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[Deleted member 465307]

When I see him again i'll report back my findings

Ooooo, are you seeing him again? Did you get his number?

Monster Hunter done fucked up monster hunting.

Which MH game is this? That's a mess.

 

[Via Purifico]

Ooooo, are you seeing him again? Did you get his number?

He wants to go out this weekend so we'll see.

 

[BlueBadger]

I want a

Spoiler

daddy

Is it sad/bad that the main thing i miss about being single is

Spoiler

getting daddy dick almost every weekend

?

:$

 

[B-Dex]

Ooooo, are you seeing him again? Did you get his number?



Which MH game is this? That's a mess.

Pretty sure it's the newest one.

 

[Alrus]

I doubt most self respecting MH fans give a single fuck about the description text of a shitty collection quest.

 

[Bladenic]

Is it sad/bad that the main thing i miss about being single is

Spoiler

getting daddy dick almost every weekend

?

:$

HOW

TEACH ME

 

[BlueBadger]

HOW

TEACH ME

I'm It's easy. Just let them call you "boy" LOL

Spoiler

I don't really know how to teach this tbh.

 

[mantidor]

Monster Hunter done fucked up monster hunting.

How are people here not getting this reference?

edit: ooops top of the page, here's your cute guy

 

[Bladenic]

I'm It's easy. Just let them call you "boy" LOL

Spoiler

I don't really know how to teach this tbh.

The daddies in my area are all not daddies in relevant areas unfortunately. RIP

 

[dragonlife]

I doubt most self respecting MH fans give a single fuck about the description text of a shitty collection quest.

I hardly read the flavor text, honestly.

I love that example, though. That's really cool.

How are people here not getting this reference?

I assumed they did and hated it anyway.

 

[Kater]

I doubt most self respecting MH fans give a single fuck about the description text of a shitty collection quest.

Mmhm

Although, I did like that one with the contractor that got off on Nerscylla. That was so odd. Not judging but it made me laugh.

 

[LambdaTeos]

I'm just gonna vent her because I have no idea what to do...

Yesterday had a.. not so big argument, but we had a talk about our relationship

A little back story, we are having issues with some business related things, and we have a lot of pressure on us.
When we were talking about it and the urgency to complete the deal, the talk came to the point in which we were thinking about leaving that business behind, close it.

My boyfriend is kinda bad at expressing his feelings, but only in words, and we've been together for almost 3 years, we currently live together.

When I asked him if it was the right choice to close the business he suddenly say "i frankly don't care if it closes or not", but I assumed it was because he was stressed out, just like me, and frankly I've been putting a lot of pressure too.

We were discussing and eventually this discussion turned to be about our relationship, and "the question" came to the topic, but in a different way, he was expressing how sometimes we don't look like a couple, but like roommates, and sometimes he doesn't feel like he is putting a lot of effort to make this feel like a relationship, now, he has it very hard, since he struggles to show empathy, and I can see him struggle, so his comments didn't come as a surprise.

I asked him if he felt happy, and he said he doesn't know, and I asked him if he felt like he should be alone, to which he responded " I feel like I want to be alone in general, like, not having contact with any other people", this prompted me to ask him if he thinks we should live in separate places for some time or have a break, and he said "no, I don't feel that's the solution, the problem is that our discussions are so simple that a solution might not exists"

After that, we went to bed.

I woke up feeling like I should look for a different place to live, and that is making me feel really bad, my stomach is so unstable right now, I feel kinda depressed, and I have no idea what to do.

Our feelings? I still feel the same for him and he assures me he does, but lately it feels like we are angry all the time, I am all stressed out and have almost no social life because of that (lack of time), he is the same.

I'm not sure what to do, his birthday is coming, and i cannot think of a single think to give him, he's kinda special and doesn't like presents because it makes him feel obligated to give something back, so I'm pretty much stuck.

i feel this is affecting my job and our relationship in a big way, but what made me feel worse is when i asked him "do you still feel like we should be together?", he answered "i think we are not acting as a couple, sometimes we are just roomates, and i believe it's my fault , because i sometimes don't put enough from me to improve this"

I honestly feel like i'm losing him.
Do you guys have any advice? something i could do? i duno, sometimes i feel like i might be kicking a dead horse.

 

[BlueBadger]

I'm just gonna vent her because I have no idea what to do...

Yesterday had a.. not so big argument, but we had a talk about our relationship

A little back story, we are having issues with some business related things, and we have a lot of pressure on us.
When we were talking about it and the urgency to complete the deal, the talk came to the point in which we were thinking about leaving that business behind, close it.

My boyfriend is kinda bad at expressing his feelings, but only in words, and we've been together for almost 3 years, we currently live together.

When I asked him if it was the right choice to close the business he suddenly say "i frankly don't care if it closes or not", but I assumed it was because he was stressed out, just like me, and frankly I've been putting a lot of pressure too.

We were discussing and eventually this discussion turned to be about our relationship, and "the question" came to the topic, but in a different way, he was expressing how sometimes we don't look like a couple, but like roommates, and sometimes he doesn't feel like he is putting a lot of effort to make this feel like a relationship, now, he has it very hard, since he struggles to show empathy, and I can see him struggle, so his comments didn't come as a surprise.

I asked him if he felt happy, and he said he doesn't know, and I asked him if he felt like he should be alone, to which he responded " I feel like I want to be alone in general, like, not having contact with any other people", this prompted me to ask him if he thinks we should live in separate places for some time or have a break, and he said "no, I don't feel that's the solution, the problem is that our discussions are so simple that a solution might not exists"

After that, we went to bed.

I woke up feeling like I should look for a different place to live, and that is making me feel really bad, my stomach is so unstable right now, I feel kinda depressed, and I have no idea what to do.

Our feelings? I still feel the same for him and he assures me he does, but lately it feels like we are angry all the time, I am all stressed out and have almost no social life because of that (lack of time), he is the same.

I'm not sure what to do, his birthday is coming, and i cannot think of a single think to give him, he's kinda special and doesn't like presents because it makes him feel obligated to give something back, so I'm pretty much stuck.

i feel this is affecting my job and our relationship in a big way, but what made me feel worse is when i asked him "do you still feel like we should be together?", he answered "i think we are not acting as a couple, sometimes we are just roomates, and i believe it's my fault , because i sometimes don't put enough from me to improve this"

I honestly feel like i'm losing him.
Do you guys have any advice? something i could do? i duno, sometimes i feel like i might be kicking a dead horse.

A lot of that sounds like the situation I'm currently in with my boyfriend. The main differences are that we don't have a business and we've only been together for 7 months. But I do feel for you. My boyfriend is also bad at expressing himself, his emotions, and showing empathy. We're at the stage where we fight a lot now too, mainly because his personality did a complete 180 about 2 months into the relationship. I also kinda feel stuck as a result. Especially because my parents really like him. Which I know shouldn't matter, but there is pressure from that side of things for me.

All I can say to you is what I've been telling myself. "Just take it one day at a time for now". My friends/volleyball teammates have also been a great support, so it definitely helps to open up to people you can trust about it.

 

[Deleted member 465307]

A lot of that sounds like the situation I'm currently in with my boyfriend. The main differences are that we don't have a business and we've only been together for 7 months. But I do feel for you. My boyfriend is also bad at expressing himself, his emotions, and showing empathy. We're at the stage where we fight a lot now too, mainly because his personality did a complete 180 about 2 months into the relationship. I also kinda feel stuck as a result. Especially because my parents really like him. Which I know shouldn't matter, but there is pressure from that side of things for me.

All I can say to you is what I've been telling myself. "Just take it one day at a time for now". My friends/volleyball teammates have also been a great support, so it definitely helps to open up to people you can trust about it.

If I may ask, how did his personality change?

 

[LambdaTeos]

A lot of that sounds like the situation I'm currently in with my boyfriend. The main differences are that we don't have a business and we've only been together for 7 months. But I do feel for you. My boyfriend is also bad at expressing himself, his emotions, and showing empathy. We're at the stage where we fight a lot now too, mainly because his personality did a complete 180 about 2 months into the relationship. I also kinda feel stuck as a result. Especially because my parents really like him. Which I know shouldn't matter, but there is pressure from that side of things for me.

All I can say to you is what I've been telling myself. "Just take it one day at a time for now". My friends/volleyball teammates have also been a great support, so it definitely helps to open up to people you can trust about it.

My friends appreciate him a lot, but do see the flaws we are going through , and i get along with his parents, but not as much i guess.

I try to take it one day at a time, but this has been going on for a while, increasing with the time.

 

[BlueBadger]

If I may ask, how did his personality change?

It changed in a lot of ways, actually. To start off with, when we first started dating, we would go hiking, to the aquarium, out for walks etc. He genuinely seemed to enjoy going out and doing stuff together. A couple months in, and up until now, all he ever wants to do is stay home and watch TV. Don't get me wrong, I like doing that every once in a while, but he has no desire to go out and do things. It's like pulling teeth to get him to even go for a walk or something. Not to mention, I'm starting to realize that I don't think he has any hobbies/interests OTHER than staying in and watching TV. He was a national swimmer in his past, and I thought maybe that was a passion of his. But he told me the other day that he only did it because he felt pressured to, but he hated it. I just.. I dunno. I've never met someone who's truly not passionate about anything. So I'm still searching.

I can deal with all of that, though. I'm a social guy, and I just hang out with my volleyball teammates/friends when I want to go out to play sports or hike etc. The worst part of it was his emotional sensitivity and generosity did a total 180.
Honestly when I first met him, I thought I won the lottery. He's an attractive guy, and he was one of the kindest, sweetest guys. Totally patient, emotionally sensitive, and approachable. I felt like I could go to him for anything, no matter what I was feeling, and he'd lend an ear and be supportive. About a month and a half in, that started changing. I feel like I can't talk to him about anything without him getting pissed off for bringing up my feelings to him. Then he just drops the subject and lets it boil under the surface when I'm someone who wants to settle matters right away.
Not to mention, I feel like often times he doesn't take me into consideration at all for things that actually involve me. Here's the big example that happened recently:

In December he found out that his family would be having a family reunion on the second weekend of August. He told me to keep that whole week off from work because we could go to that if he decided that he wanted to go, and if he decided against the reunion we could go somewhere else together for a getaway. So he told me he'd make a decision and then we'd start planning.

The end of June rolls around and he still hasn't decided on whether or not he wants to go to the reunion. And at this point, that weekend is less than 2 months away. I want to be able to sort of structure the rest of my summer and vacation etc, as well as start thinking about trip locations if we choose not to go to the reunion. He said he was going to take a few more weeks to decide, when he's known about this thing since December. And so I told him "no, could you please decide by the end of the week? you've had a lot of time to decide and since we're travelling together this decision kind of involves me too". So he finally makes a decision, and when I asked him why he didn't consider me at all he got pissed off and said "i'll take as long to decide as I god damn want to". I never in a million years thought that he'd be the type of guy to be so inconsiderate, and lazy, to be frank.

Sorry for the massive post/rant, but I feel stuck. There's so much more I could say, too. Like the fact that I feel very little to no sexual chemistry with him anymore either :S which to me is kind of a big deal.
We've been together for 7 months. My parents really, really like him. And sometimes my mom will say stuff like "Stephen stay with him, he's good for you. I hope you guys never break up", which adds a lot of pressure.. I've spoken to him countless times about his personality change and his new lack of consideration for my feelings and the fact that he's no longer approachable. Again, he just says "no I haven't changed" and drops the subject, knowing full well that it's something that bothers me a lot. He just keeps saying "my emotional well is empty now, sorry".

Sorry guys :S :S :S Didn't mean to kinda unload like that.

 

[KmA]

^ I don't want to overstep but I don't think your relationship is working out. He's obviously not putting in as much effort as you are. And while the *spark* is a temporary feeling, it shouldn't feel emotionally taxing to be together. If you don't see any good coming from this relationship, I honestly don't think you guys should stay together.

 

[Tuck]

^Break up with him.

Dunno why his personality did a 180 but you clearly don't get along anymore. Ignore your mom, she's looking in from the outside.

 

[Blood Diamonds]

It sounds like you guys are complete opposites? Something might be happening with him but it doesn't really seem like he's interested in opening up so...

 

[BlueBadger]

^ I don't want to overstep but I don't think your relationship is working out. He's obviously not putting in as much effort as you are. And while the *spark* is a temporary feeling, it shouldn't feel emotionally taxing to be together. If you don't see any good coming from this relationship, I honestly don't think you guys should stay together.

^Break up with him.

Dunno why his personality did a 180 but you clearly don't get along anymore. Ignore your mom, she's looking in from the outside.

No I know. You guys are right, and that's what my head is telling me too. But for some reason, or a multitude of reasons, I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why, but I'm terrified to actually go through with it. What if I regret my decision?? I can't turn back on a decision like that.. And I'm getting knee surgery in the fall, so I won't be able to play volleyball for like 9 months. Most of my friends are my volleyball teammates. I don't want to be alone for 9 months . Which is a bad reason to stay in a relationship, I know.

I mean he makes me laugh sometimes, and it's okay to chill with him. But it feels more like we're just friends, laughing and hanging out..

It sounds like you guys are complete opposites? Something might be happening with him but it doesn't really seem like he's interested in opening up so...

He used to be completely different. And every time I call him out on it he tells me "everyone is on their best behaviour when you're first getting to know them". And I've definitely seen that, but this is something else. He changed way too drastically for it to just be "I'm no longer on my best behaviour"

 

[Deleted member 465307]

It changed in a lot of ways, actually. To start off with, when we first started dating, we would go hiking, to the aquarium, out for walks etc. He genuinely seemed to enjoy going out and doing stuff together. A couple months in, and up until now, all he ever wants to do is stay home and watch TV. Don't get me wrong, I like doing that every once in a while, but he has no desire to go out and do things. It's like pulling teeth to get him to even go for a walk or something. Not to mention, I'm starting to realize that I don't think he has any hobbies/interests OTHER than staying in and watching TV. He was a national swimmer in his past, and I thought maybe that was a passion of his. But he told me the other day that he only did it because he felt pressured to, but he hated it. I just.. I dunno. I've never met someone who's truly not passionate about anything. So I'm still searching.

I can deal with all of that, though. I'm a social guy, and I just hang out with my volleyball teammates/friends when I want to go out to play sports or hike etc. The worst part of it was his emotional sensitivity and generosity did a total 180.
Honestly when I first met him, I thought I won the lottery. He's an attractive guy, and he was one of the kindest, sweetest guys. Totally patient, emotionally sensitive, and approachable. I felt like I could go to him for anything, no matter what I was feeling, and he'd lend an ear and be supportive. About a month and a half in, that started changing. I feel like I can't talk to him about anything without him getting pissed off for bringing up my feelings to him. Then he just drops the subject and lets it boil under the surface when I'm someone who wants to settle matters right away.
Not to mention, I feel like often times he doesn't take me into consideration at all for things that actually involve me. Here's the big example that happened recently:

In December he found out that his family would be having a family reunion on the second weekend of August. He told me to keep that whole week off from work because we could go to that if he decided that he wanted to go, and if he decided against the reunion we could go somewhere else together for a getaway. So he told me he'd make a decision and then we'd start planning.

The end of June rolls around and he still hasn't decided on whether or not he wants to go to the reunion. And at this point, that weekend is less than 2 months away. I want to be able to sort of structure the rest of my summer and vacation etc, as well as start thinking about trip locations if we choose not to go to the reunion. He said he was going to take a few more weeks to decide, when he's known about this thing since December. And so I told him "no, could you please decide by the end of the week? you've had a lot of time to decide and since we're travelling together this decision kind of involves me too". So he finally makes a decision, and when I asked him why he didn't consider me at all he got pissed off and said "i'll take as long to decide as I god damn want to". I never in a million years thought that he'd be the type of guy to be so inconsiderate, and lazy, to be frank.

Sorry for the massive post/rant, but I feel stuck. There's so much more I could say, too. Like the fact that I feel very little to no sexual chemistry with him anymore either :S which to me is kind of a big deal.
We've been together for 7 months. My parents really, really like him. And sometimes my mom will say stuff like "Stephen stay with him, he's good for you. I hope you guys never break up", which adds a lot of pressure.. I've spoken to him countless times about his personality change and his new lack of consideration for my feelings and the fact that he's no longer approachable. Again, he just says "no I haven't changed" and drops the subject, knowing full well that it's something that bothers me a lot. He just keeps saying "my emotional well is empty now, sorry".

Sorry guys :S :S :S Didn't mean to kinda unload like that.

Ah, I asked because some of your initial post reminded me a loooot of my last relationship, but now I see in the details that there are many differences (not surprising). Yet, some details are still the same.

Well, first of all, it doesn't matter what your parents and friends say about him. Who they see is a fraction of what goes into the relationship, and what I'm sure they want is for you to be happy. So ignore them unless you think they can offer a good outside perspective on your situation after you've explained it to them.

One thing I'd ask you to consider is whether these problems come from fundamental personality differences or unintentionally hurtful actions he has taken. If it's the latter, there's a chance that can be avoided in the future if you talk to him about it. Perhaps he isn't aware of how his actions make you feel. However, if it's the former (and it sounds like this is the conclusion you've come to), then you're going to keep having these problems with no guarantee of change. You'll have to evaluate if these personality trait difficulties are not worth the positives. Reminder: a relationship is about being with someone as they are, not as they might be.

Given his lack of drive and change of personality, I wonder if depression, anxiety, etc. could be playing a role. However, if that is a factor, you still would have to consider the reality of your relationship and how it works.

It sounds like you need to have a conversation with him about how you feel you two don't have open communication. It seems like there are things that you want to express, and likely things he has never said. Try to have that conversation. However, try to focus not on what he's doing but rather how you're feeling. Example: "Sometimes I get the feeling that I can't express my frustrations or concerns, and that only makes me feel worse. I also worry there are things you aren't telling me that are hurting you. I would like us to communicate about what's bothering us." I say this part only because I noticed when you described your conversation, it was very "he" focused, but that could have been only how you wrote it here.

Overall, it sounds like your attachment to him has lessened as the months went by, as evidenced by the emotional issues and reduced sexual attraction. He may or may not be feeling similarly. What you need to decide is whether you think this change in attachment is reversible, if that reversal is possible given the situation of your relationship, and if it is worth the effort. A conversation with him will help get those answers if you feel you need to talk more. Don't rely on the opinions of your family and friends until you've told them how you've been feeling. Ultimately, this decision is entirely between you and your boyfriend.

Best of luck! <3

EDIT: Oops, me and my wordy mouth made me way LTTP. Well, maybe this still helps. *shrug*

 

[Bladenic]

It changed in a lot of ways, actually. To start off with, when we first started dating, we would go hiking, to the aquarium, out for walks etc. He genuinely seemed to enjoy going out and doing stuff together. A couple months in, and up until now, all he ever wants to do is stay home and watch TV. Don't get me wrong, I like doing that every once in a while, but he has no desire to go out and do things. It's like pulling teeth to get him to even go for a walk or something. Not to mention, I'm starting to realize that I don't think he has any hobbies/interests OTHER than staying in and watching TV. He was a national swimmer in his past, and I thought maybe that was a passion of his. But he told me the other day that he only did it because he felt pressured to, but he hated it. I just.. I dunno. I've never met someone who's truly not passionate about anything. So I'm still searching.

I can deal with all of that, though. I'm a social guy, and I just hang out with my volleyball teammates/friends when I want to go out to play sports or hike etc. The worst part of it was his emotional sensitivity and generosity did a total 180.
Honestly when I first met him, I thought I won the lottery. He's an attractive guy, and he was one of the kindest, sweetest guys. Totally patient, emotionally sensitive, and approachable. I felt like I could go to him for anything, no matter what I was feeling, and he'd lend an ear and be supportive. About a month and a half in, that started changing. I feel like I can't talk to him about anything without him getting pissed off for bringing up my feelings to him. Then he just drops the subject and lets it boil under the surface when I'm someone who wants to settle matters right away.
Not to mention, I feel like often times he doesn't take me into consideration at all for things that actually involve me. Here's the big example that happened recently:

In December he found out that his family would be having a family reunion on the second weekend of August. He told me to keep that whole week off from work because we could go to that if he decided that he wanted to go, and if he decided against the reunion we could go somewhere else together for a getaway. So he told me he'd make a decision and then we'd start planning.

The end of June rolls around and he still hasn't decided on whether or not he wants to go to the reunion. And at this point, that weekend is less than 2 months away. I want to be able to sort of structure the rest of my summer and vacation etc, as well as start thinking about trip locations if we choose not to go to the reunion. He said he was going to take a few more weeks to decide, when he's known about this thing since December. And so I told him "no, could you please decide by the end of the week? you've had a lot of time to decide and since we're travelling together this decision kind of involves me too". So he finally makes a decision, and when I asked him why he didn't consider me at all he got pissed off and said "i'll take as long to decide as I god damn want to". I never in a million years thought that he'd be the type of guy to be so inconsiderate, and lazy, to be frank.

Sorry for the massive post/rant, but I feel stuck. There's so much more I could say, too. Like the fact that I feel very little to no sexual chemistry with him anymore either :S which to me is kind of a big deal.
We've been together for 7 months. My parents really, really like him. And sometimes my mom will say stuff like "Stephen stay with him, he's good for you. I hope you guys never break up", which adds a lot of pressure.. I've spoken to him countless times about his personality change and his new lack of consideration for my feelings and the fact that he's no longer approachable. Again, he just says "no I haven't changed" and drops the subject, knowing full well that it's something that bothers me a lot. He just keeps saying "my emotional well is empty now, sorry".

Sorry guys :S :S :S Didn't mean to kinda unload like that.

So not to be negative, but if you're gonna be single, I wanna take you out papi

 

[Blood Diamonds]

No I know. You guys are right, and that's what my head is telling me too. But for some reason, or a multitude of reasons, I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why, but I'm terrified to actually go through with it. What if I regret my decision?? I can't turn back on a decision like that.. And I'm getting knee surgery in the fall, so I won't be able to play volleyball for like 9 months. Most of my friends are my volleyball teammates. I don't want to be alone for 9 months . Which is a bad reason to stay in a relationship, I know.

I mean he makes me laugh sometimes, and it's okay to chill with him. But it feels more like we're just friends, laughing and hanging out..


He used to be completely different. And every time I call him out on it he tells me "everyone is on their best behaviour when you're first getting to know them". And I've definitely seen that, but this is something else. He changed way too drastically for it to just be "I'm no longer on my best behaviour"

There's having a bad day and then there's apparently not having any hobbies besides watching TV. I feel like there's something going on in his life he's not telling you about but the way he's treating you and the way he dismisses your concerns and emotions is really not okay

 

[Zero²]

People dont change, or at least we cant expect them to. There is nothing more frustrating.
And only 7 months and already no sexual tension? That awfully early! May I ask why you don't feel attracted to him anymore?

 

[Deleted member 465307]

So not to be negative, but if you're gonna be single, I wanna take you out papi

Not you taking my Canadian (one-sided) relationship away from me! I'm ruined. Agony is now all I will know.

 

[Astral Dog]

No I know. You guys are right, and that's what my head is telling me too. But for some reason, or a multitude of reasons, I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why, but I'm terrified to actually go through with it. What if I regret my decision?? I can't turn back on a decision like that.. And I'm getting knee surgery in the fall, so I won't be able to play volleyball for like 9 months. Most of my friends are my volleyball teammates. I don't want to be alone for 9 months . Which is a bad reason to stay in a relationship, I know.

I mean he makes me laugh sometimes, and it's okay to chill with him. But it feels more like we're just friends, laughing and hanging out..


He used to be completely different. And every time I call him out on it he tells me "everyone is on their best behaviour when you're first getting to know them". And I've definitely seen that, but this is something else. He changed way too drastically for it to just be "I'm no longer on my best behaviour"

wow, from the sound of things it appears he was always been this way, but was keeping a little act to get a boyfriend, when the inital spark muted he showed his true colors and is no longer interested in the relationship.

maybe he is dealing with something, maybe there are family issues with the reunion for example. you need to be aware that those first months might not tell the whole truth about him and that maybe its better to end things before it gets worse, but, if you are not ready to make that decision, i think give a try a couple of months and then talk.when you are ready.

and maybe you could still end up being friends

dont let the pressure of family cloud your judgment, they are not that close and explaining things they should understand.

People dont change, or at least we cant expect them to. There is nothing more frustrating.
And only 7 months and already no sexual tension? That awfully early! May I ask why you don't feel attracted to him anymore?

this is true, people are not going to change so drastically without a reason in a few months,that is a red flag, but either way hopefully things end up well between them either way.

 

[Bladenic]

Not you taking my Canadian (one-sided) relationship away from me! I'm ruined. Agony is now all I will know.

Don't worry, where BB lives is 40 hours away by car from where I live, so I think you're good.

 

[BlueBadger]

Ah, I asked because some of your initial post reminded me a loooot of my last relationship, but now I see in the details that there are many differences (not surprising). Yet, some details are still the same.

Well, first of all, it doesn't matter what your parents and friends say about him. Who they see is a fraction of what goes into the relationship, and what I'm sure they want is for you to be happy. So ignore them unless you think they can offer a good outside perspective on your situation after you've explained it to them.

One thing I'd ask you to consider is whether these problems come from fundamental personality differences or unintentionally hurtful actions he has taken. If it's the latter, there's a chance that can be avoided in the future if you talk to him about it. Perhaps he isn't aware of how his actions make you feel. However, if it's the former (and it sounds like this is the conclusion you've come to), then you're going to keep having these problems with no guarantee of change. You'll have to evaluate if these personality trait difficulties are not worth the positives. Reminder: a relationship is about being with someone as they are, not as they might be.

Given his lack of drive and change of personality, I wonder if depression, anxiety, etc. could be playing a role. However, if that is a factor, you still would have to consider the reality of your relationship and how it works.

It sounds like you need to have a conversation with him about how you feel you two don't have open communication. It seems like there are things that you want to express, and likely things he has never said. Try to have that conversation. However, try to focus not on what he's doing but rather how you're feeling. Example: "Sometimes I get the feeling that I can't express my frustrations or concerns, and that only makes me feel worse. I also worry there are things you aren't telling me that are hurting you. I would like us to communicate about what's bothering us." I say this part only because I noticed when you described your conversation, it was very "he" focused, but that could have been only how you wrote it here.

Overall, it sounds like your attachment to him has lessened as the months went by, as evidenced by the emotional issues and reduced sexual attraction. He may or may not be feeling similarly. What you need to decide is whether you think this change in attachment is reversible, if that reversal if possible given the situation of your relationship, and if it is worth the effort. A conversation with him will help get those answers if you feel you need to talk more. Don't rely on the opinions of your family and friends until you've told them how you've been feeling. Ultimately, this decision is entirely between you and your boyfriend.

Best of luck! <3

EDIT: Oops, me and my wordy mouth made me way LTTP. Well, maybe this still helps. *shrug*

Thank you for all of the kind words and advice, friend <3 I've talked to him about these issues many time. No changes. He just brushes it off and changes the subject.

His brother back at home is sick. But that's been the case for years. Of course I feel bad. But the 180 personality change? :S

So not to be negative, but if you're gonna be single, I wanna take you out papi

LOL wah move to Vancouver already!!

Spoiler

I'd say yes in a heartbeat. Been crushing on you so hard boo ;P <3

There's having a bad day and then there's apparently not having any hobbies besides watching TV. I feel like there's something going on in his life he's not telling you about but the way he's treating you and the way he dismisses your concerns and emotions is really not okay

I know it's definitely not OK. He always tells me "stop acting like the victim. you're never a victim"
But still, something is holding me back from ending it :/ What if I regret my choice?

People dont change, or at least we cant expect them to. There is nothing more frustrating.
And only 7 months and already no sexual tension? That awfully early! May I ask why you don't feel attracted to him anymore?

Honestly. I can't say for sure..

I mean from the start, I felt like I've definitely had better sex with others in the past. But I felt like the connection I felt with him has made it feel good. But I guess I just don't feel that connection anymore.. So I don't get turned on at all :/

Not to mention I felt like a few weeks ago he kind of took advantage of me a bit when I was drunk. I mean he was kinda drunk too so I don't know if he had bad intentions. He said he didn't but...

wow, from the sound of things it appears he was always been this way, but was keeping a little act to get a boyfriend, when the inital spark muted he showed his true colors and is no longer interested in the relationship.

maybe he is dealing with something, maybe there are family issues with the reunion for example. you need to be aware that those first months might not tell the whole truth about him and that maybe its better to end things before it gets worse, but, if you are not ready to make that decision, i think give a try a couple of months and then talk.when you are ready.

and maybe you could still end up being friends

dont let the pressure of family cloud your judgment, they are not that close and explaining things they should understand.

I'm trying really hard to not let my mom pressure me, but it's so hard. The last time I brought a guy home, my parents hated him. The one issue I can think of with his family is his brother being sick, which has been going on for years. :S

 

[Deleted member 465307]

I'm just gonna vent her because I have no idea what to do...

Yesterday had a.. not so big argument, but we had a talk about our relationship

A little back story, we are having issues with some business related things, and we have a lot of pressure on us.
When we were talking about it and the urgency to complete the deal, the talk came to the point in which we were thinking about leaving that business behind, close it.

My boyfriend is kinda bad at expressing his feelings, but only in words, and we've been together for almost 3 years, we currently live together.

When I asked him if it was the right choice to close the business he suddenly say "i frankly don't care if it closes or not", but I assumed it was because he was stressed out, just like me, and frankly I've been putting a lot of pressure too.

We were discussing and eventually this discussion turned to be about our relationship, and "the question" came to the topic, but in a different way, he was expressing how sometimes we don't look like a couple, but like roommates, and sometimes he doesn't feel like he is putting a lot of effort to make this feel like a relationship, now, he has it very hard, since he struggles to show empathy, and I can see him struggle, so his comments didn't come as a surprise.

I asked him if he felt happy, and he said he doesn't know, and I asked him if he felt like he should be alone, to which he responded " I feel like I want to be alone in general, like, not having contact with any other people", this prompted me to ask him if he thinks we should live in separate places for some time or have a break, and he said "no, I don't feel that's the solution, the problem is that our discussions are so simple that a solution might not exists"

After that, we went to bed.

I woke up feeling like I should look for a different place to live, and that is making me feel really bad, my stomach is so unstable right now, I feel kinda depressed, and I have no idea what to do.

Our feelings? I still feel the same for him and he assures me he does, but lately it feels like we are angry all the time, I am all stressed out and have almost no social life because of that (lack of time), he is the same.

I'm not sure what to do, his birthday is coming, and i cannot think of a single think to give him, he's kinda special and doesn't like presents because it makes him feel obligated to give something back, so I'm pretty much stuck.

i feel this is affecting my job and our relationship in a big way, but what made me feel worse is when i asked him "do you still feel like we should be together?", he answered "i think we are not acting as a couple, sometimes we are just roomates, and i believe it's my fault , because i sometimes don't put enough from me to improve this"

I honestly feel like i'm losing him.
Do you guys have any advice? something i could do? i duno, sometimes i feel like i might be kicking a dead horse.

I read this post and wanted to say something in response, but I don't think I fully understand the situation or what is happening. However, there are a few things I'm always in support of:

1) Being aware of how you're feeling, how you've felt, and if you have any reason to think you'll feel differently in the future.
2) Being honest with the person you care about. The truth you share with friends and family is sometimes, if not always, exactly what the other person needs to hear. Besides, a relationship is built on honest understanding, not a false idea of your partner and what they're feeling.

His statement about acting like roommates and it being his fault are really interesting. Perhaps you could get him to elaborate on that, since it sounds like that's something deep.

I don't know what to say beyond that I hope everything turns out well. I hope more communication and time will help. Wishing you and your boyfriend all the best!

Thank you for all of the kind words and advice, friend <3 I've talked to him about these issues many time. No changes. He just brushes it off and changes the subject.

His brother back at home is sick. But that's been the case for years. Of course I feel bad. But the 180 personality change? :S

Based on this and everything else you wrote, it sounds like you absolutely know what you need to do. I don't think you're going to regret it beyond the usual "what if..." idealizations after a breakup. Also, that stuff about him saying you're acting like a victim and not one? I mean, people obviously say things they don't mean fully when fighting, but there's venom in those words and I don't like it. Not to mention the drunk anecdote. Blech.

Don't worry, where BB lives is 40 hours away by car from where I live, so I think you're good.

Oh. Then we can be in agony together. Where are you in Canada?

He wants to go out this weekend so we'll see.

Wooooo!

 

[Bladenic]

So he talks to you like you're an annoying sister (the decision about reunion answer), then he may or may not have raped you, and this has been going on for months. I think you need to get out BB, you deserve far better.

 

[Sai-kun]

He sounds like he's turned into an asshole. There are many decisions you'll make in life where you'll ask yourself if you'll regret it, but from the sound of it, this shouldn't be one of those times.

Fuck what your parents think. They can like or dislike whoever they want, but if they aren't the one in the relationship, they can fuck off.

 

[LambdaTeos]

I read this post and wanted to say something in response, but I don't think I fully understand the situation or what is happening. However, there are a few things I'm always in support of:

1) Being aware of how you're feeling, how you've felt, and if you have any reason to think you'll feel differently in the future.
2) Being honest with the person you care about. The truth you share with friends and family is sometimes, if not always, exactly what the other person needs to hear. Besides, a relationship is built on honest understanding, not a false idea of your partner and what they're feeling.

His statement about acting like roommates and it being his fault are really interesting. Perhaps you could get him to elaborate on that, since it sounds like that's something deep.

I don't know what to say beyond that I hope everything turns out well. I hope more communication and time will help. Wishing you and your boyfriend all the best!

about point one: i honestly believe i can feel that "spark" again, but it's something that will only happen if we both commit, something i'm starting to see he can't/don't know how to do it... the issue is that he used to do it in the past, now he changed

about second point: i'm actually always honest with him i express with words, sometimes taking a lot of time, how every situation makes me feel, but apparently he does not get it, he sometimes struggles to be empathic, he usually tells me i don't understand him either.

i did ask him about the roommate statement, and he said he feels that because i have to work all day, he usually doesn't feel like going out so the time i share with him is in the house, doing the same, being monotonous, and he says it's his fault because he doesn't get how a relationship should act, i honestly sometimes feel like there are no feelings involved anymore.

Now that i'm typing this i'm starting to realize this whole situation might be going nowhere and maybe it would be a better idea to just stop it, it will hurt but i guess it's better than having this constant feeling every day.. i dunno... i can't make a choice

 

[BlueBadger]

So he talks to you like you're an annoying sister (the decision about reunion answer), then he may or may not have raped you, and this has been going on for months. I think you need to get out BB, you deserve far better.

Not necessarily "rape" per se.. I'll explain in spoiler tag just in case.

Spoiler

I was consenting to sex (even though he doesn't turn me on much, I figured it had been a while, but he was trying to go in without a condom. When I told him, sort of drunkenly, that I was uncomfortable doing it without a condom, he said okay that's fine and that's fair. He was topping me, with a condom of course, which was fine. Then we decided to flip. I was lying on my back, kind of out of it, and he started placing my dick around his ass without a condom on just to kind of tease it, I thought. But then he started putting it inside, and when I realized what was happening I was like "am I in...?" and he was like "yeah", and I was like "why are you doing that? I already told you I wasn't comfortable with that" and he was like "sorry I want your load in my ass, god."

Anyway, he seemed to feel bad the next day, but it really made me see him in a different light, yet again..

He sounds like he's turned into an asshole. There are many decisions you'll make in life where you'll ask yourself if you'll regret it, but from the sound of it, this shouldn't be one of those times.

Fuck what your parents think. They can like or dislike whoever they want, but if they aren't the one in the relationship, they can fuck off.

I know, you're right. It's just tough. I'm really close with my parents and I don't want to disappoint them, but at the same time I really do need to think about my wellbeing in this situation :/ He really is an asshole, for lack of a better term. It's hard to admit to myself though.

Thank you for giving me your opinion, Sai. Honestly, I've always admired you and your attitude and the fact that you are so strong and able to not care about what people think. So I'm really going to take this advice to heart.

 

[Via Purifico]

Drop him Blue. I told you before you can do better and you deserve better.

 

[Bladenic]

Not necessarily "rape" per se.. I'll explain in spoiler tag just in case.

Spoiler

I was consenting to sex (even though he doesn't turn me on much, I figured it had been a while, but he was trying to go in without a condom. When I told him, sort of drunkenly, that I was uncomfortable doing it without a condom, he said okay that's fine and that's fair. He was topping me, with a condom of course, which was fine. Then we decided to flip. I was lying on my back, kind of out of it, and he started placing my dick around his ass without a condom on just to kind of tease it, I thought. But then he started putting it inside, and when I realized what was happening I was like "am I in...?" and he was like "yeah", and I was like "why are you doing that? I already told you I wasn't comfortable with that" and he was like "sorry I want your load in my ass, god."

Anyway, he seemed to feel bad the next day, but it really made me see him in a different light, yet again..

JESUS drunk is not an excuse &#128128; And once again his answer, I can just imagine the tone (which sucks cuz what he said should be hot but I imagine it was said in an asshole tone).

 

[Vazra]

No man is worth troubling yourself too long to make things work. A relationship is a two way street and if one is not putting the effort and if its as long as it seems to be for some cases it's doesn't seem worth it. Also don't think about your family or friends in the relationship too much because the relationship is yours and not theirs. The only way to take em seriously is if they bring valid complains as something that might affect you but otherwise there is no reason to take them seriously.

Also there are plenty of guys out there and even if its uncomfortable or discouraging at times to get back into the dating scene there is bound to be a guy that you'll like in one point or the other.

 

[Deleted member 465307]

Uhh, I think GAF just downloaded a file to my computer... Anyone else get this issue? The file was supposedly an installer for AdobeFlashPlayer, but I reaaally doubt that. I already deleted the installer.

 

[Via Purifico]

Uhh, I think GAF just downloaded a file to my computer... Anyone else get this issue? The file was supposedly an installer for AdobeFlashPlayer, but I reaaally doubt that. I already deleted the installer.

I didn't get anything but I would've done the same as you.

 

[BlueBadger]

Drop him Blue. I told you before you can do better and you deserve better.

I know.. You've always been there for me, friend. I really appreciate it.

JESUS drunk is not an excuse &#128128; And once again his answer, I can just imagine the tone (which sucks cuz what he said should be hot but I imagine it was said in an asshole tone).

Well he did sound kind of annoyed. And I get that we've been monogamous for 7 months but I'm nervous to not use a condom for the first time.. It's just an anxiety thing for me.

No man is worth troubling yourself too long to make things work. A relationship is a two way street and if one is not putting the effort and if its as long as it seems to be for some cases it's doesn't seem worth it. Also don't think about your family or friends in the relationship too much because the relationship is yours and not theirs. The only way to take em seriously is if they bring valid complains as something that might affect you but otherwise there is no reason to take them seriously.

Also there are plenty of guys out there and even if its uncomfortable or discouraging at times to get back into the dating scene there is bound to be a guy that you'll like in one point or the other.

I will agree that the thought of dating again does make my stomach turn a bit :/ And I know this sounds dumb but like..
Back when I was single, I did enjoy hooking up on occasion, every now and then. But ever since my knee injury a year ago, i feel like i've put on a bit of weight because i can't play soccer/run a ton until I rehab the injury and have surgery in the fall etc. So I feel pretty unattractive. And that's a bad mindset to be in. But I can't seem to get out of it :S

 

[Bladenic]

I know.. You've always been there for me, friend. I really appreciate it.


Well he did sound kind of annoyed. And I get that we've been monogamous for 7 months but I'm nervous to not use a condom for the first time.. It's just an anxiety thing for me.



I will agree that the thought of dating again does make my stomach turn a bit :/ And I know this sounds dumb but like..
Back when I was single, I did enjoy hooking up on occasion, every now and then. But ever since my knee injury a year ago, i feel like i've put on a bit of weight because i can't play soccer/run a ton until I rehab the injury and have surgery in the fall etc. So I feel pretty unattractive. And that's a bad mindset to be in. But I can't seem to get out of it :S

You still look daddy in your latest instagram pic, so worry not (although I get what you saying, totally).

 

[Vazra]

I will agree that the thought of dating again does make my stomach turn a bit :/ And I know this sounds dumb but like..
Back when I was single, I did enjoy hooking up on occasion, every now and then. But ever since my knee injury a year ago, i feel like i've put on a bit of weight because i can't play soccer/run a ton until I rehab the injury and have surgery in the fall etc. So I feel pretty unattractive. And that's a bad mindset to be in. But I can't seem to get out of it :S

Even when you might think you are unattractive there will be plenty of people that will say otherwise. If you don't like your weight work on it and if you dont feel like working on it don't overthink too much on your looks cause there are other things you bring that should be more valuable than just looks.

 

[BlueBadger]

You still look daddy in your latest instagram pic, so worry not (although I get what you saying, totally).

LOL thanks handsome <3 So do you :')

Even when you might think you are unattractive there will be plenty of people that will say otherwise. If you don't like your weight work on it and if you dont feel like working on it don't overthink too much on your looks cause there are other things you bring that should be more valuable than just looks.

You're right. Sometimes I feel the community can be really superficial, which is discouraging But I'd want my personality to kind of be the main focus for anything in the future.

 

[Vazra]

You're right. Sometimes I feel the community can be really superficial, which is discouraging But I'd want my personality to kind of be the main focus for anything in the future.

I'm always harsh on myself with my looks and stuff but in the reality when I put myself out there on dating apps or the once in a blue moon social event I get reminded that what I might not find to be attractive someone else might find it attractive because everyone looks for different things.Sure we live in a somewhat superficial society where people put some emphasis on looks but there is always people looking for something in specific wether that is skinny,average body, fat etc. Overall you gotta focus more on your personality than your looks because we know in the end

 

[Zero²]

Not necessarily "rape" per se.. I'll explain in spoiler tag just in case.

Spoiler

I was consenting to sex (even though he doesn't turn me on much, I figured it had been a while, but he was trying to go in without a condom. When I told him, sort of drunkenly, that I was uncomfortable doing it without a condom, he said okay that's fine and that's fair. He was topping me, with a condom of course, which was fine. Then we decided to flip. I was lying on my back, kind of out of it, and he started placing my dick around his ass without a condom on just to kind of tease it, I thought. But then he started putting it inside, and when I realized what was happening I was like "am I in...?" and he was like "yeah", and I was like "why are you doing that? I already told you I wasn't comfortable with that" and he was like "sorry I want your load in my ass, god."

Anyway, he seemed to feel bad the next day, but it really made me see him in a different light, yet again..

Wow, my relationship might have gone through some rough ups and downs, but never something like this. Sex is paramount in a relationship (at least a non-asexual one), and if you cant get along in sex it's a sign things are pretty bad.
That said he should probably known you had a problem with doing bareback with him, which is totally understandable, even if he thought it was hot.
Man sorry, reading all this I seriously cant imagine why you two are still together, it seems totally pointless. Why not be just be friends or wtv?

 

[BlueBadger]

I'm always harsh on myself with my looks and stuff but in the reality when I put myself out there on dating apps or the once in a blue moon social event I get reminded that what I might not find to be attractive someone else might find it attractive because everyone looks for different things.Sure we live in a somewhat superficial society where people put some emphasis on looks but there is always people looking for something in specific wether that is skinny,average body, fat etc. Overall you gotta focus more on your personality than your looks because we know in the end

Lmao SO many points for using Kween Judy hahahahahahaha.

You're right though. I guess step one is learning how to love myself again. I'm in for a bumpy ride X____X

It's true. Whenever i go to volleyball (I play in a gay league), my friends, and other guys I don't know as well, do make me feel more attractive than I think I am.

Wow, my relationship might have gone through some rough ups and downs, but never something like this. Sex is paramount in a relationship (at least a non-asexual one), and if you cant get along in sex it's a sign things are pretty bad.
That said he should probably known you had a problem with doing bareback with him, which is totally understandable, even if he thought it was hot.
Man sorry, reading all this I seriously cant imagine why you two are still together, it seems totally pointless. Why not be just be friends or wtv?

I'm sorry everyone, for loading all of my problems onto you guys like this . I'm totally okay with being friends with him. I just can't see him being okay with that. He'd probably want to cut ties. Which I guess is fine too, but not ideal obviously X_X

 

[Bladenic]

I swear that saying about once the sex goes it's all over is so true.

 

[Zero²]

I get reminded that what I might not find to be attractive someone else might find it attractive because everyone looks for different things.

This is 100% the truth, I knew we thought alike, Vazra
Though I got to know that by different means, which I'm not totally proud of xD

 

[JCX]

Even when you might think you are unattractive there will be plenty of people that will say otherwise. If you don't like your weight work on it and if you dont feel like working on it don't overthink too much on your looks cause there are other things you bring that should be more valuable than just looks.

You're right about so many things

Spoiler

except Persona 4

 

[Vazra]

You're right about so many things

Spoiler

except Persona 4

Pandersona 4 can rot.

 

[Zero²]

I'm sorry everyone, for loading all of my problems onto you guys like this . I'm totally okay with being friends with him. I just can't see him being okay with that. He'd probably want to cut ties. Which I guess is fine too, but not ideal obviously X_X

Believe me I know the feeling, but why you need him so much? He might be funny or wtv, but you can find new friends. And you might think he will hate you if you end things now, 7 months in, but the longer you stay together, the more he will "hate" you.
That said, we are all beginners at love, so dont be hard on yourself if you want to change your mind!