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LGBTQIA+ |OT9| The Return of the Queen
- Thread starter Sibylus
- Start date
Oh hey, this is useful again:
Racism is Alive and Well in the Gay Community
The "it's just a preference" defense is utterly inane, and I kind of even feel it's not worthy of being debated.
Or are you like ok with things as "no coloreds" on bathrooms, pools, etc. if it is just a preference?
It's racism. And I get that it isn't fun to admit that you're racist but come the fuck on.
Racism is Alive and Well in the Gay Community
The "it's just a preference" defense is utterly inane, and I kind of even feel it's not worthy of being debated.
Or are you like ok with things as "no coloreds" on bathrooms, pools, etc. if it is just a preference?
It's racism. And I get that it isn't fun to admit that you're racist but come the fuck on.
edgefusion
Member
I'm 30 years old and haven't been in a relationship for 10 years. You can be whatever colour you wanna be as far as I'm concerned.
Via Purifico
Banned
It's a thing that has been an issue for a long time well before there were apps
Katya also goes in depth with this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4P4p71VMAs
This is not an app problem and we can't just use that as a buzzword considering it happens out in public too.
But ya know preferences and all that
Katya also goes in depth with this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4P4p71VMAs
This is not an app problem and we can't just use that as a buzzword considering it happens out in public too.
But ya know preferences and all that
Because if we are strictly still talking dating apps there's no chance in hell that you would meet that kind of guy any other way, you wouldn't contact the guy because he wrote something tat you didn't like and he wouldn't contact you for else
If you meet said guy irl and things seem to go well but in the end he comes out saying "i'm not attracted to you" how do you know that it's because of skin tone or else?
Being upfront in this kind of situation it's the best for both parties involved
And no, i don't believe it makes a person racist for not being attracted to someone because of their phisycal trait
Henchmen21
Banned
So I got Fallout 4 for xmas. So far not really liking it. The upgrading system is a complete joke.
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
I recommend mods if you have Xbox One or PC? Otherwise yeah it's a step down compared to New Vegas/3.
So if someone has a preference for black people are they racist too? Or is it only when the preference is for whites that people get up in arms about it?
Race is a big part of what makes up people's physical characteristics and physical characteristics are what inform sexual attraction. So they are already entwined. In all my years here discussing different people's sexual, racial preferences pretty much everyone understands that it's just that and doesn't make someone a racist. Maybe the situation is different in the US where race is more polarizing.
Race is a big part of what makes up people's physical characteristics and physical characteristics are what inform sexual attraction. So they are already entwined. In all my years here discussing different people's sexual, racial preferences pretty much everyone understands that it's just that and doesn't make someone a racist. Maybe the situation is different in the US where race is more polarizing.
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
Different people of the same race will look different for the most part. Ruling out an entire race is kind of bad because there is so much variety, the odds of someone not finding any attractive are extremely small. If you refuse to date somebody due to their race than yeah it's racist.
Via Purifico
Banned
I see this get brought up as some sort of gotcha point, not saying that's what you're doing here but it happens and to answer your question yes it can be if it's rooted in stereotypes.
In the U.S there's tiers to this and whites are pretty much at the top for a lot of people, minority groups included all the while saying no to other ethnic groups including their own.
duh lmao
Yes, I talk about both racism of exclusion and racism of fetishization in my stand up act . Both anecdotes are real things white gays have said to me.
When you say "i don't like "racial group" you are refusing to see me as a human. You have literally judged me solely based on the color of my skin.
A fellow black gay and I like to joke that "being a black 8/10 is like being a white 5". Plenty of white gays will fuck you, but they won't show you to their friends or bring you home to meet the family. Like with many things, you have to work so much harder and be so much better to just be seen as an individual.
If you don't find someone attractive, just say that instead of bringing race into it.
Maybe they're just attracted to the physical characteristics of a particular race to the exclusion of others. All people in a particular race generally share some physical characteristics don't they?
Oh wow so I just know a bunch of racists then. My good friend L who only likes black guys, same with my gay mate O. My friend DJ only liked Asian girls. E likes doesn't like back girls. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent). In your judgement they are all racists right? Never mind the interactions they have with all races outside the sexual sphere. Point being: I know they they're not racists because I know them very well but I don't spend my time trying to psychoanalyse why they prefer one race over another I just accept it.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
Generally speaking about attraction, I think preferences are okay, but since they are largely subjective and irrational (e.g., does it really matter if a person's ears are flat against their head or stick out from it?), they are worth self-examination. Value is not inherent and instead is derived from personal experience and surrounding culture, so I believe it's good to be critical of any shorthand processes by which we come to rapidly conclude someone is or isn't attractive. You don't always have to find answers, but I think stopping and thinking, "Why?" is a productive exercise that will allow you to understand yourself better and potentially improve your interactions.
With race, I think it's particularly worth introspection because this is a socially fabricated "quality" that has a long history of harassment, discrimination, mistreatment, and violence that many people played a role in. With such a long and painful history, I think it's always worth considering, "Am I a product and producer of this history?" out of humanistic need. Am I saying you have to conclude that you're racist? No. Am I saying you have to do this self-examination? No. Am I saying you have to like everyone? No. But I'd say you should at least understand why people are hurt or disheartened when they are dismissed in broad strokes. Personally, I've seen so many people who look so different within a single "race" and so many people of different races who look alike that I have a hard time understanding who I'd be excluding if I sorted my search that way.
As for liking people because of X trait, I'll never discourage people from liking more people more. The world would probably be happier if our windows of attraction were wider, so I say embrace what you can. But I always warn about fetishizing a person for X trait. It's not fun to be reduced to a sexual object (unless that's your thing), so I also also say it's good to think about what you like and how you treat those you do. This suggestion might be more relevant to relationships than hookups, though.
With race, I think it's particularly worth introspection because this is a socially fabricated "quality" that has a long history of harassment, discrimination, mistreatment, and violence that many people played a role in. With such a long and painful history, I think it's always worth considering, "Am I a product and producer of this history?" out of humanistic need. Am I saying you have to conclude that you're racist? No. Am I saying you have to do this self-examination? No. Am I saying you have to like everyone? No. But I'd say you should at least understand why people are hurt or disheartened when they are dismissed in broad strokes. Personally, I've seen so many people who look so different within a single "race" and so many people of different races who look alike that I have a hard time understanding who I'd be excluding if I sorted my search that way.
As for liking people because of X trait, I'll never discourage people from liking more people more. The world would probably be happier if our windows of attraction were wider, so I say embrace what you can. But I always warn about fetishizing a person for X trait. It's not fun to be reduced to a sexual object (unless that's your thing), so I also also say it's good to think about what you like and how you treat those you do. This suggestion might be more relevant to relationships than hookups, though.
Via Purifico
Banned
No, just having a preference for someone who is black isn't exactly racist but sometimes there are ulterior thought processes that goes into it. It all stems back in the slave days as black men being seen as strong and were the ones who were picked to then the negative sexual stereotype that all black men have big penises.
The things i've heard being said in gay spaces out in the open about black men was just... degrading to say the least. Asians in media mainly asian men are desexualized so they are not seen as a big attractive figure and all having small penises and that trickled down to gay spaces.
Via Purifico
Banned
Carrie Fisher
Goddammit. RIP
Hard disagree. The only truly common trait among blacks is our skin color (whose effects manifest in a variety of ways.) We don't all have huge dicks, fuck like animals or any of the other alleged "positive" stereotypes. Doesn't matter which way it goes, just treat as like human individuals.
let's hear it then lmfao
Via Purifico
Banned
Yeah I did see that when you posted it early, pretty funny by the way. In those two examples where someone is writing "no blacks" on their profile or approaching you based on some slavery fetish there may be an element of racism there. But if I'm just having a conversation with someone, in the club of whatever, and they express a preference for a particular race I'm not going to jump to judging that person as a racist.
Like it or not it's a valid physical descriptor just like brunette or blue-eyes. As I said in my first post: maybe it's too loaded with baggage to be used over in the US in lieu of just saying you're not into someone. But here in London it's no big thing.
But who is diving into people's heads and try to figure out what lies behind their preference and whether all that stuff is going on. And if you haven't taken the time to deep dive into that individual's thought process how are just going to label someone as a racist because of that? Sexual attraction is so complicated.
Via Purifico
Banned
Ah I see, nvm then.
Moving on to another subject, this year has been rough overall.
Moving on to another subject, this year has been rough overall.
You said "No, just having a preference for someone who is black isn't exactly racist but sometimes there are ulterior thought processes that goes into it"
I am saying that in all cases, it is racist. Just treat people as individuals.
Via Purifico
Banned
Ummm, I'm not sure if you've read Straight Jacket
, but the author lives in London and describes racism in the dating scene there as well. This isn't a uniquely American thing.
Someone literally told me "hey I need a big nigger dick in me. Can you fuck 500 years of slavery out this tight white ass, but to you that only constitutes "may be an element of racism". You can't even commit to calling that racist, so I shouldn't be surprised that you don't see racism in the gay community as a problem.
Via Purifico
Banned
This is true, some people think just because you're not shouting the n word it can't be racist.
There's many things that go against that like coded language and certain behaviors that says otherwise.
Via Purifico
Banned
Well, I never said racism isn't a problem in the gay community. I'm talking about the core issue of what makes people attracted to other people which is not the same thing. And I'm not just talking about the gay community. Half the examples I gave earlier were of my straight friends. Just because some people in the gay community select their sexual partners based on racism does not mean all people who hold a racial sexual preference are racist.
but their racial sexual preference is a racist action on some level
I said this exactly in my linked standup clip.
I do not call out racism for fun. After a while, it is tough to deal with repeated rejection or dehumanization simply due to race.
Don't know your ethnicity, but I wish people would take seriously the claims of discrimination by other groups instead of trying to excuse or rationalize discriminatory or bad behavior. When my female friends talk about how guys catcall them and how it hurts them I trust that they are better experts of explaining the female experience, since I am a man.
Via Purifico
Banned
I was thinking of the more actual term for preference not the exclusionary/sole option version that people like to use. It's pretty suspect almost all the time lol.
Why just black men? why no asians at all? I mean this type of thinking doesn't come out of nowhere nor is it innocent.
Why just black men? why no asians at all? I mean this type of thinking doesn't come out of nowhere nor is it innocent.
To ground the conversation, I must ask, how do you define "racism"? I feel we are working from two different definitions.
I'm not convinced it is. See the definition below.
That's actually funny because I was just on the Oxford dictionary website to ensure the definition of racism I'm working from is correct. So this is what we've got:
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/racism
As you can see the word implies a classification of races as superior or inferior to another race. I'm not convinced that someone making a personal, subjective judgement about what is sexually attractive to them carries that connotation unless they presented that as a statement of fact e.g. I prefer Asians because they are better looking/smarter than caucasians.
Via Purifico
Banned
Oh boy, yeah when it starts getting to definitions it's not even worth it.
Cool. I love it when people twist themselves so much they end up arguing against themselves.
Your definition:
Your post:
So by your own definition: it's fucking racist.
(and yes saying that a race is more sexually attractive is saying that that race is superior, in least in some aspect)
Lmao I was about to point this out. And how is it NOT considering a whole race inferior if you don't think a single one of them deserve any attention from you? Girl plz just stop
edgefusion
Member
"No blacks, I personally find black people unattractive" is classifying a race as inferior while trying to disguise it as preference. It's okay to have preferences, but it's unreasonable to make a statement so sweeping as that. In my opinion the key is phrasing it that you find all of x unattractive.
If more people admitted their prejudices and worked toward exploring them, we would be in a better place racially in then US at least.
the post of someone who would rather spout hyperbole rather than realize that maybe they need to do some introspection into their own thought processes.
Via Purifico
Banned
Well, yeah if the true meaning of the words you are using are not important to you then there really isn't much point going further with this debate.
Except you ignore the key part of the definition which is using it as a basis for saying one race is superior to another. Otherwise saying all caucasian people have light skin would be considered racist since that is ascribing a characteristic to a whole race.
Saying one race is more sexually attractive as an objective judgement would be considered racist; however, people are making a subjective judgement when describing their own personal likes or dislikes.
Thank god it's not as easy to classify someone as racist here where I live then
Perfectly fine as it is thank you
i love 2016
where being told that something you're doing is racist is more harmful than the actual racist thing you're doing
:jnc :jnc :jnc
where being told that something you're doing is racist is more harmful than the actual racist thing you're doing
:jnc :jnc :jnc
When you say "no blacks", you are saying " to me, black people are less attractive (in every sense of the word - intellectually in addition to physically) mean blacks are (in terms of sexual attraction) inferior to all other races. "
At least for me, sexual attraction isn't simply about skin color. I can't know how attracted I really am until I get to know them a bit. By cutting us off at "no blacks", you're refusing to acknowledge that you could be attracted to us in ways that aren't simply physical.
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