person you've been crushing on in mind when you made this post. Before you do anything, figure out if he's gay. You're worried about ruining your friendship, and this seems to be eating at you and you want to be able to do something about it. The easiest thing to do is to figure out if your friend is gay. From there, realize a straight crush never does anything for you (if he's straight) or ask him out (if he's gay).
Making a leap with a friend to making him your boyfriend when you don't have prior knowledge of his sexuality is incredibly hard, which is why it should be a step by step process. Either way, it's a risk that you decide you have to take.
One foot in front of the other - I figure almost everyone has the fear of rejection, but you just have to power through it. I doubt anybody else can really help you with it, just try to overcome the fear. Look to the possible benefits and see if it outweighs the risk of you being rejected.
I'm putting this first because it comes before everything else in asking people for a date - the easiest way to figure out if people are gay is by asking them straight-up if they are gay. If you're not a fan of that, apparently finding some way in to segueing a conversation to talk about gay rights and how the guy you're interested in feels about it is decent. If you still don't get an answer, revert back to the beginning of this paragraph and ask specifically if they're gay. Obviously don't do so if they suddenly show that they aren't for gay rights.
Why aren't you out? I said that #2 comes first when it comes to dating (because you don't know if other people are gay and some closeted people still manage to have boyfriends/girlfriends), but this is key to being way more successful than otherwise. You don't have to say "will you go out with me" and then "I'm gay" if you're worried about making things awkward that way. Instead, say "I'm gay" (if he is), then say "will you go out with me/wanna hang out some time/whatever". Get information on him first before you force yourself to be out.
I assume you have a specific person you've been crushing on in mind when you made this post. Before you do anything, figure out if he's gay. You're worried about ruining your friendship, and this seems to be eating at you and you want to be able to do something about it. The easiest thing to do is to figure out if your friend is gay. From there, realize a straight crush never does anything for you (if he's straight) or ask him out (if he's gay).
Making a leap with a friend to making him your boyfriend when you don't have prior knowledge of his sexuality is incredibly hard, which is why it should be a step by step process. Either way, it's a risk that you decide you have to take.
One foot in front of the other - I figure almost everyone has the fear of rejection, but you just have to power through it. I doubt anybody else can really help you with it, just try to overcome the fear. Look to the possible benefits and see if it outweighs the risk of you being rejected.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
My date last night beat me the fuck up, in the best way. I have bite marks and scratches all over my chest, neck and back, heh.
Naked Snake
Member
Damn, you scared me there for a while! the thought of one of those closeted homophobes that date and then beat up gay guys crossed my mind
Rough play is great I have to admit, but I'm ok if I never do it again, recovery isn't that fun
I'm happy for you anyway!edit:
Poltergust, expect rejection, just go ahead and do it, if you are really shy and awkward it will be awkward anyway specially the first time, but it builds your confidence, everyone has been rejected, it's part of life.
Poltergust
Member
I'm not a good conversationalist, so I find it difficult to bring up that kind of question without making it sound weird. I just can't find a good way to ever bring the topic up, nor do I have the confidence to just flatly ask someone about their sexual orientation. People who know me know that I'm not the kind of person to ask personal questions like that out of the blue, since I try to respect everyone's privacy.
Saying such a thing to someone else is so hard for me to do, though. The only people (who I care about, anyways) that know I'm gay are my mom (accidentally told her), my big sister and her husband (due to my mom being a blabbermouth, but I'm fine with them knowing), and two of my friends (one being a former boyfriend and another being my best friend/roommate). Basically, the only person who I legitimately had to tell I was gay was my roommate, and even that was extremely difficult for me. During that time, I couldn't say it out loud, so I texted it to him... while we were both in the same room in our dorm. Pressing that "Send" button was one of the most difficult moments I've ever had to deal with.
If I try to out myself to someone else in person, I'll flub it. Guaranteed.
Bingo. It's someone I've known since I was a sophomore. Two years later, as someone who is going to graduate from UT, I still haven't worked up the nerve. I've... er... distracted myself with a couple of other guys during that time, but he never really left my mind.
He's actually the only friend I know (outside my roommate) who would personally invite me to go eat lunch or something with him. I don't know if he's just trying to be nice or anything, but I really do appreciate what time I spend with him.
I sometimes wish I was more of a risk taker instead of being so timid...
I guess, subconsciously, I was hoping it would be the other way around, in whichhe would ask me out, but such a thing is just wishful thinking, especially since I have no clue on his sexual orientation.
I just envy how straight people only have to worry about point #3, while gay guys have problems on top of that. =/
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Yeah, first time with anyone who plays this rough. I agree that it's unexpectedly fun, but definitely not the kind of thing I'd want to be doing regularly. My nips are going to be sore for a couple of days!
I wouldn't have guessed he'd be into that simply going on appearances, and it kind of surprised me how well we hit it off since I didn't picture myself being his type. His very weird, almost vicious sense of humor won me over pretty quickly -- so this is clearly why we don't books by their covers.
I wouldn't have guessed he'd be into that simply going on appearances, and it kind of surprised me how well we hit it off since I didn't picture myself being his type. His very weird, almost vicious sense of humor won me over pretty quickly -- so this is clearly why we don't books by their covers.
Does that mean that you don't go for a particular type any more? I remember you being very picky.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Does that mean that you don't go for a particular type any more? I remember you being very picky.
Oh no, I definitely have a type, and each of the guys I've gone out with since joining okcupid share at least a couple of aspects of that "ideal." Personality and an having open mind continues to trump everything else, though. I mean, the one last night was a smoker, showed up with platinum bleach-blonde hair, wearing a fur coat and rock star sunglasses at night, and we ended up having great, hilarious conversation and more in common than I ever would've anticipated.
Pushing myself out onto the dating scene has also made me aware that people who I would've once written off as out of my league based solely on appearance (and age, given how I am attracted to significantly younger guys) are often, in fact, not. I make a point of being sincere, polite, and personable, and - surprise! - hot people respond well to that, as opposed to just being hit on. Although I still see myself as old and average, that's apparently a non-issue and even a turn-on for quite a few of these guys, heh.
chronos4590
Member
Pokémon is almost upon us. I know a lot of you guys will be playing or are active pokémon players so add me on 3ds
3ds: 0774-4244-5451
WiiU (whynot lol) : Chronos4590
Going with X and Froakie
PM me your Friend Codes
3ds: 0774-4244-5451
WiiU (whynot lol) : Chronos4590
Going with X and Froakie
PM me your Friend Codes
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
How big was his pen0r?
Yeah, it's fun. I'm a fan. My ex was super into it. I was probably more vanilla for him.
I don't have my 3DS with me right now vur add me, my FC is on my profile. I'll add you guys tomorrow as soon as I get home. I'm so hyped for this new game. #TeamYForakieCharmander
3DS FC: 0173-1643-5762
I'm getting my copy tomorrow! Thanks mexican stores for not respecting Nintendo's date
3DS FC: 0173-1643-5762
I'm getting my copy tomorrow! Thanks mexican stores for not respecting Nintendo's date
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