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LGBTQIA+ |OT8| PrEPare Yourself.
- Thread starter Vazra
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I have quite fragile ears, as I developped a tinnitus just after just a couple of nights in a night club when I was 20, so I avoid those, and bars as well if the music is too loud. Granted, I can wear earplugs, but in some places I get very anxious that my tinnitus might worsen, even with protection. I haven't been in a gay bar in years, although I am considering trying to go to one soon (with earplugs at the ready). Thing is, I am not sure I would fit in the gay bars I know in town: one is for rather young gays (turning 28 recently is making me wonder if I would be too old for this one) and the other one is a gay bear bar (never been there, and I am worried that I wouldn't be in my element... and while I find bears attractive, I also find them quite intimidating to be honest).
One of the most unpleasant experiences I've had in a gay bar was in one that was very welcoming and frequented by straight people. I was out with a group of LGBTQ students (though it was like 90% lesbians), we sat down at one table and at the table next to us was a group that were predominantly/exclusively straight people who were having as one of them put it "an adventure". Later that evening I ended up making out with this guy and in the corner of my eye I catch the people at the table next to us ogling us and tapping each the shoulders of the person next to them so they could see it.
It was absolutely infuriating, and in a way humiliating. The reason why I am at that bar is to not be judged or singled out for my sexuality and getting treated as an exhibit at the zoo was really not why I was there.
It was absolutely infuriating, and in a way humiliating. The reason why I am at that bar is to not be judged or singled out for my sexuality and getting treated as an exhibit at the zoo was really not why I was there.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
I went to a gay club once with an ex and I thought I was going to be partially deaf. I couldn't believe how long my ears were ringing afterwards. I was actually kind of scared of how I might have damaged my hearing, since I have quite sensitive hearing that I'd like to preserve. They seemed to be fine afterwards, but it's definitely going to be earplugs for me if I ever go to one again.
I try not to judge and dismiss people, as there's typically some kind of logic and earnest belief that can be discussed and learned from at the core. But if your summary is correct, having that conversation with them would test my limits.
Even if well-intentioned, I think that's where some people may have difficulty understanding. "Look, I'm supporting your community by being appreciative of your makeout session! Let me watch in admiration and let you be aware of my observation to show overt support of your preference."
I'm sure a lot of it is meant with no harm but I feel as though that's part of the problem. Sure, you may support the community and you may genuinely enjoy the atmosphere, but when there are limited venues for our community to interact in uninhibited ways, I feel it becomes an issue when those spaces become uncertainties because you feel your benevolent intent usurps my need to feel unencumbered when in so many other spheres, I have to be alert about my behavior.
I may not be articulating myself as well as I want.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
The photo? I like it! Throughout the day you can try different placements for the scarf, like wearing it as a belt, if it gets uncomfortable or you want to switch things up.
You look nice! I like the scarf.
Yeah? Thanks.
I tried different ways of wearing it, but I'm not good with this sort of thing. It looked terrible. Got any recommendations for a specific style? (And maybe even a link to instructions on how to do it)
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
It doesn't need to be a dramatic announcement. I told my closest friends and family in person, and then simply changed the "interested in" section on Facebook to men (it was previously left blank) so that if someone felt so inclined to look at my information, it was plainly stated without me having to directly mention it. That's been my approach with new friends, classmates, and job environments ever since: I don't feel the need to go around outing myself, but if a relevant question or conversation comes along, I certainly won't avoid using particular terms ("..my boyfriend," "..this guy I was seeing," etc) to protect or hide myself.
Oh god. Now the gay bar thread is dealing with the not at all disingenuous hypothetical of "if gay bars can exclude straights why can't straight bars (aka bars) exclude gays" and straight people arguing about which bars gay people may or may not frequent.
I really wish I could write in that thread but every time I try I end up writing a post consisting mostly of the type of explicit language which would not serve any other purpose than getting me banned.
I really wish I could write in that thread but every time I try I end up writing a post consisting mostly of the type of explicit language which would not serve any other purpose than getting me banned.
Exactly, the concept of how singling out someone based on their sexuality even whilst done in "support" still feels like getting singled out based on sexuality doesn't always come across to people.
Facebook is a cesspool, so I'd stay far from outing myself on it.
but maybe that's just from reactions with my own family.
DOWN
Banned
r u allowed to text us from jury duty?
Well, I just got out.
Sounds like you have a mission for tomorrow.
Elitist1945
Member
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury - we have a greater debacle on our hands! Why isn't this man marrying me!?"
I'll try! God, I couldn't stop looking at him. He makes the case interesting.
So oh my god I had so many things planned in my head but all of them would be so, so awkward
"Your honor, I don't believe I can be an unbiased juror."
"And why is that, Mr. Crayons?"
"The prosecutor is so hot. I'd do anything he asked me to"
Elitist1945
Member
Looks like you just got a way out of jury duty.
Aarglefarg
Member
This gay bar in my city got an equal opportunity exemption to not allow people who "would adversely affect the character of the venue as primarily a venue for male homosexual patrons" and that they did that made me much less likely to attend. It set off biphobia risk alarm bells in part from an atmosphere of suspicion/doubt/proving one's sexuality, which is a real thing. They no longer have the exemption.
http://www.humanrightscommission.vi...ion-application-charter-intervention-dec-2010
Henchmen21
Banned
This may sound strange but since Orlando, my loneliness has gotten worse. I've always felt alone and seeing what happened this week as made it more obvious to me.
Astral Dog
Member
My dear mother had a talk with me about the Orlando shooting, apparently she has been talking with acquaintances, my brothers and others about this, she says its all exaggerated because gays just want all the attention, god made men and women, the adopted children are their biggest victims and degenerates just because they want to be different, they just want to be victims if they let them be its because people dont care for them to help them and they will always be discriminated, could have been 100 or 200 would not matter because they are always going to be more.
After talking she did say they are humans but dont deserve any more pity because of their homosexuality
Very awkward, we also talked about other things that im not sure what to think
anymore about the family .
Dont feel lonely, you can try to have a little bit of comfort seeing how many people have been showing solidarity after the tragic news.
After talking she did say they are humans but dont deserve any more pity because of their homosexuality
Very awkward, we also talked about other things that im not sure what to think
anymore about the family .
Dont feel lonely, you can try to have a little bit of comfort seeing how many people have been showing solidarity after the tragic news.Or maybe they wanted to see two hot guys making out? 🤔
Hang in there, I feel we've all have been hit by this one way or another and we are all grieving right now. I know you don't go out much but you should give it a try, I'm a complete introvert, but our options in the LGBT community are kind of restricted, mostly limited to bars and pride events, sometimes you just have to push yourself to this, it's what I did.
Even being 4000 km away from it the whole thing felt so personal, mainly because it was latino night I guess, in the local papers they mentioned a couple of colombians who were shot but luckily survived, however it really hit me when at the end of the article they said they have changed their names at their request, it reminded me how crappy things still are.
Yep, I am having second thoughts about going this year even though this will be my 4th time going. My coworker said his girlfriend was going but he asked if she could tag along with us and I said yes, but I am not sure I want to go. I know it's probably just some pussy on the internet starting shit because it's easy to do in the wake of a tragedy, but is it worth my life to go to an event?
I too have had second thoughts about going.
But honestly, I think the same risk is there every year. And its pretty minor, overall. Something would only happen if the intelligence agencies didn't pick up on it, and even then the odds are low that you'd be in the wrong specific spot, in the wrong specific city, at the wrong specific time.
The risk is just more apparent because of the recent attack.
But honestly, I think the same risk is there every year. And its pretty minor, overall. Something would only happen if the intelligence agencies didn't pick up on it, and even then the odds are low that you'd be in the wrong specific spot, in the wrong specific city, at the wrong specific time.
The risk is just more apparent because of the recent attack.
Cindi Mayweather
Member
I'm still gonna go. I can't back down now. My boyfriend is coming with me so I know I'll feel safe.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Also if it reduces turnout for the parade, that might be encouragement to keep calling in threats. I guess that's pretty easy to say, though.
I came out of the closet to my mom tonight.
We were talking a lot of the stuff in Orlando and other LGBT related issues, and then she asked me if I thought I was gay, and I told her I was.
She was really accepting and she said she and others had thought I possibly was for a while. She said she is 100% there for me and thinks I should put myself out there more to be happy.
It was a pretty big relief, and I guess for some reason other people suspecting I am gay is also kind of a relief...because maybe this will be easier than I thought. I thought nobody suspected it at all and it would be a complete surprise.
Idk I figured I'd share this somewhere, had no where else to share how happy and relieved I feel right now.
We were talking a lot of the stuff in Orlando and other LGBT related issues, and then she asked me if I thought I was gay, and I told her I was.
She was really accepting and she said she and others had thought I possibly was for a while. She said she is 100% there for me and thinks I should put myself out there more to be happy.
It was a pretty big relief, and I guess for some reason other people suspecting I am gay is also kind of a relief...because maybe this will be easier than I thought. I thought nobody suspected it at all and it would be a complete surprise.
Idk I figured I'd share this somewhere, had no where else to share how happy and relieved I feel right now.
Cindi Mayweather
Member
Exactly.
I think it's important to go because if we don't it shows we are scared and if we are scared it will continue to happen anyways and if we concede any ground they will have thought they've won. I refuse to let that happen but I understand not wanting to go and not wanting to risk it. I just find too much at stake and our way of life to give these fucks any satisfaction and they can kiss my ass.
Monocle
Member
That really great! It means so much to have the support of the people closest to you. Acceptance is way better than "tolerance."
Cindi Mayweather
Member
And understanding is way better than acceptance. I hope things get even better.
I can understand that; if people were suspecting and you haven't noticed until now, that'd mean they've already accepted you. In any case, I'm so happy it went well for you.
That's not the most encouraging situation; the few times it's come up with my family some very similar sentiments were wheeled out. I hope things get better for you - if you need someone to talk to, don't forget that there's plenty of people here willing to listen.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Much of it is tied to hundreds of years of religious tradition, some is required by their laws. They ain't changing just so you can find a Jewish sugar daddy more easily.
Astral Dog
Member
seems everything went well, congrats!
you will feel a little better with every person you tell .
thank you.
As Sub Boss said, you will feel better with every person you tell. It's a really good feeling, to finally be able to be honest with people. I'm glad things worked out well, I came out to my mom this week as well
Hi, guys! Gay stuff!
I went to LA Pride the other day, and it was really fun. Tomorrow I'm driving home to visit my parents. Let's say I'm not really out to my family. I wanted to tell my sister and maybe the rest of my family LA Pride stories. I'm not out to her, and I'm not close enough to her that I'll ever care to come out to her. If I tell her I went to LA Pride do you think that'll get them suspecting? I mean I'm sure plenty of straight guys go to Pride. That's not weird is it?
I went to LA Pride the other day, and it was really fun. Tomorrow I'm driving home to visit my parents. Let's say I'm not really out to my family. I wanted to tell my sister and maybe the rest of my family LA Pride stories. I'm not out to her, and I'm not close enough to her that I'll ever care to come out to her. If I tell her I went to LA Pride do you think that'll get them suspecting? I mean I'm sure plenty of straight guys go to Pride. That's not weird is it?
Astral Dog
Member
yeah but you need to wink
I dunno, that's pretty gay
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