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LGBTQIA+ :)OT6(: We’re taking over -- first the alphabet, then the world!

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<+)O Robido O(+>

<+)O Robido O(+>

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Dany said:
check your pms
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iplLiQBwoobLY.gif
 
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Maleficence

Member
Thought it made sense to post this here too.

Also hello gay-gaf!

Little bit of background.

Born into a pakistani muslim household. always did what I was told, always obedient and never put a serious foot wrong. had a short religious phase but after a few years went back to being a bit more "normal" as it were. Got married 3 years ago, still had some faith and had a beautiful and amazing new wife. We had a good couple of years together, she loves me and I love her.

Just had a single problem. I'm gay.

Now my sexuality was never a serious question to me, my faith had it covered. God will sort it out, I'll get married and my feelings will change. They didn't change at all and years later I still don't feel any physical attraction to any woman. Growing up I never felt like I had anyone to talk to about anything serious, my parents would at times find porn I had been on and just tell me off, and when I reached out for help to deal with my sexuality (I was about 12/13 I was still thinking it could be fixed) it was thrown back in my face and I was told to deal with it myself. Today my mum says she thought it was just a phase. My dad died in September not knowing a thing because my mum said if I told him while he was ill it would break his heart.

I had a few years ago spoken to some of my uni (white and non-muslim) friends about my sexuality and how I was wanting to leave my wife cause I didn't want to be hidden and lying anymore. They were supportive but realised it wouldn't be easy but not being from this culture they didn't really know just how hard it is. It was about then that I decided I no longer believed in Islam and therefore felt I had no reason to keep living like this.

Everyone keeps asking my why I got married in the first place, and that's a valid question. One I'm not even sure I know the answer to. I was still in the process of understanding who I was and with my faith i felt that getting married was the right Muslim thing to do. On reflection I should have just said no to the marriage and went on with my life but instead I ended up breaking an amazing woman's heart and the hearts of her and my family.

I was always so afraid of people finding out my secret that I became really good at hiding my true emotions. I was always an outcast and a bit of loner because I had no idea who I was or I simple refused to believe it. I didn't feel like I could confide in anyone because attitudes towards gay people in this community are bad enough and everytime people had clues it never ended positively. I wish I had spoken to someone though, would have saved a lot of heartache.

I told my wife less than a year ago that I was gay, I didn't want to but she forced it out of me as she had seen a conversation with one of my friends and knew something serious was wrong. She was really upset for a few days but I think since then had resolved herself to just get on with life and pretend it never happened. I know that she loves me and wants to be with me regardless and she doesn't want to put her family through the pain of her getting divorced. At the time I said I didn't want to leave her because I was still worried about the consequences and about my dying father.

A couple of weeks ago I told her I wanted a divorce. It's been a tough couple of weeks with mixed emotions of anger and sadness and trying to hold on to normality as much as possible while we decide how to tell her parents. My family haven't been supportive either, they've tried to keep changing my mind asking me to continue lying and pretending to be someone else but I've said I'm done with that life.

She's currently back at home with my and her family but is coming back to my house tomorrow. I was told to go home and sort somewhere to stay for a couple of nights while she comes back and sorts her stuff though she said she didn't want me to leave so I don't even know what to do here.

I still love my wife and I want her to be happy without me. I want her to move on without me which is why I didn't want to wait any longer. I know she will find a way to be happy eventually I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

Right now I just feel like I'm alone with few friends and almost no family to support me. I also feel like a massive scumbag for putting my wife through a hell that isn't going to be finished yet. I know I made a mistake in getting married in the first place but now I feel I'm doing the right thing and trying to be honest with myself and others about who I am though that's little consolation for the damage that's been done.
 
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Razmos

Member
Hey Maleficence, It's better late than never, and it's good that both of you can move on with your lives.
It might seem hard now, but it's better than living a lie, and things will get better now that it's all out in the open.

Even if your family isn't okay with it, as long as your ok with yourself that's all that counts. I hope things work out well for you :)
 
D

daripad

Member
Maleficence, I'm sorry for that. I can empathize with you, as at many points on my life I thought of doing the same thing. I'm happy for you, as you'll get to be who you really are. Doesn't matter if our family doesn't support you, as long as you can find your happiness everything will be fine. Be strong :)
 
V

VegiHam

Member
That awkward moment where you want to kiss him and he obviously wants you to kiss him but you're on a road full of old people who won't just bugger off so you do it in a bit of a panic and run away.

Also, hi Maleficence! So, I mean, that's some pretty heavy stuff dude. I guess you should just keep in mind that what you're doing is best for everyone in the long run. And you're not alone, people in this thread are here even if you have nobody else! You absolutely are not a scumbag.
 
S

Sai-kun

Banned
Maleficence said:
Thought it made sense to post this here too.

Also hello gay-gaf!

Little bit of background.
Click to expand...

Hey there, welcome to the thread. Although yku said you feel alone, you are so totally welcome to post here and make friends here! We have a Skype chat you can join if you ever feel like just chatting about random shit. It's basically all text chat, so no camera/mic required!

Also, I follow a fantastic blog run for/by queer Muslim folks, maybe it could be a good resource for you in regards to reconciling your faith (or lack of) and your sexual identity? :) even if not, it's got some nice stories and notes on there, so I hope it's helpful in some way:

http://iamnotharaam.tumblr.com

Also to reiterate what others have said, you did the right thing. Hurting someone you love sucks, but in the long run it's better for the both of you now rather than 5 years in the future or something. Props to you. Stay strong and true to yourself.
 
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Kevyt

Member
Maleficence said:
Thought it made sense to post this here too.

Also hello gay-gaf!
Click to expand...

Hi Malefience, welcome!!

I'm sorry to hear what you've been through, and as Sai-kun said feel free to post here. I know your journey has been a hard one but we hope you can find comfort posting here. :)
 
C

chronos4590

Member
Thats quite the story Maleficence. You did the right thing, for everyone even if some might not realize it at first. Wishing you well on any further developments on your situation and you and your wife come through well after all of this. Certainly use this chat as a resource and stop on in often :)

Anyone here have instagram? :) if you want to add me pm me or just quote this message to see my instagram name. :p

 
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Henchmen21

Banned
So here's a hypothetical for lettersgaf.

What's your opinion on bareback/breeding with SO's. Would you do it or would you still use condoms? Personally, I feel that it's something special that should be only done with someone you trust/are in love with because it's still risky even with someone you know so you should only do it with someone you trust implicitly.
 
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Razmos

Member
I'd do it with someone I've been with for a good amount of time, who I know and trust and don't have any doubt whatsoever that they would be faithful.

And we'd both need to be tested of course.
 
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scarlet

Member
Henchmen21 said:
So here's a hypothetical for lettersgaf.

What's your opinion on bareback/breeding with SO's. Would you do it or would you still use condoms? Personally, I feel that it's something special that should be only done with someone you trust/are in love with because it's still risky even with someone you know so you should only do it with someone you trust implicitly.
Click to expand...

I'd do it with my ex, until I found he cheated on me. So maybe never.
 
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CornBurrito

Member
Henchmen21 said:
So here's a hypothetical for lettersgaf.

What's your opinion on bareback/breeding with SO's. Would you do it or would you still use condoms? Personally, I feel that it's something special that should be only done with someone you trust/are in love with because it's still risky even with someone you know so you should only do it with someone you trust implicitly.
Click to expand...

Absolutely. I'd do it with an SO I trusted. Perhaps not right away, but at some point yeah.
 
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KmA

Member
Maleficence said:
snip
Click to expand...

Your current situation is pretty much what I fear will happen in the future if I don't come out to my family. My situation is pretty similar, Muslim background, Desi culture etc. Our culture can feel pretty toxic at times. One thing that always makes me upset is to see Muslims leave the faith behind because they don't feel like there is space for them. If you left Islam for other underlying issues, that's cool. Just know that Islam accepts diversity, it's just that a lot of Muslims do not.

And you're very brave by the way. You're moving forward, and it will improve your life. All the stuff that's happening at the moment is kind of sucky, but you're taking an active role in improving it and that is laudable.
 
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Kevyt

Member
Hey guys, I just wanted to say I appreciate each and everyone of you. I know this is just the internet and a forum, but I think I'm not alone when I say that this community has had a positive impact in our lives. Thank you all for being so awesome! Keep on rocking you guys! :D

I love you all!!! :)

xoxxooxoxoxxooxxoo

tumblr_mhxxr2dERn1s3ip1yo1_500.gif


<3
 
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Xaltheron

Member
This thread is making me feel warm and fuzzy tonight.

This is actually the first time I've ever been a part of any kind of LGBT community, and I've never known any other gay people (none that were out at least anyway), so being able to speak freely and interact with you guys here is pretty damn awesome :)
 
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RatskyWatsky

Hunky Nostradamus
Xaltheron said:
This thread is making me feel warm and fuzzy tonight.

This is actually the first time I've ever been a part of any kind of LGBT community, and I've never known any other gay people (none that were out at least anyway), so being able to speak freely and interact with you guys here is pretty damn awesome :)
Click to expand...

get out

jk xoxo
 
M

Masamuna

Member
Henchmen21 said:
So here's a hypothetical for lettersgaf.

What's your opinion on bareback/breeding with SO's. Would you do it or would you still use condoms? Personally, I feel that it's something special that should be only done with someone you trust/are in love with because it's still risky even with someone you know so you should only do it with someone you trust implicitly.
Click to expand...

The fiance and I stopped condom use after 6 months and we both got tested.

if we ever brought someone in to play, rubbers would be a must.
 
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