Woah, so many responses. I am just… astonished and grateful.
(￣▽￣
ノ Welcome~
Thank you!
Yo! I just wanted to say that there's more labels beyong gay/lesbian/straight. Maybe you're Bi? Sexuality is kind of complicated sometimes and you might not feel comfortable calling yourself straight or gay. Anyway, welcome to the thread! I hope you find the answers you're looking for but try to enjoy your life without worrying about what to label yourself too much.
I think part of the problem is that I have never been that interested in love and such. I remember playing games with my best pal during highschool's term while other friends were already talking about sex and relationships. I am not saying that I am completely oblivious but… my background plays a big role I believe.
Give the apps a try. I struggle with shyness (social anxiety) too, but remember that there's going to be people like you on the apps as well. Try to seek them out. It'll be a lot easier if you meet someone in the same situation. Believe me, most people struggle with this stuff just as much as you do.
Meeting new people is always risky and requires a lot of vulnerability, especially for shy people. Try to remember if you have a bad experience (which might not even happen) that it was a lousy date with a person who isn't right for you, and resist the urge to beat yourself up over it, or agonize over what you did wrong.
Welcome to the club of shyness. Agh, I think Woody Allen once said that if he wouldn't have been so shy, he would be more successful. And, even though I like a pair of his films, he is completely right.
Probably that is one of the aspects that are holding me back. Rejection is always a serious blow hard to swallow because it might make you ask questions that you shouldn't. After reading all these posts, I am conviced that the anwser lies in my lack of confidence.
Hi Jacqui welcome to the thread~
Don't feel too obliged to identify in any way just live your life to the fullest (I know that sounds cliché). You'll meet many people throughout your life, some will steal your heart and others you'll steal their heart~
It's the cycle of life.
For that is my prophesy~ :3
Thank you for the recommendation! And I am trying now! It is just hard sometimes to follow that motto because we (my family) have suffered several consequences of the current crisis. But nowadays the situation has improved considerably
Hi Jacqli!
Welcome to the thread! I think you should find a way of socially connecting with women interested in women and be honest with them that you're new to this and still trying to figure stuff out. Sexual/romantic identity is not always simple and it can change with time, too. Worry about yourself before you worry about how others will interpret your past and present behavior. I'm not sure how Madrid is regarding LGBT issues and the size of its LGBT community, but I hope it won't present any barriers to you exploring this aspect of yourself. Perhaps it may even offer places where you can talk to people and get advice.
Don't get caught up in "implications"; for a bit, just try to live in the moment and see where it takes you. You may end up right where you started or somewhere you'd never expect. Good luck!
Please feel free to keep posting here as you start to find answers or more questions.
You are completely right, I am a bit obsessed with "labels" because my whole family is straight as an arrow (or I am not aware of) so every birthday party starts with same repetitive question: when are you going to find a boyfriend (like your sister)? They do not mean harm, but I do not need more problems in my love life!
And thank you, I will!
Hey, Jacqli! Dont get so caught up in "what" you are. Its all just labels that dont actually do any good for you. Sexuality is thought to exist on a continuum anyways. Some are more inclined to find the same sex than others. Dont feel like you have to decide on guys or girls. Just explore what youre feeling.
I think finding a more respectable dating (not hookup) site and start conversations. Find someone who genuinely has a rapport with you and talk about your experiences. Having a friend to talk about your anxieties will help. When youre comfortable enough maybe you can meet in public.
Dont worry about defining your sexuality. Theres nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality. And if women dont do it for you thats okay too. Put yourself out there a little and gauge the response. And of course you always have GAF to chat with.
Yeah, I think I went straight to the labels instead of just trying to discover myself. I have so many thoughts accumulated from these past years that I am not even sure if I am expressing them correctly.
And after reading all your comments, yeah, I should totally sign up. The problem is that everything is so unknown: dating websites, taking the initiative, doubts and more doubts, where to go… Like, I should reset my previous opinions and thoughts and restart fresh in this new stage of my life instead of keeping them the whole time.
I experienced a very similar sort of thing to what you're going through, although my personal awakening was about ten years earlier than yours and layered on top of the innumerable confusions produced by puberty. It also lasted...well...a whole lot longer before I finally came to terms with myself and what I wanted. Full disclosure: I'm bisexual, having enjoyed sex with both men and women, but much more strongly attracted to the latter. I'm not really great at dispensing advice, so I'll put things in the most helpful way that I can. I don't think anyone can really make any decisions about your sexuality besides yourself, so it may even be that you'll realize none of this applies, but I hope it can be of use to you if it does.
Frankly, in real world settings not specifically meant for dating, it's hard to meet girls and even harder to date them. This is especially true if you're used to the mode of dating where you, as a [presumed at the time] straight girl, nearly always wait for men to make the first move. It's hard to carry that mentality into dating women, even gay/bi women, who oftentimes are going to have that same mentality as well thanks to cultural conditioning. I know because I've been there. Women are just not socialized to be forward and forthcoming and confident when it comes to matters of sexuality and romance. Even where mutual interest exists (and sometimes, it does!) each woman will always be waiting for the other to make the first move. Sometimes, that might have to be you. It sucks, especially, if you're shy and not used to breaking out of that mold.
The most important thing is that you don't give up before you've even tried. Friends are a good avenue to consult, and even if you don't feel like you have any right now that would or could help you, you
can always make more- and this can be good practice and baby steps for putting yourself out there on a romantic level, too. Gay friends, in particular, will understand a large part of what you feel like and can function as both a sympathetic ear and great wingmen and a great avenue into meeting other people (and possibly romantic partners) in the community. I suspect that in your particular situation, online websites and apps will help immensely, and at the very least they will let you know that lesbian and bi girls /do/ exist and that it's not a totally hopeless scene. I'd say go for it, with the caveat that not everyone finds success in love on these things and it is no mark against you if you don't - but hey, it's a start.
Oh, and there are always going to be some really bitter gold star gays who'll resent you for having ever dated a man, but they're a minority of a minority and my best advice is to steer clear of that hurtful mentality as best you can for your own sake. The open secret is that plenty of lesbians dated and/or had sex with one or more men - for various reasons but often down to simple social pressure - before coming to conclusions about their sexuality, too.
Also, this is just for my own curiosity as a fellow translator, but what languages were/are you studying? I am assuming Spanish is your first, and your English is obviously excellent.
Are those the two you're referring to or are there others?
Hi, partner in career!
Your post is incredibly enlightening! Thank you for sharing your personal experience. And I cannot imagine the combination of sexuality and puberty at the same. Glad that you could come to terms in that department.
The second paragraph is of special interest: because I feel like I just made my life a bit more complicated. I know that we do not choose our sexuality, but I already have to deal with my shyness and this is just another thing to the pile of (social) problems.
It is exactly as you mentioned: I do not take the lead or initiative. And now I feel like, unless I move, everything is gone to remain in the same way.
One of my friends is (male) gay and we talk from time to time about relationships (I usually joke around with "who would like to go out with me?"). He is the only one that know that, at least, I am interested in women. But we haven't talked properly and any further about this and, right now, he is dealing with his own issues and embarking in a new relationship so I do not want to be the center of attention. I should probably just focus on my studies this last month and a half and, as a New Year's resolution, I will try to sign up in dating websites and be more honest with myself (that and stop bitting my nails).
Gold star gays.
I hope you are right and they are a minority because I do not regret it given that I learnt a lot from the experience regarding feelings, how to carry a relationship… I cannot change the past after all, although your words are reassuring.
As to the last question, I am currently endu… learning German and Japanese. As you said, Spanish is my mother tongue and English is simply a key tool in my life, which nowadays I am trying to improve rather than studying the basics as I do with the other two. I mean, there are so many English books, films, TV shows, content on the Internet… that, unless you are not interested in anything at all, you have to learn it forcibly!
What about you? And thanks for the compliment.
Sorry for the long post, but what the heck, you all are so nice that I had to answer each post!
And, on an unrelated note, I am looking forward to Zoolander 2. I am the worst kind of human being, but I love these films a la Austin Powers. I can't help it.
Also: good luck, Razmos! The beginning of whatever will end up being is, at least, beautiful.
