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[Kevyt]

I'm not speaking of anyone here in particular, just in general, but it's interesting how whenever there's a conversation - a topic about racism, white people are usually the first to be skeptic and challenge if there really is racism. On the other hand, us people of color usually go "yup, there's definitely racism."

I guess you can't really see things when you are not on the receiving end. It also speaks a lot about the privilege that white individuals enjoy in society. It's almost as if those type of issues are not really issues, perhaps a delusion but nothing major that is noteworthy.

Sometimes the aggressor cannot see the aggression.

 

[<+)O Robido O(+>]

Are there black guys who won't date / sex other black guys?

You better believe it.

 

[Aeriscloud]

Maybe get off the Internet?

That... would help... yes.

I'm not speaking of anyone here in particular, just in general, but it's interesting how whenever there's a conversation - a topic about racism, white people are usually the first to be skeptic and challenge if there really is racism. On the other hand, us people of color usually go "yup, there's definitely racism."

I guess you can't really see things when you are not on the receiving end. It also speaks a lot about the privilege that white individuals enjoy in society. It's almost as if those type of issues are not really issues, perhaps a delusion but nothing major that is noteworthy.

Sometimes the aggressor cannot see the aggression.

Well if the other white guys in the community can't see it they must be pretty damn blind, because it's pretty obvious that it is a thing.

 

[DOWN]

Well, It's not just Grindr is the problem. It's Craiglist, it's Growlr, It's A4A, it's nearly any where you look, in every part of the gay community and it's messed up. People are people, why can't someone get to know someone first?

Those are all for superficial hookups though no? I think people here have mentioned they have largely the same user bases if you try different ones out.

What I was getting at in part of when I brought this all back up in that post was that they are a bit different than how profiles would be written on match.com, OKCupid, etc. right?

 

[mantidor]

Are there black guys who won't date / sex other black guys?

I have a couple of friends like that.

It's just bizarre, one of them was telling me how he just couldn't do it, he even got as far as being into bed with another black guy that was actually pretty attractive and he simply couldn't do it.

 

[Aeriscloud]

Those are all for superficial hookups though no? I think people here have mentioned they have largely the same user bases if you try different ones out.

What I was getting at in part of when I brought this all back up in that post was that they are a bit different than how profiles would be written on match.com, OKCupid, etc. right?

You're right, the ones I mentioned are mostly hook ups. You'll find the occasional LTR messages among them though with the same text.

As far as dating sites, the only ones I have ever used are geared toward the Bear, Chub, Chub4Chub, Gainer, Chaser, etc etc, "Sub communities." While I see it less than those dating apps, or sites, it is still happening and there are far less minorities active in those communities from my experience. It's easier to hide it on the dating sites too in my opnion.

 

[DOWN]

I'm not speaking of anyone here in particular, just in general, but it's interesting how whenever there's a conversation - a topic about racism, white people are usually the first to be skeptic and challenge if there really is racism. On the other hand, us people of color usually go "yup, there's definitely racism."

I guess you can't really see things when you are not on the receiving end. It also speaks a lot about the privilege that white individuals enjoy in society. It's almost as if those type of issues are not really issues, perhaps a delusion but nothing major that is noteworthy.

Sometimes the aggressor cannot see the aggression.

Which part do you consider denying/questioning the existence of racism?

I can't say Robido helped me understand why everyone is worthy of being termed "a racist" but I don't think that inconclusive grey conversation on the top half of the page was anyone saying racism doesn't exist. It seemed more like a debate over whether attraction to specific races, conditioned or otherwise that are seemingly fine with people here and quite widespread, warrants the term racist. Or if that label is reserved for those who write "no blacks."

Or are you explaining that you think someone, conditioned or otherwise, having such preferences is a racist?

Sincerely to the thread at large, I posted about this because I want to hear it but please don't stop at a sly post that doesn't explain your counter or elaboration on something I wrote. It would be great if at least a few non-white posters kept going with the conversation.

 

[Astral Dog]

So... everyones racist?

I have a couple of friends like that.

It's just bizarre, one of them was telling me how he just couldn't do it, he even got as far as being into bed with another black guy that was actually pretty attractive and he simply couldn't do it.

Does that mean he is racist?

now everybody can be, but there is always going to be exceptions or just simply more aware people. black women suffer a lot with this too, many black men want to date white women only.

I think thats definetly a flaw and an issue, but as long as you are not really racist, mean or want to harm someone in any way it could fall into "preference".

 

[Kevyt]

Which part do you consider denying the existence of racism?

I can't say Robido helped me understand why everyone is worthy of being termed "a racist" but I don't think that inconclusive grey conversation on the top half of the page was anyone saying racism doesn't exist. It seemed more like a debate over whether attraction to specific races, conditioned or otherwise that are seemingly fine with people here and quite widespread, warrants the term racist. Or if that label is reserved for those who write "no blacks."

Or are you explaining that you think someone, conditioned or otherwise, having such preferences is a racist?

Sincerely to the thread at large, I posted about this because I want to hear it but please don't stop at a sly post that doesn't explain your counter or elaboration on something I wrote. It would be great if at least a few non-white posters kept going with the conversation.

I honestly didn't read your post, I was just making an observation in general, hence my disclaimer. This isn't just about whether dating preferences warrant someone the term racist or not, it's simply in general, just about any conversation about racism.

What got me to write that post was thinking and reflecting back on the number of police brutalities that occur to minorities, as well as income inequality, and my constant arguing with one of my professors, in one of my classes, who believes racism is no longer an issue. I do think this also applies to the dating preferences discussion though.

I wasn't trying to counter anything of what you just wrote, because as I said, I didn't read your post.

I also didn't read what Robido posted other than his raven gif.

Let me read some of it, catch up and I'll gladly try to counter your argument.

 

[Haly]

Just because you don't have any ill intent doesn't means your preferences can't be harmful, either on a personal or societal level.

When enough people share the same "preference" it becomes a norm, and that norm can wind up favoring one social group at the cost of others.

 

[umop_3pisdn]

I think this is the best one we have so far.

The gay community is the best one we have so far, or my explanation was the best one we have so far? I'd have to agree if the former, and thank you if the latter

Does that mean he is racist?

now everybody can be, but there is always going to be exceptions or just simply more aware people. black women suffer a lot with this too, many black men want to date white women only.

I think thats definetly a flaw and an issue, but as long as you are not really racist, mean or want to harm someone in any way it could fall into "preference".

I think racism is still such a current or timely problem that we'd have a really hard time identifying it on a subtle level. At least I sure do as a white dude. We're all probably mostly sensitive enough now to recognize and criticize really gross or apparent racism, but I don't know if our sensors are finely calibrated enough to recognize it on a much finer level, which is what I think a lot of this discussion is about, at least for me.

 

[mantidor]

Does that mean he is racist?

now everybody can be, but there is always going to be exceptions or just simply more aware people. black women suffer a lot with this too, many black men want to date white women only.

I think thats definetly a flaw and an issue, but as long as you are not really racist, mean or want to harm someone in any way it could fall into "preference".

I don't know... I guess you could say he is sexually racist, but racist racist? He certainly doesn't dislike his family, his friends or himself for that matter.

 

[Astral Dog]

true this is really a messy muddy topic.

 

[<+)O Robido O(+>]

Just because you don't have any ill intent doesn't means your preferences can't be harmful

top o' the page edit:

 

[DOWN]

Just because you don't have any ill intent doesn't means your preferences can't be harmful, either on a personal or societal level.

When enough people share the same "preference" it becomes a norm, and that norm can wind up favoring one social group at the cost of others.

And since you can't flick a switch on your preferences, you should...?

I'd guess you should find a respectful way to address an individual without disrespecting their traits when you are on dating and hookup sites, and then be willing to have conversations with diverse groups of people to at least understand the situation at large and how preferences come to be and exist.

White gays can't be racist!

If this is what it sounds like I think in that post or in general I'd love some clarification. If you think the discussion doesn't matter because it's online than no need to post like that aiming at someone who asked for more discussion and meant it. If you think it does matter since I'm a real person who is inviting conversation than you can do better and I'd appreciate it.

 

[Haly]

And since you can't flick a switch on your preferences, you should...?

Make a conscious effort to be respectful to others, and try to uninternalize the racial discriminatory tendencies that pervades America.

It's what we expect/desire from the heterosexual majority; the abandonment of their historical norm to create a more inclusive society for us.

Why should it be any different for the queer?

 

[umop_3pisdn]

And since you can't flick a switch on your preferences, you should...?

Information escapes and subverts our biases all the time, it's just more of a slow trickle than it is 'flipping a switch'. I think the only attitude being criticized is the one where people just throw their hands up and go "preferences, the end". Our perspectives are shaped and moulded in a lot of ways that we can't control, but they're also not entirely unmalleable and our intentions and values can shape them too, and that's the point that can easily get neglected in all of this.

 

[Haly]

This is, from my perspective, the subtext of "it's a preference!":

"I can't help what I'm attracted to, so it's not a personal failing, and you shouldn't criticize me for it."

 

[DOWN]

Information escapes and subverts our biases all the time, it's just more of a slow trickle than it is 'flipping a switch'. I think the only attitude being criticized is the one where people just throw their hands up and go "preferences, the end". Our perspectives are shaped and moulded in a lot of ways that we can't control, but they're also not entirely unmalleable and our intentions and values can shape them too, and that's the point that can easily get neglected in all of this.

This is, from my perspective, the subtext of "it's a preference!":

"I can't help what I'm attracted to, so it's not a personal failing, and you shouldn't criticize me for it."

I think that came up yesterday with the tweets. I think "just preferences" as the only line of a response is a bit of a defensive line that gets pulled out when someone perceives criticism and hasn't entered into a discussion entirely. Talked about it yesterday when the tweets were pulled up. The tweets about gays and sexualization seemed to attempt to give insight, but the ones on gays and race didn't go into any of that same attempt at explanation and then there were some "just preferences" responses as a result.

 

[Astral Dog]

This is, from my perspective, the subtext of "it's a preference!":

"I can't help what I'm attracted to, so it's not a personal failing, and you shouldn't criticize me for it."

if i say "I find white men more attractive than black men" or "i find Asians more attractive than black men" or even " i find black women more beautiful than men"

Does that sound better?
more honest or mean/worse? im not saying Black men are ugly or something like that. you could change black men for a few other races.

Spoiler

maybe i really am a racist

 

[Golnei]

Spoiler

maybe i really am a racist

Trying to avoid acknowledging your own racial biases is one of the main contributing factors to the usage of 'preferences' as a blanket defense in the first place. You shouldn't deny the existence of your biases, but examine them and the values which you internalised to form them.

 

[deltatheta]

Information escapes and subverts our biases all the time, it's just more of a slow trickle than it is 'flipping a switch'. I think the only attitude being criticized is the one where people just throw their hands up and go "preferences, the end". Our perspectives are shaped and moulded in a lot of ways that we can't control, but they're also not entirely unmalleable and our intentions and values can shape them too, and that's the point that can easily get neglected in all of this.

I really want to emphasize this post. It's tough for a lot of people to acknowledge a subtle point like this. But I think it's worth trying to take it in if you want to understand this side of the argument.

 

[Prototype Viktor]

Five exclamation marks. I wonder what traumatic experiences this troubled soul had to drive him to such desperate lengths to ensure the racial purity of those who would dare gaze upon him.

dam even put "not even as friends" like he's on some "I don't like your romantically so we can't even be friends in case i actually want to fuck you once i realize you're human"



also being 2 days behind in this thread is like wooooo

 

[Blood Diamonds]

who is he

 

[LOCK]

Having a background in biology I am forced to view this issue through basic biological sex and characteristic preferences. There are papers that clearly explain these phenomena in nature, and sexual preferences is still an area heavily studied.

I think we should clearly delineate between preference and attraction. Those to me are very different terms.

But very interesting discussion so far.

 

[DOWN]

Having a background in biology I am forced to view this issue through basic biological sex and characteristic preferences. There are papers that clearly explain these phenomena in nature, and sexual preferences is still an area heavily studied.

I think we should clearly delineate between preference and attraction. Those to me are very different terms.

But very interesting discussion so far.

Maybe you could you clearly delineate between preference and attraction since I'm not clear on what the difference would be? Is one conscious or conditional and the other potentially inherent? Or both varying forms of conditional?

who is he

Matt Cook

 

[ZombiePlatypus]

Having a background in biology I am forced to view this issue through basic biological sex and characteristic preferences. There are papers that clearly explain these phenomena in nature, and sexual preferences is still an area heavily studied.

I think we should clearly delineate between preference and attraction. Those to me are very different terms.

But very interesting discussion so far.

Information escapes and subverts our biases all the time, it's just more of a slow trickle than it is 'flipping a switch'. I think the only attitude being criticized is the one where people just throw their hands up and go "preferences, the end". Our perspectives are shaped and moulded in a lot of ways that we can't control, but they're also not entirely unmalleable and our intentions and values can shape them too, and that's the point that can easily get neglected in all of this.

These are some really good points.

You better believe it.

I feel like you're gonna hate me cause I somehow keep finding myself bringing up the counter-side of the discussion regarding your posts (T_T). But, with the whole "I only date outside my race" thing, do you feel like all of it always stems from internalized racism?

I'll inject myself in the situation as an example. I find guys in my own race attractive. But, I live in a town where my race is a majority and the same-ness of it all bores me. The idea of dating someone outside my race, culture, and background is much more exciting to me.

 

[Barrylocke]

These are some really good points.



I feel like you're gonna hate me cause I somehow keep finding myself bringing up the counter-side of the discussion regarding your posts (T_T). But, with the whole "I only date outside my race" thing, do you feel like all of it always stems from internalized racism?

I'll inject myself in the situation as an example. I find guys in my own race attractive. But, I live in a town where my race is a majority and the same-ness of it all bores me. The idea of dating someone outside my race, culture, and background is much more exciting to me.

But is that really a desire to date out of your race exactly, or a desire for something new, which in your situation includes the race around you? If you found an interesting guy from a different region with a different mindset to match, I imagine that would intrigue you based on what you said.

 

[Dead Prince]

tea or coffee

 

[Kevyt]

Tea > coffee

Well it depends.

 

[Soulscribe]

The gay community is the best one we have so far, or my explanation was the best one we have so far? I'd have to agree if the former, and thank you if the latter

I thought your explanation nailed it, and to expand on it, I think we forget that "attraction" takes into account much more than just someone's physical dimensions or beauty. There are other extraneous layers that surround someone's attractiveness, and those incorporate a lot of automated stereotypes we have regarding certain types of people, or at least casual expectations that we'd rather actively "avoid" because of such and such reasons. Then there are the other reactions we have to someone, like confidence, presence, their smile, etc.

For someone to explicitly state "no blacks" on his profile tells me that there's more at play than "I'm just not attracted to dark skin." Because at the end of the day I don't think skin tone is that big a hangup for someone to the point of them putting up a desperate public front about it. When I see that I infer either that this person is intimidated by a group of people based on stereotypes in his head, has had poor sexual experiences to the point of him assuming there's a racial link involved, thinks that there's too much of a culture gap and thinks coupling is fruitless, or has a deep-seated disdain toward people of color that is 100% conscious. Not being sexually attracted to a whole group of people as a blanket statement is not rational or logical, at all.

 

[Dead Prince]

Tea > coffee

Well it depends.

Depends on what.

 

[Razmos]

want

 

[User 73706]

And since you can't flick a switch on your preferences, you should...?

I'd guess you should find a respectful way to address an individual without disrespecting their traits when you are on dating and hookup sites, and then be willing to have conversations with diverse groups of people to at least understand the situation at large and how preferences come to be and exist.

Reposting from the Sexual Preferences and Racism thread, because the whole "what, you're asking me to fuck people I hate?" rhetoric is drawn out.

I think people are also approaching this the wrong way when it comes to changing mindsets. It's being treated like this ITT:

"I'm just not attracted to Filipinas."
*evidence showing racist sexual preferences are racist*
*reader acknowledges evidence*
"Oh no that's not right. Racism is racism but me segregating people is just preference."
*"why don't you try and change that?"*
"What, you want me to go and fuck some people I'm not attracted to? See, this is why this doesn't make sense." (or simply "This isn't right because I don't want to change or even consider my behavior's effect on other people.")

When in reality it should be more like:

"I'm just not attracted to Filipinas."
*evidence showing racist sexual preferences are racist*
*reader synthesizes evidence*
"I get what you're saying, and I know racism can be any number of small things, but even then how do I have any control over my preferences?"
*"Educate yourself."*
*Reader cultures themselves by familiarizing concepts and cultures that are new or obtuse to them. The entire point is that change comes about by the desire to keep an open mind, stay progressive and be a good person, and not by acting like the only way to understand what you don't like is by fucking it*
"What I meant to say was I just haven't been attracted to any Filipinas I've met before, but I'm not ruling them out of the equation completely."

tl;dr people who don't want to acknowledge "preferences" may be racy will continue to deflect, e.g. "oh so I'm supposed to be screwing people I hate?" as opposed to, y'know, exploring some unknowns informatively rather than sexually

 

[Sagely]

The distinction of not historically being attracted to a certain ethnicity (or other physical trait) is a really important one, I think. That, of course, can be impacted pretty heavily by your surroundings as you developed sexually. Keeping an open mind and not ruling out an entire group can only help you.

For example, I've generally held a preference for guys with straight, dark hair and dark eyes - but I wouldn't refuse to date blond or blue-eyed guys, because there's so much more to attraction than a set of features.

Also, hello LettersGAF. I've been lurking for a bit and wanted to join in :3 Came out as bisexual about a year ago (27 years old now). Joining queer communities feels really good!

 

[Meicyn]

tea or coffee

Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

 

[Vazra]

tea or coffee

White Chocolate Mocha with a shot of hazelnut
Caramel Macchiatto with a shot of almond
Iced Coffee with milk and a shot of vanilla
Earl Grey Tea with honey
Peppermint Tea with sugar
Peach Tea with honey.


So a tie.

 

[DOWN]

Reposting from the Sexual Preferences and Racism thread, because the whole "what, you're asking me to fuck people I hate?" rhetoric is drawn out.

That repost sounds like it's in agreement with what I said answering what should be going on so maybe I missed who rolled with the rough "what, you're asking me to fuck people I hate?" rhetoric here

And as for the "may be racy" part and "racist preferences", do you consider people with those "preferences" to be "a racist" or do you stop short of that term?

 

[Kevyt]

About Grindr racism etc.

1. Posting things like "no blacks" is a bad way to go about stating preferences. I don't know how you filter preferences out on a site like Grindr where it is meant to be convenient and superficial, however, so I imagine many would rather note a racial barrier than spend the time sorting through unlikely matches until it becomes much less convenient. Perhaps that level of superficial convenience simply has no respectful place anywhere.

So it's a bad way of stating preferences and just that?

2. That said, on Grindr, people are looking for efficient, convenient, sexual matches made easy. They are not there to tread sensitively and sift through unlikely matches for them (even if that is the kinder way to be). If a "no blacks" user, for example, knows they find Idris Elba hot, but almost no other black men in their experiences meeting people, then obviously they have a really specific standard (albeit unrealistically high). Therefore, it can seem like a bit of a conflict to be looking for the convenience of online hookups yet not taking advantage of filtering sexual attraction preferences the way an actual dating site filters out different interests. Thus, they put "no blacks" because finding an Idris Elba is so unlikely (and not something they are setting out to do) that they would like to narrow the pool to their likely attractions.

People speaking out against such "filters" often seem to overlook or perhaps intentionally exaggerate by saying that the person is locking themselves out of an entire racial category when they could find a really great match that they might like. Or opposers will say the user is making the claim that no one of the race they have eliminated on Grindr is attractive. Neither are the case as far as I've gathered in discussion. They are locking themselves out of a category on Grindr and the like. Not on their soulmate search on a serious dating site. And they are not saying "no [insert race] because none of you can be hot or as hot,"

EDIT: actually some people are saying that, but I mean more commonly- they are saying that the Idris Elba or Ryan Gosling or Mark Consuelos or whatever rare attraction they've experienced in a racial category is too unlikely for it to make the search convenient. Just like dating sites push you to find a good match, hookup users want to only see their likely attractions fulfilled and to filter their contacts in order make the experience convenient. They want that easier match experience of dating sites, but on a sexual and superficial level.

But don't you think that most of this would carry on to their more serious dating profile, searching for their soulmate? I just don't see how someone with a profile "no blacks plz" oon grindr, hornet, whatever, would want to date a black guy in a more serious platform like eHarmony or something like that.

3. Preference is common to every category of human when it comes to dating, let alone hook-ups. We've talked about the stats here before. While gays are less racially selective in dating than straights, it's common among both. Hookups are a more blunt exchange to begin with, so if there's anywhere you might see it expressed more, it isn't surprising that it's in these apps where the filtering is going to be superficial because sexual attraction is just about all that is at stake.

I would say the data is inconclusive. We've only looked at stats from OkCupid (if I'm not mistaken) and that's enough data to conclude that gays are less racist than straight men.

I would make the case that straight men are more open minded than gay men when it comes to dating partners.

Even an understanding individual who is developing or has already developed an understanding of the issue at large with racial selection, may still indeed have long term preferences that they can't wake up and say are gone just because the conversation on race resonates with them. Whether conditioned in part or in full, racial and superficial preferences are present on a wide scale and expressing them doesn't mean that the individual is choosing to be racist or insensitive. I don't know a good way to narrow down your options on Grindr politely so I'm not surprised that many racial comments come from that sexual exchange environment, but in serious dating and for the sake of being decent, you should obviously just take the time to look through others' pictures and interests and make polite individual declines when necessary.

I'm trying to find that post that Sub Zero once made in the last OT. It pretty much nailed it. Can't seem to find it...

While it's fair to expect people here on some level to acknowledge how crude and hurtful the Grindr mentality and its real world counterparts can be, it's worth acknowledging that preferences are a thing and not some sort of flip-switch intentional racism on the part of anyone who says they have types or preferences. Here in LettersGAF, when someone says they prefer X and understand others having preferences, that doesn't mean they warrant the response that implies a sentiment akin to "yeah, preferences - you decidedly racist and ignorant person."


I had originally typed this and more yesterday and closed it or something so I lost it and now don't know if that's everything I meant to comment on so whatevs, thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts.

I think you're just referring to racial preferences as "preferences" but I'm not buying it.

If you’re a gay man, phrases like “no blacks” and “no Asians” aren’t just words that you’d find on old signs in a civil rights museum, they are an unavoidable and current feature of your online dating experience. On gay dating apps like Grindr and Scruff, some men post blunt and often offensive disclaimers on their profiles such as “no oldies,” “no fems,” and “no fatties.”

Those who deploy these disclaimers defend themselves from accusations of “racism” by claiming that they merely have “preferences” for certain races over others. Wrote one gay blogger, “Don’t tell me I can’t have a preference! I don’t want to have sex with women. No hard feelings. Does that make me a misogynist?” Others have argued that it is impossible to separate the language of so-called sexual racism from racism in other spheres of life. There is a reason, they insist, that men of color are most often pushed to the sexual wayside. “No whites” is a much less popular slogan.

Source: No blacks is not a sexual preference, it's racism.

And then there this Australian study on sexual racism among gay and bisexual men

“Almost every identified factor associated with men’s racist attitudes was also related to their attitudes toward sexual racism,” the researchers reported. Or, phrased in a more optimistic way: “Men with more positive attitudes toward racial diversity and multiculturalism (on the QDI) tended to view sexual racism less positively.”

This correlation strongly suggests that racial discrimination on gay dating apps can be attributed to racist attitudes and not, as so many maintain, to benign aesthetic preferences. Sexual racism, it turns out, is probably just plain old racism disguised in the language of desire.

So in conclusion, Callander (one of the researchers) and the daily beast state:

“While it may feel like our desires are our own, in reality they are influenced heavily by social norms,” explained Callander. “For me, the findings of this study are a reminder that even though society and individuals may actively reject racism, racial prejudices are increasingly subtle and they can find their way into even the most private and personal corners of our lives.”

Essentially, there is racism, and those people are racist. This is an issue in the LGBT community. To be able to be oblivious about this issue speaks so much of the privilege that white gay men enjoy. It speaks a lot about a system - a status-quo that they do not wish to challenge simply because it benefits them the most.

 

[mantidor]

A girl I had a huge crush on once told me that she dated and was attracted to women of basically every ethnicity except for white people. I was so proud of her for overcoming those implicit cultural biases even at the same time that I was personally crestfallen. :').

I'm sorry but this is insane, is the objective here to not like white people? Wat.

 

[Bladenic]

Hair color, height, body type, even feminity are preferences.

Black, Asian, Latino, etc. are not.

 

[ab.aeterno]

I pity people whose "preferences" exclude whole swaths of people based on something as superficial as skin tone. What a sad existence. To miss out on so many wonderful, attractive people because of such an irrational hangup. More's the pity.

 

[halfbeast]

what do you guys think of people who say shit like: "I love sex with black dudes but I would never date them"?

 

[Soulscribe]

what do you guys think of people who say shit like: "I love sex with black dudes but I would never date them"?

Awkward and troubling, and somehow worse.

 

[halfbeast]

Awkward and troubling, and somehow worse.

yeah, my ex was one of those.

 

[Veeboy]

what do you guys think of people who say shit like: "I love sex with black dudes but I would never date them"?

Whenever someone says that all I hear is "I consider black men worthy enough to use for my pleasure, but I don't feel like any of them are respectable enough for me to bring home to my parents" which is similar to things I've actually heard straight folks say about black women. It's gross as fuck.

 

[LOCK]

Maybe you could you clearly delineate between preference and attraction since I'm not clear on what the difference would be? Is one conscious or conditional and the other potentially inherent? Or both varying forms of conditional?

Yes, I think.

For me attraction is basically immediate, natural biological processes determining that a person is acceptable for mating. Can attraction be affected and biased?

Preference is developed when choice is presented. What happens when you have two persons with identical biological attraction but differe characteristically? That is when culture, society, and environment shape our bias, though maybe not intentional on a personal level.

And yes this is probably too simple of a delineation of the two terms.

 

[Dead Prince]

I was being facetious. Apologies, my humor often doesn't translate well to other people.

your humor is fine. everyone needs to stand on a footstool and get on your level

 

[mantidor]

I was being facetious. Apologies, my humor often doesn't translate well to other people.

Poe's law in effect I think >_<

I'm always trying to understand race dynamics and why some things are so sensitive and others aren't in the US but I get lost all the time.

 

[Aarglefarg]

The distinction of not historically being attracted to a certain ethnicity (or other physical trait) is a really important one, I think. That, of course, can be impacted pretty heavily by your surroundings as you developed sexually. Keeping an open mind and not ruling out an entire group can only help you.

For example, I've generally held a preference for guys with straight, dark hair and dark eyes - but I wouldn't refuse to date blond or blue-eyed guys, because there's so much more to attraction than a set of features.

Also, hello LettersGAF. I've been lurking for a bit and wanted to join in :3 Came out as bisexual about a year ago (27 years old now). Joining queer communities feels really good!

Welcome, fellow 27 year old bisexualist.